Vault: Listeners call in with unbelievable stories

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Listeners Call In With Unbelievable Stories

Date: July 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode of The Bert Show, the cast invites listeners to share their most unbelievable, outlandish, and hard-to-believe personal stories—the kinds of stories that typically make others say, “There’s no way that happened.” The hosts (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others) promise to suspend disbelief and embrace each caller’s story without skepticism, creating a mix of hilarious, eye-opening, and poignant moments. The segment is a blend of humor, empathy, and shock, highlighting the wild variety of human experience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Setting the Stage: Believing the Unbelievable

• Premise Introduction [01:30]:
  • Host sets up the theme, noting how most people have a story so outrageous that others stop believing it midway.

    "Everybody has like a story in their past, or most of us do, that is so unbelievable that you just stop telling it." — Host [01:30]

• Ground Rules:
  • The panel agrees to “believe everyone” for this segment, no matter how wild or implausible the tales get.

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Highlights of Caller Stories

1. Jeff’s First Time Was… a Threesome?

• Jeff’s Story [02:20-04:25]:
  • Jeff recounts that his first real “boy-girl” experience was a threesome at summer camp, with two girls his own age named Heidi and Wendy.
  • The cast is both amused and skeptical, poking fun at the “porn-star” sounding names.
  • Notable banter:

    “Your very first sexual experience was a threesome.” — Host [03:21]
    “That never happens.” — Co-host [03:33]
    “And if you really want to expand upon it, you can. It happened at summer camp.” — Jeff [04:14]

• Memorable Moment: Even with the “we believe you” rule, the cast struggles, laughing about the improbability and Jeff’s struggle to recall the girls’ last names for proof.

  “I have desperately tried to remember their last names because I would want to Facebook them… I honestly can’t.” — Jeff [08:47]

2. Sandy’s Out-of-Body Grade School Adventure

• Sandy’s Story [04:30-05:58]:
  • Fourth grader Sandy, after being bedridden and undiagnosed for months with appendicitis, had what she describes as an out-of-body experience.
  • While ill in bed, Sandy witnessed her mother leaving the room, then suddenly “found” herself at school, acting out, as later described by her teacher who phoned home.

    “Apparently I left my body and went to school… my teacher didn’t believe my mother that I wasn’t at school.” — Sandy [05:00]

  • The panel is genuinely wowed but ready to affirm belief for the sake of the segment.

    “Wow, wow, wow.” — Host [05:50]

3. Rebecca’s Car & the Not-So-Smart Thief

• Rebecca’s Story [06:12-06:52]:
  • Rebecca relates how, after her car broke down and was towed to a mechanic for repairs over Memorial Day weekend, both her car and the tow truck were stolen overnight.
  • Thief tried to cash a check from the tow truck, making it easy for law enforcement to recover her car.

    “The dumb criminal stole one check out of the tow truck checkbook and tried to cash it. Just an idiotic criminal.” — Rebecca [06:40]

  • The cast votes to believe her, since the story seems wild—but possible.

4. Mike’s Disturbing School Memory

• Mike’s Story [06:57-08:32]:
  • Mike shares a deeply unsettling childhood memory: during kindergarten recess, a peer engaged him in age-inappropriate sexual behavior in a secluded tunnel on the playground.
  • Hosts react with dismay and empathy, questioning what must have happened in that girl’s life.

    “That’s sad, because she learned that somewhere.” — Co-host [07:56]
    “Oh, poor little thing.” — Host [08:09]

  • Mike never told anyone before—nor was “Mike” his real name—highlighting the deeply personal, secretive nature of these traumatic stories.

    “I never told my mother or anybody about it.” — Mike [08:17]

  • The tone grows somber, and the panel admits this is a story they almost wish wasn’t true.

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Panel Banter & Meta Moments

• The hosts quickly break their own “believe everyone” rule, returning to Jeff’s incredulous threesome story for comic relief.

  “I still don’t believe Jeff.” — Co-host [08:37] “Can we call one of those girls just to get confirmation?” — Host [08:43]

• Jeff tries to recall more details to prove his story, mulling over high school connections and the possibility of finding Heidi or Wendy via social media.

