Vault: Listeners Describe The Show In 5 Words...

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Listeners Describe The Show In 5 Words…

Airdate: January 29, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting

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Episode Overview

In this special episode, the Bert Show team invites longtime listeners to sum up their experience of the show in five words or less. Blending nostalgia and humor, the hosts reflect on their history, recognize familiar voices, and react to quirky, heartfelt, and sometimes brutally honest listener responses. The episode highlights the deep bond between the show and its audience, mixing light banter, candid feedback, and funny memories in classic morning radio style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining the Two Types of Listeners

(00:00–00:50)

• Host A (Bert) introduces the premise:
  • There are longtime listeners familiar with the show’s history and inside jokes, and newcomers who have joined after the frequency change to 99.7.
  • Challenge to listeners: “Describe the Bert Show, but do it in five words or less.”

    “You have to describe The Bert Show…five words or less. You have to describe the Bert show.” — Host A (01:18)

2. Hosts Share Their Own Five-Word Descriptions

(00:58–02:10)

• Hosts get playful with their own submissions:
  • “Really ugly in the morning.”
  • “Makes my commute fun.”
  • “Better be drunk.”
  • “Really, really, really, really drunk. Like 3:30 in the morning drunk.” — Host B (02:06)

3. Listener Calls: Warmth, Nostalgia & Inside Jokes

(02:20–08:04)

• Listener Tony reminisces about the early days:
  • “Jen is better than Lindsey.” (02:37)
    • Sparks banter about past hosts and running gags.
• Longtime listener moving to a new town:
  • “Always changing with the times.” (03:37)
  • Shares how the show is a “piece of home” to take with her.

    “I feel like I get to take a piece of home with me.” — Listener C (04:16)

• Other listener gems and appreciation:
  • “You guys are the bomb.” (05:05)
  • “You guys are the best. No. The best of the new.” — Linda (05:16)
    • Reminisces about missing karaoke and former cast members.
  • “Keeps me from road rage.” — Jennifer (06:07)
  • “Exposing real people problems daily.” — Host B (06:11)
  • “Really juicy morning talk radio.” — Listener C (06:21)
  • “I’ll bet Jesus would listen.” (06:29)
• More warm acknowledgment of show’s consistency:
  • “Like listening to friends.” (06:51)
• Some irreverence and running jokes:
  • “Wish you were dead.” (07:12, joking about possible harsh submissions)
  • “Pushing the limits of radio.” (07:15)
• Listeners on dependency and daily routine:
  • “Can’t start day without you.” — Tracy (07:32)
    • “Keps me in sync.” (07:55, dialogue)
• Ending with a callback:
  • “Jesus would not listen.” (07:57)
  • Echoes earlier joke, prompting laughter.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Hosts on Five-Word Challenge:

  “It could just be funny or ugly or Jeff sucks or whatever, but it’s five words or less.” — Host A (01:18)

• Listener on loyalty:

  “I have been a listener since day one… I get to take my friends with me.” — Listener C (04:13)

• Listener on catharsis:

  “Keeps me from road rage.” — Jennifer (06:07)

• Listener on authenticity:

  “Not afraid to be authentic.” — Caller (01:43)

• Listeners’ irreverent humor:

  “Jesus would not listen.” — Melanie (07:57)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Quote | |-------------|----------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–00:50 | Introduction of challenge; types of listeners | | 00:58–02:10 | Hosts offer their own five-word descriptions | | 02:20–03:32 | Listener Tony: “Jen is better than Lindsey” | | 03:33–04:45 | Listener moving to Milledgeville, “piece of home” | | 05:05–05:10 | “You guys are the bomb.” | | 05:16–05:36 | “The best of the new.” and missing karaoke | | 06:07 | “Keeps me from road rage.” | | 06:11 | “Exposing real people problems daily.” | | 06:21 | “Really juicy morning talk radio.” | | 06:29 | “I’ll bet Jesus would listen.” | | 06:51 | “Like listening to friends.” | | 07:12 | Jokes about negative descriptions | | 07:15 | “Pushing the limits of radio.” | | 07:32 | “Can’t start day without you.” | | 07:55 | “Keeps me in sync.” | | 07:57 | “Jesus would not listen.” |

