Vault: Listeners Confess the Wildest Places They've Been Escorted Out Of

Summary

The Bert Show Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: Listeners Confess the Wildest Places They've Been Escorted Out Of
Date: March 18, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jen, and listeners

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Overview

The Bert Show invites listeners to share their most embarrassing and wild stories about being escorted out of public venues. Inspired by a viral incident involving Broadway star Patti LuPone confronting an audience member, the cast dives into personal experiences and opens the phone lines to hilarious, cringeworthy audience confessions—from comedy clubs to Disney World.

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Main Theme

Theme:
A light-hearted, comedic exploration of public ejections—listeners and hosts swap stories about being forcibly removed from venues, usually for violating rules or engaging in awkwardly inappropriate behavior. The episode delves into why people get booted and the universal embarrassment of the public “walk of shame.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Kickoff: Patti LuPone's Viral Confrontation [02:02-03:09]

• Jen shares an audio of Broadway actress Patti LuPone halting "Gypsy" to berate an audience member for taking pictures:

  “You heard the announcements. Who do you think you are? How dare you? Who do you think you are? Get them out. I won't continue a bit taking pictures!” —Patti LuPone [02:23]

• Panel’s Reaction:

  • The humiliation of public escorting is discussed, with jokes about stage spotlights highlighting the “offender.”
  • The panel invites listeners to call in with similar stories: “Is there anybody listening right now... you had to be escorted out in front of everybody?” —Host [03:15]

Setting the Scene: The Universal Walk of Shame [03:10-04:53]

• Jen: The awkwardness of being made an example in a crowd.
• Host: Escalates from minor misbehavior (cell phone use at the movies) to more obvious rule-breaking (catching foul balls at baseball games).
• Co-host: Highlights that sometimes the guilt is “guilt by association”—if your friend crosses the line, you may get pulled out too.

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Listener Confessions

1. Comedy Club Drink Minimum Showdown [05:30-07:02]

• Caller: Group attends club in Florida with no intention to order drinks; refuses to pay drink minimum; spotlight is literally turned on them, and show stops for security to escort them out.
• Host: “Have them stop the entire show... security has to escort you and your mom out.” —Host [07:02]
• Panel: Everyone agrees the added humiliation is comedians making fun of you as you go.

2. Singing Along at Phantom of the Opera [07:15-07:46]

• Caller (via story): Usher has to physically remove drunken man singing loudly during “Phantom”; he resists, is bodily carried out.
• Co-host: “You don't even get bragging rights for that. You can't even say I got kicked out of Phantom tonight.” —Co-host [07:46]

3. Sistine Chapel Photography [07:50-08:06]

• Co-host: Shares personal story of being gently escorted out of the Sistine Chapel for taking photos.
• Jen: “Oh, I thought that was when you almost passed out.” —Jen [08:01] (panel jokes continue)

4. Olympic Fountain Prank [08:07-08:30]

• Caller: During the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, she and friends run into the Centennial Park fountain; police escort them out after stopping the show.
• Caller: “They literally stopped the show for you?” —Host [08:25]
• “Yes, and it was really bad. I was embarrassed.” —Caller [08:26]

5. Hot Dog Toss at a Dodgers Game [08:31-09:09]

• Caller: Boyfriend throws hot dog across bullpen to another fan; immediate ejection and security escort. Entire section boos the security guards.
• Host: “Embarrassing, but he deserves to get thrown out. But you have to go with him as a friend.” —Host [09:09]
• Co-host: Offers insider perspective on abandoning friends after they cause trouble at games.

6. Putt-Putt Golf Water Violation [10:02-10:44]

• Caller: Removed from mini-golf in Wilmington, NC, for retrieving balls from water and “being stupid.” Their photo is up as a banned person 15 years later.
• Jen: “I don't understand what the violation was.” —Jen [10:31]
• Caller: Explains they were sober, just goofing off.

