Vault: Listen To This Woman Unleash a Savage Message on Her Ex

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: Listen To This Woman Unleash a Savage Message on Her Ex
Date: March 20, 2026

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Overview

In this vault episode, The Bert Show crew (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the full panel) dive into two delightfully outrageous audio clips: first, a hilariously savage voicemail greeting left by a woman for her cheating ex-boyfriend, and second, a viral home video featuring a young boy, David, hilariously loopy from post-dental anesthesia.
The panel reflects on the scathing creativity of revenge, the pitfalls of romantic entanglements (and phone ownership), and the innocent absurdity of childhood under sedation—with plenty of their trademark banter and laughter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Savage Voicemail Greeting to an Ex ([01:32]–[04:15])

• Context:
  The hosts introduce a viral audio clip making the rounds online. A woman, having kept her ex’s cell phone plan in her own name, seizes her chance for poetic justice: she replaces his voicemail greeting with a brutally honest message spelling out his infidelities.
• The Voicemail (Quotable Highlights):
  • “You have reached what was formerly Mike Gibbol’s phone. No longer Mike Gibbol’s phone...The reason why is because Mike likes to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend.” – [03:03], Woman in voicemail
  • “If you want to reach a loser, dial 280-50-…Other than that, have a great day.” – [03:58], Woman in voicemail
• Panel Reactions:
  • The hosts revel in the schadenfreude.
  • “If you are going to cheat on your girlfriend, you probably want to make sure she doesn’t have access to your phone, or worse yet, has your phone in her name.” – Podcast Host [02:28]
  • “I love the way she ends it on an up note. 'Other than that, have a good day.' If you’re looking for a loser, here’s the loser line.” – Podcast Host [04:16]
• Discussion Themes:
  • The panel jokes about the red flags of dating someone who can’t even hold their own phone plan.
    • “Why is the cellphone in her name anyway? Isn’t that a red flag that you shouldn’t be dating him?” – Male Panelist 1 [04:31]
    • “If you can’t make the cell phone in his own name, it’s pretty arrogant for him to have her pay for everything and then he cheat on her.” – Female Panelist [04:39]
  • Lighthearted jabs at guys making bad relationship decisions.
    • “Well, you don’t understand. It’s not his fault…” – Podcast Host [04:56], making fun excuses for Mike

2. Viral “David After Dentist” Clip ([05:13]–[08:38])

• Context:
  The second featured clip is the now-famous video of 7-year-old David, filmed by his dad after dental surgery, under the lingering effects of anesthesia.
• Notable Moments & Quotes:
  • David, in a surreal, adorable haze:
    • “Is this real life?” – [06:19], David
    • “Okay, now I have two fingers… four fingers…” – [06:24]–[06:35], David, marveling at his own hands
    • “Why is this happening to me?” – [07:34], David
    • “Is this going to be forever?” – [07:45], David
  • The dad attempts to calmly reassure David:
    • “It’s just from the medicine, okay?” – [07:40], Dad
    • “No, it won't be forever.” – [07:48], Dad
• Panel Banter:
  • The panel riffs on their own childhood post-dentist stories and jokes about the contrast between dad’s amusement and mom’s concern.
    • “Only the dad would videotape it. I’m sure he got railed by his wife, like, 'Why did you videotape him?'” – Female Panelist [08:08]
    • “And the fact that you took such joy in laughing at it makes me feel like you’re even more twisted than I originally thought.” – Male Panelist 1 [08:21], teasing the host
    • “Is this real life?” That’s a viral line! – Panel reactions
• Reflections and Tangents:
  • The host shares an anecdote about an old roommate’s first wild night “high as a kite,” running from fraternity house security, expanding on the theme of “first trip” experiences. [08:56]
  • Fond reflection on the evolution of home video tech and how common viral moments are in the modern digital age.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• The Exposing Voicemail:
  • “Because he’s a loser and he’s a cheater and he’s a liar and he’s just really no good and probably going to be a father. But thank God my kid will never have to deal with that.” – [03:34], Woman in voicemail
• David’s Existential Crisis:
  • “I feel funny…Why is this happening to me?...Is this going to be forever?” – [07:34]–[07:48], David
• Host Summing Up the Day’s Theme:
  • “Guys have never been known for their wisdom.” – [04:43], Podcast Host