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Tone & Energy

• The episode is high-spirited, affectionate, and irreverent, in line with The Bert Show’s tradition.
• Listeners and hosts share honest, sometimes silly, sometimes heartfelt moments.
• Quick banter and mutual roasting reflect the show’s authenticity and its close-knit community feel.

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In Summary

This episode is a heartfelt, humorous showcase of what makes The Bert Show beloved by its listeners: real talk, inside jokes, and a true sense of friendship and community. By crowd-sourcing five-word descriptions, the show not only reminisces about its legacy but also reinforces its role in making mornings lighter and more connected for its fans.

Transcript

[A]

The Bird show. When callers identify themselves, they do it in two separate ways. Now, there are people who've either been with us for a few years and knew us when we were on the old frequency and have moved with us over here to 99.7, maybe even remember the first time we got a bigger signal. And they're the people who call up and they'll ask questions about Lindsay and they're familiar with the show or Phil or all sorts of stuff. And then there's the listeners who have just now recently discovered us. Like, these are people who maybe joined the show once we move to the big signal at 99.7, or stumbled upon us in the past year or so, maybe even since the big leap. So there's two categories of listeners. I'm going to talk to the ones who've been with us for a long time right now, because I would like longtime listeners of the Birch show to call us. 404-741-Q100. And I've got a challenge for you. Describe the Burt show, but do it in five words or less.

[B]

So, like, I thought it's like the abridged version, the Cliffs Notes of the Birch Show.

[A]

Really ugly in the morning. That would fit in.

[B]

That would be perfect.

[A]

But, like, makes my commute fun. That would work, right?

[B]

Yeah. That's only four.

[A]

Doesn't matter. Five words or less.

[B]

Or less.

[A]

It could just be funny or ugly or Jeff sucks or whatever, but it's five words or less. You have to describe the Bird show.

[B]

Okay, cool. Why don't you start, Melissa? Oh, they're getting the phones right now. 404741. Q100.

[A]

News is the best part.

[B]

Yes. No.

[C]

Not afraid to be authentic.

[B]

Not afraid. Yeah.

[C]

Five words.

[A]

It is. Bert, you're getting run off by soldiers. To do Bert, you want to do after morning picture?

[B]

Yeah. Better be drunk.

[A]

Really, really, really, really drunk.

[B]

Like 3:30 in the morning drunk.

[A]

Yeah. You do one, Burt.

[B]

I just did. I really feel that way about myself. Good morning, Tony. You're on Q100. Oops. Hold on.

[C]

Your longest listener, because I remember the first day your station that came on the air played the same song over and over. And then probably for the first month, every other song was Will Smith. So, anyways, you want five words or less described what I think of the Burt show?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Tell the new listeners from the beginning. Well, the new listeners aren't going to know what I'm talking about, but in five words, I would say Jen is better than Lindsey.

[B]

That's a compliment. But I feel bad taking that.

[C]

That's not something.

[B]

Better at the entertainment buzz, but not as.

[A]

No, she was better at the entertainment buzz.

[B]

Oh, she was?

[A]

Uh huh. Much. But like, as far as content sometimes. Well, no, she's better at content.

[B]

You gotta say, Jeff. And five words or less.

[A]

She was better at content too. And she was better looking.

[B]

She's the only woman that I ever met in entertainment that when she did a reality TV show, she said she would hide from the TV cameras and then she would do this show and she would tell us that she just didn't like to be on. Mike, you're called a producer, then an engineer. That's what that's called.

[A]

Cameraman.

[B]

Yeah. Morning, Q100.

[C]

Hey, is this me?

