Vault: Listeners Give Us Life Advice

Summary

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The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Episode: Vault: Listeners Give Us Life Advice
Date: January 6, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this candid and lively episode, Bert and the crew open up their phone lines to listeners for some real talk: what advice do fans have for them? From lifestyle choices to navigating work-life balance, listeners weigh in on the cast’s habits, relationships, and personalities. What follows is a mix of humor, heartfelt perspective, and blunt (sometimes brutally so) truths—making for radio that's as entertaining as it is relatable.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Advice for Bert: Letting Go of Youth vs. Staying Young at Heart

[01:32–10:37]

• Listener John tells Bert to "let go of your youth," referencing Bert's partying, voice loss, and how it affects his family and the show.

  • "You're a 52 year old man, John." – Jeff [02:32]
  • Bert jokes about a questionable tattoo and admits the advice is probably too late. [02:43]

• Listener Eve calls in to challenge John’s perspective, advocating for enjoying youthfulness as an attitude, not just behavior. [08:13]

  • “You have to keep your youth because you only live once in life and you're only on this earth for a certain amount of time. And your youth is what makes you who you are.” – Caller Eve [08:22]

• The cast debates the difference between excess and youthful spirit:

  • Bert: “I've just never been a guy that has been able to just take things in moderation... I have a tough time saying no to anything that is a good time.” [08:55]
  • Jen: “Isn't it a question of what defines youthfulness?... Not necessarily youthful meaning getting wasted...” [09:33]

• Bert reveals he’s attempting a “60 day thing” to moderate his behavior, connecting it to concerns about how his habits affect loved ones. [09:58–10:23]

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2. Jen and Motherhood—Two Sides of Listener Opinion

[02:59–13:42]

• Caller Jessica pushes Jen to start a family, referencing a previous on-air pregnancy story and her own experience as a new mom.

  • "You can have a nine month old riding in the back of your car like I do." – Jessica [03:16]

• Jen expresses love for her job and questions how she could “cut back” to make motherhood work.

  • “That's the hard part because how do I do that? I love this show. I don't want to stop working.” – Jen [04:03]
  • The caller insists, “You could just bring the kid along. I'm sure Bert won't mind.” [04:11]

• Caller Debbie counters, advising Jen not to feel pressured into motherhood if her career is her priority. [10:47]

  • “Kids are great… but they really do change a lot of people’s lives. And like, I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings… but kids sometimes, you know, they take away so much of your life…” – Debbie [11:57]
  • Jen and Melissa riff on being “dog moms” and how individual identity factors into choosing parenthood. [13:07–13:42]

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3. Melissa and the Gender Double Standard

[06:08–08:13]

• Listener Sean addresses Melissa’s ongoing challenge of gender double standards in sexual relationships, suggesting women are “wired” differently than men.

  • “Women just tend to be more particular and choosier about partners than men are.” – Sean [06:01]

• Melissa argues both “nature” and socialization play a role, but rejects using biology as an excuse for bad behavior.

  • “I think every person, man or woman, has to be responsible for their actions.” – Melissa [06:41]

• Bert chimes in with a classic phrase:

  • “Women fall in love via their ears and men fall in love via their eyes.” [07:33]

• The debate ends (as usual) with no clear answers, demonstrating the ongoing nature of these social questions.

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4. Advice for Jeff: Mood, Weight, and Apologies

[04:45–16:38]

• Listener Marianne jokingly prescribes Zoloft for Jeff’s on-air mood.

  • “They make this nice little pill called Zoloft.” – Marianne [04:45]
  • Jeff retorts: “Thanks for coming strong on my behalf.” [05:01]

• Caller Mark turns to Jeff’s physical health, teasing his love of Atlanta brunches and implying he should be careful about his weight:

  • “If Jeff wasn't such a restaurant connoisseur, maybe he'd be able to see his feet…” – Mark [14:18]
  • Jeff, unfazed, says, “If I wanna know where every brunch in Atlanta is served… I can do it.” [14:18]; “I like to eat.” [15:42]

• Jennifer calls out Jeff on never admitting he’s wrong:

  • “When he needs to give an apology, then when people deserve an apology, he needs to give an apology.” [16:08]
  • Jeff: “This is a misconception, because I will. When I am wrong, I will say that I'm wrong. The problem is, I am never wrong. But if I am, I will apologize…” [16:22]

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5. Bert on Self-Criticism, Alcohol, and Moderation

[16:40–18:32]

• Caller Jesse and Bert bond over the challenges of being hard on oneself (especially post-parenthood) and Bert’s navigation of alcohol-related guilt, partly inspired by his own upbringing.

