Vault: Listeners Share Their Insignificant Soapbox

Summary

The Bert Show – “Vault: Listeners Share Their Insignificant Soapbox”

Episode Date: January 21, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Beth, Melissa, Jessica, Nicole, Chris, Barbara, and listeners

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Main Theme

Overview:
This episode centers on the lighthearted concept of the “insignificant soapbox” – those minor pet peeves or quirky gripes that drive us nuts, even though we know they’re not a big deal in the grand scheme. The hosts, along with listeners, openly vent their irrational annoyances, combining good-natured camaraderie, relatable stories, and a few rants that will make most listeners laugh and nod along.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Catalyst: Soapbox Over a Song

• [00:01–01:18]
  • The show opens with a real-world example: a Virginia high school band pulls “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” from their Peach Bowl set after one person complains about its supposed conflict with church-state separation.
  • Hosts reflect both on the overreaction and how everyone has their own “insignificant soapbox.”
  • Quote:
    • “This is like his insignificant soapbox. And I think we all pretty much have one of these.” — Beth [01:18]

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2. Hosts Share Their Pet Peeves

• BMW Drivers

  • [01:25–02:32]
    • Beth rants about BMW drivers as rude and refuses to let them merge (“If you try merging and you’re in a BMW, to me, I won’t let you in.”).
    • Humor: “If I was the governor of Purdue, I would outlaw BMWs in the state of Georgia.” — Beth [02:27]

• Seat Etiquette at Events

  • [02:32–04:17]
    • Jessica and Nicole confess to being irrationally upset with people who sit in the wrong seats at games/concerts.
    • Anxiety if sitting in someone else’s seat—even by accident.
    • Quote: “Get your ass out of my seat, punk.” — Jessica [03:56]

• Small Dogs in Stores / “Dog in the Purse”

  • [04:20–04:49]
    • Barbara wonders why tiny dogs can be toted inside anywhere, joking if she could do the same with a German shepherd.
    • Quote: “Can I buy one of those baby things and strap my German shepherd to the front of me? That should be fair, right?” — Barbara [04:29]

• Loud Food at the Movies

  • [04:50–05:04]
    • Barbara is annoyed by noisy snacks (“juju beans, crunch, crunch, crunch”).
    • Crowd laughs—everyone can relate.

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3. Listener & Co-host Soapboxes

• Holiday Creep

  • [05:46–06:28]
    • Melissa dislikes holiday displays/commercials appearing out of season, especially Christmas in October.
    • Quote: “Leave Christmas until after Thanksgiving.” — Melissa [06:28]

• Bad Parking Habits

  • [06:34–07:41]
    • Nicole: infuriated by people who park over the line, wasting space.
    • Beth adds her own twist: people purposely double-parking expensive cars (“almost a keyable offense”).

• Driving Miss Daisy in a Fast Car

  • [07:45–08:05]
    • Caller Chris: slow drivers with powerful cars frustrate him.

• Checkbook Users at Supermarkets

  • [08:10–08:35]
    • Chris: people who write checks at the checkout are exasperating.
    • Hosts agree: if you must, at least fill out everything except the amount in advance.

• Purse Organization at the Register

  • [08:35–09:01]
    • Melissa: after finishing, people shouldn’t monopolize the register organizing their purse.

• Lingering at the ATM

  • [09:01–09:16]
    • Beth: use the ATM, pull up, then count your cash; don’t hold up the line.

• Interrupting at the Checkout Counter

  • [09:16–10:04]
    • Jessica: get mad when someone butts in with questions for the clerk at checkout.

• Clerk Prioritizing Phone Calls Over In-person Customers

  • [10:04–10:18]
    • Jessica: don’t pick up and hold a phone conversation instead of helping the customer in front of you.

• Overcautious Drivers Around Police

  • [10:21–11:16]
    • Jeff (listener): irked by people who suddenly drive perfectly with a cop nearby, especially those who unnecessarily slow down.
    • Jessica adds: “Take your foot off the gas, but don’t slam on your brakes.” — Jessica [11:16]

• Businesses with “Creative” Spelling

  • [11:24–12:12]
    • Barbara: can’t stand stores that intentionally misspell words for branding (e.g., “Kwik Trip,” “Kountry Kitchen,” “Ye Olde Christmas Shoppe”).
    • The group jokes about faux-old-fashioned spellings.

