Vault: Listener doesn't believe she's gonna quit smoking

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – Listener Doesn't Believe She's Gonna Quit Smoking

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this engaging and candid episode, members of The Bert Show tackle the enduring challenge of quitting smoking, prompted by a listener's skepticism about Bert’s wife's resolution to quit after her 40th birthday party. The hosts and callers share personal stories, philosophies, and practical advice about quitting smoking, revealing the emotional and psychological nuances of addiction, the variety of methods people use, and the social dynamics that can make or break a quit attempt.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Listener's Doubt – Can She Really Quit?

• [00:00] Bert recaps his wife's long history with smoking and explains her plan to quit after a milestone birthday party.
• [00:22] John, a caller, voices skepticism, suggesting if Bert's wife truly wanted to quit, she'd start immediately and not wait for a future date.

"If it really means something, quit today. Stop today. Don't pick up another cigarette. It doesn't mean anything if you're planning ahead, because then you're still doing it."
— John ([00:36])

Approaches to Quitting – Planned vs. Spontaneous

• [01:00] Bert acknowledges everyone’s process is different and what works for one may not work for all.
• [01:07] The team discusses the value of setting a quit date versus quitting cold turkey.
  • Many experts recommend a planned approach to mentally prepare for withdrawal and challenges.
  • Personal relapses are common and part of the journey for many.

"I had a quit date... you go through time and time again until you finally get it right, you know, and hopefully this will be the last time for Stacy."
— Host ([01:19])

Motivation & Mindset

• [01:44] The conversation turns to what finally motivates someone to succeed at quitting.
  • One host shares a personal story about hypnosis and internal motivation:

"I didn't want it to be part of what defined me... that's the one thing I hate about myself... and [the hypnotherapist] said that's a pretty strong reason not to smoke anymore."
— Host ([01:48])

Is Support Necessary?

• [02:22] John presses the need for external support, noting the drug-like nature of nicotine and the high rate of relapse without help.

"It is a drug and without help, she won't quit. She won't stop. It might reoccur again."
— John ([02:22])

Cold Turkey Success Stories

• [02:38] Another host shares quitting cold turkey after a moment of clarity, emphasizing the finality of turning smoking from a choice to a “requirement” not to smoke.

"I quit cold turkey, through the cigarettes out the window... that was fourteen years ago. Once you have that mindset, you just don't go back."
— Host ([02:38])

Practical Tips for Managing Cravings

• [03:35] Coping strategies suggested:
  • Mint gum and sugar-free snacks for oral fixation.
  • Sunflower seeds as a healthier oral alternative.
• [03:46] The importance of occupying the hands and mouth is highlighted.

"I said sunflower seeds because that's the oral fixation. I had to take the shells out. That's what helped me..."
— Host ([03:46])

(Playful) Dangerous Substitutions

• [03:57] Bert jokes about chewing tobacco as an alternative, leading to humorous banter about adverse effects and the concept of competitive spitting.

"How about chewing tobacco instead of that?... There’s spitting competitions, so it could all... become big money, winner, sponsorship, The Bert Show."
— Bert & Team ([04:10])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• John’s tough love on immediate action:
  "If it really means something, quit today... When religious people decide that they believe in God, it's not about, oh, well, maybe I'll do it in a week. It's about right now."
  — John ([00:36])

• On the psychology of identity and quitting:
  "I didn't want it to be part of what defined me... that's the one thing I hate about myself."
  — Host ([01:48])

• The spontaneous cold turkey approach:
  "I quit cold turkey… didn't have a planned date, just a spontaneous moment, threw the cigarettes out and I have not picked up another cigarette again."
  — Host ([02:38])

• The oral fixation coping mechanism:
  "Sunflower seeds… that's what helped me, is because you get used to the fingers going into your lips."
  — Host ([03:46])

• Humorous take on spitting competitions:
  "You know what? There’s also competitions about spitting... It could all become big money, winner, sponsorship, The Bert Show."
  — Team ([04:10])

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00 – Bert describes his wife’s quit plan and introduces listener John
• 00:22 – John questions the effectiveness of planned quit dates
• 01:07 – Panel discusses quit dates vs. spontaneous attempts
• 01:48 – Host describes hypnosis and motivations
• 02:38 – Cold turkey story and shifting mindset
• 03:35 – Tips for oral fixation and cravings
• 03:57 – Jokes about chewing tobacco and spitting competitions

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Conclusion

This episode brings together raw personal confessions, expert advice, and The Bert Show’s trademark humor to explore the struggles and successes of quitting smoking. Whether you favor tough love, careful planning, or battling cravings with gum and sunflower seeds, this spirited conversation captures the relatable, real-life complexities—and the laughs—that come with kicking an old habit for good.