7. Kicked Out of Disney World [10:45-11:36]

• Caller: Group is escorted out by “Disney Secret Service” after a friend’s drunken rudeness at Epcot; banned from property for 72 hours, including hotel.
• Host: “They kicked you out of the whole thing? The park, the hotel, the whole thing?” —Host [11:32]
• Caller: Describes “surreal” and intense Disney security.

8. No Pictures at the Pink Pony [12:33-13:15]

• Caller: After taking a photo in a strip club (Pink Pony), security stops the music and dancers shout; the group is loudly ejected.
• Caller: “15 Jaeger bombs later... it was just a quick snapshot... the guy gets on a loudspeaker: ‘No taking pictures at the Pink Pony!’ And I was mortified.” —Caller [13:15]
• Jen: “Have you ever been to a strip club before? Was that your first time?” —Jen [13:05]

9. Sushi Restaurant All-You-Can-Eat Ban [13:38-14:07]

• Caller: Boyfriend eats so much at an all-you-can-eat sushi place that after three hours, police are called and they are kicked out.
• Host: “At what point do they come up to you and say, 'I'm sorry, that's too much?'” —Host [13:48]
• Caller: “He was going strong... they've stopped staring at us... with police, I would’ve sued.” —Caller [13:51]
• Co-host: “That would have been a great lawsuit.” —Co-host [14:01]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Who do you think you are? Get them out. I won't continue a bit taking pictures!" —Patti LuPone (clip) [02:23]
• "That is the walk of shame right there." —Host [05:23]
• "If you're going to go out, go out in handcuffs." —Host [14:03]
• “You are no longer allowed on Disney property for the next 72 hours.” —Disney security, recounted [11:05]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:02 – Patti LuPone’s viral takedown & intro to theme
• 03:10 - 04:53 – Cast personal stories & setting up the topic
• 05:30 - 07:02 – Comedy club “drink minimum” incident
• 07:15 - 07:46 – Phantom of the Opera singing ejection
• 08:07 - 08:30 – Olympic fountain confession
• 08:31 - 09:09 – Dodgers game hot dog incident
• 10:02 - 10:44 – Mini golf ejection
• 10:45 - 11:36 – Disney World banning
• 12:33 - 13:15 – Pink Pony strip club photo shaming
• 13:38 - 14:07 – Sushi “all-you-can-eat” ban

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Overall Tone

Energetic, irreverent, and full of laughter, The Bert Show’s team and callers treat shameful ejections as a source of group therapy and comedy. Listeners are encouraged to take their embarrassing moments in stride and everyone bonds over the awkwardness of public humiliation.

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Conclusion

This episode stands out for its candid and hilarious peek into the universal fear—being publicly marched out, usually for something a little bit silly. Through stories both extreme and relatable, The Bert Show fosters a sense of camaraderie (and plenty of laughs) over the “walk of shame.”

Transcript

[Will]

This podcast is sponsored by IQ Bar. I've got good news and bad news. Here's the bad news. Most protein bars are packed with sugar and unpronounceable ingredients. The good news? There's a better option. I'm Will and I created IQ Bar Plant protein bars to empower doers like you with clean, delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel. IQ bars are packed with 12 grams of protein, brain nutrients like magnesium and Lion's Mane and Zero Weird Stuff. And right now, you can get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Try our delicious IQ Bar Sampler Pack with seven plant protein bars, four hydration mixes and four enhanced coffee sticks. Clean ingredients, amazing taste and you'll love how you feel. Refuel smarter, hydrate harder, caffeinate larger with IQ Bar. Go to eatiqbar.com and enter code BAR20 to get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Again, go to eatiqbar.com and Enter code BAR20.

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[Host (possibly Burt)]

This is the Bird Show. Jen brought up a really pretty interesting piece of audio from this weekend.

[Jen]

Yeah, it was a Broadway actress during her show called Gypsy. Her name is Patti lupone and she just got so upset in the middle of her performance, she starts screaming at an audience member for taking pictures. That's her singing.

[Caller/Guest]

Click click.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I'm taking pictures.

