Vault: Listeners Share Their Stories of Abusive Relationships.

Summary

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The Bert Show Podcast Summary

Episode Title: Vault: Listeners Share Their Stories of Abusive Relationships
Date: May 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

This emotionally charged episode of The Bert Show departs from the usual lighthearted Monday tone to focus on the serious and urgent topic of abusive relationships. Sparked by listener Glenda’s call about experiencing domestic violence, the show opens the phones to hear stories from others facing similar situations. With guidance from Oneita, a survivor and advocate from the organization Jaden’s Ladder, the episode provides a platform for both men and women to discuss their struggles with abuse and highlights the resources available to help those in need.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why the Episode Pivoted to Abuse Stories

• Host Bert explains the abrupt shift in tone, detailing how Glenda’s earlier phone call about enduring abuse from her husband triggered an outpouring of calls from other affected listeners.
• The theme is grounded in a broader cultural moment, referencing Rihanna’s interview with Diane Sawyer about domestic violence.

  "Some things can't be ignored, you know... sometimes things are so serious that we got to go off on a path we didn't see coming." — Bert (00:04)

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2. Men as Victims of Abuse

Preston’s Call: A Male Perspective

• Preston describes the emotional and psychological abuse he experiences from his wife, highlighting societal barriers that prevent men from speaking out and seeking help.
  • Feels isolated, disconnected from his family, and unable to confide in male friends due to stigma.
  • Internalizes shame and questions his manhood because of his nonviolent responses.
• Key Exchange:

  "What kind of man am I then? If I’m willing to be... subtle and patient and not, you know, beat my wife, but I allow it to happen to me? I mean, I question myself at that point." — Preston (02:49)

• Host Reflection:

  "As a guy, it does have a different texture to it because you can't go to your guy friends about it... That's not something you do. We got, you know, stupid guy pride." — Bert (02:21)

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3. Professional Advice and Peer Support

Oneita from Jaden’s Ladder

• Validates male victims, emphasizing the seriousness of abuse regardless of gender.
• Advises Preston and other men to seek out codependency groups and collect essential documents in preparation for leaving.

  "It doesn't make you weak because you don’t hit a woman... I get a lot of calls from men like you, so don’t feel that you're alone." — Oneita (03:11) "For men, I ask them to find a codependency group because... there aren't many agencies that directly deal with men... It can become a very serious situation." — Oneita (03:59)

• Stresses importance of breaking the cycle for the sake of children.

  "If your daughter came to you at 18 years old because she saw you were being abused... would you want her to allow that to happen?" — Oneita (05:26)

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4. The Challenge of Leaving: Children and Cycles of Abuse

• Preston admits to leaving and returning to his wife multiple times, primarily for his daughters.
• Host Emphasis:

  "If this was your baby girl and she was calling you, you would drive down and pull her out... So why aren't you doing that for yourself?" — Bert (06:04)

• Oneita underlines the generational impact of abuse and repeats her call for immediate action.

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5. A Female Caller’s Story: Financial Dependency and Social Isolation

• Michelle shares that her abuser isolates her by sabotaging friendships and controlling her social life.

  "Every person I make friends with, he calls them and tells them never to call me back. All I have is him besides my kids..." — Michelle (09:22)

• She explains the difficulty of leaving due to lack of financial independence and support.

  "I don't allow [abuse]. I don't have a choice because I'm not financially able to take my four children out of this home..." — Michelle (09:57)

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6. The Reality and Urgency of Escaping Abuse

• Oneita provides practical steps and appeals to listeners to recognize the danger and importance of leaving abusive situations.

  "If you're not financially independent and he comes home and he hurts you where you don't recoup... your kids have that person to live with for the rest of their lives." — Oneita (10:12)

• Emphasizes that the longer someone stays, the more dangerous it becomes, urging:

  "Let’s not make it that situation where it’s too late... Get out and be that success story. Be a survivor. If I can do it, you can do it." — Oneita (11:39, 12:08)

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7. Sharing Resources and the Message of Hope

• Oneita gives direct contact info for Jaden’s Ladder and offers her own cell number for urgent help.

  "Www.jadensladder.org, 866-430-1118, or myself 603-205-4746. I will help you." — Oneita (13:33)

• She highlights her own survival story, reinforcing hope and solidarity.

