Vault: Jeff got injured on a wave runner

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: Jeff got injured on a wave runner"

Episode Overview This episode of The Bert Show, originally aired on August 12, 2026, drops listeners into classic Bert Show banter as the cast recounts a memorable, mishap-filled lake weekend featuring host Jeff and his comedic, not-so-macho adventure aboard a WaveRunner. The main theme revolves around playful storytelling, with the cast poking fun at Jeff’s “manly” boating abilities, mechanical “skills,” and the ultimately embarrassing moment when those skills are put to the test.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Setting the Scene: Lake Weekend Antics

• Jeff recounts his Memorial Day weekend at the lake, boasting about engaging in “manly, boaty things” and trying to play up the masculine mystique of boating (“Boating is very manly. You ever seen a man on a boat?” [00:47], Jeff).
• Co-hosts humorously question Jeff’s mechanical prowess, giving him a hard time for barely knowing where a boat engine is and inventing terms like “the toppy part” and “the ringy thing” instead of actual mechanical terminology.
  • Quote:
    “Is that the textbook term, the toppy part?” – Cassie [02:01]

Mechanical Mishaps and “Fixing” the Boat

• Jeff shares a prior minor “repair” story where he disassembled some boat parts—without really knowing what they were—managed to get the boat started, and chalked it up to a win.
  • Memorable quote:
    “So you took the toppy part off and then put the toppy part back on, and then the boat started.” – Cassie [02:25]
    “No, and I took the toppy part off. I took the ring thing out. I put the ring thing back on. I put the toppy part back on.” – Jeff [02:28]
• The cast laughs at his rudimentary “repairs,” implying Jeff survived a potentially dangerous scenario more by luck than skill (“You could have died doing it...There’s gasoline and jet engines.” – Cassie & D, [02:39-02:44])

The WaveRunner Incident: Jeff’s ‘Manly’ Moment Goes Sideways

• The main story:
  Jeff is entrusted with a friend’s WaveRunner over the summer. Proudly detailing his “action hero” leap from a moving boat onto a dock with people watching, he sets up the narrative for comic effect.
  • Quote:
    “Man, it was a beautiful, masculine leap from the moving boat onto the dock...a leap.” – Jeff [03:54, 04:14]
• With the scene set, Jeff gets ready to take off on the WaveRunner—unbuckled life jacket and all, living “on the edge.”
• The reality: the WaveRunner won’t start, and he’s left floating away from the dock, audience looking on, masculinity quickly deflating.
  • Quote:
    “I hit the start button and the WaveRunner didn’t start. So Jessica’s gone and I’m floating on a non-working WaveRunner in choppy waters while people stare at me wondering why I haven’t started it yet.” – Jeff [05:15]
• Co-hosts chime in with relentless ribbing, painting Jeff as a stranded kid.
  • Quote:
    “Things you can’t look cool doing.” – D [05:41]

The Embarrassing Escape

• With no way out, Jeff buckles his life jacket, bravely (or sheepishly) leaps from the WaveRunner—into unexpectedly shallow water—making the escape even less dignified.
  • Quote:
    “I didn’t let out a ‘help.’ I just jumped off the WaveRunner with my life jacket into water that was more shallow than I thought it was. So I fell and then walked and then pulled the rope and walked the WaveRunner over to the shore which was very rocky.” – Jeff [05:57]
• The cast doubles down on the playful mockery, picturing Jeff as a child dragging a broken toy home.
  • “I’m just imagining a little kid that pulls like their U-force on the wheels...waverunner trouble.” – E [06:24]
  • “Did your wifey come and rescue you...honey, can you come pick me up?” – Cassie & E [06:41-06:45]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps):

• On Mechanical Knowledge
  • “At least he got that right.” – D, teasing Jeff for knowing only where the engine is [01:20]
  • “Boat owners understand?” – Jeff, defensively [02:15]
• Describing his repair:
  • “I took the toppy part off. I took the ring thing out. I put the ring thing back on. I put the toppy part back on.” – Jeff [02:28]
• Masculine bravado undercut:
  • “Maybe one of you guys can call me back when you grow a penis, but right now Bert and I are having a conversation about mechanics.” – Jeff [02:51]
• Action Hero Setup:
  • “Man, it was a beautiful, masculine leap...right onto the dock. No problem.” – Jeff [04:14]
  • “There were sharks.” – Jeff, escalating the stakes for comic effect [04:20]
• The fall from glory:
  • “I didn’t let out a help. I just jumped off the Waverunner with my life jacket into water that was more shallow than I thought it was.” – Jeff [05:57]
  • “And your toesy woesies were hurting you.” – Cassie [06:20]
• Deflating masculinity:
  • “That’s real sweet of them. Not so manly.” – Cassie, after Jeff calls for repair [06:36]
  • “Did your wifey come and rescue you...honey, can you come pick me up?” – Cassie & E, ridiculing the plight [06:41-06:45]