  • “You need to be lighting up on yourself.” – Jesse [17:26]

• Bert reflects on how self-criticism motivates his drive for success:

  • “That's what fuels me to get the little successes that I get. You know what I'm saying?” [17:32]
  • The group agrees that awareness and moderation are key, and Bert wonders if alcoholics are generally aware of their struggles but choose not to confront them. [18:09–18:32]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jeff, deadpan as always:
  “If I'm still working at this show in 10 or 15 more years and there's a chance I might die on the air, then God bless me… figured it would be good radio.” [15:20]

• Jen, humor about motherhood on the air:
  “I could just breastfeed right here in front of the mic.” [04:27]

• Bert, on moderation and youth:
  “I've just never been a guy that has been able to just take things in moderation... I have a tough time saying no to anything that is a good time.” [08:55]

• Melissa, self-aware about her own approach:
  “And then turn into Melissa, who is the slack, doesn't do everything. I do what I do to get by.” [13:07]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:32] – Show shifts to listener advice live on-air
• [02:06] – John’s advice to Bert about letting go of youth
• [03:05] – Jessica’s plea for Jen to become a mother
• [04:45] – Advice for Jeff: Zoloft and some light-hearted ribbing
• [06:08] – Melissa unpacks gender norms with listener Sean
• [08:13] – Eve challenges the idea Bert should “grow up”
• [10:47] – Debbie’s counterpoint: Jen should prioritize her career
• [13:47] – Caller Mark teases Jeff about food and fitness
• [16:00] – Listener Jennifer asks Jeff to admit when he’s wrong
• [16:41] – Jesse and Bert discuss being hard on oneself
• [18:09] – Reflection on self-awareness & addiction

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Summary & Takeaways

This episode showcases The Bert Show’s trademark blend of laughter, brutal honesty, and vulnerable real talk. By turning the tables and asking listeners for their advice, the crew gets both sincere encouragement and a hearty dose of reality checks—whether it’s about aging, parenting choices, healthy habits, or self-acceptance.

In a nutshell: The show reminds us that everyone—no matter how “together” they seem—faces insecurities and tough decisions, and that sometimes the best advice comes not from experts, but from those who care enough to tell it like it is.

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Transcript

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[Bert]

The Birch show all right, so we're asking you guys for Bert show advice. So, like, maybe Melissa said something over the last couple of months where you're like, this is so easy, Melissa. All you have to do is blank to get this fixed in your life. Or Jen or me or Jeff. 404-741-1005 Good morning, John.

[John]

Good morning.

[Bert]

Hello, sir.

[John]

How you doing, Burcho?

[Bert]

Awesome, sir. How are you?

[John]

I'm great, thanks.

[Bert]

We're bracing ourselves. I think we're all looking at each other like, oh, why are we opening ourselves up to this?

[Jen]

Calling for.

[Bert]

Go ahead, dude. Who are you calling for?

[John]

I'm calling for Bert.

[Bert]

All right.

[John]

Yeah. What I wanted to say was I think, Bert, you need to let go of your youth.

[Jen]

Okay?

[John]

Because I feel that, you know, I've been listening to the show almost since the first day. And a lot of things when you go out and party, it affects. It affects your wife, it affects the show to a Certain extent. On some occasions when you lose your voice and you go out, you know, it's embarrassing.

[Jeff]

You're a 52 year old man, John.

[Bert]

It's very good advice.

[John]

So I think that would help. Might help Stacy a little bit too.

[Bert]

I appreciate the advice.

[John]

All right.

[Bert]

It's probably a little too late then. I got a tattoo over the weekend that I probably shouldn't have gotten also then, huh?

