Vault: It's Melissa's turn for the morph suit

Summary

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Episode Summary: Vault: It’s Melissa’s Turn for the Morph Suit

Podcast: The Bert Show
Date: August 6, 2026
Host/Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Cast
Theme: Morning radio shenanigans, laughs, and paying off on-air bets

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Episode Overview

This lighthearted episode centers on a quirky on-air bet involving Braves manager Bobby Cox’s legendary reputation for getting ejected from games. The payoff: a member of The Bert Show cast must don an embarrassing full-body "morph suit" and perform a stunt at a busy Atlanta intersection. The episode delivers the full buildup and drawing of lots, culminating in long-time cast member Melissa Carter being (un)luckily selected for the public spectacle. The banter is playful, filled with inside jokes, and gives listeners a fun behind-the-scenes look at the team’s chemistry.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

1. The Bobby Cox Bet & Morph Suit Setup

• Background:
  • The cast made a preseason bet—when Braves manager Bobby Cox gets ejected from a game, a random cast member must wear a morph suit (a full-coverage, Spandex-like bodysuit) and go to a prominent intersection.
  • Bobby Cox is known for being "the most booted manager in MLB history."
    • Quote [04:02]: “Bobby Cox, the manager of the Braves, has a history of getting kicked out of games. He’s the most booted manager. Yeah.” — Bert
  • The morph suit is described as “Spiderman without the graphics” and “skin-tight nylon... you’re completely covered from head to toe.”
    • Playful concerns are raised about how “clingy” the suit is, especially for men, and how girls might want to wear shorts over it.
    • Quote [10:24]: “It really hugs every little testicle. Uh. Oh. So you’re gonna want…” — (Unidentified male host)
    • Quote [10:30]: “That was what I was worried about.” — Another cast member

2. Bet Triggered: The Braves Game

• The moment arrives when Bobby gets tossed from a game—ironically, a game the Braves won.
  • Quote [01:55]: “He got kicked out of a game. We won. So here’s the bet that we... here’s the bet that... that we made.” — Bert
  • Speculation among the hosts about Bobby perhaps wanting an early night as his reason for getting ejected.

3. On-Air Drawing: Who Will Suffer the Suit?

• With all cast members’ names in a draw, the suspense is high.
• Playful joking about how uncomfortable the suit is, including anecdotes of home try-ons and cast spouses’ bewildered reactions.
  • Quote [07:30]: “Dogs don’t like it just for the record. Which is weird, you took a morph suit home and just wore it for pleasure? Were you just sitting there when your wife Jessica walked in? Yes. Clicking channels. What the hell? Creepy.” — Cast banter
• The drawing commences, with names read out one by one as “safe.”
  • Prop comedy: Bert brings an athletic cup, intending to “stuff it.”
    • Quote [11:05]: “Did you bring your cup? He was gonna wear a cup. No, you brought socks. You were gonna stuff it. What are you doing? Dude, that thing’s tiny. Oh my God.” — Cast ribbing Bert

4. Melissa’s Fate Sealed

• Melissa Carter’s name is drawn; the cast reacts with mock sympathy and running jokes about her unlucky streak.

  • Quote [12:10]: “The winner of the first morph suit idol, going on to Peachtree and Piedmont, is... Melissa Carter. Sorry, honey.” — Cast member
  • Quote [12:30]: “I hate these bets. This is bad luck for Melissa. ‘Cause I lose every single bet. You lose the first round of every bet.” — Melissa
  • Quote [12:45]: “To her credit, she always pays off.” — Cast

• Logistics are quickly outlined: Melissa is to head out, suit up, and bear the embarrassment, sign in hand.

• The team jokes about whether she’ll actually come back to the studio after the stunt.

  • Quote [14:15]: “Do you guys think she’ll come back? I’m going with no. No, me neither.” — Cast

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Morph Suit Drawing:
  • Bert (09:40): “Okay, I’ll go one by one and say who’s not going. Okay. Bert is not going this morning. Hallelujah.”
• On Melissa’s Reaction:
  • Melissa (12:30): “I hate these bets. This is bad luck for Melissa. ‘Cause I lose every single bet.”
  • Bert (12:45): “To her credit, she always pays off.”
• On Morph Suit Logistics:
  • Cast (11:24): “It really hugs every little testicle... girls, you’ll want to wear a pair of shorts over it...”
  • Cast (11:50): “Did you bring your cup? He was gonna wear a cup. No, you brought socks. You were gonna stuff it. Dude, that thing’s tiny. Oh my God.”
• Speculating About Bobby Cox:
  • Bert (04:44): “A lot of times, even like during the national anthem, he’s just out there... not out there arguing, just to get out of there. Bobby, stand up. No. Throw me out. Go home.”

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Important Timestamps

• [03:35] — Introduction to the Morph Suit bet and Bobby Cox’s history of ejections
• [07:30] — Morph suit logistics; funny moments remembering Jeff wearing it at home
• [09:40] — Drawing begins: process of elimination for who will wear the suit
• [12:10] — Melissa Carter’s name is drawn; reactions from the cast
• [14:15] — Cast jokes about Melissa possibly not coming back after the stunt

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Tone and Energy

The episode is classic morning radio—irreverent, personal, and brimming with camaraderie. The cast’s chemistry comes through in the rapid-fire jokes, self-deprecation, and good-natured ribbing, especially as they deal with the consequences of their on-air bets. The morph suit segment shows the kind of silly stunts that have endeared this team to listeners, turning everyday moments into a big, communal laugh.