[Caller/Guest]

Click click. Stop taking pictures right now. You heard the announcements. Who do you think you are? How dare you? Who do you think you are? Get them out. I won't continue a bit taking pictures. Get them out three times. Three times you took a picture. You heard the announcement. In the beginning. You heard the announcement and intermission. Who do you think you are

[Co-host]

that's

[Host (possibly Burt)]

getting chewed out there?

[Caller/Guest]

Railed.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Just chewed out.

[Jen]

We were thinking whether the spotlight guy followed or not, that person that had to stand up and walk out must have been just humiliating.

[Co-host]

They should have swung the lights.

[Jen]

I bet they might have, because that would tick off a theater person.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All of a sudden, Those lights are 320 degrees if they're on you and you're the only one, right? And it's like, here's what I want to ask. Is there anybody listening right now where this is. This has been you. You had to be escorted out in front of everybody in the audience for whatever reason. Now, in this case, it's like it's a camera. And you were warned and they stopped. They stopped the show, man in midline. She stops the show. And the spotlight, like you says, like you say, goes on this audience member and they're escorted out. But this could take a whole bunch of different forms. You're at an improv club. Maybe you're at the same table where somebody's trying to heckle the comedian and they get escorted out and you have to go with them.

[Jen]

Maybe you're John Rocker at the W Bucket.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

There you go. On Saturday night.

[Co-host]

I don't even think it has to be a big public event, ticketed event like that, too, because Jessica has a bizarre fear that she's going to pass out at a wedding or feel like she's going to pass out and have to get up and run out during the wedding vows. Like a bizarre.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I want to know the people that have been escorted out. Like a security. Everything stopped. Security had to come, and they had to literally take you by the shoulder or whatever and escort you out in front of a dozen, 100, a thousand people, 12,000 if you're at a Hawks game, whatever.

[Co-host]

My thought was, if you're in the wedding party and you have that problem, they have to be walked out. They have to stop the wedding ceremony to remove you.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

But that's different because, like, I mean, this is. You've done something so wrong to where you have to be reported who got

[Jen]

in trouble, you're in violation of some rule, something.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

It could be you were at a Braves game and you reached over to get a foul ball. Oh, yeah, they kick you out, you have to leave the stadium. Security comes down and you and your family are booted out of the stadium.

[Jen]

I guess it could also be for, like, text messaging in the middle of a movie because they ask you to turn off your cell phones and not text or whatever.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

They have spies in there now that are supposed to be looking. So if you answer your phone or something, they have to whatever, turn off the projector. Or they just know when security comes and gets you and escorts you out.

[Jen]

Oh, so embarrassing.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That is the walk of shame right there. 404-741-Q100. Good morning, Burt Show.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi. Good morning. How you guys doing this morning?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good. How are you?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm good. This happened to me in Florida. We went to a comedy club, and it was a. We had scored free tickets from somewhere else, and it was like nine of us. We all went and we got in, we stood in line and like an hour long got our table. Everything was great. The show started. And then the waitress comes around and she's like, oh, you know, you have to buy a drink. And we're like, well, we don't drink. And like, well, there's a $20 drink minimum. And I go, well, neither. None of us drink. We don't. We don't drink alcohol, and we're not buying drinks. And they're like, well, you have to buy something. And I'm like, well, we don't want to buy anything. We're not hungry. Way before we came, none of us drink alcohol. So, you know, I'll buy a Coke. And they're like, well, a Coke is only like 5 buc. You guys have to leave. And we're like, not leaving. We really did refuse to leave because we thought it was a ridiculous rule. And basically, the show did stop and they put the spotlight on us. They made jokes about the people that didn't want to pay for their drinks and literally escorted me. My friend, my mom and her best friend about 4 security had to escort us out because we were like, we're not leaving. We don't want to pay, you know, 25 or 50 bucks for drinks. And it was the most embarrassing thing. We were in the club for maybe no longer than an hour, and we had to leave. And it was just very embarrassing to

[Host (possibly Burt)]

have them stop the entire show. And security has to escort you and your mom out.

