The Bert Show: Vault: Jeff's Present To Bert

Air Date: November 18, 2025
Host: [The Bert Show Cast]
Episode Focus: The Saga of Naming Bert’s New Bulldog

Episode Overview

In this lighthearted episode, the cast dives deep into Bert's family dilemma: how to ensure his young son Hayden chooses his preferred name––“Dude”––for their soon-to-be new bulldog. The show showcases the team's comedic scheming, Jeff’s thoughtful (and strategic) musical gift, and real-time listener input on the art (and ethics) of subtly influencing a kid’s decisions. All of it is delivered in The Bert Show’s signature blend of authenticity and playful banter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Bert’s Stress & the Naming Right (01:33–03:01)

• Bert Introduces the Dilemma: Bert reveals that after losing their old bulldog, Kahuna, his family (especially his four-year-old son Hayden) is at the heart of picking the new pup’s name.

• Bert’s Preferred Name: Bert confesses he is set on “Dude”––an affectionate word in his household and a nod to his SoCal roots:

  “I just love the name dude for our new bulldog. … It’s in my head, I want an English bulldog named Dude.” – Bert (03:17)

• Tactics Unveiled: Bert describes how, by telling a recurring bedtime story starring "Dude" the bulldog, he aims to plant the idea in Hayden’s mind so that “naming the puppy Dude” feels like Hayden’s own choice.

2. Strategic Psychological Maneuvering (03:01–05:23)

• Bert’s Masterplan:

  • Nightly storytelling about Dude—a regal-lineage bulldog that just didn’t fit the mold—becomes the vehicle for suggestion.
  • Bert hopes the legend will “grow” in Hayden’s imagination and imprint the name.

• Panel’s Reaction: Jeff and the hosts rib Bert about the manipulative tactics, likening the “burden” to carrying a cross and joking about religion and the panel’s own complicity.

  “I look for ways to just lift part of this weight off… Knowing that Dude the bulldog is one of these burdens.” – Jeff (05:23)

3. Jeff’s Gift: The “Dude the Bulldog” Song (05:42–07:29)

• Jeff’s Plan: Tapping into the power of music, Jeff writes a Wiggles-style kids’ song about “Dude the Bulldog," hoping to double down on the brainwashing efforts.

• Live Performance: A whimsical, catchy acoustic song is played live on air; lyrics extol just how great a bulldog named Dude could be in Hayden’s life.

  Lyrics Sample:
  “My best friend is a dog named dude / he is short and funny and cute and every single day / I really love to play with my best friend dude…”
  (06:36–07:29)

• Bert's (and everyone’s) Joy:

  “Seriously… that is really great. Who put that together? That is really, really great.” – Bert (07:29)

• Consensus: Bert plans to play the song every night, integrating it into the nightly story routine to further reinforce the name to Hayden.

4. Listener Call-ins: Success & Cautionary Tales (08:22–12:09)

• Caller Suzanne’s Warning (08:22–08:56): She recounts failing to influence her own daughter’s pet-naming through storytime; despite nightly readings of a book about a kitten named Boadicea, her child named her cat Sabrina.

  “We read this book every night for a year...but no, she wanted to name her Sabrina.” – Caller Suzanne (08:30)

• Co-host Tip: The team discusses the importance of timing—playing the song right before Hayden is asked to name the dog—since a child’s recall is fleeting and driven by whatever’s most recent.

  “I think like for her … her daughter probably just watched Sabrina before she was asked, ‘What do you want to name the cat?’” – Co-host (09:35)

• Caller Steve’s “Small World” Method (10:32–11:08): Steve notes repetition is key, recounting how his daughter became obsessed with a song, suggesting Bert should just “put the song on a CD and let Hayden listen before sleep.”

• Panel Reflection: Everyone laughs at how many educated adults are needed “to try to outwit a 4-year-old.”

  “It’s taken four adults...to manipulate the four year old.” – Bert (12:16)

5. Comic Relief & Memorable Moments

• Jeff’s Comedic Deflection (07:57): Bert suspects Jeff must have an ulterior motive for being so nice, joking:

  “You fucked it all. There’s something going on.” – Bert (07:53)

• Meta Commentary (13:11–13:23):

  “You can’t do something like if he comes out and says...the bulldog’s name is like turd... Like you can’t say, ‘all right, turdiest dude Weiss.’” – Jeff (13:11–13:23)

• Final Commitment: Bert promises to record the big reveal when Hayden finally chooses a name, agreeing to honor “whatever he comes up with.”

  “What he will name the...dog is what we will go with for sure no matter what.” – Bert (13:23)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “That’s how I feel every day.” – Bert expressing stress (02:00)
• “He just moves slowly, almost as if he was Jesus carrying a cross...” – Jeff (02:02)
• “In my storybook...the legend of dude the bulldog has started.” – Bert (04:20)
• “Probably the best educational tool you could put together.” – Bert (06:08)
• “Hey dude. My best friend is a dog named dude…” – “Dude the Bulldog Song” (06:36–07:29)
• “Now if I played that every time... now it’s all coming together perfectly.” – Bert (07:41)
• “It makes me want to rock back and forth like a kid, right?” – Co-host/Commentator (08:15)
• “I swear, if Hayden doesn’t say dude, we’re gonna get him.” – Co-host/Commentator (12:44)

Key Segments & Timestamps

• Bert Unveils the Plan: 01:33–03:16
• Bert’s Storytelling Approach: 03:16–05:23
• Jeff’s Musical Gift (Song): 05:42–07:29
• Discussion & Reactions: 07:29–08:22
• Listener Calls (Pet-Naming): 08:22–12:09
• Final Thoughts & Pledge: 13:04–13:39

Takeaway

This episode of The Bert Show is equal parts family drama and hilarious morning radio plotting. The cast explores the science (or art) of subtle parental suggestion as they lean into manipulating – lovingly! – the next generation. Anchored by an original song, the segment is as much about friendship and creative teamwork as it is about bulldogs. Listeners are left rooting for Bert’s “Dude” gambit to succeed, but the spirit of the show is clear: family, laughter, and community always come first.