The Bert Show – "Vault: Listeners Call In With Their Most Mortifying Moments" (April 3, 2026)

Overview

In this laugh-out-loud, unfiltered episode, the Bert Show crew opens the phone lines and invites listeners to share their most mortifying moments, centering on the theme of accidental bathroom mishaps—specifically, times they've peed themselves as adults. Jumping off a recent confession by singer Fergie, the conversation quickly becomes a relatable, hilarious safe space as people candidly recount their own embarrassing accidents. The tone is a blend of camaraderie, laughter, and unashamed honesty, as both the cast and callers bond over universal (if awkward) human moments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Fergie’s Admission Sets the Stage (00:17–00:54)

• Host relates a recent Fergie interview where she admits her most embarrassing moment was peeing herself on stage.
  • Quote: “Fergie says I should have used the toilet before I went on stage. That was and always will be the most embarrassing moment of my life.” — [B, 00:32]
• The panel jokes about adult bathroom emergencies and wonders how common they are.

The Crew’s Own Experiences with Urgency (00:58–01:38)

• Driving home needing to pee:
  • One host admits to making an emergency stop to pee in the bushes.
  • “McDonald’s napkins in the glove compartment—that’s what they’re there for.” — [C/B, 01:29]
• Jokes about planning bathroom stops and the fear of not making it.

Listeners Call In: Pregnancy & Peeing Moments (01:44–03:14)

• First caller: Shares that pregnancy, especially with “big babies,” made accidental peeing common.
  • “I leak if I laugh too hard. I leak if I sneeze.” — [F, 02:09]
• Describes a memorable moment at a hardware store, pregnant, wearing overalls, when sneezing caused a visible wet spot:
  • “I was big and pregnant, and I was wearing these overalls, and there was a total wet spot. … I am the most unsexy thing ever.” — [F, 02:44]
• The panel jokes that the overalls “were not sexy” anyway.

The Non-Pregnant, Laugh-Induced Mishaps (03:29–04:15)

• Second caller (never been pregnant): “Sometimes I just laugh so much that I'll tinkle a little.” — [E, 03:33]
• The hosts and callers discuss how finding something truly funny brings on “leakage,” especially with certain friends, and recall stories of classmates in high school dealing with the same issue.

Pee in Public: Grocery Stores & Sports (05:09–05:45)

• Caller Caroline: Tells a story of not making it through self-checkout at the supermarket, resulting in a puddle at age 38:
  • “I had black pants on. You couldn't tell, but there was a big puddle, and I was mortified.” — [G/E, 05:28]
  • Her mom had to collect her purchases while Caroline made an embarrassed escape.
• Another caller shares hearsay about professional football players needing to “just go in their pants” on the field. The cast is incredulous but amused.

The Horseback Riding Disaster (06:04–07:11)

• Caller Shannon: Tells an epic story from a group event involving horse games:
  • Game required balancing water on a spoon while riding.
  • Horse “stopping and starting” triggered unstoppable peeing—she pleaded for someone to stop the horse: “I kept yelling, you better stop the horse. ... Because I'm peeing. I'm peeing. And they wouldn't stop.” — [E, 06:46]
  • The aftermath: Soaked saddle and photographic evidence.

Other Athletic Mishaps (07:16–07:32)

• The crew notes that runners and other athletes sometimes have control issues due to the “pounding” and physical activity.

A Diarrhea Story – “The Worst Ever” (07:40–09:03)

• Caller Amy: Shares an especially mortifying incident triggered by an allergic reaction to salad preservatives.
• Out for dinner and drinks, her stomach gurgled ominously; she rushed to the restroom but was too late:
  • “It exploded all over me. ... I just had to stay in the stall until somebody could go get me a change of clothes.” — [G, 08:43–08:49]
  • Another friend had to fetch new clothes from home—a story met with a mix of sympathy and humor by the hosts: “Some think it’s funny, but it’s really brown and red.” — [C, 09:03]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Fergie’s Regret (00:32): “That was and always will be the most embarrassing moment of my life.”
• Overalls Blame (03:02): “I don't think it was the pregnancy or the pee. I think it was the overalls that made her not sexy.” — [B, 03:02]
• Unstoppable Horse (06:46): “I kept yelling, you better stop the horse. … Because I'm peeing. I'm peeing. And they wouldn't stop.” — [E, 06:46]
• Grocery Store Puddle (05:28): “You couldn’t tell, but there was a big puddle, and I was mortified.” — [G, 05:28]
• Bathroom Stall Wait (08:49): “I just had to stay in the stall until somebody could go get me a change of clothes.” — [G, 08:49]
• Panel Empathy (09:01): “Awful. So embarrassing.” — [G, 09:01]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:17 – Fergie’s on-stage accident sets the topic
• 01:44 – First listener: pregnancy and sneezing-induced accident at Lowe’s
• 03:29 – Second listener: laughing so hard it happens, even without kids
• 05:10 – Self-checkout grocery store story, age 38
• 06:04 – Horseback game and the unstoppable accident
• 07:40 – Amy’s severe allergic reaction leads to a poop nightmare
• 09:12 – End of listener stories

Tone & Style

The episode’s tone is authentic, playful, and unfiltered. Hosts and callers laugh through the discomfort, finding community in shared mishaps. No one is judged; instead, everyone is welcomed into the hilarious, embarrassing humanity of needing to go and not quite making it. The humor is sometimes self-deprecating but always compassionate.

Summary Takeaway

Through a series of openhearted, awkward, and sharply funny phone calls, The Bert Show reminds listeners that nobody is immune to embarrassing slip-ups. Whether due to laughter, pregnancy, sports, or an unexpected allergy, bathroom accidents can—and do—happen to everyone. The takeaway? If pop stars, athletes, and everyday people alike have their mortifying moments, you can laugh at yours too.