[Rebel.com Advertiser]

And that's almost worse because you have comedians on the stage, so they're making fun of you as you're walking out.

[Jen]

They're heckling.

[Co-host]

Anyway, going out of a comedy club is never going to go well.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

404,741Q100 hey, Kayla.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey. Okay, so my friend is an usher for Phantom of the Opera, and he came home and he told us one night how he had to escort this one person out because they were singing with the show

[Co-host]

and Phantom had some

[Caller/Guest]

high notes, and it was a guy trying to sing it, so it was just horrible. And he wouldn't go. So, like, they had to physically pick him up, take him out of the show. Of course he was drunk, because you don't sing Phantom sober unless you're getting

[Co-host]

paid to do it on stage in front of people.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

You don't even get bragging rights for that. You can't even say I got kicked out of Phantom tonight, man. Totally.

[Co-host]

Hammer, dude, I didn't get walked out in front of you, but security walked with me out of the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yep.

[Co-host]

You're not allowed to take pictures inside the Sistine Chapel.

[Jen]

Oh, I thought that was when you almost passed out.

[Will]

Mm.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Krista.

[Co-host]

Walking up in the thing.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Krista.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. The 96 Olympics, when they came to Atlanta, me and my friends thought it would be really funny when they did at Centennial. They, you know, had this huge waterwork display. Well, we decided to run out in the middle of it. They the show. The police came out and escorted us out of Centennial.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So they literally stopped the show for you?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, and it was really bad. I was embarrassed.

[Jen]

Humiliating.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Caroline, you're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, guys. My boyfriend and I were at a Dodgers game in the all you can eat section. All you can eat and drink, like they have at the Braves games now. And after several drinks and someone asking how great the seats were over there and asking if he could throw him a hot dog, he decided it would be brilliant idea to throw a hot dog over the other team's bullpen to some guy in another section. So within about a minute, he was escorted out, and everyone in the section thoroughly booed the security guards. But if I saw a flying hot

[Host (possibly Burt)]

dog, I would just laugh.

[Jen]

Just laugh. Embarrassing, though.

[Caller/Guest]

Why don't you get.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Especially if you're with the guy, the guy that throws it. Embarrassing, but he deserves to get thrown out. But you have to go with him as a friend.

[Co-host]

I witnessed enough in my years working at Turner Field and seeing a lot of people get thrown out for, you know, late. After a late inning, day of consumption. And they're guys. I've seen guys and girls abandon the person they're with because if you like if by, you know, you know, you're going down that road by the fourth inning of a baseball game, right?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Like, you know, you're getting your lips getting all numb.

[Co-host]

And if. And if you're with that person, you probably say, hey, you know what? Let's no More beers, we're cool. No more drinks. We have one more and you know it's coming. Then they do something foolish and get thrown out. You're like, look, I'm sitting right. No way. I'm sitting right behind the dugout watching this game. These are expensive tickets. I got a couple hot dogs invested in this. Bye. Bye.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That's it.

[Jen]

You're the hot dog launcher, not me, buddy.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Deb.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Where'd you get booted?

[Caller/Guest]

I got booted out of a putt putt in Wilmington, North Carolina.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

A what?

[Caller/Guest]

A putt putt putt.

[Jen]

How'd you do that?

[Caller/Guest]

We were getting the balls out of the water that the people miss. And we were just goofing off and the manager got really mad and had the police come. And of course we knew the police because it was a small town at the time. And they took our picture, and it's still up. And it's been 15 years and my picture is still up. I go home to visit my family. I cannot go to that putt putt.

[Jen]

I don't understand what the violation was.

[Caller/Guest]

We were in the water, and you're not allowed in the water, and you're not allowed to splash around and be. We were being stupid, but we were sober. I mean, the guy said, oh, you're drunk. And we're like, no, we're sober. If we were drunk, we wouldn't be playing putt putt right now.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That's a really good point. Hey, Lewis. Good morning. You're part of the bird show. Hi.

