Vault: Listeners Share the Ink They're Still Stuck With

Summary

The Bert Show Podcast Summary
Episode: Vault: Listeners Share the Ink They're Still Stuck With
Airdate: March 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

This lively and humorous episode of The Bert Show, featuring Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the cast, dives into the world of regrettable tattoos—specifically, the names and symbols people now wish they’d never had inked onto their bodies. Prompted by celebrity news of another tattooed love gone wrong, the hosts reflect on iconic tattoo mistakes, share personal and listener stories, and take calls from fans with their own “hall of fame” regrets. The show balances empathy, wit, and plenty of laughs while providing a peek into the pitfalls of impulsive ink.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Celebrity Tattoo Curse

• Megan Fox & Brian Austin Green: The catalyst for the conversation is the breakup of Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, who tattooed each other's names—a decision now in need of a fix.
  • "She got his [name] tattooed right on her hip..." (01:11, F)
  • "You gotta be absolutely 100% confident that the person's name... is gonna be in your life forever. And that's a child." (02:20, C)
• Other Infamous Examples:
  • Johnny Depp: Changed "Winona Forever" to "Wino Forever" post-breakup. (03:32–03:41)
  • Angelina Jolie: Removed "Billy Bob" tattoo after their split. (03:17–03:20, F&C)
  • Tom Arnold: Tattooed Roseanne Barr's face on his chest.
  • Jude Law: Covered up Beatles lyric for ex-wife with a heart tattoo.

Host & Listener Personal Tattoo Stories

• "Matching Megan Fox tattoos" (joking reference): (01:39, E)
• Initials Are Safer: Bert references his kids' initials as a "safe bet." (02:32–02:35, C)
• Caution Against Names: Host consensus is never tattooing anyone’s name except a child’s or maybe parents'. (02:20–02:47)

The "Ultimate" Tattoo Mishap Story (Listener Submission)

• Story Recap:
  • A man and his girlfriend design matching monogram tattoos, including the date they met encircled by hearts.
  • On Valentine’s Day, he gets it inked; she backs out as soon as the artist touches skin, realizing she can’t commit—then later ends the relationship, leaving him with fresh ink and fresh heartbreak. (04:38–06:39, E)
  • "She went back to the tattoo artist three times, never got the tattoo, came back to Atlanta and broke up with him. ...Meanwhile, the ink's barely dry on his. And it's big." (06:17, E)
• Memorable Quote:
  • "[I suggested] just put another scroll and have it—the day the relationship ended." (06:57, E)
  • "He did not find it funny." (07:07, C&E)

Removing Regret: The Modern Tattoo Dilemma

• Laser Removal: Hosts muse about new, less painful removal technologies and joke about “disappearing ink.” (07:20–07:58)
• Quote:
  • "No, I just—painful, apparently. I know that it's really painful and it takes a long amount of time." (07:37–07:39, G&C)

Listener Call-In Highlights (08:07–11:33)

• Nicole: Ex got an angel with her red hair tattooed and claimed it was her.
  • "He said, 'It's me.'...And I was like, yeah, you're weird. Go away." (08:29, H)
• Kelly: Got a four-inch Winnie the Pooh with her partner’s initial on her 18th birthday; now they’re not together.
  • "He was my Pooh bear. He was a big, nice, cuddly guy." (08:56, H)
• Christine: Ex-husband tattooed “Christine” (her name, nine letters) from love handle to love handle as a Mother’s Day present. Later tried to sue her for tattoo removal costs after divorce.
  • "That is not what I asked for for Mother's Day." (09:51, H)
• Alyssa: Ex showed up with her nickname “Lissy” and a lizard tattooed on his leg; she broke up with him on the spot.
  • “I called him an idiot and I just ended it right there. ...Now he’s stuck with my name on him.” (10:49, H)