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:32] — Introduction of the two featured audio clips
• [03:03] — Start of the savage voicemail greeting
• [04:15] — Panel’s immediate reaction to the voicemail; unpacking the scenario
• [05:13] — Introduction to “David After Dentist”
• [06:19] — David’s “Is this real life?” moment
• [07:34] — David’s anxious questions, “Why is this happening to me?” and “Is this going to be forever?”
• [08:38] — Panel’s final reactions and anecdotes about viral family moments

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Episode Tone & Audience Takeaway

Throughout, the episode maintains The Bert Show’s signature mix of razorsharp wit, real talk, and collective laughter. The hosts strike a balance between affectionate ribbing, cathartic revenge stories, and viral hilarity—inviting listeners to laugh along, cringe a little, and recognize the shared absurdities of modern relationships and family life.

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For listeners:
This episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments and sharp commentary, making it perfect for fans of real-life drama and viral internet gold. If you enjoy a good revenge story or viral family video, this segment offers both—plus plenty of Bert Show banter.

Transcript

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[Podcast Host]

over the past couple days I found these two random pieces of audio. They're not in any way related but I wanted to share them with you. Hopefully you'll find them as funny as I am. I'm most worried about the second one being as funny because it's also a visual. So I posted it on my blog yesterday and then John, you can put it up on, you know, link it up online too. So it's what there for people to watch. The first piece of audio is a woman who obviously keeps her boyfriend's cell phone in her name and they broke up so she changed the greeting. And then the second piece of audio is a seven year old boy who had to go have dental work done. So he was, he got the gas, he was on pain pills and gas and dad filmed him.

[Female Panelist]

Oh that's just so cool.

[Podcast Host]

So the visual is as is the audio is hopefully as good as the audio and visual together. So first I don't know where this took place, I don't know where this is this piece of audio is from. But guys, if you are going to cheat on your girlfriend you probably want to make sure that she doesn't have the access code to your phone. Or worse yet, has your phone in her name. Because then everybody who calls her might hear something like this.

[Woman Leaving Voicemail]

Hi, you reach 9827 and have formerly Mike Gibbol phone. No longer Mike Gibbol phone. If you want to reach Mike, you can reach him at 280-50- this is no longer Mike's phone. And the reason why is because Mike likes to chat on his pregnant girlfriend. And Mike like to hang out with his old girlfriend. And he likes to, you know, forget to mention to, you know, check that he's meeting that he has a pregnant girlfriend at home. And then, you know, I end up finding out when I talk to the girls that he people, I'm his roommate. So that's why Mike doesn't have this phone. So because he's a loser and he's a cheater and he's a liar and he's just really no good and probably going to be a father. But thank God my kid will never have to deal with that because, well, I have nothing to do with this kid because unlike his other exes, I. I don't want his influence in my child's life. So just want to let that be known. So if you want to reach a loser, dial two eight zero five, girl. Other than that, have a great day.

[Male Panelist 1]

Sweet revenge there.

[Podcast Host]

I love the way she ends it on an up note. Other than that, have a good day. If you're looking for a loser, here's the loser line. So that's what happened to poor Mike. And then this one here. The video will be up online shortly. Poor Mike. But yeah, I don't really buy that.

[Male Panelist 1]

And why is the cell phone in her name anyway? I mean, isn't that a red flag that you shouldn't be dating him?

[Female Panelist]

Yeah, yeah.

[Male Panelist 1]

If you can't make the cell phone

[Female Panelist]

in his own name, it's pretty arrogant for him to have her pay for everything and then he cheat on her.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I mean, guys have never been known for their wisdom.

[Female Panelist]

Save that.

[Male Panelist 1]

Well, women either, because, you know, I mean, the decision to stay with a guy and have a baby with a guy who can't get his own damn cell phone, I mean, you know.

[Podcast Host]

Well, you don't understand. It's not his fault. There are some issues with his job that prevented his bills from being paid.

[Male Panelist 1]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

On account of that he's just trying to get his credit report in order. So during that, if you could just keep this in my name for a minute, that would be cool.

[Female Panelist]

But you didn't cheat on Jessica while she was doing that for you.