  "I’ve done it. I’ve gone back, I've been beaten... and now we started this organization and you can do this." — Oneita (12:12)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I really am in an abusive relationship because I’m at the point where I’m disconnected from my family now..." — Preston (01:25)
• "Break the cycle now, you are actually helping your child, your daughters in the future not to get caught up in the cycle..." — Oneita (06:27)
• "You will be, your kids will be alone if you continue this path and something happens to you, they have nobody." — Oneita (11:20)
• "We fall in love with these guys. So that’s why it’s so hard, because we fell in love with this person and, and we don’t understand who this other person is..." — Oneita (12:38)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• 00:00-01:00: Introduction and context for the episode's pivot to abuse stories
• 01:02-04:59: Preston’s call: male victim’s perspective
• 05:03-08:35: Oneita’s advice and calls for support
• 09:06-11:31: Michelle’s call: financial dependency and isolation
• 11:31-13:35: Urgency of seeking help, breaking cycles, Oneita’s story
• 13:33-14:14: Contact information for Jaden’s Ladder and closing encouragement

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Closing Thoughts

The Bert Show’s openness to air deeply sensitive stories and connect listeners with real-time professional advice underscores the significance of talking openly about abuse. Both male and female callers illustrate the complexities, shame, and isolation inherent in abusive relationships. Oneita’s expert guidance and personal empathy serves as a beacon of hope, emphasizing the importance of breaking cycles for oneself and future generations. The episode strongly encourages listeners to reach out for help, reinforcing the message that "you are not alone" and that practical, compassionate support is available.

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Transcript

[A]

Listen, it's the Vert show. Generally, it's pretty light stuff on a Monday morning because we're all just trying to get back into the week. But some things can't be ignored, you know, and if you're a new listener to the show, we try to keep it as light for you as we can. But sometimes things are so serious that we got to go off on a path we didn't see coming. And this morning, we were talking about Rihanna and her interview on Friday night with Diane Sawyer and domestic violence. And about 15 minutes ago, we got a call from a Birch show listener, Glenda, who was saying she was going through the exact same thing, and she had nowhere to turn. Every time she walks into the house, she has no idea what her. Is it boyfriend or husband? Husband. Husband is gonna do. He's been knocking her around. She still goes back time and time again. So she called us up this morning, and it just started this firestorm of calls. And we got Jayden's ladder on that specifically works with cases just like this.

[B]

Yeah, we worked with Jaden's letter this weekend. They help survivors of domestic violence get out and stay out, and they support them for two years following leaving their abuser.

[A]

Here's Preston. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[C]

Hey, good morning. How are you?

[A]

Okay. How are you?

[C]

I'm well. I'm well. Thank you for answering my call. Sure.

[A]

What's going on?

[C]

Well, I was listening to the story, and, you know, it touched me. It made me want to call in, because sometimes men get a bad rap, you know? And what about those men who. Being abused by the woman?

[D]

It is true that.

[C]

Interviews, relationship. My wife is. I just feel like she's the most angry, hateful woman in the world. I love her to death. Don't get me wrong. I love her. But what made me want to call in was the point where Glenda said that she's not well. Someone asked her if she was able to contact her family and talk to her with her family, or was there a point where, you know, she lost contact with the family. And. And that struck me. I was like, wow. Because I've always been close with my family, and I've always had the. The feeling that this woman is. Is angry and she just abused and, you know, she's mentally abusive to me. But then when I heard the point, the part when she said, have you been disconnected from your family? I was like, wow, this is. You know, it was A light bulb went off. I'm really. I really am in abusive relationship because I'm at the point where I'm disconnected from my family now, you know, and it's.

[A]

I think it's a. You know, we'll get oneita back on here from Jaden's ladder, but. And I don't have any experience in this area, but I know as a guy, it does have a different texture to it because you can't go to your guy friends about it because you're a man. That's not. You don't go to other guys for help because your girlfriend or your wife is abusive to you. It's just not something you do. We got, you know, stupid guy pride.

[C]

You know, it sounds funny. It's like, ha, ha, you're a wimp. You know?

[A]

Right.

[C]

Like, what kind of man am I then? If. If I'm willing to be. Be you know, subtle and patient and. And not, you know, beat my wife, but I allow it to happen to me. I mean, I question myself at that point.

[A]

Hey, Onita.

[D]

Yes?

[A]

Did you hear Preston here?