• Bad Toll Booth Behavior

  • [12:23–12:43]
    • Melissa: frustrated with drivers who block lanes because they’re unprepared at toll booths (“most dangerous hundred yards of roadway in Atlanta”).

• Names That Irritate

  • [12:43–13:07]
    • Jessica: “I am automatically annoyed by people named Philip. That name bugs me.”
    • Riffing continues on variants like Nicole with an “h,” and “Deborah” with an “h” at the end.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “All of us have one of these really quirky things that just annoys us. But we almost keep it to ourselves now because we know the reaction that we’re going to get from other people.”
  — Beth [01:26]

• “If you try merging and you’re in a BMW, to me, I won’t let you in.”
  — Beth [02:15]

• “Get your ass out of my seat, punk.”
  — Jessica [03:56]

• “Can I buy one of those baby things and strap my German shepherd to the front of me? That should be fair, right?”
  — Barbara [04:29]

• “Why do they sell such loud food at the movie theater? Juju beans… the popcorn. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.”
  — Barbara [04:50]

• “Leave Christmas until after Thanksgiving.”
  — Melissa [06:28]

• “It’s almost a keyable offense.”
  — Beth [07:41] (referring to double-parking)

• "You know how to spell Kroger?"
  — Jessica [08:29]

• “Pick up the phone and say, ‘Can you please hold.’ I’m fine with that, but anything else, you should be kicked in the eye.”
  — Jessica [10:09]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:01–01:18] — The Devil Went Down to Georgia: Example that launches the soapbox theme
• [01:25–02:32] — BMW driver rant (Beth)
• [02:32–04:17] — Wrong seat etiquette (Jessica, Nicole)
• [04:20–05:04] — Dogs in public/food noise at movies (Barbara)
• [05:46–06:28] — Holiday creep: Christmas in October (Melissa)
• [06:34–07:41] — Parking pet peeves (Nicole, Beth)
• [07:45–08:05] — Slow drivers in fast cars (Caller: Chris)
• [08:10–09:01] — Checkbook complainers; purse at register
• [09:01–10:18] — ATM etiquette; retail cashier interruptions (Jessica)
• [10:21–11:16] — Cautious driving near police (Listener: Jeff, Jessica)
• [11:24–12:12] — Misspelled business names (Barbara, group)
• [12:23–12:43] — Toll booth/traffic annoyances (Melissa, Beth)
• [12:43–13:07] — Names that irritate (Jessica)

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Tone & Style

The episode is relaxed, quick-paced, playful, and irreverent; the cast alternates between self-deprecating admissions and affectionate roasting of one another and their listeners. There’s an underlying message of self-awareness that these “gripes” really aren't important—but that’s what makes venting them so much fun.

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Final Thoughts

For any listener who loves to commiserate over life’s little annoyances—or wants to feel “seen” about their own pet peeves—this episode of The Bert Show offers camaraderie, catharsis, and plenty of laughs, all in the signature breezy style that fans love.

Transcript

[Jessica]

The Bird Show.

[Beth]

Melissa was telling us about a story yesterday, it was front page on the AJC yesterday about this tool in Virginia that there's a high school band up in Prince William County, Hilton High School. And I guess they're gonna be playing at the Peach Bowl.

[Melissa]

Right. And so they were trying to find a song that was appropriate to play here in Atlanta at the Peach Bowl. And so the song that they chose that they thought would be cool is the Devil Went down to Georgia by Charlie Daniels Band.

[Beth]

And he came out and he said, I have no idea why anybody would. Ok. A song like that that focuses on the devil and it seems like a conflict of interest between church and state or something.

[Melissa]

Yeah. There's a guy that wrote an article in the local newspaper up there in Virginia about that, and it freaked the band out so much. And the band director, he wanted to protect the children from criticism in their town that they decided not to perform that song when they come to Atlanta.

[Beth]

So this whack job writes, like Melissa says, gets total policy changed because he feels like it's such an offensive song or just that church and state, there should be no conflict there. I don't see it with a song.

[Melissa]

That'S like 30 years old.

[Beth]

Right, Right.

[Melissa]

A lot of people, a lot of young people probably don't even know that.

[Jessica]

In the end of the song, the devil loses.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Beth]

Yeah. Like, good wins over evil, right?

[Jessica]

Yeah. If you have a fiddle made of gold, it doesn't matter.

