Vault: Jewelry ER Stories That Will Make You Cringe

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode Title: Vault: Jewelry ER Stories That Will Make You Cringe
Air Date: April 13, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this engaging and cringe-worthy installment, the Bert Show cast tackles the surprising topic of jewelry-related injuries severe enough to land people in the emergency room. Through statistics, anecdotes, and listener call-ins, the cast—Melissa, Wendy, Jeff, and others—share personal stories and highlight jaw-dropping incidents involving rings, earrings, piercings, and more. The episode is full of laughter, wince-inducing tales, witty banter, and authentic reactions, making even the most shocking jewelry accidents oddly entertaining.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Statistic That Sparked It All

• [01:32] Melissa introduces a surprising trivia stat: "800 people within the next seven days are going to go to the hospital with injuries due to jewelry."
  • The cast is immediately baffled that so many accidents happen, questioning the scenarios that lead to ER visits.
• They riff on potential injuries—missed piercings, ripped earrings, rings scratching babies, etc.

Jewelry Mishaps: Who Gets Hurt and How?

• [02:41] Discussion on who in the studio wears the most jewelry.
• [02:57] Jeff jokes about Mark Lamuth, who allegedly "has 10 fingers and 12 rings," and recounts being injured after bumping into him.
  • Jeff (laughing): “She put me in the trunk of her car.”
• Amusing banter about who accessorizes the most among the cast members.

Prince Albert & Piercing Curiosities

• [03:30] Playful confusion and embarrassment over "Prince Albert" piercings.
  • Wendy: “Oh, that’s not really a piece of jewelry. And you’re the only one that knows about that.”
  • Melissa: “What is this, really?”
• Series of jokes and urban legends about the origins of "Prince Albert," with allusions to royals and even Princess Jasmine.
  • Jeff: “Apparently the first guy who did it, his name is Albert. And when it happened to him, he turned the color of royal purple.”
• Light ribbing and laughter around who actually understands piercing lingo.

Listener Call-In Stories: Jewelry ER Incidents

1. [04:55] Ashley:

   • Works at a hospital; most jewelry injuries are infections from piercings, often because people wait too long to seek help.
   • Melissa: “That one makes sense.”

2. [05:34] Jenny:

   • Story of her uncle, whose ring got caught while working with cement trucks on a ladder, resulting in his fingers being ripped off.
   • Melissa & Wendy (in shock): “That’s pretty solid…That’s legit.”

3. [06:00] Kathy:

   • Her son, a ring enthusiast, ended up in the ER twice when rings (even from toy machines) got stuck, including a severe case with a titanium ring that had to be cut off.
   • Melissa: “So he’s too small and he couldn’t get it off?”

4. [07:00] Courtney:

   • As a 12-year-old with braces, she bit her sister’s finger (who was wearing a ring), which got entangled in her braces and tore her brackets off, requiring an ER visit.
   • Jeff (cringing): “I never thought the phrase ‘pulled my brackets off’ would make me kegel…” [07:28]
   • Melissa: “I’m sweating.”

5. [08:32] Angela:

   • At seven or eight, she would fasten earring backs too tightly—one back got wedged into her ear, sending her to the ER.

6. [08:59] Gavin:

   • Retells a tale of a rugby teammate whose nipple ring was ripped out during play—even taping over it didn’t help.

Gender Divide in Injury Stories

• Cast notes most injury stories are about men, not women, speculating it may come down to less practice accessorizing.
  • Wendy: “I think it’s really interesting that most of the calls…are for dudes that jacked up their jewelry and not women.”

Comic Relief and Memorable Banter

• Ongoing Prince Albert jokes and rumors about Bert.
  • Angela (playfully): “I feel I know Bert a little bit better this morning after the whole Prince Albert thing.” [07:47]
  • Wendy: “I do not want any more attention in that area than need be.” [07:51]
  • Jeff: “A little chain going from his belly button ring right down to it.”
• Lighthearted mock horror at each new story—lots of “I’m sweating,” “I’m puckering,” and exaggerated reactions.

Reaction Wrap-Up

• The cast collectively cringes at the end, agreeing they've had enough.
  • Melissa: “Yeah, I think I’m pretty solid with this one.” [09:16]
  • Jeff: “Nobody just saw me rub my nipples, did they?” [09:21]
  • Melissa (deadpan): “Anything I can do to make your butt pucker?”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [01:32] Melissa:
  "800 people within the next seven days are going to go to the hospital with injuries due to jewelry."
• [03:30] Jeff/Wendy (on Prince Albert):
  “Oh, that’s not really a piece of jewelry. And you’re the only one that knows about that.”
• [05:34] Caller (on ring injury):
  “…his ring got caught up on something up there and it actually ripped his fingers off.”
• [07:28] Jeff (hearing about braces/ring accident):
  “I never thought the phrase ‘pulled my brackets off’ would make me kegel like… every muscle in my body tensed up.”
• [08:59] Gavin (on nipple ring accident):
  “…he used to tape them down, but it didn’t help too much. Wasn’t pretty.”
• [09:16] Melissa:
  “Yeah, I think I’m pretty solid with this one.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:32] – Jewelry injury statistics and initial reactions
• [03:30] – Prince Albert jokes and piercing revelations
• [04:55] – First listener call: infections from piercings
• [05:34] – Wild ring accident story: fingers ripped off
• [06:00] – Child’s ring obsession leads to ER visits
• [07:00] – Braces and ring disaster
• [08:32] – Childhood earring mishap
• [08:59] – Nipple ring rugby injury
• [09:16] – Cast wraps up, collectively cringing