[D]

Yeah, I did. And you know what, Preston? You're a great man. First of all, it doesn't make you weak because you don't hit a woman or you don't verbally abuse a woman. But you know what? I get a lot of calls from men like you, so don't feel that you're alone. They do not come out as often. But I do get a lot of calls that there is that situation for the man also. And because it's that same situation, it doesn't mean it's less dangerous for you. You've heard of the wife that runs the guy over or the wife that is. You know, you hear it on the news. The wife that stabs the man, and they find, you know, the family dead. This is serious stuff, whether you're a female or a male. So the same situation, you need to get out. You need to find actually for men. I asked them to find a codependency group because there's men and women in that group. And so you don't feel that you're so alone because there aren't many agencies that directly deal with men. You're also able to call me if you'd like, and I can talk you through this. However, look for a codependency group. Go in there, talk about. That's what. That's what's starting all of this. Right now, you're feeling codependent upon your partner, and she's being very abusive and taking advantage of you. And it can become a very serious situation. It doesn't mean you're a weak, Preston, because you know that you don't. You don't react back to her. It just means you're a great guy and you have heart and you don't want to hurt another person the way they've hurt you. So the same situation, Preston, get out of the situation. If I've heard of men that the wife takes the financial control. So take. Get some money put aside, get all your financial documents, get all your passports, birth certificates, put it in a safe deposit box, give it to a friend, and get out.

[C]

And I heard you mention that to Glenda. I heard you say to do that.

[D]

Here's the thing.

[C]

I left my wife over. I left about five times. About five times. And I've come back each time. She's always begged me to come back, and I always come back mainly for my children. We have two children together.

[D]

Exactly. Yeah, I hear you. That's what I did. That's what a lot of women do. But you know what, what I tell men. Do you want. Do you have a boy or a little girl?

[C]

I have two girls.

[D]

Okay. Now, do you want. Where it's the same situation. Think about it, what advice you'd give to your child. You know, if you. If your daughter came to you at 18 years old because she saw that you were. You were being abused, and. And she allows that to happen to herself because she sees this in the household. So, you know, do you. What do you think your child, at that point, don't you know, you have children? I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[C]

No, I mean, that's. That's one of the issues that we have. She likes to attack me in front of the children, and I tell her not to. I asked her. Well, I do tell her, because I gave her a little upset myself, but I asked her not to do that. But she does it constantly.

[A]

Preston, if this was your baby girl and she was calling you, you would drive down to her house and you would pull her as a father. You would pull her out of her situation. So why aren't you doing that for yourself?

[C]

Pulling my children out of the situation?

[A]

Yeah. Pull yourself out yourself and your children.

[C]

That's what I want to do, but I don't know how to do that. I don't know how.

[D]

Okay, again, call me Preston. My number is 603-205-4746. I will help you and give you the tools to get out of that relationship. If it's financial, we'll help you to, you know, emotional. We'll find A group for you. We will try to get you into temporary housing until we can get you into our group, possibly. But I need for you to find that strength, because if she. Imagine that the mental abuse she's giving to you and possibly physical abuse, Preston, your kids are seeing that, and they think that's okay in that household. And I'm telling you, 10 years from now, you're going to be in therapy with your child because your child's been being beaten, your child is being in an abusive situation, and it's. And it stems from this day, this phone call, as to why that they're in that situation. So I need for you to understand this is the cycle. This is what they talk about. And if you can break the cycle now, you are actually helping your child, your daughters in the future not to get caught up in the cycle, not to be the abuser and not to be the abuse. And, you know, Preston, I need you to get out.

[A]

I've said this before on the show also, that as a parent, you not only have a responsibility for your own kids, but you're also forming attitudes for every generation after you also. So if this is what your kids are learning, that's the way they're gonna parent, and that's what their kids are gonna see also. Somebody's gotta stop it, man.

[C]

Right.

[D]

Exactly.

[C]

Exactly. I would love some. Some type of gateway. I just need help. I need help. I really do, because I don't know what. I don't know how to do it myself.

[D]

Call me. Call me. But if you. If you don't want to call me, find. Go on the Internet, find a codependency program in your area, Go in there, and that's the start of. Start of your healing process, is to find out why this is happening to you, why you're allowing this. You might have experienced abuse, just subtle abuse like this. Not. Not like this. I'm saying, like subtle abuse where you saw your. Your mom attack your dad in this way and you think it's okay. So it's been a cycle in your life, and this is the reason why I need you to break the cycle with your kids.

[A]

Let me put you on hold, okay, Preston? And we'll get. We'll get our phone number into your hands. Okay?

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

He's really brave for coming forward.

[A]

I mean, that goes against. I mean, it goes against what we're taught as dudes, you know, like, take care of it yourself. You can't go to your other friends. You can't go to your guy. Friends and say that your wife is beating you up because they'll ridicule you.