[John]

That's probably true.

[Bert]

Thank you. I think that's good advice.

[John]

Okay.

[Bert]

Nothing wrong with that. Good morning, Jessica. You are on all the hits, Q100 and the Burke Show.

[Caller]

Hi. Yeah, I have some advice for Jen. Okay. I really want Jen to have a baby.

[Jen]

Oh, really?

[Jeff]

Do you remember when she killed the Tamagotchi in 48 hours after leaving it in her hot car?

[Caller]

That's true, but two years ago, I remember she had the whole pregnancy thing on the radio and when she took the pregnancy test and I had found out the day before that I was pregnant. And so, Jen, I just want you to know right now you can have a nine month old riding in the back of your car like I do.

[Bert]

Right there with the Tamagotchi.

[Jen]

So you think I should have a baby just because you want me to, or you think I'm ready? Maybe.

[Caller]

I don't know. Motherhood is. It's an amazing adventure. I mean, I really loved it. But I do have to admit, your clubbing days are so over.

[Bert]

Right.

[Jen]

And can I ask you another question?

[Caller]

Sure.

[Jen]

Are you working still? Are you a full time mom?

[Caller]

I do part time real estate, but I'm pretty much a full time mom. I mean, I have like one listing that I do.

[John]

So.

[Caller]

Yeah, I've drastically cut back my work.

[Jen]

That's the hard part because how do I do that? I love this show. I don't want to stop working.

[Jeff]

So if you have a kid, the.

[Caller]

Whole thing is with a kid, you're up at five o' clock anyway, so a lifestyle change won't really be much for you, but. Yeah, I don't know, that would be kind of an interesting thing that you'd have. You could just bring the kid along. I'm sure Bert won't mind.

[Bert]

All right.

[Jen]

I'm sure.

[Bert]

Plenty of kids in the studio already.

[Jen]

I could just breastfeed right here in front of the mic.

[Bert]

We're all friends here. All right, so your advice to gen hobbyists? Have a kid.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Okay.

[John]

Thank you.

[Bert]

Thank you. All right, there we go. For Marianne. This one is for Jeff. Advice for the Burt Show. Good morning, Marianne.

[Caller]

Good morning. This Is Perchon, Jeff. They make this nice little pill called Zoloft.

[Bert]

Jeff needs to be on Zoloft.

[Caller]

I don't know, it just sounds good.

[Bert]

Okay, thanks, Zoloft.

[Jeff]

Thanks for coming strong on my behalf.

[Melissa]

Is that the one with the little bouncy head?

[Jen]

Yes. Makes you happy.

[Bert]

Good morning, Sean.

[John]

Hey, good morning, guys. Advice to Melissa. Not really advice, but many times when I listen to the show, it seems like Melissa always takes the this side of why is it a double standard for guys to do one thing and women to do another? And particularly in the area of relationships and sexual relationships, you know, she always says, well, why is it okay for guys to, you know, take a lot of partners or to be, you know, sexually independent? But women are told, you know, socially to, you know, be scared of sex and to be chased and all these kinds of things. And I think it's just more of a wiring thing. It's really the DNA. Women just tend to be more particular and choosier about partners than men are. And I don't know if you guys have talked about. Melissa's not crazy. She knows that. But it just seems like when she says that, I always think, well, there's a reason why, you know, it's not just society telling us women can't be promiscuous. Women just more naturally are not.

[Melissa]

Well, I, you know, I mean, it's a good argument. I just. I think the reason that I tend to. Because I do, it's a. I'm sure it's a mixture of nature versus nurture. But the reason that I always bring up behavior and society input is because I think people need to take responsibility for their actions. And I think too many times people use the excuse of nature. I'm just wired this way. I look at other women and make my girlfriend look, you know, feel uncomfortable because I gawk at women, because, you know what? I gotta look. I mean, I'm a guy. And so that's what bothers me is I think a lot of times, and it's for women too, using that as an excuse to have bad behavior. And so I just. The reason I take the side I do is because I think every person, man or woman, has to be responsible for their actions.