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Tone & Style

The episode is lively, fast-paced, and loaded with authentic, often irreverent humor as the cast navigates the fine line between cringing and outright laughing at horrifying jewelry ER tales. Listener call-ins are a highlight, showcasing the show’s interactive style and knack for turning even the most uncomfortable subjects into shared moments of entertainment.

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Summary Verdict:
If you’ve ever worn jewelry and wondered about the worst-case scenario, this episode delivers a hilarious (and slightly disturbing) exploration of just how sideways accessorizing can go. Expect laughs, winces, and a newfound respect for the dangers lurking in your jewelry box!

Transcript

[Bert]

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[Jeff]

Listen, it's the vert show.

[Melissa]

So I read this statistic the other day that I was so surprised by that I wanted to pass along to you to see if what scenario this would be in. Because the trivia was that 800 people within the next seven days are going to go to the hospital with injuries due to jewelry.

[Wendy]

Jewelry, jewelry. 800 people a week and 800 people

[Melissa]

a week due to jewelry, jewelry. And I'm like, jewelry accidents.

[Jeff]

So that'd be like what? Like trying to get an earring in and missing the hole or earring being

[Melissa]

ripped out or maybe necklace or, I don't know, punched by a ring. I know a lot of my friends that have children take off their wedding rings because they'll scratch their babies with their diamonds, like on accident, you know, where they're changing diapers or whatever. So they'll just take it off while they've got little ones.

[Wendy]

404-741-Q100. You said there's a lot of emergency room.

[Melissa]

800 people in a matter of a week go to the hospital because of injuries due to jewelry. And I think I laughed out loud when I read that. Like, really?

[Wendy]

I mean, you guys wear obviously more jewelry than Jeff, and I barely. So have you ever.

[Melissa]

You guys do accessorize very well.

[Jeff]

Do Well, I did have that. You guys remember? You guys remember? Because, Wendy, you had to drive me to northside because I couldn't see. Remember? I bumped into Mark lamuth in the hall.

[Melissa]

He's well accessorized. He's well accessorized.

[Jeff]

Well, he's got 10 fingers and 12 rings on. And I bumped into guys also. I bumped right into him. Wendy, actually, my eyes were swollen shut. She put me in the trunk of her car.

[Melissa]

I only have four, so two earrings, a bracelet and a necklace today.

[Wendy]

How many do you have, Jen?

[Melissa]

I have on a ring and pair of earrings and a necklace. I don't have any jewelry on right now. I have a rubber band.

[Wendy]

I've got as many pieces on as the girls. I've got the beads.

[Melissa]

Of course you do.

[Wendy]

I've got the Hayden band. I've got the watch and I've got my wedding ring.

[Jeff]

And your little prince Albert thing.

[Wendy]

Oh, that's not really a piece of jewelry. And you're the only one that knows about that.

[Melissa]

What is this, really?

[Wendy]

Don't ask.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's what that is. You know that? You didn't know that that's what it's called. How do I know that? How do you know that? I didn't know that. Really?

[Wendy]

How did Wendy know that and you didn't?

[Melissa]

I. I've never heard that before in my life. How does Melissa know that before? It's called a prince Albert when you pierce your.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

What? How did you know when a guy is. I did not know when a guy is. Why is it called that, Jeff?

[Jeff]

Apparently the first guy who did it,

[Melissa]

his name is Albert.

[Jeff]

Albert. And when it happened to him, he turned the color of royal purple, so they decided to call him prince albert.

[Wendy]

In a case like that, I do think of the first person that. Because there had to be a first to try it.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Isn't there like a royal from Monica then? There are Prince Albert currently gets a lot of crap. Do women have a princess name for that? I don't know.

[Wendy]

Alicia.

[Melissa]

Sorry.

[Wendy]

I digress Alicia.

[Melissa]

Wow. I am Princess Grace.

[Jeff]

I think it's a Princess Jasmine from Aladdin.

[Melissa]

Oh.

[Wendy]

Why you make something so beautiful and

[Melissa]

you always go the pedophilia round?

[Jeff]

She's an adult.

[Wendy]

Will you Wikipedia that? I am curious now why it's called that.

[Jeff]

What exactly do I good type in?

[Wendy]

Look, based on what's on your computer already.

