The Bert Show — “Vault: Jeff's Bathroom Mistake”

Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Date: October 30, 2025

Episode Overview

In this lively and humorous episode, the cast of The Bert Show dives into one of their signature moments: an embarrassing and all-too-relatable story from Jeff about a bathroom mishap. With the group’s trademark good-natured ribbing and comfort with oversharing, Jeff recounts the day he made a regrettable (and painful) mix-up between baby wipes and Clorox wipes. The cast reacts with their usual blend of disbelief, teasing, and sympathy, creating a fun, spirited conversation about everyday fiascos and the bonds forged through sharing them.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: “You cannot feel as stupid as Jeff did”

• Bert sets up the segment, promising listeners they’ll feel better about any embarrassing moment after hearing Jeff’s story.
  • Notable Quote:
    “No matter what you do today, by the end of working day today, you cannot feel as stupid as Jeff did on this given day.” (02:14 – Bert)
• The cast expresses mock anticipation and schadenfreude over being let in on Jeff’s blunder.

2. The Bathroom Dilemma Unveiled

• Jeff begins to delicately recount a time when he suffered from a stomach bug, resulting in a need for “looser” bathroom accommodations.
  • Notable banter about phrasing:
    “He sounds like a man. My daily movement, my bowel movements.” (03:42 – Bert)
• Jessica, described by Jeff as “the saint”, thoughtfully bought baby wipes to help him cope during his illness.

3. Baby Wipes vs. Clorox Wipes: The Mix-Up

• On a later, healthy day, Jeff faces a shortage of toilet paper and remembers the leftover wipes under the sink.
• He blindly grabs what he believes to be baby wipes, uses them, and then, while washing his hands, realizes with horror that he used Clorox counter wipes instead.
  • Notable Quote: “I look down at the can of Clorox counter wipes.” (06:20 – Jeff)
  • Cast erupts in disbelief and mock sympathy.
• The group jokes about the catastrophic implications:
  • “No, you didn’t, Jeff. That’ll take all the skin right off your butt.” (06:23 – Bert)
  • Jeff’s instant, deadpan admission: “I bleached my ass.” (06:33 – Jeff)

4. Fallout & Aftermath

• Jeff admits to still feeling the effects of his mistake “about once a day,” causing both himself and the crew to erupt into laughter.
  • Notable Quote: “About once a day I’m reminded of my mistake.” (07:07 – Jeff)

5. Classic Morning Show Banter

• The cast jokes about Jeff’s creative approach to the crisis, the risks of oversized hands and tiny wipes, and the philosophy of “external use only.”
  • “You must have sewed, like, 13 of those together.” (04:23 – Bert)
  • “It says for external use only.” (06:54 – Cassie)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:14 — Bert introduces Jeff’s infamous bathroom mistake with comic buildup.
• 03:19 — Jeff recounts the illness that started the saga.
• 05:30 — Jeff finds himself out of toilet paper and attempts to improvise with “wipes.”
• 06:20 — The horrifying realization: Jeff used Clorox wipes.
• 06:33 — Jeff confesses bluntly: “I bleached my ass.”
• 07:07 — Ongoing repercussions and group laughter.

Memorable Quotes

• Bert (02:14):
  “No matter what you do today... you cannot feel as stupid as Jeff did on this given day.”
• Jeff (06:33):
  “I bleached my ass.”
• Bert (06:23):
  “That’ll take all the skin right off your butt.”
• Cassie (06:54):
  “It says for external use only.”
• Jeff (07:07):
  “About once a day I’m reminded of my mistake.”

Tone & Style

The episode is lighthearted, candid, and full of the camaraderie and playful teasing characteristic of The Bert Show. The cast balances empathy with irreverent humor, making Jeff’s misfortune a group-mocking therapy session — and a comfort for anyone who’s ever suffered a “why me?” moment in the bathroom.

Summary:
Jeff’s bathroom blunder provides ample fodder for a signature Bert Show episode: unfiltered, relatable, and hilarious. The group’s roast-a-palooza turns one man’s Clorox mishap into a universal lesson in always checking the label — and laughing at yourself. This episode is sure to lift any listener’s spirits (and maybe make them double-check under their own sinks!).