[Caller]

Hi, guys. A bunch of friends of mine, four of us, we went down to Disney World for like, a four day weekend. And back when we were in college and one of my friends had too much to drink at Epcot, which is the only place you can drink on Disney property. And we took the monorail over to Disney World, and we got kicked out of Disney World. And it's not like they just kind of like ask you to leave. Like, the Disney Secret Service shows up, like, literally in, like, dark suits and sunglasses and earpieces, escorted us to the front gate and said, you are no longer allowed on Disney property for the next 72 hours. And the bad part was we were staying in a Disney hotel, and they made us change our reservations.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, really? They kicked you out of the whole thing? The park, the hotel, the whole thing.

[Caller]

And I had friends at the park that worked there, and they actually knew the guys that did it. And they were like, yeah, we could have filed charges because one of the guys that was with Us was just saying some horrible things to other guests while drunk. He was pretty belligerent, and it got heated with him and an older woman who was, like, the mom of this kid that he was yelling at. So it was bizarre. It was just surreal.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

And the thing is with Disney also is they've got their hands and everything that if they tell you to stay out for 72 hours, you sort of get the feeling that even among 100,000 people that might be in the park, that you'll get nailed.

[Jen]

Oh, they'll know. Yeah, they know everything. They've got, like, an extra Disney eyeball.

[Co-host]

And if they tell you you actually have to leave the state of Florida, get off Disney property, and you have to go just to that town that's just south of Noonan.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Amanda, Go ahead. You're on Cuban.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. This is so funny that you guys are talking about this. Last weekend, me and a bunch of friends from work, we decided to go to Pink Pony over there on North Cru Hills, and I took a picture of my girlfriend sitting in this guy's lap, and they shut down Pink Pony and kicked us out.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

They literally stopped the music. They stopped the music. Girls started or stopped dancing.

[Caller/Guest]

They didn't even just, like, shut it down. I had these strippers screaming at me on the stage, telling me that you can't take pictures, yada, yada. It was like this innocent picture.

[Jen]

Have you ever been to a strip club before? Was that your first time?

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, no, we go all the time. You knew you're a veteran.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

You should know better than that.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, I mean, this is like 15 Jaeger bombs later. You know what I mean? And it was just a, like, quick snapshot. And, like, the guy gets on a loudspeaker. No. Taking pictures at the Pink Pony. And I was mortified.

[Jen]

Oh, I would have thrown you out, too, though.

[Co-host]

She has the voice. She, by the way, has the voice of a woman who goes to a strip club every weekend.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I was thinking the same thing in my life. All right, Eileen will be the last call. What's going on, Eileen?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey. When I was in college, my college boyfriend came home with me, and we went out to an all you can eat sushi place, and they kicked us out because he ate too much. What?

[Co-host]

You can't do that.

[Caller/Guest]

You can't do that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

At what point do they come up to you and they say, I'm sorry, that's too much?

[Caller/Guest]

We were there for about three hours, and there he stopped. My friend stopped, and he was going strong, and they stopped staring us mess with police, I would have sued.

[Co-host]

That would have been a great lawsuit.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That's the kind of thing that if you're gonna go out, go out in handcuffs. If you're gonna take me.

[Jen]

Yes, I'm sorry. You've eaten too much.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

This is the Bird Show.

[Will]

This podcast is sponsored by IQ Bar. I've got good news and bad news. Here's the bad news. Most protein bars are packed with sugar and unpronounceable ingredients. The good news? There's a better option. I'm Will and I created IQ Bar Plant protein bars to empower doers like you with clean, delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel. IQ bars are packed with 12 grams of protein, brain nutrients like magnesium and Lion's Mane, and Zero Weird Stuff. And right now you can get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Try our delicious IQ Bar Sampler Pack with seven plant protein bars, four hydration mixes and four enhanced coffee sticks. Clean ingredients, amazing taste and you'll love how you feel. Refuel smarter, hydrate harder, Caffeinate larger with IQ Bar. Go to eatiqbar.com and enter code BAR20. To get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Again, go to eatiqbar.com and Enter code BAR20.

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