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. I had one. And then please let me just tell you one thing when I'm finished. But it would be always changing with the times.

[A]

Okay, that's cool.

[C]

You're like, great. Thanks. I just wanted to tell you guys, I have been a listener since day one and Lindsey was the reason why I wanted to start listening in the first place. But I'm moving tomorrow, and I always talk about the morning show to where I'm going, and I'm moving two hours away, and I get you guys there and I feel like I get to take a piece of home with me. I told everybody where I'm going. You can listen to it too.

[A]

Where are you going?

[C]

To Milled.

[A]

Nice. That's awesome. Yes.

[C]

Small town, but I'm super excited. I drove there the other day to register my son for pre K. And I was listening and you guys normally cut out. I kept getting you, and I kept getting closer and closer and you were still on. And I just like, yay. I get to take my friends with me.

[B]

Yeah, that new 99.7 signal we're on, I mean, you can. You can get us all throughout Georgia, so you won't have any problem in Midgeville.

[C]

And now everybody will know what I'm talking about because they'll be listening too. So thank you guys so much.

[B]

Thank you. Milledgeville. You just kind of gave the abbreviators Midgeville. I'm out of letters. I've got five words left. Bird's memory is bad. I don't recall that to be true. Good morning, Q100.

[C]

Hey. Hello. Five words or less.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

You guys are the bomb.

[A]

Aww.

[B]

Nice little package.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

You're welcome.

[B]

Hey, Linda. Good morning, Q100.

[C]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning.

[C]

You guys are. You're awesome. I remember I'm One of your first listeners. And Lindsey and Phil and Bert, we miss your karaoke. And for people that don't know, it's awesome. But my five words or less are you guys are the best. No. The best of the new.

[B]

The best of the new. The best of the new. Okay.

[C]

Love you.

[B]

I'm not. Even if it's compliments, I'm not even asking for definitions.

[A]

We need to have. Also, we have to have comments on our callers, too. Like, always seeking relationship advice.

[C]

Take it.

[A]

I'm done.

[B]

Jennifer, you're on Q100.

[A]

Little residual nightquil just got in my brain.

[B]

Hey, Jennifer.

[C]

Hello. Hey, Bert.

[A]

Hi, guys.

[B]

How you doing?

[C]

Hey. Good. My five letter word. My five letter sentence keeps me from road rage.

[B]

Keeps me from road rage.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I came up with exposing real people problems daily.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. Good morning, Q100. Hello, Yellow.

[C]

Really juicy morning talk radio.

[B]

Juicy morning talk radio juicy.

[A]

Thank you. How about this one? I'll bet Jesus would listen.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

Is that a good one?

[B]

Good morning, Marla, you're on Q100.

[C]

Good morning. How are you all good, thank you. Been with you all before. You actually were on and mine is like Listening to Friends.

[B]

Like listening to Friends. It's a really good one. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Have a good day. You too.

[A]

Look at how nice this has turned out.

[B]

Turned out nice.

[C]

I thought they haven't seen the pictures yet.

[A]

I thought they were going to be like, why do you have jobs?

[B]

Who hired you?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wish you were dead.

[B]

Jeff, you're on Q100.

[C]

All right, guys. Pushing the limits of radio.

[B]

Pushing the limits of radio, are we? Thank you. I don't know. I don't listen to anything else.

[C]

Little busy.

[B]

Tracy, good morning. You're on Q100.

[C]

Good morning, Virtual.

[A]

Hi.

[C]

Hi. Okay, so this is kind of probably me sound a little bit illiterate, but can't start day without you. Oh, that's cool. And I had to take out the six words, but you guys are awesome. And I mean, I really can't. I feel like totally out of sync when I don't listen to you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[C]

Great having.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Bye. There'll be another one. Keeps me in sync.

[B]

Melanie, you're on Q100.

[C]

All right. Jeff, this is for you. Jesus would not listen.

[A]

The bird show.