Vault: Jeff reacts to the word "dating" as a verb

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Jeff Reacts to the Word "Dating" as a Verb

Date: June 4, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lively and authentic morning radio segment, the conversation centers around the concept of "dating" as an active, intentional process versus a passive state. The cast—Burt, Jeff Dahler, Jen Hobby, Melissa, and others—dives into what it means to use "dating" as a verb, how it plays out in real life, and the challenges of juggling multiple relationships. The friendly banter, candid stories, and colorful analogies serve up both laughs and genuine perspectives on modern dating.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining "Dating" as a Verb

• [01:14 – 02:48]
  Jen Hobby is called out for “using the word dating as a verb.” She explains her philosophy:

  “Dating is a verb… you have to actively do it. You can’t just sit on your couch and watch So You Think You Can Dance and expect a whole bunch of guys to show up knocking down your door. It’s a verb. Like, you’ve got to be involved in it.” — Jen Hobby [02:48]

• Active dating, according to Jen, means making the effort—trying new things, texting back, and consciously meeting new people.

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2. Dating Multiple People & The "Lead Horse" Metaphor

• [03:18 – 04:46]
  Jen talks about not dating any one person exclusively but having a "lead horse" among the people she's seeing:

  “Not exclusively dating anybody… but you think that you can see that there’s definitely a guy that you should be exclusive with at this point, particularly in time, maybe eventually, like tomorrow.” — Burt [04:19]

• Jen and Burt disagree about whether she is really ready to narrow the field:

  • Jen insists she’s not angling for a ring or serious commitment with just one guy yet.
  • The group pokes fun at Jen for her “dating buffet,” with Burt using a breakfast buffet metaphor to illustrate sampling different options.

  “Right now, you’re just at the bacon, sausage, ham station, right? And you’ve decided that you… really like the bacon. But you haven’t even gone down to where the crepes are.” — Burt [06:30]

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3. Buffet and Travel Analogies

• [06:30 – 09:16]
  Burt and Jeff expand on the buffet metaphor, comparing dating different people to exploring various foods (and even countries):

  • Burt: “You spent a big chunk of your life having alphabets every morning… Now you’ve moved on to sausage.”
  • Jeff: “Isn’t the better analogy that she’d like to travel in South Africa, the world. But she’s landed in Italy, and she’s like, you know what? I’m content here.” [09:07]

  These analogies highlight the tension between settling down and staying open to new possibilities.

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4. The Challenges for Women in Modern Dating

• [09:16 – 10:42]
  Jen reflects on how difficult it can be:

  “All I was saying yesterday was that it’s difficult for women, I think, to date multiple people at the same time. I agree with that. …If the lead horse knows you’re dating somebody else, it doesn’t always mean they’re going to be more interested.” — Jen Hobby [09:16, 09:50]

• Burt acknowledges societal expectations and double standards:

  “I don’t envy being a girl and having to date a lot of guys, because… that’s tough... internal thing in women where they gotta be monogamous and whatever. …That’s really tough for women to handle the way guys date.” — Burt [09:53]

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5. Being a Serial Monogamist vs. Embracing Variety

• [10:43 – 13:04]
  Melissa chimes in, sharing her own experience as a serial monogamist:

  “When I was, you know, started to date Katie Jo, I was seeing other women. And I knew the moment I needed to cut the other ones loose was as I was leaving one date, I called Katie.” — Melissa [12:23]

• The group debates whether it’s natural to want to pick one person or to keep dating multiple people until certainty hits.

  Burt advises Jen to give herself permission to have a period without a “lead horse,” for growth and self-discovery.

  “I think you owe it to yourself to take a period of time to not even think that one person is a lead horse.” — Burt [13:04]

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6. Candidness and On-Air Vulnerability

• [04:34, 13:29 – 13:54]
  Jen hesitates to share details of her dating life on air, expressing how publicly discussing relationships can be challenging. The cast acknowledges that these authentic, sometimes awkward, conversations help listeners connect to their real lives.