[Beth]

This is like his insignificant soapbox. And I think we all pretty much have one of these. And I want to give you the opportunity to vent yours.

[Chris]

Right.

[Beth]

Like, when you tell people what bothers you, like what? Your insignificant soapbox, they kind of look at you and they go, that's it. What is it about that that possibly upsets you? But all of us have one of these really quirky things that just annoys us. But we almost keep it to ourselves now because we know the reaction that we're going to get from other people. So I want to give you the opportunity to tell us what your insignificant soapbox is. 404-741-1005 for me. And I know I'm going to be offending some kind of sponsor here. BMW drivers. I must have been, for whatever reason, I've been cut off by a couple, probably when I first started driving. And now I have just got a thing against any BMW that is on the road with me. Like, if you try merging and you're in a BMW, to me, I won't let You. I won't let you in.

[Nicole]

But if you were driving, like, Melissa's car, the Volkswagen.

[Beth]

Come right in.

[Nicole]

Come on over.

[Beth]

Yeah. And I think that they are just the rudest, rudest drivers. BMW drivers set me off.

[Nicole]

That's very insignificant, so.

[Chris]

Box.

[Beth]

If I was the governor of Purdue, I would outlaw BMWs in the state of Georgia.

[Jessica]

I have Jessica and I share this one. And it's dangerous because we go to so many things together.

[Chris]

But.

[Jessica]

And this is something that I think everybody can legitimately be angry at, but I think we get unreasonably upset at people who sit in the wrong seats intentionally.

[Nicole]

At events, like any event, like Braves game, Thrashers game, whatever, concerts, sit in your seats.

[Jessica]

And nothing will make me feel worse because I'm so obsessive about it that if I accidentally sit. Sit in, like, the wrong seats, like, if I, you know, or if I sit, you know, if it's, like, the wrong row or whatever. But I just. I mean, people. And there was a recent event where we went and we sat, and the guy was sure that we were in the wrong seats, and he legitimately made a mistake, but he was such an a hole about it, and he was just going off it. Legitimately ruined the first 30 minutes of the concert.

[Beth]

I'll tell you why I can't do that. Because I sit there in a constant state of anxiety, wondering if the people that I know these are legitimate, their seats are gonna come at any time. It's the same thing when I'm flying. Like, if I take a seat that I know is not mine, I'm sitting there in such an anxious state, fear that the next person coming on is gonna take their seat, and there's such relief when the door finally closes that, yeah, I get to sit at the window.

[Jessica]

But, like, my. My thought is, if it's at a concert, or wait 30 minutes, like, you know, because people run late, give them.

[Melissa]

A chance to get there.

[Jessica]

If it's a ball game, wait till the third inning or the end of the first quarter, then move down. And if I get there after that and you're in my seat, I don't think I would be legitimately mad. I think I would actually apologize. Go. I'm sorry. I was stuck in traffic. I missed the whole first quarter of the Falcons game or whatever. But if it's as soon as the concert begins and, like, you're getting situated. Get your ass out of my seat, punk.

[Beth]

Beth, what is your insignificant soapbox?

[Barbara]

They let those people with those little bitty dogs into the stores because they say they can't really do anything because they're not on the floor. So can I buy one of those baby things and strap my German shepherd to the front of me? That should be fair, right?

[Beth]

I agree with you.

[Nicole]

That is so funny.

[Beth]

Anybody that walks around with those little itty bitty dogs in that little itty bitty dog cage or underneath their arms as they're walking through Lenox or Phipps, that's another one. It's just drives me crazy.

[Jessica]

Dog in the purse.

[Barbara]

Can I give you one more thing?

[Beth]

Yeah.

[Barbara]

Why do they sell such loud food at the movie theater? They sell juju beans, and everybody's gonna get one juju bean at a time, and they dip it back up.

[Beth]

That's fantastic.

[Barbara]

And then they get one juju bean again and they dip it up. And the popcorn. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.

[Nicole]

Perfect.

[Jessica]

Now that's. See, now that's.

[Beth]

That's fantastic.

[Chris]

We did this.

[Jessica]

We did this last year. And remember the girl who was mad at the guy who would rake off the infield at Turner Field but then walk across where he just raked?

[Beth]

Do you remember that going on?

[Melissa]

I remember that.