---

Important Segments (Timestamps):

• [00:47 - 02:35] – Boating tales & Jeff’s “mechanical” skill
• [03:06 - 03:54] – The WaveRunner arrangement – setting up disaster
• [03:54 - 05:15] – Jeff’s “heroic” leap and the humiliating breakdown
• [05:41 - 06:36] – The aftermath: shallow waters, rocky exits, and co-hosts’ relentless teasing

---

Overall Tone & Takeaways

• Light, irreverent, and self-deprecating; the cast excels at building each other up for comic momentum, only to undercut with banter.
• Jeff is consistently the butt of the joke but embraces it, playing along with exaggerated masculine bravado.
• The story stands as a relatable reminder that real-life adventures rarely go as planned—and are always better with friends to share (and roast) the failures.

---

Transcript

[A]

Every progressive slot, every parlay and prop Bovada LV gets you ready for every way you want to play. Spin to win hourly hot drop jackpots, or build your winning lineup with parlay boosters. Join today and see for yourself why players have chosen us as their online casino for over 10 years. Your best bet, every day you want to play Bovada LV ready for everything. Tyler Redick here from 2311 Racing, Victory Lane. Yeah, it's even better with Chumba by my side. Race to chumbacasino.com let's Chumba. No purchase necessary. VTW Group void where prohibited by law. CTNCs 21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino. This is the Bird Show.

[B]

So I was up at the lake for Memorial Day weekend. You know, doing stuff. You know, lake stuff and. And boating stuff. Boating is very manly. You ever seen a man on a boat? Please try to. Jen, you were there. So disregard the fact that when it almost sank Wendy's, the one who saved it two years ago.

[C]

I did see that.

[B]

Disregard that.

[C]

We'll ignore that right now. Thank you. Okay.

[B]

But, you know, the sinking boat. You're doing very manly, boaty things.

[D]

You ever actually work on the engine and stuff like that?

[B]

I know where it is.

[D]

You ever actually work on the engine and stuff like that?

[C]

Mm.

[E]

Okay, look who's asking you?

[D]

Yeah, I would never. I could never. I wouldn't even know where the engine was. At least he got that right.

[B]

I actually. There was one time, it was last year when I couldn't start it for whatever reason, so I took the toppy metal ish part off.

[C]

Is that the.

[E]

Is it an inboard or outboard motor?

[D]

Yes.

[E]

All right, go ahead.

[B]

No, it's a jet. It's a jet boat. Okay, so it's a jet engine. It is. It's a level of dangerous that you can't even imagine.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[E]

I don't mean to encroach upon your mat.

[B]

It's actually a twin jet engine.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

All right, so why don't you back up? Even more powerful. A couple years ago, I actually did take the top. The toppy part off with the.

[C]

Is that the textbook term, the toppy part?

[B]

And I took that off in the thing around it, and I took that out.

[E]

If listeners could see your hand motions. He's trying to explain it to his kind of Pictionary style and kind of. Go ahead.

[B]

Boat owners. Understand?

[E]

I'm sorry.

[C]

Sounds like two syllables.

[B]

And so. And then when I put it back on, the boat started. So technically, I Fixed the boat. Not 100% certain.

[E]

So you took the toppy part off and then put the toppy part back on, and then the boat started.

[B]

No, and I took the toppy part off. I took the ring thing out. I put the ring thing back on. I put the toppy part back on.

[E]

Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, I missed the ringy thing.

[D]

I'm with you. Technically, you fixed it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Right, Right. And it started right up, and you

[E]

could have died doing it. I know.

[B]

There's gasoline.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

And jet engines.

[D]

Could have pinched your finger between the top and the bottomy thing.

[B]

Choppy thing in the bottom. You think you know what I'm talking about?

[D]

Could have got a bad blood blister.

[B]

Okay, maybe one of you guys can call me back when you grow a penis, but right now, Bert and I are having a conversation about mechanics.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

You want to take that one, Melissa?

[E]

I've been trying and trying and trying, so if God would just let.

[B]

So we have some friends who have WaveRunner up on the lake, and we get to use it because they don't go up as often as we do. So they're like, you keep it gassed up and run it and take care of it, and it's. You know, keep it clean, and it's yours. I'm like, sure. Yeah.

[C]

So does that have a tappy part in ringy thing, too?

[B]

Shut up. Don't even pretend to know. You can't even drive on 285 without getting a flat so that you didn't

[E]

know how to fix.

[B]

So I went over. Brandon was there, and so was the hero truck.

[C]

I'm just saying.

[B]

I'm trying to tell a story.

[D]

Didn't you wait for Brandon? Then he showed up and started doing the tire.

[B]

So anyways, the waverunner is at our friend's dock. So. So, you know, we pull up, and then this is. I say to Jessica. I'm like, hey, just put. You know, put the nose into the dock. And I will leap from the moving boat onto the stationary dock.