  “It was so much easier to talk about my dating life when you weren’t here. Jen, it’s just gonna make dating easier. Trust me. …Because all the ones I’m currently dating are gonna bail.” — Jen Hobby & Burt [04:52, 04:57]

  “This is awkward too, because we normally have these conversations after the book club when we drink our bottle of wine and I’m helping her clean up from what we baked.” — Burt [13:29]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dating as an active pursuit:

  “Dating is a verb… you have to actively do it.” — Jen Hobby [02:48]

• Sampling the dating buffet:

  “There’s a lot of items on the buffet… Right now, you’re just at the bacon, sausage, ham station…” — Burt [06:30]

• Travel analogy:

  “She’s right now saying, ‘I hate India.’ Based on what?... I know, but I have been to South Carolina, and I know India sucks based on South Carolina.” — Burt [08:43]

• On serial monogamy:

  “When I was… dating Katie Jo, I was seeing other women. And I knew the moment I needed to cut the other ones loose was as I was leaving one date, I called Katie.” — Melissa [12:23]

• Fairness in dating:

  “I think you owe it to yourself to take a period of time to not even think that one person is a lead horse.” — Burt [13:04]

• The honesty struggle:

  “It was so much easier to talk about my dating life when you weren’t here… all the ones I’m currently dating are gonna bail.” — Jen Hobby [04:52, 04:57]

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Segment Timestamps

• [01:14] – Introduction of the “dating as a verb” discussion
• [02:48] – Jen Hobby’s active approach to dating explained
• [04:19] – "Lead horse" relationship dynamic introduced
• [06:30] – Burt’s dating buffet metaphor
• [08:43] – Burt’s travel analogy (India vs. South Carolina)
• [09:16–10:42] – The struggle for women in multi-dating
• [12:23] – Melissa’s “serial monogamist” anecdote
• [13:04] – Burt’s advice to embrace singlehood without a “lead horse”
• [13:29–13:54] – Reflections on sharing relationship stories on air

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Summary

This episode masterfully balances comedic banter with real-world perspectives about modern dating—especially the internal and external pressures women face when juggling multiple relationships. The “dating as a verb” concept encourages listeners to approach dating proactively, while the cast’s candid stories and analogies (from breakfast buffets to world travels) ground the conversation in everyday experience. Ultimately, the discussion underscores that dating is complicated, vulnerable, and at its best, an opportunity for self-growth—especially when done authentically and actively.

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Transcript

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[Burt]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Jeff Dahler]

All right, Jeff Dahler, are you ready for your sentence?

[Burt]

Bring it.

[Jeff Dahler]

You ready?

[Commercial Announcer]

Bring it.

[Jeff Dahler]

The rest of us just need to sit back and enjoy the ride on this one.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay?

[Melissa]

All right.

[Jen Hobby]

Ready.

[Jeff Dahler]

All right, Jeff.

[Burt]

Yes.

[Jeff Dahler]

Jen Hobby is using the word dating as a verb.

[Burt]

I believe you're.

[Jen Hobby]

I thought it was going to be something to do with his contract.

[Burt]

I, I believe you're harkening back to the conversation that you had yesterday as I was driving in but couldn't participate in cause I wasn't on the show till 7:30. Correct.

[Jeff Dahler]

Jen Hobby is using the word dating as a verb.

[Burt]

The problem with the sentence, that's not a factual sentence. What you should have said was I'm gonna tell Jeff a lie and let him go off on it. And the reason Burt knew this would be such a slam dunk is because yesterday I didn't listen to the show. Cause I don't like it when I wasn't working here. So when I drove in yesterday to come back on the radio, all the contract drama, blah blah blah, birds had come in at 7:30. So I was in the shower at like 6:45ish, I think. And I had a new shower radio for Christmas. So I'm listening to the bird showers.

[Jeff Dahler]

We're simple, aren't we?

[Burt]

Yeah, there's water splashing on the radio, but it's still working. Holy crap. That's so awesome. I'm have to twitter this technology. And I heard you guys talking about Jen, Jen Hobby, who claims to be dating like 13 guys right now.

[Jeff Dahler]

So that's what you mean by dating as 13. You said dating. You're dating as a. You're using the word as a verb, meaning, like, you're just going to date this guy and that guy and that guy. You don't have to just settle down the one dude.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, it was actually when I first. I mean, yes, but when I first said it, it just means that you have to be active about it.

[Burt]

Jennifer, I'm going to handle this.

