The Bert Show Podcast Summary
Episode: Vault: Listeners Share the Ink They're Still Stuck With
Airdate: March 24, 2026

Episode Overview

This lively and humorous episode of The Bert Show, featuring Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the cast, dives into the world of regrettable tattoos—specifically, the names and symbols people now wish they’d never had inked onto their bodies. Prompted by celebrity news of another tattooed love gone wrong, the hosts reflect on iconic tattoo mistakes, share personal and listener stories, and take calls from fans with their own “hall of fame” regrets. The show balances empathy, wit, and plenty of laughs while providing a peek into the pitfalls of impulsive ink.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Celebrity Tattoo Curse

• Megan Fox & Brian Austin Green: The catalyst for the conversation is the breakup of Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, who tattooed each other's names—a decision now in need of a fix.
  • "She got his [name] tattooed right on her hip..." (01:11, F)
  • "You gotta be absolutely 100% confident that the person's name... is gonna be in your life forever. And that's a child." (02:20, C)
• Other Infamous Examples:
  • Johnny Depp: Changed "Winona Forever" to "Wino Forever" post-breakup. (03:32–03:41)
  • Angelina Jolie: Removed "Billy Bob" tattoo after their split. (03:17–03:20, F&C)
  • Tom Arnold: Tattooed Roseanne Barr's face on his chest.
  • Jude Law: Covered up Beatles lyric for ex-wife with a heart tattoo.

Host & Listener Personal Tattoo Stories

• "Matching Megan Fox tattoos" (joking reference): (01:39, E)
• Initials Are Safer: Bert references his kids' initials as a "safe bet." (02:32–02:35, C)
• Caution Against Names: Host consensus is never tattooing anyone’s name except a child’s or maybe parents'. (02:20–02:47)

The "Ultimate" Tattoo Mishap Story (Listener Submission)

• Story Recap:
  • A man and his girlfriend design matching monogram tattoos, including the date they met encircled by hearts.
  • On Valentine’s Day, he gets it inked; she backs out as soon as the artist touches skin, realizing she can’t commit—then later ends the relationship, leaving him with fresh ink and fresh heartbreak. (04:38–06:39, E)
  • "She went back to the tattoo artist three times, never got the tattoo, came back to Atlanta and broke up with him. ...Meanwhile, the ink's barely dry on his. And it's big." (06:17, E)
• Memorable Quote:
  • "[I suggested] just put another scroll and have it—the day the relationship ended." (06:57, E)
  • "He did not find it funny." (07:07, C&E)

Removing Regret: The Modern Tattoo Dilemma

• Laser Removal: Hosts muse about new, less painful removal technologies and joke about “disappearing ink.” (07:20–07:58)
• Quote:
  • "No, I just—painful, apparently. I know that it's really painful and it takes a long amount of time." (07:37–07:39, G&C)

Listener Call-In Highlights (08:07–11:33)

• Nicole: Ex got an angel with her red hair tattooed and claimed it was her.
  • "He said, 'It's me.'...And I was like, yeah, you're weird. Go away." (08:29, H)
• Kelly: Got a four-inch Winnie the Pooh with her partner’s initial on her 18th birthday; now they’re not together.
  • "He was my Pooh bear. He was a big, nice, cuddly guy." (08:56, H)
• Christine: Ex-husband tattooed “Christine” (her name, nine letters) from love handle to love handle as a Mother’s Day present. Later tried to sue her for tattoo removal costs after divorce.
  • "That is not what I asked for for Mother's Day." (09:51, H)
• Alyssa: Ex showed up with her nickname “Lissy” and a lizard tattooed on his leg; she broke up with him on the spot.
  • “I called him an idiot and I just ended it right there. ...Now he’s stuck with my name on him.” (10:49, H)

Tattoo Artists and Cover-Ups

• Host Opinions:
  • Advocating for tattoo artists to refuse to ink partners’ names unless it’s immediate family.
    • "Unless it's your mom or your dad or a child, I can't do it." (11:13, C)
  • Joking about opening a parlor exclusively for cover-ups: "Cover Up Tattoos." (11:27, G)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert (C): "You gotta be absolutely 100% confident that the person's name that you're tattooing...is gonna be in your life forever. And that's a child." (02:20)
• E (on the failed couple tattoo): "Meanwhile, the ink's barely dry on his. And it's big. It's all hearts. It's got the date that they met." (06:17)
• Kelly (caller): "He was my Pooh bear. He was a big, nice, cuddly guy." (08:56)
• Christine (caller): "My name's Christine...And my Mother's Day present was two-inch letters from love handle to love handle on his back that said Christine. I was like, that is not what I asked for." (09:51)
• Alyssa (caller): "I called him an idiot and I just ended it right there." (10:49)
• G (host): "I would open a tattoo parlor only for cover ups...See how much business I get." (11:27)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Celebrity tattoo breakups: 01:11–04:13
• Iconic tattoo failures (Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, etc.): 03:10–04:19
• The ultimate bad tattoo story: 04:38–07:07
• Laser removal and regrets: 07:20–07:58
• Listener call-ins with tattoo regret stories: 08:07–11:13
• Tattoo artists and cover-up suggestions: 11:13–11:33

Tone and Language

The overall tone is humorous and lighthearted, laced with empathetic moments for those suffering from tattoo regret. The hosts keep the conversation engaging, frequently teasing each other and the callers, but always with an undercurrent of genuine curiosity about people’s choices and the outcomes. The language is conversational, witty, and unfiltered—typical of The Bert Show’s authentic morning-radio style.

For more regrettable tattoo stories or to share your own, visit The Bert Show’s website or tune in live to join the conversation!