Tattoo Artists and Cover-Ups

• Host Opinions:
  • Advocating for tattoo artists to refuse to ink partners’ names unless it’s immediate family.
    • "Unless it's your mom or your dad or a child, I can't do it." (11:13, C)
  • Joking about opening a parlor exclusively for cover-ups: "Cover Up Tattoos." (11:27, G)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert (C): "You gotta be absolutely 100% confident that the person's name that you're tattooing...is gonna be in your life forever. And that's a child." (02:20)
• E (on the failed couple tattoo): "Meanwhile, the ink's barely dry on his. And it's big. It's all hearts. It's got the date that they met." (06:17)
• Kelly (caller): "He was my Pooh bear. He was a big, nice, cuddly guy." (08:56)
• Christine (caller): "My name's Christine...And my Mother's Day present was two-inch letters from love handle to love handle on his back that said Christine. I was like, that is not what I asked for." (09:51)
• Alyssa (caller): "I called him an idiot and I just ended it right there." (10:49)
• G (host): "I would open a tattoo parlor only for cover ups...See how much business I get." (11:27)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Celebrity tattoo breakups: 01:11–04:13
• Iconic tattoo failures (Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, etc.): 03:10–04:19
• The ultimate bad tattoo story: 04:38–07:07
• Laser removal and regrets: 07:20–07:58
• Listener call-ins with tattoo regret stories: 08:07–11:13
• Tattoo artists and cover-up suggestions: 11:13–11:33

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Tone and Language

The overall tone is humorous and lighthearted, laced with empathetic moments for those suffering from tattoo regret. The hosts keep the conversation engaging, frequently teasing each other and the callers, but always with an undercurrent of genuine curiosity about people’s choices and the outcomes. The language is conversational, witty, and unfiltered—typical of The Bert Show’s authentic morning-radio style.

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For more regrettable tattoo stories or to share your own, visit The Bert Show’s website or tune in live to join the conversation!

Transcript

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[E]

Get it?

[C]

The bird show. This should be some kind of law. Actually it should be the responsibility of the tattoo artist to go. No, I just won't do that. I won't because there's too much risk involved.

[F]

We've been telling you this morning in the entertainment buzz that the celebrity couple who loved each other so much, so much so that they tattooed each other's names on their bodies. She got his tattooed right on her hip. He supposedly has hers tattooed somewhere on his body. But now they are over. I'm talking about Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green who just called off their engagement.

[C]

Now from his standp point I understand

[F]

it for him to put Megan Fox on his body because he can have

[C]

bragging rights for the rest of his life.

[E]

Bert and I actually have matching Megan Fox tattoos.

[C]

No problem for now. But for her now it's going to be a little bit more of a problem. She thought that she'd be with him for the rest of her life. So she got it underneath the navel.

[F]

Yeah, right on her pelvis. Like right on her pelvic bone.

[C]

Yes, she did.

[F]

Right in her sexy spot.

[C]

Hey, what's up Brian?

[G]

Is it just Brian or is it Brian Austin since he uses three names,

[C]

just Brian and like cursive letters.

[E]

She could just cloud it up a little bit.

[C]

Very soft, porcelain like skin.

[G]

Okay, okay.

[F]

And then it can't.

[E]

Can't you just say it's brain like have it manipulated and Go. Yeah, it was supposed to be brain, but they messed up.

[C]

Tattoo ours. Checked it all up. I mean, you gotta be absolutely 100% confident that the person's name that you're tattooing on your body somewhere is gonna be in your life forever, ever. And that's a child.

[F]

You have to have your child's initials texted.

[C]

I got their initials. Yeah, I know. They're not going anywhere. Alice and Hayden. Not going anywhere. So I've got the initials on my shoulder. Look, for me. I wouldn't even put my parents. I'm not sure. On a date. You got a rough family.

[E]

You don't know how that's gonna work out.

[G]

Some put mom on or dad, but yeah, I mean, because was it. Who was it? Was it Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson who had their names or. Yeah, names tattooed on each other's ring finger and didn't. Did Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz do that too, or did Pete Wentz. I feel like Pete Wentz may have her something of hers tattooed on him too.

[C]

I mean, there's a long history of celebrities that have done this that have had to go back in and get it all, you know, rearranged.