[Jen Hobby]

Hang on. When it first came up on the show. Dating is a verb. Is because you have to actively do it. Right. You can't just sit on your couch and watch. So you think you can dance and expect a whole bunch of guys to show up knocking down your door. It's a verb. Like, you've got to be involved in it. Maybe if you're not meeting the right people, you've got to do different things. Hang out with new friends or go to new places or date online or whatever. But you have to, like, actively do it. You've got to text the guy who called you, you know, two days ago. You can't just, like, you know, expect him to keep calling. You know what I'm saying?

[Jeff Dahler]

Get aggressive.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. You have to participate in the whole, like, dating thing. That was the initial part of it.

[Burt]

Okay, so the conversation.

[Jen Hobby]

What's the initial definition?

[Burt]

So the conversation that I. That I heard was one of Bert asking, you know, telling Jen that she was struggling with a part of herself because, you know, Jen wanted to be. She's a dater. She's dating with a verb. Dating.

[Jeff Dahler]

Dated like a man.

[Burt]

Yeah. Lots of people dating.

[Jen Hobby]

Date like a dude.

[Burt]

Right. But she was struggling because of the 14 guys that she's dating. One of them, she wants a ring from. Like, she.

[Jen Hobby]

That is not true. That is so not true.

[Burt]

But one of them is.

[Jen Hobby]

Shut up.

[Jeff Dahler]

That is not true.

[Burt]

One of them is a lead horse.

[Jen Hobby]

Yes.

[Burt]

And you're struggling dating.

[Melissa]

I mean, lately you talk about. I mean, how many lay. Yes.

[Burt]

Labs. Right.

[Melissa]

Sorry. Yes. I'm sorry. Let me rest my throat.

[Jen Hobby]

Sorry.

[Burt]

She just gave you a look. She punched you in the face with her eyes. So if I get any of this wrong, you can correct it, and then I'll correct you. Correcting me.

[Jen Hobby]

Not exclusively dating anybody.

[Burt]

But you think that you can see that there's definitely a guy that you should be exclusive with at this point, particularly in time, maybe eventually, like tomorrow. And that. That made me so angry because there was.

[Jen Hobby]

I love sharing my life on the show, Burt. By the way, this is really gonna make it easy for you to come in those post show Meetings and say, you know, bring out the intimate parts of your life. Jen, really, you're not sharing enough with us? Well, this is exactly why there's a

[Jeff Dahler]

show that doesn't do that. It's called Stephen.

[Burt]

Vicky, you should. You know. What? You thought you were safe. Cause I was not. I know.

[Jen Hobby]

It was so much easier to talk about my dating life when you weren't here. Jen, it's just gonna make dating easier. Trust me. Oh, right.

[Burt]

Very easy.

[Jen Hobby]

Right? Because all the ones I'm currently dating are gonna bail.

[Burt]

Right.

[Jeff Dahler]

Cause they now realize they're in a very distant second.

[Burt]

Third. No, they don't. They're all gonna think they're the lead horse. And this is why it frustrated me so much. Cause there was a time where it was a couple months ago, and Jen. Jen had a friend in from out of town that I also know. And like half a dozen of us end up for one beer at like noon at some tiny little random bar, right? And at 7:30 at night, now we're all in a restaurant together with like three bottles of wine on the table. And I become the wise man on the mountain, right?

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, of course. He was harsh.

[Commercial Announcer]

Tough, low.

[Burt]

And I got tough.

[Jen Hobby]

Love to you. Really harsh. Yes.

[Burt]

And one of the things I said was, you are. And Melissa brought this term up yesterday. A serial monogamist.

[Jeff Dahler]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Burt]

Well, here's the problem is with that is you said one of the things you said yesterday, and I wish I had known the sentence was coming so I could go listen back to it and get the exact line. But you said something yesterday that you're like, there's just one that I like more than the others, right?

[Jen Hobby]

Right now, yeah.

[Burt]

Which is fair. But if you commit to that one and get the ring that you're hoping for.

[Jen Hobby]

That is not true.

[Burt]

Stop saying that. If you commit to that one, right, Then you never get a chance to sample any. There's 2 million guys in this city, depending on who you're talking to. The ratio is 72 to 4 and, well, you know, whatever. But there's a zillion. There's a lot of items on the buffet.