[Bert]

I would say this also, that we have asked women, like, if it was socially acceptable for you to go out and have as much sex with men as it is socially acceptable for men to have with women, would you do it? And across the board, women call up and say, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So I don't know that it's a natural thing, I think. I think it's more of a social thing.

[John]

Well, let me ask you this though, Bert. I mean, if we talk to everybody in the room, if you and Jeff and I walked in a room.

[Bert]

Yep.

[John]

And there was a fabulously good looking woman in there.

[Jeff]

Oh, you guys wouldn't stand a chance.

[John]

And we wanted, we were all attracted to her. If there was, if there was. If she turned out to be just a raving bitch. Most guys, if she was still willing to sleep with them, they'd be like, oh, cool, I'll take it. Women could see the gorgeous guy in the room, be attracted to him, walk up to him. If he's a jerk, they're going to be turned off sexually and they're going to more than likely walk away from it.

[Bert]

Yeah. Like, the only thing that my dad has ever said to me that made total sense to me was that he said that women fall in love via their ears and men fall in love via their eyes.

[John]

Yeah, I would, I would agree with that.

[Melissa]

And I think, you know, I mean, that's generalizing because I'm sure it depends on the woman's state of mind too, because there are plenty of women that probably want to go out one night stand. A guy's good looking, he may be dumb, he may be a jerk, but you know what, she's just in it for the night, so it doesn't matter. So I'm sure that you know. I do, yeah, I. But you can't take the social part out of it because women have never been able to be sexually free.

[Bert]

As with anything that we do on the show, we generally leave here without any real answers because we get we field calls on both sides. Good morning, Eve. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[John]

Good morning.

[Bert]

Good morning.

[Caller]

This is for Bert. You know that guy that just called.

[John]

A little bit ago and told you.

[Caller]

To like, to like, forget your youth.

[Jeff]

Sure.

[Caller]

I totally disagree with that. I mean, you have to keep your youth because you only live once in life and you're only on this earth for a certain amount of time. And your use is what makes you who you are. And if you give it up, you're gonna be old before your time. And then, you know, when you die, they won't have anything to talk about.

[Bert]

Well, the things that John said that do make sense though, is, I mean, I still think that you can have a lot of fun without doing excess. I've just never been a guy that has been able to just take things in moderation, like When I do things, I just go. I just get stupid about it. I have a tough time saying no to anything that is a good time.

[Jeff]

What was the very first, first part of that sentence?

[Bert]

The thing that John said that made sense to me. Yeah, well, John said that to have.

[Jeff]

A good time without doing ecstasy, no things in excess.

[Caller]

Excess is not bad. You know, I mean, I mean, I don't say no to a lot of things and I'm a lot older than you guys and I still go out and party and have a good time because you know what my theory is, I'm going to enjoy life. And you should enjoy life. You shouldn't do anything to hurt anybody. But when I die, there's going to be three day funeral and they are.

[John]

Going to party for me and they're going to.

[Caller]

And actually, I know a lot of people like that.

[John]

And that's because if you don't do it, you're just going to be miserable when you get older.

[Caller]

Trust me.

[Jen]

Isn't it a question of what defines youthfulness? Because I think for what you're saying about the excess part is a different thing than saying stay youthful. I mean, I think staying youthful is enjoying like innocent things. Not necessarily youthful meaning getting wasted kind of youthful. You know, I think it.

[Caller]

Yeah, wasted to be youthful.

[Bert]

Right, right.

[Caller]

You know, you really don't. I mean, it's not so bad to get wasted once in a while.

[Bert]

You know, that's my problem is that. And I mean, in that part of this whole equation, I think that's what John was calling up about was, you know, going out and drinking and how it affects Stacy and how it affects you guys and how it affects Hayden and that. That's very true. That's very true. But I have never been able to turn it off. And that's why I'm trying to do this 60 day thing that I'm trying to do. So I half agree with what he's saying, but I see what you're saying also. There's another part of that that has nothing to do with the alcoholism.

[Jen]

Right. Like, I think that what she's saying is stay youthful and have a good time. And I would agree with her, but it just depends on your definition of what is youthful. If your definition of what is youthful are the things that are hurting people in your life, then maybe you need to redefine that.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And I think you should stop doing ecstasy.