[F]

Like Angelina and Jolie.

[C]

Yeah. With Billy Bob Thornton is a great example.

[F]

She had to have Billy Bob lasered off.

[C]

We've got these tattoo pictures of the tattoos and the celebrities up on our website, or we will in a couple [e-mail]. But Johnny Depp had Winona forever.

[G]

Oh, that's right.

[C]

Inked on his arm in a tribute to Wynonna Ryder. They broke up, so he had his tattoo changed to now read Wino Forever. It does.

[E]

That's kind of funny.

[F]

What does that mean?

[C]

It means anything, but Wynonna is what that means. Jude Law quoted the Beatles on his forearm tattoo honoring his wife, Sadie Frost. And it said, you came along to turn on everything Sexy Sadie. The two divorced after six years of marriage. Oopsie Law has covered up the lyric with a tattoo of a heart. Then you've got Billy Bob Thornton, like you said. And Tom Arnold put Roseanne Barr's entire face on his chest.

[F]

Oh, that's right.

[C]

You guys remember that one? Look at that. I mean, that's huge. On, like, his left peck.

[G]

I have known. I said this off air. I have known someone who got the tattoo of her girlfriend on her back, and then they didn't make it. What do you do with it? How do you cover a face?

[E]

I've got the ultimate tattoo. The tattoo jacked up. Whatever tattoo Story.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

The one benefit here is that it's not a full name, but it's a. And I haven't seen a picture of it, but a guy I know got decided that he and the girl that he was dating would have matching, like a monogramish looking thing. But it was gonna be. It was in a circle of hearts, you know, so it was a whole bunch of tiny little hearts. Then in the middle of that were each other's initials.

[F]

That's cheesy. Anyway.

[E]

Yeah, so each other's initials. And then she was really good.

[F]

They should be punished just for being cornballs.

[C]

And it was her idea. And she was really good in bed.

[E]

But then underneath, it was a little, like, scroll looking thing. That was the day that they met. And that's what the whole thing was designed. She actually designed it, sent it to him. Everything was cool. She is currently outside of. Not in Atlanta because she's doing a residency type thing for school, an away internship. But they made the decision that on Valentine's Day evening, they would both go to get that tattoo on. So they both go and did it. He sends her a picture of it as soon as he goes home. He peels the bandage off, he takes a picture of it. She says, I have a surprise for you. I'm coming home. I'll show it to you then. So she says, I'm not gonna send it to you now. It looks gross. She comes home, sits down with him, and says she went to the tattoo artist on Valentine's Day. As soon as the needle touched her skin, she told him to stop and didn't think the relationship would last forever. She didn't want to do it. So then she waited a couple days because she knew she wasn't gonna see him for, like two weeks, figuring, you know what? It's just too much. I'll be able to go back. She went back to the tattoo artist three times, never got the tattoo, came back to Atlanta and broke up with him. Aww. Said that the fact that she couldn't get the tattoo was a sign. Was a sign. Meanwhile, the ink's barely dry on his. And it's big. It's all hearts. It's got the date that they met.

[D]

Where is it at?

[F]

Dang.

[E]

It's on his. Not his bicep. Like, I guess the ball of his shoulder. Like where his shoulder joint would be.

[D]

That's.

[H]

Damn.

[C]

That's the worst.

[F]

Is there someone that has lots of tattoos?

[E]

It's his first and only

[D]

stand out. I want to.

[E]

And I actually. I actually. He did not find this funny. But I suggested that the scroll underneath, he should just put another scroll and have it. The day the relationship ended,

[C]

he did

[E]

not find it funny.

[C]

I want to take calls on the hall of fame of tattoos mistakes right here. Like you knew it was gonna last, but now you're stuck with this every single day. And why? Because. And that would be a very tough one to beat right there.

[E]

Years ago, somebody said they came up with tattoo ink that was like removable with a special laser. Do you guys remember that tear length? You get the tattoo and then if 10 years from now, the relationship ends,

[G]

it's easier to get off.