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Summary Takeaway

If you’re looking for an episode that captures The Bert Show’s mix of real-life goofiness, authentic cast interactions, and a peek behind the radio curtain, this one delivers. The morph suit bet is the main event, but it’s the execution—the playful drawing, the anticipation, and, of course, Melissa’s reliably unlucky streak—that carries the fun and gives listeners an escape from their own routines.

Transcript

[A]

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All right, so this is the Braves game last night. And normally we wouldn't be playing this audio, but now it's a big deal for us. And Bobby Cox is coming out. He may have just been thrown out of the game by Ron Culpa. Bobby out there talking with Culpa. And Bobby just indicated. Almost as if he thought that should have been a strike call on Bobby. No, no, Bobby, don't go out there. Don't go out there, Bobby. It's okay. No, no. We're gonna win this game. Don't do it. I think Bobby tossed. Oh, God damn it. But the thing is, I don't get it. Bad timing. There's two different people saying that. Two people. But at this point, the Braves were winning, so Bobby didn't really have a reason to go get ejected. I think he was just jacking with us and he wanted us to finally do it. So he went out there for no reason. That's the funny part, man. They lose like 12 straight. Yes. And we make this bet in the beginning of the season. And he should have been heated like four weeks ago. We thought he'd get kicked out. Right? He got kicked out of a game. We won. So here's the bet that we. Here's the bet that. That we made. First, you need to know what a morph suit is. And think of Spider man without the graphics on it. Yes. Because it covers your head to your toe, your hands, your arms. It is a skin tight nylon suit that is all one color. So it's like spandex. Right. But for your whole body. The whole body. So I think the Spider man analogy is perfect because it is. You can't. If you didn't know the person, you would not be able to recognize the person in it because they're completely covered from head to toe. But we have bought Morph suits that would fit all of us that are either red or blue for the Braves. And, and our bet was that when Bobby gets kicked out that we're going to have a drawing on who that morning is going to have to wear the Morph suit. Because last night, the way I found out is on Twitter, a lot of listeners were tweeting about it. So thank you for that. And they were all asking who's going to be in the Morph suit today. But the thing is, we don't know until we're here on the show this morning. Right. And I've got all the names right here. And Bobby, if you don't know. Bobby Cox, the manager of the Braves has a history of getting kicked out of games. He's the most booted manager. Yeah. He has been kicked out of more games than any other manager in major league baseball. And my theory is he's just. It's three and a half hours now for a guy that's 70 something years old is a lot of time. It's the last season too. Yeah. It's like I'm tired. I'm surprised. A lot of times, even like during the national anthem, he's just out there. Not out there arguing just to get out of there. Bobby, stand up. No. Throw me out. Go home. Okay. You want me to stand up? Make me. Can I tell you what I almost did? Had I been in town last weekend because it was your wife's 40th birthday party and it was a white party. You were gonna wear a white suit. I was gonna go buy a white morph suit and show up at your party. We hired police. You would. Made it. Yeah. All right. And it's also a very. It's a hot suit. Jeff wore it a couple of weeks ago just to try it on. It's very hot in there and we picked like a morning where it's 70 something degrees outside. Yeah, it's. It's not going to be fun if you're. I. I put on. It's only going to get worse. I mean, it's a mild day today. You know, I put it on and, and wore it at the house to see dogs. Don't like it just for the record, which is weird, you took a morph suit home and just wore it for pleasure? Were you just sitting there when. When your wife Jessica walked in? Yes. Clicking channels. What the hell? Creepy. I didn't realize in the suggestion, remember? I hope you all remember this part, because I think Wendy used the word clingy, like, for guys. And I'm guessing, girls, you'll want to wear a pair of shorts over it because it really hugs every little testicle. Uh. Oh. So you're gonna want. Yeah, that was what I was worried about. Yeah. Okay. All names in. Oh, God. Do you need a cup or something? So we're gonna draw this. We're gonna draw. He's drawn a name, and then the person is gonna go and get their morph suit on and then go to a busy intersection. Which intersection did you say we might. Some Piedmont peach. Wendy, you can't cheat. I didn't cheat. I wanted to see the name. I can't see. Oh, my God. We all find out at the same time. Okay, I'm gonna. I'll go one by one and say who's not going. Okay. Okay. Bert is not going this morning. Hallelujah. I gotta show you guys something, though. Did you bring your cup? He was gonna wear a cup. No, you brought socks. You were gonna stuff it. What are you doing? Dude, that thing's tiny. Oh, my God. He brought a cup. That's funny. I brought an athletic cup in. Jen, Javi, you will not be going on the corner in the war suit today. Oh, hallelujah. Jeff, you will not be going. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, crap. The winner of the first morph suit idol going on to Peachtree and Piedmont is seacrusted. Draw it out. Draw it out. Melissa Carter. Sorry, honey. Well, I got a pretty sign for you, Melissa. Melissa Carter. I hate these bets. All right, and this is bad luck for Melissa. Cause I lose every single bet. You lose the first round every bet that. But to her credit, she always pays off. Yeah, I always pay off. Yes. And I. And this is what I said at the beginning of the season. And I guarantee somehow this bet's gonna disappear. All right, so Tracy has the suit. She has the suit. Call us on the way down, and then we'll tell her. Hey, don't go away mad, honey. Don't forget. You got it. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Melissa, I need to take a pre. I need to take it down. Oh, no. The middle fin. I didn't get a picture fast enough. 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