The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: Listen To This Woman Unleash a Savage Message on Her Ex
Date: March 20, 2026

Overview

In this vault episode, The Bert Show crew (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the full panel) dive into two delightfully outrageous audio clips: first, a hilariously savage voicemail greeting left by a woman for her cheating ex-boyfriend, and second, a viral home video featuring a young boy, David, hilariously loopy from post-dental anesthesia.
The panel reflects on the scathing creativity of revenge, the pitfalls of romantic entanglements (and phone ownership), and the innocent absurdity of childhood under sedation—with plenty of their trademark banter and laughter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Savage Voicemail Greeting to an Ex ([01:32]–[04:15])

• Context:
  The hosts introduce a viral audio clip making the rounds online. A woman, having kept her ex’s cell phone plan in her own name, seizes her chance for poetic justice: she replaces his voicemail greeting with a brutally honest message spelling out his infidelities.
• The Voicemail (Quotable Highlights):
  • “You have reached what was formerly Mike Gibbol’s phone. No longer Mike Gibbol’s phone...The reason why is because Mike likes to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend.” – [03:03], Woman in voicemail
  • “If you want to reach a loser, dial 280-50-…Other than that, have a great day.” – [03:58], Woman in voicemail
• Panel Reactions:
  • The hosts revel in the schadenfreude.
  • “If you are going to cheat on your girlfriend, you probably want to make sure she doesn’t have access to your phone, or worse yet, has your phone in her name.” – Podcast Host [02:28]
  • “I love the way she ends it on an up note. 'Other than that, have a good day.' If you’re looking for a loser, here’s the loser line.” – Podcast Host [04:16]
• Discussion Themes:
  • The panel jokes about the red flags of dating someone who can’t even hold their own phone plan.
    • “Why is the cellphone in her name anyway? Isn’t that a red flag that you shouldn’t be dating him?” – Male Panelist 1 [04:31]
    • “If you can’t make the cell phone in his own name, it’s pretty arrogant for him to have her pay for everything and then he cheat on her.” – Female Panelist [04:39]
  • Lighthearted jabs at guys making bad relationship decisions.
    • “Well, you don’t understand. It’s not his fault…” – Podcast Host [04:56], making fun excuses for Mike

2. Viral “David After Dentist” Clip ([05:13]–[08:38])

• Context:
  The second featured clip is the now-famous video of 7-year-old David, filmed by his dad after dental surgery, under the lingering effects of anesthesia.
• Notable Moments & Quotes:
  • David, in a surreal, adorable haze:
    • “Is this real life?” – [06:19], David
    • “Okay, now I have two fingers… four fingers…” – [06:24]–[06:35], David, marveling at his own hands
    • “Why is this happening to me?” – [07:34], David
    • “Is this going to be forever?” – [07:45], David
  • The dad attempts to calmly reassure David:
    • “It’s just from the medicine, okay?” – [07:40], Dad
    • “No, it won't be forever.” – [07:48], Dad
• Panel Banter:
  • The panel riffs on their own childhood post-dentist stories and jokes about the contrast between dad’s amusement and mom’s concern.
    • “Only the dad would videotape it. I’m sure he got railed by his wife, like, 'Why did you videotape him?'” – Female Panelist [08:08]
    • “And the fact that you took such joy in laughing at it makes me feel like you’re even more twisted than I originally thought.” – Male Panelist 1 [08:21], teasing the host
    • “Is this real life?” That’s a viral line! – Panel reactions
• Reflections and Tangents:
  • The host shares an anecdote about an old roommate’s first wild night “high as a kite,” running from fraternity house security, expanding on the theme of “first trip” experiences. [08:56]
  • Fond reflection on the evolution of home video tech and how common viral moments are in the modern digital age.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• The Exposing Voicemail:
  • “Because he’s a loser and he’s a cheater and he’s a liar and he’s just really no good and probably going to be a father. But thank God my kid will never have to deal with that.” – [03:34], Woman in voicemail
• David’s Existential Crisis:
  • “I feel funny…Why is this happening to me?...Is this going to be forever?” – [07:34]–[07:48], David
• Host Summing Up the Day’s Theme:
  • “Guys have never been known for their wisdom.” – [04:43], Podcast Host

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:32] — Introduction of the two featured audio clips
• [03:03] — Start of the savage voicemail greeting
• [04:15] — Panel’s immediate reaction to the voicemail; unpacking the scenario
• [05:13] — Introduction to “David After Dentist”
• [06:19] — David’s “Is this real life?” moment
• [07:34] — David’s anxious questions, “Why is this happening to me?” and “Is this going to be forever?”
• [08:38] — Panel’s final reactions and anecdotes about viral family moments

Episode Tone & Audience Takeaway

Throughout, the episode maintains The Bert Show’s signature mix of razorsharp wit, real talk, and collective laughter. The hosts strike a balance between affectionate ribbing, cathartic revenge stories, and viral hilarity—inviting listeners to laugh along, cringe a little, and recognize the shared absurdities of modern relationships and family life.

For listeners:
This episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments and sharp commentary, making it perfect for fans of real-life drama and viral internet gold. If you enjoy a good revenge story or viral family video, this segment offers both—plus plenty of Bert Show banter.