[E]

They use a special laser on it that evaporates the color in there. So you don't. Because now. How many laser treatments didn't you look into it once?

[C]

No, I just.

[G]

Painful. Apparently.

[C]

I know that it's really painful and it takes a long amount of time. And I just figure like another six or seven years it'll be an easy procedure. So I'm waiting on mine. Not my kids names. That. That'll always be there. But I got this other arm.

[E]

It's a barbed wire.

[C]

Well, it's a. It's a wave, but it's stupid.

[G]

If you got that ink, Jeff. If you got the. You'd have to say it in private. Listen, dude, give me the ink that

[F]

I can take away.

[E]

Yeah, I would like to get right here, right across my chest. Jessica in the disappearing.

[G]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Hey, Nicole.

[H]

Good morning.

[C]

You're on the bird show. Hi.

[H]

Hi. I was with this guy for about five years and it didn't work out. And he got married a year after I left him while he's still married to her. But he has since had a picture of an angel tattooed on his back with red hair. And he said, it's me.

[E]

Oh, oops.

[H]

And I was like, yeah, you're weird. Go away.

[C]

Hey, Kelly, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[H]

Hello. I was with my son's father four years before we had our son. On my 18th birthday, I went and got a four inch Winnie the Pooh with his initial in his shirt.

[F]

Now what?

[H]

Now we're not together anymore.

[C]

Gone.

[E]

Why did you choose what was the initial? And Winnie the Pooh seemed so random

[H]

because he was my Pooh bear. He was a big, nice, cuddly guy.

[C]

Okay, now it makes sense.

[E]

Is that why he broke up with you? Because you kept calling him Pooh bear? No.

[F]

Now you can tell everyone it's because you read that book, the Dao of Pooh, and it really influenced.

[C]

It's all about balance now.

[H]

Yeah.

[C]

Just in a different part of my life. Good morning, Dawn. You are on the bird show. Hi. Oh, no, you're not.

[E]

Don't ever call.

[G]

She got offended by the Pooh reference.

[C]

Don't tell me how to run my life. Good morning, Christine. You're on Q100. Hi.

[H]

Hi. Good morning, you guys. Okay, so my ex husband came home on Mother's Day. My name's Christine. It has nine letters in it. And my Mother's Day present was two inch letters from love handle to love handle on his back that said Christine. I was like, that is not what I asked for for Mother's Day.

[F]

And are you still together?

[H]

No, that would be the ex. The ex husband. I don't know what. Oh, and then in the divorce, he tried to sue me for tattoo removal. $1,600.

[G]

Oh, that's funny.

[C]

Hey, Alyssa.

[H]

Good morning.

[C]

You're on Q100.

[H]

Good morning. First of all, I want to tell you guys that I love you. My current boyfriend and I listen to you guys. We carpool to work and we listen to you every morning.

[G]

Thank you.

[H]

You're welcome. Well, I had an ex who, when we first started dating, I knew it was a rebound. And a couple days before I was actually gonna break up with him, he showed up at my doorstep with my nickname tattooed on his leg and a lizard, because my nickname is Lissy and lizard. It's kind of a nickname too. On his leg about probably about 5 inches long. And I was so mad at him, I called him an idiot and I just ended it right there. And now he's still stuck with my name on him.

[G]

Oh, no.

[E]

And you're laughing about it.

[H]

I know.

[C]

Well, I'm an idiot. She didn't ask him to do you

[F]

better be really confident on his own.

[G]

I would love to know the statistics of tattoo artists when you know how many of them get first time tattoos or original tattoo orders or they're having to cover up something. You know, what percentage of coverups do they have to perform every day?

[C]

I think if I was a tattoo artist, it would almost be my policy. I would lose the money and say, look, I just can't. Unless it's your mom or your dad or a child, I can't do it. See the guy right next to me?

[G]

I would open a tattoo parlor only for cover ups. Like that would be the name Cover up Tattoos.

[C]

That's a great.

[G]

And just see how much business I get.

[E]

You're just not into him anymore. It's called but get it the Bird Show.

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