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Transcript

[A]

The Vert show. So my wife was just on here, and she said she'd been smoking on and off now since she was 15 years old, but this weekend, she's turning 40 years old. And the night after our big old blowout, our big old party on Saturday night, the morning after, that's it. She's done. Done smoking. John here was listening and must have some experience with this, because she must have said something that's making him think, ain't gonna happen. She's not gonna quit. What's up, John?

[B]

Well, here's the deal. I've been smoking on and off for close to 25 years now, and she's talking about. And I've also heard a couple call ins, talk about how you're taking days away from your kids. And, you know, this is all about really meaning something that, well, if it really means something, quit today. Stop today. Don't pick up another cigarette. Don't buy another pack. Don't bump another cigarette. It doesn't mean anything if you're planning ahead, because then you're still doing it. When religious people decide that they believe in God, it's not about, oh, well, you know, maybe I'll do it in a week. It's about right now.

[A]

I just think different people, different deal differently with the end of that, like, what might work for one person is probably not gonna work for the other.

[C]

I think when you have a quit date in mind, you can sort of prepare yourself for whatever withdrawals you're gonna go through. You can kind of just get your mind straight around it. I had a quit date, and it was the day that I went to that conference.

[B]

You had a few of them.

[C]

Yeah, I'm sure. But like many smokers do, I mean, I think you go through time and time again until you finally get it right, you know, and hopefully this will be the last time for Stacy. But I think planning ahead on a quit date is a smart thing to do. And I would say most, you know, quitting experts or books you read or whatever say that. I don't think there's anything wrong with her setting it in the future, getting her mind wrapped around it and getting really, really ready to do it, because it's going to take a lot of willpower.

[A]

And what was your final reason for actually following through on your quit date?

[C]

I didn't think that it suited who I am. I didn't want it to be part of what defined me, and that's what I went into the hypnosis with, is like, I don't think this is the one thing I hate about myself. And that's what I said to the hypnotherapist. And he said that's a pretty strong reason not to smoke anymore. And so it was more about my definition of who I am and how it really didn't go along with that at all.

[A]

So, John, does that make any sense on. Does that give you any reason to believe that this quit date will really be my wife's quit smoking date?

[B]

It makes sense, but the fact of the matter is she going to be getting help with this because it is a drug and without help, she won't quit. She won't stop. It might, it might reoccur again in three or four years. It's going to happen again.

[D]

See, I think the thing. I mean, because I do believe different people, different. I quit cold turkey, through the cigarettes, out the window, didn't have a planned date, just a spontaneous moment, threw the cigarettes out and I have not picked up another cigarette again. And then that's been four hours ago, almost 15 years ago, maybe 14 years ago. And one thing that she said that resonated with me is the fact that it's not a choice anymore. It's not a choice, it's a requirement. And I think once you have that mindset, then you just don't go back. Because I don't give in to. Yeah, because of course I wish that smoking was not unhealthy. Yes, it's fun to smoke. Yes, I enjoy smoking. Yes, I hated having to quit. But you don't concentrate on that. You just move on. I mean, it's, you know, throw a few sunflower seeds in your mouth and you're fine, you know, And I. And so I think when she said that, that's why I realized that she really, that that really is gonna help her if she continues that mantra in her mind.

[C]

You know, what you could do is buy her just tons of gum, mint gum, just sugar, you know, sugar free, whatever. Mint gum. I have it around me all the time now and just pop one in.

[A]

That's fine. I'll do whatever it takes.

[C]

Whatever it takes.

[D]

I said sunflower seeds because that's the oral fixation. I had to take the shells out. That's what helped me, is because you get used to the fingers going into, you know, your lips, a big basket of them.

[A]

How about chewing tobacco instead of that?

[B]

Oh, perfect.

[A]

There's something that you can constantly put in. Yeah.

[D]

A little bit of depth, but not too much because you'll vomit if you try to. If you swallow the spit with it in it, you'll vomit. And that's not cool. But, you know, it's a hot look.

[A]

It's undeniable.

[D]

But you know what? There's also competitions about spitting. You know, there's spitting competition. So it could all. It could become big money, winner, sponsorship, the bird Show.