[Jen Hobby]

That's true.

[Burt]

A lot. And right now you're just at the bacon, sausage, ham station, right? And you've decided that you.

[Jen Hobby]

I haven't decided.

[Burt]

Really like the bacon. But you haven't even gone down to where the crepes are.

[Jen Hobby]

No, I think Jen's at the filet. I mean, she's got a filet. And then there's a couple of like, Mashed potatoes and some green beans on the plate. But the filet is the best, right?

[Jeff Dahler]

So if you've got. If you've got this grade A piece of meat, right. Why would you go with B, C and D meat?

[Burt]

Because it's. I. I think. All right, when Jen was married, she got married at 13 or engaged at 13 or whatever, but was in one relationship since the dawn of time and then got into another one or whatever. And at one point I heard some crap yesterday of her saying, oh, there was four months between. Whatever. Liar to yourself. Four months. Show those to me on a calendar. And then give me. And give me your cell phone bill, too, so I can line some stuff up. Lia. So the entire time. So all I'm saying is you spent one whole. You're at the breakfast buffet. You spent a big chunk of your life having alphabets every morning. Right?

[Jen Hobby]

Right.

[Burt]

Then you spent some time since then going back and forth between scrambled eggs and some pancakes. Right? You had some scrambled eggs in there for a minute. Then you went to pancakes for a while. And now you've moved on to, now

[Jen Hobby]

I'm ready for sausage.

[Burt]

To sausage. But you've moved on.

[Jen Hobby]

Just kidding. That was too easy.

[Jeff Dahler]

Right.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Burt]

But that's where you are. You're moving down the buffet, and you're at that little section, that little sausage whatever section. But there's so much more. There's so look down.

[Jen Hobby]

There's pastries.

[Burt]

And don't you see the donuts?

[Jen Hobby]

Orange juice. The donuts are bloody.

[Burt]

Mayonnaise. What about the little toaster station? You haven't even got through the little conveyor belt.

[Jeff Dahler]

But her point is, if she is right now happy with grade A sausage, then why go ahead with the other stuff if she's so content with grade A sausage?

[Burt]

She hasn't even tasted the French toast.

[Jen Hobby]

She doesn't like it.

[Burt]

She hasn't even tasted it. She doesn't know that. She doesn't know that there's some things

[Jen Hobby]

you just don't like.

[Burt]

She is declaring, name a place in the world that you've never been to India.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Burt]

She's right now saying, I hate India. Based on what? I hate traveling to India. Really? If somebody came to you and said that sentence, if, Bert, I came to you and said, I hate traveling to India, you would say to me, how can you say that you've never been to India? And I'm like, I know, but I have been to South Carolina, and I know India sucks based on South Carolina.

[Jeff Dahler]

Isn't the better analogy that she'd like to travel in South Africa, the world. But she's landed in Italy, and she's like, you know what? I'm content here.

[Burt]

Welcome to Holland.

[Jeff Dahler]

I don't need to see anything else. Italy's great. It's fantastic.

[Jen Hobby]

I'm not saying that, by the way. All I was saying yesterday was that it's difficult for women, I think, to date multiple people at the same time. I agree with that. That's all I was saying is that I am. But it's not necessarily the easiest decision to make. And we had guys call up and say that if the lead horse knows you're dating somebody else, it doesn't always mean they're going to be more interested.

[Jeff Dahler]

We have to talk in generalizations here.

[Burt]

Right, But I'm not. I'm not talking about.

[Jeff Dahler]

And the generalization is that in the beginning of a relationship, if you're juggling a couple of different dudes, if the lead horse knows that you're not available because you're out on a date with somebody else, it just makes you the hotter commodity.

[Jen Hobby]

But see, we had calls yesterday saying that's not the case if you.

[Burt]

But this is. We're talking about two separate things. Like, I don't envy being a girl and having to date a lot of guys, because that is. I think there's an internal thing in women where they got to be monogamous and whatever. So if that's like, that's tough. Like, I think that's really tough for women to handle the way guys date. You know, like, see one person on Thursday, another person on Friday, another person on Saturday and not feel guilty about it. Or slutty. And depending on how far you went

[Jeff Dahler]

with them, she's comfortable with that.