[Podcast Host]

So, about details. So that's Mike and then this little guy's name. He's seven years old, his name is David. And he had to have some teeth pulled. And he's coming home from the dentist. So the visual of this is dad obviously in the driver's seat of the car. And he's turned around with the video camera.

[Female Panelist]

You gotta do this to your kid.

[Male Panelist 1]

Oh, and he's coming home from the dentist.

[Female Panelist]

That's me. Mom made me whistle when I get home from the dentist. And you know when you whistle after

[Podcast Host]

the dentist, your mom, because you had the Novocaine directions.

[Female Panelist]

Yeah. She thought that was funny.

[Podcast Host]

So. So dad has turned around with the video camera and he put the camera on the kid. And now he's just processing his child's commentary about being on probably nitrous oxide or whatever they use high as a kite surgery.

[Dad]

Yeah, I know. How did it go?

[David (Child)]

I didn't feel anything.

[Dad]

Yeah.

[Female Panelist]

Oh my God.

[David (Child)]

I feel fine.

[Dad]

Kind of felt good, didn't it?

[David (Child)]

Is this real life?

[Dad]

Yeah, this is real life.

[Male Panelist 1]

Oh my God.

[David (Child)]

Okay, now. Okay, now I have two fingers.

[Dad]

Good.

[David (Child)]

Four fingers.

[Dad]

Four fingers. Nuh. Don't put that in. Don't put it in your mouth. Okay,

[Female Panelist]

But I'm hungry, dad.

[Dad]

You feel good.

[David (Child)]

I can't see anything.

[Dad]

Yes you can. Stay in your seat.

[Male Panelist 1]

Why is he screaming?

[David (Child)]

I don't feel tired.

[Dad]

You don't? No.

[David (Child)]

Do I have stitches?

[Dad]

Uh huh.

[David (Child)]

Do I have stitches?

[Dad]

Yes.

[David (Child)]

On my teeth?

[Dad]

Yeah. Don't touch it. Don't.

[David (Child)]

Why can't I touch it?

[Dad]

Because it'll mess up the stitches.

[David (Child)]

You have four eyes.

[Dad]

Yeah.

[David (Child)]

I feel funny. Why is this happening to me?

[Dad]

It's okay, guys. It's just from the medicine. Okay?

[David (Child)]

Is this going to be forever?

[Dad]

Oh, no, no, it won't be forever.

[Podcast Host]

And then he just passed out. That's him falling asleep when he got home.

[Female Panelist]

That mom was scared to death that he was over medicated.

[Male Panelist 1]

Oh, poor little thing. Is this gonna be forever?

[Female Panelist]

And of course I had is only the dad would videotape it. And that was funny because I'm sure he got. He got railed by his wife, like, you know. Why did you videotape him?

[Podcast Host]

You got it.

[Male Panelist 1]

That is so.

[Female Panelist]

Is this going to be forever?

[Male Panelist 1]

Oh, honey, no. And the fact that you took such joy in laughing at it makes me feel like you're even more twisted than I originally thought.

[Podcast Host]

It's a little baby Michael Phelps. He said Phelps in training.

[Male Panelist 1]

This is going to be Forever.

[Podcast Host]

That's the kid? Oh, he's precious with his big tooth missing.

[Male Panelist 1]

Oh, buddy.

[Female Panelist]

Heartless Joe.

[Male Panelist 1]

See, women and men have different senses of humor.

[Podcast Host]

You're laughing at it. All of you. Everyone in this room.

[Female Panelist]

But then when he started saying, is this gonna be forever?

[Podcast Host]

And he doesn't know it's his first

[Female Panelist]

trip, I feel funny. Is this real life? What?

[Podcast Host]

It's his first trip. It could be a lot worse. Remember my old roommate? The first time he smoked, he ran down the street from the Sigma Chi house wearing nothing but his underwear, thinking he was on fire.

[Female Panelist]

The father?

[Male Panelist 1]

Some good stuff.

[Podcast Host]

Well, we tried to go get him until campus security showed up. And then we were like, oh, you're on your own.

[Female Panelist]

Why don't you videotape him?

[Podcast Host]

Good friends. Well, because back then, video cameras were the big, giant things that sat on

[Female Panelist]

your shoulder with the big floodlights.

[Male Panelist 1]

Turn it.

[Female Panelist]

Everybody squinted.

[Male Panelist 1]

In the videos the bird show, they

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