[Melissa]

There's pop ups all the time on that laptop.

[Jeff]

Piercing.

[Wendy]

Go ahead. Ashley, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

Work at the front desk at a hospital. And the most dory things that we saw were people coming in with infections from getting piercings and things like that. They would get infected and let it go too long.

[Melissa]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Wendy]

All right, we'll check that one off. That one makes sense right there. Thank you. Good morning. Jenny, you are on Q100. According to Melissa Carter, 800 people a week end up in the emergency room due to jewelry injuries.

[Melissa]

Hello.

[Wendy]

That was such a good sound.

[Melissa]

I know.

[Jeff]

And now Jenny's gonna tell us what happened to her.

[Melissa]

That's right, Jenny.

[Wendy]

You have a very good radio personality right now. Hi. Hey.

[Caller]

My uncle actually works with cement trucks that pump cement into places. And he was up on the ladder and actually the ladder slid and his ring got caught up on something up there and it actually ripped his fingers off.

[Wendy]

Oh, God.

[Melissa]

Don't send you to the emoxy room. Good. Thanks.

[Wendy]

Okay. That's one.

[Melissa]

That's pretty solid.

[Wendy]

That one's a. That's pretty solid.

[Melissa]

That's legit.

[Wendy]

Hold on.

[Melissa]

I think I'd go to the emergency room.

[Wendy]

Hey, Kathy. Good morning.

[Caller]

Hi. Good morning. Burt Show.

[Wendy]

Good morning.

[Caller]

Hi. My son is actually a ring fanatic. And he kept buying these rings without my knowing it. And we actually ended up in the ER twice. He had to have rings on, off, like one from the toy machines. And then he had an actual ring that we had to go to the ER and they had to cut through. It was like titanium, so his finger had fallen up around it. So we actually had to get down.

[Melissa]

So he's too small and he couldn't get it off.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

How old is he?

[Wendy]

I think it's really interesting that most of the calls that are coming in are for dudes that jacked up their jewelry and not women. Because we don't know what we're doing.

[Melissa]

You don't have as much practice with it, you know?

[Jeff]

You know what makes me cringe besides Prince Albert? It's a Chris Farley movie where Chris Farley rips out a guy's nipple.

[Melissa]

Little Easy.

[Caller]

Ouch.

[Wendy]

Good morning, Courtney. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, I love the Burt Show. I love you guys.

[Wendy]

Thank you.

[Caller]

When I was 12, I had braces and me and my sister were playing around and I bit her finger. She had a heart shaped ring on and it got stuck in my braces and she pulled and it pulled my brackets off of my two front teeth and the wire like halfway out of my mouth. I had to go to the hospital. Worst pain I've ever had in my life. They gave me more pain. Nothing helped.

[Wendy]

I thought it would be this painful.

[Jeff]

I gotta tell you, I never thought the phrase pulled my brackets off would make me kegel like I actually, every. Every muscle in my body tension tensed up. He pulled my brackets off. Oh, my God.

[Wendy]

Hey, Angela.

[Melissa]

I'm sweating.

[Wendy]

Good morning.

[Caller]

Good morning, Berto.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Caller]

I feel I know Bert a little bit better this morning after the whole Prince Albert thing.

[Wendy]

I don't have one. He's joking. That is a rumor to start, believe you me. I do not want any more attention in that area than need be.

[Melissa]

We're gonna get Stacy to start telling people that.

[Jeff]

That's right, you had one, but you took it out. You decided that you hit a certain age and you're just.

[Wendy]

Don't listen to him.

[Jeff]

A little chain going from his belly button rang right down to it.

[Wendy]

What's going on?

[Melissa]

Come on, come on. It's jacked up. Not eventually I want it.

[Wendy]

Even people will believe that. You know how many emails I will get today?

[Jeff]

But the people in his water aerobics class really were uncomfortable with it.

[Wendy]

What's going on, Angela?

[Caller]

Well, my emergency room story. When I was little, about seven or eight years old, I was always afraid my earrings were gonna fall out, that they were too loose. So I would put the backs on really tight and one of my backs wedged its way into the back of my ear. Damn, it sounds worse than it is, but, yeah, that's what happened.

[Wendy]

Here's one. This one's just for Jeff. Good morning, Gavin. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, how's it going?

[Wendy]

Okay, man.

[Caller]

Hey. Yeah, my friend, we're playing rugby from Australia originally, and his nipple ring got ripped out. He used to tape them down, but it didn't help too much. Wasn't pretty.

[Wendy]

Can we be done?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I think I'm pretty solid with this one.

[Wendy]

We all satiated. We all gave it up.

[Jeff]

Nobody just saw me rub my nipples, did they?

[Melissa]

I've been holding mine. Anything I can do to make your butt pucker?

[Caller]

Thanks, Ajax.

[Melissa]

Melissa, you're a real champ.

[Jeff]

Listen, it's the vert show.

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