[Burt]

Right? So I think that's two different things. The problem is, like, I think right now you're looking at the limited selection. You're looking through a crack in the fence. You're looking at the little short part of that buffet. You're looking at that right there, and you're saying, God, this right here is great. This is what I want. But you just. You have to turn your head and look down.

[Jeff Dahler]

But what if?

[Jen Hobby]

Well, why? So that I can be single forever? No, I mean, dude, I'm 32. Like, I'm not Wendy's age. Like, Jen's on the move.

[Burt]

Melissa, Burt. Which one of you want to address the 32 reference as being very old?

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, I'm not saying that it's old. I'm just saying that, like, I don't want to date Forever.

[Melissa]

What?

[Burt]

How about. I don't know, let's not go with forever. I didn't. Let's go 5 months, 12 months, 1 year.

[Jeff Dahler]

How do you know there's not somebody with greater aer sausage?

[Jen Hobby]

I don't. I don't. And I'm not making that decision yet. I'm dating multiple people right now. There's just a lead person.

[Burt]

Right, right. Who? I'm. I'm just. I think.

[Jeff Dahler]

Do you have dates set up with multiple people this weekend?

[Jen Hobby]

Pert. You're not allowed to ask me those questions on the air.

[Jeff Dahler]

I'm just trying to establish if you're seeing just lead horse this weekend or not.

[Burt]

That means she is.

[Melissa]

She can't say. Well, she can't say no because you're not talking about that. Because they may be listening.

[Jen Hobby]

And that's what I'm trying to say.

[Melissa]

They may be listening, but it's okay.

[Jeff Dahler]

I'll respect that.

[Melissa]

Let me ask one question. When you go out with one, do you call lead horse after you're on the dates with the others?

[Burt]

Okay.

[Jen Hobby]

No.

[Melissa]

Because when you're at that point kind

[Burt]

of getting defensive, she. She texts them from under the table.

[Jen Hobby]

Like, give you my calendar. Schedule?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I would.

[Jeff Dahler]

Calendar schedul.

[Melissa]

No, she can't talk about.

[Burt]

What she's saying is if she says yes or no and she is seeing any one of them this weekend, they'll know. Or multiple. Then they're all going to think that they're the yes or the no. She can't answer that.

[Jeff Dahler]

And what I'm saying is, even if they know that you're dating other people, it's still going to be okay because you're in this very new part of the relationship.

[Melissa]

But I think Jen wants to make that decision on her own instead of doing it on the air, just spontaneously

[Burt]

instead of letting Jeff make it for her.

[Jen Hobby]

Right.

[Melissa]

But no, the reason I asked that question is because we talked yesterday and I said that I'm a serial monogamist. And when I was, you know, started to date Katie Jo, I was seeing other women. And I knew the moment I knew that I needed to cut the other ones loose was as I was leaving one date, I called Katie. So that's when I knew that, look, if I'm calling her after the date, then what's the point of me spending the past two hours with that other person? And what we established yesterday is there's serial monogamy in which I admitted that I am that person. And then there's women who are not and so different Women are comfortable with different things. And so what we were giving Jen a hard time about was just saying one thing, being able to admit it. That's it.

[Burt]

My thing is, I think mine truly comes from, believe it or not, a place of friendship where I think you owe it to yourself to take a period of time to not even think that one person is a lead horse. I don't know how you do it.

[Jen Hobby]

I appreciate that advice. No, I definitely do. I take that to heart. I know that I have always been from a relationship to another relationship. There's definitely something that scares me about that.

[Burt]

Jen and I. This is awkward too, because we normally have these conversations after the book club when we drink our bottle of wine and I'm helping her clean up from what we baked.

[Jeff Dahler]

So this is.

[Burt]

You know, it's weird to have this girl talk on the radio, but I

[Jeff Dahler]

have a funny feeling.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, and trust me, after some. Some beers at the restaurant where we were, Jeff was much more harsh than he has been this morning.

[Jeff Dahler]

Is that right? He was really coming down on you.

[Jen Hobby]

He was really, really harsh. I woke up the next day like, ouch.

[Jeff Dahler]

It obviously worked.

[Melissa]

Ow.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah.

[Commercial Announcer]

The first show.

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