[Bert]

Hey, Debbie, you're on all the hits. Q100 the Birch Show. Looking for advice from you guys. Go ahead.

[Caller]

Hi, guys. My advice is for Jen. And like I had told the lady to answer the phone. This is nothing against the lady who gave her advice about having a baby. So I hope I don't make her mad. But Jen, do not get her advice. I mean, I don't have kids and I'm 41 years old and I don't club a lot or anything. But you had said your answer quickly, like, well, what am I supposed to do about my job? You love your job. That's the, that's the main key thing. You know, everything is about you. I mean, you love your job. I love my job. I mean, I work a lot and it's so nice to be able to, hey, in the middle of the night, if I want to go to Walmart at 2 o' clock in the morning, I don't have to take and, you know, throw diapers in the car and do this. I mean, kids are great, don't get me wrong. I love my niece and nephews, but it really does change a lot of people's lives. And like, I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings that are listening, but kids sometimes, you know, they take away so much of your life because even my own sister, she don't have time for me. I mean. Or you're like the third wheel when you go out somewhere because, you know, you're sitting there and all the kids are jumping up and down and everything. You're sitting there thinking, oh, my God, I wish I wasn't a club.

[Jen]

Is this really Jessica?

[Melissa]

Yeah. I just think there are some people that are made to be parents and some that aren't. And I think you'll find in the evolution of this show, I think Jen will eventually have children. I do think Jen will be a mom. She wants to be a mom. I think she's suited to be a mom. Me, on the other hand, am not. So, I mean, I agree with her that I just, I do not see myself ever being a mother. And I. It's just not a part of me. But I think it's a part of Jen and just depends on who you are, you know, I think it's part.

[Bert]

Of life to stress out about everything that comes in your life. That is a life change. But it's so from the outside looking in at you, Jen, it's so funny to me that you stress out about being successful in any part of your life because you're just one of these people that will do whatever is gonna have to be done in order to be successful at any given Task and task is in quotes and, like, you're gonna be a good mom. You're gonna be a great wife. You're gonna be great on the radio. You just work enough to make yourself good at everything. So from the outside, watching you stress about it is funny to me because I know it's all gonna be fine in the long run.

[Jen]

But don't you think that that stress is what fuels me?

[Bert]

Part of it? Probably.

[Jen]

I mean, I think if I took that away, then I'd probably get kind of lazy about everything and forget to feed my dogs or something like that, you know what I mean?

[Melissa]

And then turn into Melissa, who is the slack, doesn't do everything. I do what I do to get by.

[Bert]

To get by.

[Melissa]

And, you know.

[Jen]

But you're a good mom to your doggy, Toby. I have to be. I have to. You know, I think that that's kind of what fuels me to do those things. But I do appreciate the advice about, like, kids or not kids and that sort of thing. And I definitely struggle with the work part. I think that's part that comes out of it because I, you know, I think everybody who becomes a mother wants to be a really good mother. And you have that struggle between, like, how are you going to do that with working and not working and, you know, where you can put your time and where you can't. And for many of us, not working is not an option.

[Bert]

Calls coming in for Jeff now. Advice for Jeff Dollar. Good morning, Mark, here on all the Hits. Q100.

[John]

All right, Jeff. I'm coming for you, big man. And I say this with all the love and the respect in the world because I think you're an important part of the show and you should stick around. But I was noticing the other day when you did the restaurants for doing brunch and how Jeff nailed every single one of them, what part of town they were in, where they were coming at, it dawned on me that if Jeff wasn't such a restaurant connoisseur, maybe he'd be able to see his feet and Jessica wouldn't have to remind him that he's a man.

[Jeff]

Everybody's gotta have a hobby. And if I wanna know where every brunch in Atlanta is served in case somebody asks, or I wanna go to multiple in the same day, I can do it.

[John]

Knowing where they're at and eating in every one of them is a little different.

[Jeff]

That's my hobby. Ask Bert any patio in Atlanta and what beer they have on tap. He can do that.