[D]

Oh, boy.

[B]

And take, you know, and roll on out of here, you know, and there's people there. It's Memorial Day weekend, so there's people on the dock and having a good time, people around, and this is all good. So I nose right up, and I make. Man, it was a beautiful, masculine leap from the running boat, moving boat, onto the. The dock. Man, I jumped right on there. Like, no problem, right?

[E]

No. Really?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

How far away was it?

[B]

Yeah, like, three feet, man. It was a leap.

[C]

That was Manly.

[D]

So about six inches.

[B]

And there were sharks.

[C]

You're such a boaterman.

[B]

Lake sharks. So then I you start calling you cat. I stepped over to the Wave.

[C]

You're looking like a J. Crew model.

[B]

I stepped over to the the Wave Runner, you know, and I had my life jacket on, but it wasn't buckled.

[E]

Because you living on the edge. That's right.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I'm safe, but not too safe.

[B]

Thank you. I will not hook that left buckle. I go over to the waverunner and I untie the cable at the front. You know the thing, it's on the little floaty ramp thing. And then I actually use the weight of my body and I pick up the front of the waverunner and I have to push it back into the water.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, because that's how you get it off the ramp when I do that and, and then I step on the little side thing, I swing my leg around. I mean, it was Bo and Luke Duke jumping across the front of the General Lee.

[E]

Man, Duke's a hazard.

[B]

I hopped right on that.

[D]

Jumping and hopping and stretching. You sure this is your story?

[B]

So manly, man. It was ridiculous. The only thing that would have made it cooler was if I was wearing the morph suit. But I was on there, no problem. And I wave at Jessica. So she turns the boat around and speeds away. And I hit the start button and Waverunner didn't start. So Jessica's gone and I'm floating on a non working Waverunner in choppy waters while people stare at me wondering why I haven't started it yet.

[D]

Things you can't look cool doing.

[E]

So did you start buckling that life?

[A]

I did.

[B]

I had to buckle that in order to leap off the waverunner.

[D]

Oh, how come I couldn't hear the first help out of your mouth? The first?

[B]

I didn't let out a help. I just jumped off the waverunner with my life jacket into water that was more shallow than I thought it was. So I fell and then walked and then pulled the rope and walked the waverunner over to the shore which was very rocky. And I mean like big rock, like bouldery rock. So that was a stumbling, stumbling walk up the hill.

[C]

And your toesy woesies were hurting you.

[B]

Sure they were.

[E]

I'm just imagining a little kid that pulls like they're you force on the wheels with the rope and everything. You got trouble wavering.

[B]

So I called the Waverunner fixer place and they're take care of it.

[D]

They're going to take care of that for you now.

[C]

That's real sweet of them. Not so manly.

[B]

It was good in the beginning, man.

[C]

Did your wifey come and rescue you

[B]

that leap from the honey, can you

[E]

come pick me up?

[B]

The boat was moving. I mentioned that, right? I mean it was probably going. I mean it was moving, he said.

[D]

And it was in like two feet of water too.

[B]

Well, I thought it was deeper. So mentally I was more frightened than the situation.

[C]

But it's just jumping off the wave

[E]

fronter and then falling, falling into the shallow water.

[B]

I didn't realize how deep the water was.

[D]

With your buckled license, somebody needs to invent TiVo for your life so we could just rewind and take us right back.

[A]

This is the bird show. Hey, it is Ryan Seacrest here. Want to bring a little Hollywood excitement to your day? Take a few spins with Chamba Casino's brand new game. Ryan Seacrest 10K Ways. It's free and features 10,000 ways to play, giving you nonstop action including thrilling bonus re spins and cascading reels. Every spin brings something new, so step into the spotlight, enjoy the excitement and play [e-mail] no purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law CTS and CS21 sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[F]

I'm Jake Stauch, co founder and CEO of Cervel. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding password resets, access to applications. My laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. It desperately wants to automate this work and that's why they need servl. You just tell Servil what you want to automate in plain English and it's built. No drag and drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Cervel, it becomes the AI engine powering the entire company. This is a new way to run it. We guarantee you'll automate 50% of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four week pilot. Go to cerval.com tickets that's S E-R-V-A-L.com tickets.

[G]

What if the freshest thing you ate this summer didn't come from a store? Meat garden Garden is the smart indoor home growing system that grows flavorful greens, herbs, fruit and vegetables right in your kitchen. No backyard, no experience, no grocery run required. Garden automatically balances water and light, so nutrient dense produce is always within reach. Heading out this summer, Kelby Garden's AI plant assistant Keeps your garden thriving while you're away so you can come home to a harvest with garden. Your lettuce isn't days old from a truck. It's alive, crisp, and inches from your plate. Fuel your summer from the inside out. Visit mygarden.com that's my G-A-R-Y-N.com.