  “I could get all CSI on it and work my way backwards…” — Jeff [08:47]

• The overall tone oscillates between irreverent banter and sincere support, typical of The Bert Show’s easy-going, authentic vibe.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “That never happens.” — Co-host, in disbelief over Jeff’s first-time story [03:33]
• “Apparently I left my body and went to school.” — Sandy sharing her out-of-body experience [05:36]
• “Just an idiotic criminal.” — Rebecca on the mistake the thief made [06:40]
• “That’s sad, because she learned that somewhere.” — Co-host, reflecting on Mike's difficult childhood memory [07:56]
• “Can we call one of those girls just to get confirmation?” — Host, poking fun at Jeff’s tale [08:43]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Story | Speaker(s) | |-----------|-----------------------------------------|-------------------------| | 01:30 | Episode theme & setup | Host | | 02:20 | Jeff’s “first time” story | Jeff, Host, Co-hosts | | 04:30 | Sandy’s out-of-body experience | Sandy, Host | | 06:12 | Rebecca’s stolen car | Rebecca, Host | | 06:57 | Mike’s kindergarten memory | Mike, Host, Co-hosts | | 08:43 | Host asks for “proof” from Jeff | Host, Jeff |

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Tone and Language

• The episode balances humor and irreverence (especially with tales like Jeff’s), with compassion for heavier stories (Mike’s experience).
• Hosts maintain a conversational, supportive approach, joking often but also voicing genuine concern or empathy when warranted.

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Takeaway

This episode of The Bert Show is a rollercoaster of outrageous, hilarious, and occasionally heartbreaking real-life stories, showcasing both the strangest corners of listener experience and the cast’s signature blend of authenticity and wit. Each story is met with open ears (or at least the intent of open ears), proving that truth really is stranger than fiction—and sometimes, even your friends at The Bert Show might almost believe you.

Transcript

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[Host (The Burch Show)]

The Burch Show Here is the deal. Everybody has like a story in their past, or most of us do. That is so unbelievable that you just stop telling the story because a quarter of the way through it, when you're telling your friends, you can see that they don't believe you anymore.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Nah, that's not true is what they say. Right?

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Right.

[Jeff]

What did you think she was questioning you?

[Host (The Burch Show)]

I'm not really sure where she was going. I thought she was saying no, not everybody has a story like that. So 4047 we are not allowed to say we don't believe your story, right? But we are taking a leap of faith and we believe what you're about to tell us is absolutely true. And we'll start with Jeff here again. 404-741. Q100. Because whenever Jeff starts to tell the story, you can see especially dude's eyes go, whatever.

[Jeff]

And women. And I never even. I don't even bother to tell it. Telling it is pointless. That's how unbelievable it is. But the very first time that I ever, like, really hooked up, you know how the evolution of boy girl relationship is, you know, like, let's go behind the garage and kiss luck are braces. Yeah. And then, you know, and then there might be kind of like the prolonged kiss, but it's not really the make out type thing.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Right, sure.

[Jeff]

And then when you get to the point where you're full on, like, then it's like you realize something's happening. Yeah. You're finding out the differences between boys and girls. That one. The first time that ever happened for me, there were two girls there.

[Co-host or Panelist]

No way.

[Jeff]

You can't say that.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Oh, yeah, right. So the very first time that you ever were approached for sex was by two girls.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Co-host or Panelist]

It wasn't full, was it? Fully. All the way. A home run around all the bases.

[Jeff]

We were not able to accomplish that.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

But your very first sexual experience was a threesome.

[Jeff]

That would be the right way to say it.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Were they older than you?

[Jeff]

Nope.

[Co-host or Panelist]

They were your age. Wow.

[Jeff]

And their names were Heidi and Wendy.

[Co-host or Panelist]

That never happens.

That wasn't me.

Really?

[Jeff]

Vert. Can't say it.

[Mike]

Look, it.

[Jeff]

He wants to. The name adds. The name adds to it. Because we're saying liar.

[Co-host or Panelist]

No,

[Jeff]

those are like the porn star DVD names.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Right.

[Jeff]

Like, if you were going to pick names and make a DVD about this. I get every detail about it now that I'm saying it.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Sexual experience was a threesome.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Wow.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

That is really, really cool.

[Co-host or Panelist]

All right, so we have to say during the segment that we believe everybody.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

We believe everybody.

[Jeff]

But after the segment.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Well, I don't believe that my name is a poor name, but thanks for joining.

[Jeff]

Oh, sorry. And if you really want to expand upon it, you can. It happened at summer camp. You know where I went. Yes.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Come on.

[Jeff]

And it happened just one time at summer camp. Exactly.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

So that's great, Jeff. Fantastic. Than Sandy. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Mike]

Hi.

[Sandy]

Hey.

[Bluff]

Hey.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

All right. We are absolutely going to believe your story no matter how over the top it is.