[John]

But see, Bert, the Gym, you know, Jen goes to the gym. Melissa exercises the thumb with the remote. Finger, you know, but you. You. You know, you're the big man on the show, and you got to stick around. And big men die a lot faster than skinny man.

[Bert]

All right, so let's break down. What you're saying here is that you're concerned about Jeff's weight.

[John]

Definitely. Because, I mean, I'm a fan of the show, and I think. And I think Jeff is a huge part of the chemistry in the show, for sure. And, you know, I think that he's not always. Do we agree, But I think always that, you know, he's got good things to say. And I'm just concerned that, you know, if he's going to let the weight get out of control now, he's got 10, 15 more years, and the weight's going to be way beyond his control.

[Jeff]

Well, I'll tell you what. If I'm still working at this show in 10 or 15 more years and there's a chance I might die on the air, then God bless me, figured.

[Jen]

Out it would be good radio.

[Jeff]

I mean, if you want to hear somebody die on the air, there's other shows where people are getting up there in years.

[Caller]

You can start listening to that.

[Jeff]

They can go at any minute now. They got a defibrillator under the board.

[Bert]

If you wanted to respond to the weight thing, seriously, how would you respond to it?

[Jeff]

I don't know. I'm healthy. I go for walks every day. Walk the dog. I like to eat.

[Bert]

Jennifer.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Bert]

Hello.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Melissa]

Hi. Hi.

[Caller]

Hey, how are you guys this morning?

[Bert]

Good, thank you.

[Caller]

My comment is for Jeff.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Caller]

Good southern girls don't like guys that are mean.

[Jeff]

That's why I married myself a good western girl.

[Caller]

No, when he's wrong, he needs to admit that he's wrong. I gladly see when someone needs an apology, when he needs to give an apology, then when people deserve an apology, he needs to give an apology.

[Jeff]

This is a misconception, because I will. When I am wrong, I will say that I'm wrong. The problem is, I am never wrong. But if I am, I will apologize to those that I've offended. But it's tough when you're always right.

[Bert]

Good morning, Jesse. You're on all the hits Q100.

[John]

Hi.

[Caller]

First of all, I wanted to say I've been listening to you since you guys started out.

[Jen]

Thank you.

[Caller]

I even moved away for a little while and found out when I came back to Atlanta that Bert had had a baby at the same time I had Had a baby about two months later. I have a two year old who's about the same age as your son.

[Bert]

Oh yeah, Congratulations. An awesome age, isn't it?

[Caller]

Uh huh. But I also. One thing I think a lot similar between maybe your life and my life is that after I had a child, I started being really hard on myself. And I think you're really hard on yourself about the alcohol because of the way you were raised and your own concerns about your own father. And I think maybe, you know, you need to be lighting up on yourself.

[Jeff]

A little bit, drinking a gin and tonic right now just so you know where you're coming from.

[Bert]

I think I'd probably respond to that the same way Jen responded when I said that. It's funny for me to look at her stress over about being successful because I think in every area of my life I'm pretty hard on myself. But I also think that that's what fuels me to get the little successes that I get. You know what I'm saying?

[Melissa]

I would agree.

[Caller]

I would agree. And I think that's the same for me as well. I think, you know, it's just, you can do it in moderation and I think your being cognizant of that is a great thing, you know, that in and of itself is a step in the right direction, you know, so most alcoholics, I don't think, are very cognizant that they have a problem or I.

[Bert]

Wonder if that's true. I wonder if like most alcoholics don't know that they're alcoholics or if they do know and they choose just not to do anything about it. Because I think the latter is probably true. I think most alcoholics, most people, I.

[Jeff]

Think in the back of the. I think in the back of everyone's mind, they know the truth.

[Bert]

I think so too.

[Jeff]

But there's stuff that you prioritize things differently and it's not a priority.

[Bert]

Agree.

[Jeff]

The Bird Show.

[Caller]

Hey, it's Raj and Noah.

[Jen]

And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[Caller]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[Jen]

But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[John]

We'll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right so the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us.

[Jen]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[John]

And for the first time ever, we're going to have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're going to be right here to help you do them better. Love y'.

[Jen]

All.

[John]

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