[Jessica]

Yeah. I remember. I found out this year that they actually changed the way they raked the field last year because somebody heard that.

[Beth]

Are you.

[Melissa]

Are you kidding?

[Jessica]

Yeah. Because all you had to do is just stop on the grass instead of stopping. They used to stop in the inside. They'd stop on the outside. But she used to get annoyed that when they would run out and do the thing, they would rake it. Then he would pick his rake up and run across where he just raked, leaving like, four footprints. And it's Rover freaking nuts.

[Beth]

404-741-1005 this is inappropriate one because we're.

[Melissa]

Into the holiday season, but one of my insignificant soapboxes is the fact there is a progression of holidays. There is Halloween, and then there's Thanksgiving and then there's Christmas. So if you put out your Christmas items in department stores and drugstores on, let's say, October 15th, guess what? You need to wait until Thanksgiving weekend to put out your Christmas stuff and not do it, like, as early as July.

[Nicole]

Nobody does that anymore, though.

[Jessica]

Have you noticed the tree going up on top of north side?

[Melissa]

No, no, they do do that. I know. I was in a department store a few weeks ago, and they're already doing their Christmas display.

[Beth]

Jeff tipped me off to this yesterday, right? So I'm a little bit, like, Christmas conscious right now. And as I'm flipping through channels last night, just watching a Couple of, you know, just trying to fall asleep. Bad Santa is on three different stations. It's not even Halloween.

[Melissa]

Halloween, put your scary movies on now. Put your costume commercials on, but leave Christmas until after Thanksgiving.

[Nicole]

My insignificant soapbox is people who park over the parking line or they park close to the parking spot line, far enough that you can't get into that other space. Because it feels like to me that I'm always going places that is tight on parking. Like, I shop in Decatur a lot, so there's not a ton of parking down there. I go to Virginia Highlands a lot, Midtown a lot, and so there's not a ton of parking in those spaces. You're always feeling like. Especially in the Highlands, I feel like always fighting for somewhere to park. And when someone crosses the line, I get extraordinarily ticked off that they have gone so close to it that you can't fit in that space. And it is a wasted parking space. I get more mad about that than anything else I can think of.

[Beth]

Let me add to one that's sort of like that also, and this is almost a keyable offense is when, like, somebody's got, like, a new hot sports car, and, you know, it's like, $120,000 car, and they purposely park it in two spots.

[Nicole]

Yes.

[Beth]

Because they don't want anybody close to their car. They don't want any dings from. Almost. I'm not endorsing it. It's almost a keyable offense.

[Nicole]

Yeah, it's true.

[Melissa]

Agreed.

[Beth]

Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Chris]

Hi.

[Beth]

Good morning.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Chris]

I was calling because my biggest, biggest thing is people who have very fast cars and they're Driving Miss Daisy, they get in front of you, they're doing 10 miles an hour in a 65, and, you know they've got a Hemi under the hood. You're, like, so faster. What is wrong with you?

[Melissa]

That's true.

[Beth]

Very good soapbox Morning, Chris. Your insignificant soapbox.

[Chris]

I think people that use the checkbooks, especially in supermarkets, checkbooks drive me crazy.

[Beth]

Now, you break out that checkbook, and you can hear everybody in line go, oh, yes.

[Melissa]

And if you're gonna do the checkbook thing, okay, fine. But have that check filled out except for the amount before you ever get. Cause you know where you are, you know what store, you know.

[Jessica]

You know how to spell Kroger?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Prepare before you get to the check. That's agreed.

[Nicole]

Don't balance your checkbook right there.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Nicole]

Fill that out when you're sitting in your car or Something. Don't fill that out right there in line while everybody else is waiting.

[Melissa]

And let me add to that, ladies, and this is ladies in particular, especially older ladies, if you have a purse, and it's a very complicated process to put your credit card back into the billfold, back into the purse, back into whatever, scoot down so I can start checking out so you can get that done. But once you finish your transaction, you don't have 30 minutes to sit there to organize your purse before you leave.

[Beth]

It's the same thing with the money machine. If the drive up money machine, get your cash, pull your cash in the car, then pull up 10ft so I can start my transaction rather than stay there in cash and count your money so I can't pull up. Same thing.