[Sandy]

Okay, well, you may be like the first then ever, but it's true. I was nine years old. I was in fourth grade. I was really, really sick. I had an Appendicitis. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. So I was sick and vomiting for probably three months before I was diagnosed. But I was really sick in bed. One day my mother's in the bedroom and all of a sudden I'm at myself in the bed, my mother's there and it's like I'm sitting on my curtain rail and the phone rings. My mother leaves the room and I'm still floating in on the ceiling and it's my fourth grade teacher. My mother tells me this later. At the time I didn't know who answered the, you know, who was on the phone, but it's my fourth grade teacher. She says, you need to come to school and pick Sandy up. She's running up and down the halls with the bathroom pass. She's non responsive to anything I say to her and she's just acting like a crazy girl. So apparently I left my body and went to school. Now I don't know why I did that, but my fourth grade teacher always remembered that. And I still know her to this day. And she remembers that I, she didn't believe my mother that I wasn't at school, you know, so had an out of body experience in fourth grade.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Wow, wow, wow.

[Sandy]

And you believe me, right?

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Yes, we do believe you. Yes, we do.

[McDonald's Announcer]

No, really.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

All right, thank you for calling.

[Sandy]

You're welcome.

[Mike]

Bye.

[Sandy]

Bye.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

I really do believe in stuff like that.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I believe that that's way more

[Host (The Burch Show)]

believable than your story.

[Co-host or Panelist]

You can't say that during this segment.

Unbelievable.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Good morning Rebecca, you're on Q100.

[Rebecca]

Hey guys, I actually, my car was stolen off the back of a tow truck.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Oh, your car was stolen?

[Sandy]

It broke down.

[Rebecca]

Called my mechanic, he came to pick it up. It was Memorial Day weekend. That Friday night he got it up there, figured out what was wrong and he came in the next morning on Saturday, 7:30am Called me and said that it was stolen along with his tow truck.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Oh, so the whole thing.

Do you not believe him or does everybody else believe you?

[Sandy]

It, it happened.

[Rebecca]

It happened. I finally retrieved the car. The dumb criminal stole one check out of the tow truck checkbook and tried to cash it. Just an idiotic criminal.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Okay, I believe that one.

[Bluff]

Sure.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

We believe.

[Co-host or Panelist]

We believe.

[McDonald's Announcer]

We believe.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Thank you. Good morning Mike, you are on Q100.

[Mike]

Morning guys. What's going on?

[Host (The Burch Show)]

You tell us.

[Mike]

Well, this is one of these stories where no one ever believes me.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

No sweat, dude. We're here to believe.

[Mike]

Every day at recess I would go out to this tunnel. Well, this girl, we had like a nice big playground. There was a lot of different things out there. And way in the back corner was this tunnel. Cement tunnels, like a culvert. No one ever went out there. This girl named Laura would take me out there and perform sexual acts on me.

[Co-host or Panelist]

And how old were you?

[Mike]

Five or six.

[Lady Luck]

Whoa.

[Co-host or Panelist]

And how old was she?

[Jeff]

Is she still your favorite teacher?

[Mike]

No, no, no. She was a student. One of the girls in the class.

[Jeff]

Oh, okay.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

At five or six years old.

[Mike]

Yeah. I had no idea what I was doing. I mean, she pretty much controlled it. She tried to get me to do things to her, but I had no idea what I was doing.

[Rebecca]

Wow.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Wow. You were in what grade?

[Mike]

It was kindergarten.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I don't want to believe you.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Right.

[Co-host or Panelist]

That's sad, because she learned that somewhere.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

She probably didn't know what she was doing either, right?

[Mike]

Well, no, she told me. What? I mean, she was trying to tell me what to do and I obviously wasn't doing it. Right.

[Co-host or Panelist]

She either learned something too early or was abused. Right.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Oh, poor little thing. Yeah.

[Co-host or Panelist]

If she knew what that was. At five.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

I'm with Wendy. I don't want to believe it. Right.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Oh, man.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

I don't know if I. I'm sad for you, actually.

[Mike]

I never told my mother or anybody about it.

[Sandy]

Wow.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Wow.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Well, now everybody knows and everybody believes you, right?

[Mike]

Nope. Because my name's not Mike.

[Jeff]

I don't believe you.

[Mike]

That sucks.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

I appreciate it, man.

[Sandy]

Wow.

[Co-host or Panelist]

That's freak.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Sad. That's sad.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I still don't believe Jeff.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Jeff is the one that you don't believe. Right?

[Co-host or Panelist]

Sorry. I'm sorry. Yes, I believe.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

Can we call one of those girls just to get confirmation?

[Jeff]

I have desperately tried to remember their last names because I would want to Facebook them just to bring memories back. And I honestly can't. I might. I. I could get all CSI on it and work my way backwards to. Cause I know what high school they went to and what school they were in.

[Host (The Burch Show)]

I just want to hear her say, yes, the story is absolutely true.

[Jeff]

It would have to be the Heidi, because she is definitely. She was out and about. More so because I think it was one of Wendy's first times as well. Not you, Wendy, but it was a different Wendy.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Sorry, I'm scared me with that.

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[Host (The Burch Show)]

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