[B]

And it's the same. He was feeling the exact same way that Glenda was, you know, that she didn't know how to leave. She kept going back. She, you know, didn't put herself first in that situation.

[A]

Hey, Michelle. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[E]

Hi. I just want to say that, you guys, I've been battling this for five years now, and it's like every time I turn around, there's something hitting me in the face to say, this is you. This is you. Because you really. I have to defend these people. You have.

[D]

You.

[E]

You question it. You think it's you. And. And I don't know how to leave. I think it's me. I. I mean, I can't even make new friends. Every person I make friends with, he calls them and tells them never to call, call me back. And all I have is him, besides my kids, and they're not his kids. But I have nobody else, you know, So I. He makes it to where I have to depend on him. That's what they do.

[B]

You allow that abuse to happen in front of your kids?

[E]

I don't allow it. I don't have a choice because I'm not financially able to take my four children out of this home and provide for them by myself.

[A]

Oneita. Where can she turn now? You're talking to women.

[D]

Jaden's allowed to call us. We could help. And the other problem is that what you have to think about is if you're not financially independent right now and he comes home and he hurts you where you don't recoup from it, your kids are not. They have nobody to go to, you know, so think of the big picture. I really want. I really want you to realize the importance. It's not a choice between getting abused and keeping a safe home for your kids. You're not safe. And if you die, your kids have that person to live with for the rest of their lives. That's why Gary. Okay, so you know what? It's okay to feel that. That business and get out. And we'll try to find some financial help for you so that you can be safe and your kids can be safe, and you need to get out of the situation. I understand that everybody's. Everybody's issue out there right now is about financial. You know, it's the money. I can't get out because I don't have a job. We can help you to get a job. You can work you can be independent, you can go back to school. We can get you there. Or some organization that I can work with can get you there. We can do this together. Don't feel that you're alone out there, but you will be. Your kids will be alone. If you continue this path and something happens to you, they have nobody.

[A]

Onita, I can almost hear like this desperation in your voice. Is this the kind of situation where. Where every second counts?

[D]

It really is. I think that we get used to being in a home where abusive and volatile and you don't realize how dangerous it is because you live it day to day. I understand how you're feeling, so. And I didn't realize it until I was fighting for my life. So, you know, let's not make it that that situation where it's too late and we read about you in the papers or we hear about you on the burt, you know, but get out and be that success story. Be a survivor. I want all you guys out there that are listening. You can become a survivor. I've done it. I've gone back, I've been beaten. And now we started this organization and you can do this. If I can do it, you can do it. You really can. And there is support out there by you calling and reaching out. This is your first step. It's not going to be scary from this point on. We can help.

[B]

I think it really is amazing that, Oneita, you've been through this yourself. And so, you know, and that's where your emotion lies, to help everyone because you know where they've been.

[D]

Oh, I know my family told me to leave numerous amount of times and I wouldn't because I felt that they need, you know, Aaron would call me and every time I left and he'd say he loved me. You know, we don't meet these guys and immediately they hit us and we're like, oh, I love you. We fall in love with these guys. So that's why it's so hard, because we fell in love with this person and, and we don't understand who this other person is that's coming forth and we think we can save them. We cannot save these people. They have to save themselves, you know, and if they do get the help, that's all good. But for the ones that don't, and that's the majority of them, they're dangerous people. So that's where I, you know, it became a dangerous situation for me. This is a guy that I loved, you know, and cared about, and he almost killed me. And I know your position. Girls out there. And gentlemen, so that's why I'm saying you're used to it. You think you can handle it. But it's a bigger situation than what you can handle. So just come and seek help.

[A]

Oneita, what's the website again?

[D]

Www.jaden with an S. Jadensladder.org 800. Number is 866-430-1118. Or myself. Everybody's calling me. I'm taking the call. 603-205-4746. I will help you.

[A]

And all that information is going to be up on our website. You are awesome to give out your cell phone number. You really are.

[D]

No problem, Bert. This is what we're here for.

[A]

You weren't expecting this today, were you? You know what? The big party was Saturday night. I'll relax on Monday. No problem. We're not gonna have any of that. All right, one, thanks for all your help.

[D]

You know what? Thank you, guys. You guys did a fabulous job. Thanks for keeping the word out. You're saving lives. God bless you guys.

[A]

Thanks, Anita, again, in all that information. You do have a place to turn. That's Jaden's ladder. This is the Birch Show.