[Jessica]

Here's what I hate, and this is kind of twofold, involves retail clerks. One, here's the deal. When I'm at the counter checking out or checking prices or whatever, not at a grocery store, but like at a clothing store, I got my shirt and my socks on the counter and I'm checking out, and she's ringing them up, and we're engaging in the usual department store small talk. Would you like to open a credit card? No, I don't need one, thanks. Are you sure you don't want to.

[Chris]

Open a credit card?

[Jessica]

You can save 10%. No, I really don't need one. Don't come up behind me and ask her a question that involves her doing something else besides, like, if you say, can you point me in the direction of the shoes? That's fine. Don't hand her something and say, can you tell me how much this is? Because she'll probably take it, turn around and check it. So I have two problems. One, the jerk who said, can you tell me how much this is? And two, you're waiting on me now. That person can wait in line.

[Melissa]

Agreed.

[Jessica]

And along with that, if I'm in front of you, don't be on the phone.

[Melissa]

Speak it, brother.

[Jessica]

Don't even answer the phone. I'm your customer right here. So pick up the phone and say, how can you please hold. I'm fine with that, but anything else, you should be kicked in the eye.

[Beth]

Jeff, good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[Chris]

Hey, what's up? I got one. People who become the best drivers in the world just because a cop happens to be 30ft behind them.

[Beth]

Yeah, well, that one doesn't bother me if they're. If the cop is behind you because I think you're trying to avoid a ticket. But if there's in front of you.

[Chris]

I mean, all the cop has to do is be near you, and all of a sudden you're 10 and two, your seatbelt is 100% fastened, you're looking in every mirror, you adjust and everything. All because he happens to be there. Just drive.

[Beth]

Well, that I would agree with this. Like, if you're on 285 and there's a cop, you're going westbound and there's a cop eastbound, no need for you to slam on your brakes. He's not behind you. There's no imminent danger.

[Melissa]

And if a cop has already pulled somebody over, if he's already on the emergency lane with somebody else, he's not gonna get you that. You don't slam on your brakes because you saw the cop get out of his car giving a ticket to somebody, and all of a sudden you think the cop's gonna turn around and see you and jump in his car and follow you.

[Jessica]

I hate the people who slam on their brakes at the sight of a cop. Take your foot off the gas, but don't slam on your brakes.

[Beth]

Barbara. Yes, Insignificant.

[Chris]

So I think this is the most.

[Barbara]

Insignificant one I've heard. I cannot stand businesses who spell their name wrong on trumpets.

[Beth]

Like House. H, A, U, S. You mean?

[Barbara]

I can barely go to Kwik Trip, but I need gas, so I go.

[Jessica]

There, like a comedy club called the Laugh Factory. L, A, F, F or the. You know, the.

[Chris]

What's that?

[Jessica]

The restaurant. The Country Kitchen. K O, U, N, T R Y, K I, T, C, H, E, N.

[Beth]

I've got a problem with spelling it in Old English.

[Jessica]

Random Old English.

[Beth]

Yeah. S H, O, P, P, E. Look, you're in this country. Yeah. All right? It's not S, H, O, P, P.

[Melissa]

E and it's not O, L, D.

[Jessica]

E. If it sells. Why when it sells Christmas shop. Why, if it sells Christmas ornaments, does it have to be written in Old English?

[Melissa]

I don't know.

[Jessica]

Like, why can you have, like, a Halloween store but ye olde Christmas shop? And it's ye olde Christmas shoppy. You idiot. You don't know how to spell.

[Melissa]

Now I'm starting to think of so many others. Like on 400, you know what? You know where the toll booth is and where the cruise card is. You live in the city for 10 years, but for some reason you're in the far left lane. You don't have your cruise card, you slam on your brakes and block everybody trying to get to the toll booth.

[Beth]

Yeah. That is the dangerous. That is the most dangerous hundred yards of roadway in Atlanta is the hundred yards that lead up to any toll.

[Jessica]

I am automatically annoyed by people named Philip. That name bugs me.

[Beth]

Philip.

[Jessica]

Philip Phil, I'm okay with, But Philip just weirds me out. Like, if you're named Philip, you just weird me out. In Nicole with an H. Nick Hole.

[Beth]

If you're Nick Hole, Deborah with an H at the end. That kind of annoys me.

[Chris]

No, I'm okay with.

[Jessica]

Oh, yeah.

[Melissa]

Like with O in the middle. Deborah.

[Beth]

Deborah.

[Jessica]

The bird show.