Vault: Listeners Spill Their Most Disgusting Work Stories

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Listeners Spill Their Most Disgusting Work Stories

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

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Episode Overview

This lively and candid episode of The Bert Show invites retail workers and listeners to share their most shocking and disgusting workplace stories. The conversation ranges from the everyday frustrations of working with the public to jaw-dropping tales of unsanitary customer behavior. Bert, Kristin, and the cast share the mic with several guests, fostering a blend of camaraderie, catharsis, and cautionary tales for both shoppers and employees.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Respect in Retail: The Dressing Room Rant

• Laura, a retail worker, calls in to air frustrations and offer advice to shoppers, particularly women, about dressing room etiquette.
  • Returning Items Properly: Laura wishes shoppers would use the silver rack outside the changing rooms to return clothes, rather than leaving them inside-out, on the floor, or crumpled in corners.

    “...when you go in to try clothing on, that pretty silver rack outside the fitting room is where you need to bring the clothes out to after you try them on.”
    (03:01 - Laura)

  • Panty Liners in Bathing Suits: Laura is appalled by customers removing the hygienic liner and sticking it to the floor or walls.

    “Please don't pull it out and stick it on the floor or stick it on the dressing room.”
    (03:44 - Laura)

  • Trash and Misplaced Items: Shoppers leaving drinks, trash, or unwanted merchandise in random store locations frustrates Laura.
  • Children in the Store: She shares how customers treat the toy department as free daycare and leave saliva-soaked toys behind.

2. Listener and Cast Reactions

• Relatability and Realizations: Cast members, Jeff, and others admit to being unaware of proper dressing room protocol and pledge to do better.

  • “I never realized that the rack outside... that's what it's there for.”
    (03:38 - Jeff)

• Coffee Shop Parallels: Anna, another listener, calls in from her coffee shop job, venting about similar disrespectful customer habits.

  • “People leave their stuff everywhere, and I'm just like, I'm not your maid and I'm not your mommy.”
    (05:49 - Anna)

3. Parenting in Public Spaces

• Crying Children and Unattended Kids: Laura urges parents to remove crying kids rather than ignore tantrums, and not to leave children unsupervised.

  • “If your child is crying for five minutes straight, you and your child need to leave the store.”
    (06:11 - Laura)

4. Men in Women’s Dressing Areas

• Laura complains about men accompanying their partners into women’s changing rooms, irritating other shoppers and staff.

  • “The sitting room in the women's department is for women, not for men to go in there with your spouse or significant other.”
    (06:47 - Laura)

5. Shocking and Disgusting Incidents

• Feces on the Walls: Omar, a listener, describes discovering fecal matter smeared on retail walls.

  • “I had a lady leave feces smeared all over the walls.”
    (08:41 - Omar)

• Defecation Incident: Another listener shares a story about a woman and her children defecating in the store, with the children running out laughing.

  • “...you go in and there's a whole pile of crap just sitting there.”
    (09:01 - Unnamed Listener)

• Shocking Shoplifting Methods: Heather explains people urinate on clothes to try to disable anti-theft sensor tags—unsuccessfully.

  • “They would try to urinate on the clothes to short circuit the sensors tags on them.”
    (10:35 - Heather)

6. Lingerie Warnings and Cleanliness

• Wash Before Wearing: Michelle, who works in intimate apparel, urges customers to wash new products due to the volume of people trying items on.

  • “When you buy your products, please wash them before you wear them. I don't know if anyone knows to do this. A lot of people just think... People think people don't try on panties. They do.”
    (11:11 - Michelle)

7. Cast Humor and Coping

• Over-the-Top Reactions: The cast responds with disgust, dark humor, and camaraderie, finding ways to laugh at the horror stories while acknowledging the real struggles of retail work.

  • “Who leaves fecal matter anywhere? That's what I did at work today.”
    (09:36 - Bert)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Hygiene & Shoppers' Responsibility:

  “...it’s scary stuff. Like I said, I hope you have helped to spread the message and I hope that people will now be a little more respectful.”
  (12:08 - Bert)

• Advice to Listeners on Apparel:

  “Always wear shoes in the fitting room because you don't know what's on that carpet.”
  (12:32 - April)

• Cast’s Takeaway:

  “Me personally, I am looking for a tailor... No urine on my clothes.”
  (12:20 - Bert)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• 03:01 – Laura’s Dressing Room Rant
• 03:44 – Panty Liner & Hygiene Issues
• 05:49 – Anna, Coffee Shop Worker, Adds Perspective
• 06:11 – Parenting and Retail Etiquette
• 06:47 – Men in Women’s Changing Rooms
• 08:41 – Omar’s Feces Story
• 09:01 – Listener: Poop Incident in Juniors Department
• 10:35 – Heather: Urine Tampering with Sensor Tags
• 11:11 – Michelle: Wash Before Wearing Lingerie
• 12:32 – April: “Wear Shoes in Fitting Rooms”

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Tone and Language

The episode maintains a conversational, honest, and often humorous tone. The cast and callers use direct language, expressive exclamations, and playful banter ("Pastor Laura, your church is starting to form," 06:02) to react to the cringe-worthy tales.

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Summary Takeaway

The episode is an eye-opening, sometimes stomach-turning look at the realities of retail work, emphasizing much-needed customer etiquette and respect for service industry workers. The cast encourages everyone to treat stores (“not your bedroom”) and their workers with decency—and to always wash new clothes, keep children close, and never, ever remove a panty liner or leave trash (and worse!) behind.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[C]

Hi Laura.

[E]

Hey. How y' all doing?

[C]

We're well. How are you?

[E]

I'm doing great. I just appreciate being able to be given a voice to do this. So you just don't know how exciting this is for me.

[C]

Yeah. I hope what we allow you to communicate here is helpful to you. Like cathartic, like a cleansing to you. But I also hope that some people truly take it to heart like I'm. I read your email quickly. We all kind of went over quickly in our meeting last week and. And you make some very valid points and I think if they're presented correctly, you could possibly change my behavior.

[E]

Wonderful.

[C]

In a retail store. So explain to us, have you always worked in retail or are you back in.

[E]

It's a part time job for Me, I'm a single parent. I work at this unnamed department store. But I can give it away by saying that part of the problem that I'm having to make these complaints is that we don't have dressing room Nazis at my store. So that's where part of the problem comes from. But I've been doing this about two and a half years, and I love what I'm doing. I love the people I'm working with. But what's so frustrating is that these customers that come in and they're just really inconsiderate. I mean, can I start with my rant? Is that what I can do? I would like to address the shoppers of Atlanta and when you go. And women, because that's the department I work in. But women, when you go in to try clothing on that pretty silver rack outside the fitting room is where you need to bring the clothes out to after you try them on. You don't need to leave them on the floor. You don't need to leave them inside out. For those of you who put clothing back on the hanger inside out, don't bother. I have to take it off the hanger, turn it right side out, and then put it back on the hanger and make sure it's zipped up or buttoned up properly.

[D]

Let me interject and ask you a quick question. Do most people leave it in the dressing room and don't bring it back out?

[E]

A lot of them do. A lot of them do. I've done that.

[C]

I leave it. I hang it.

[D]

So you guys didn't know.

[E]

Now I will say I'm not as upset if you leave it on the hanger properly in the dressing room. That one, you know, that's.

[F]

I don't leave it on the floor.

[E]

It's one that's on the floor inside out.

[F]

I'm still buying it.

[E]

Put it all over the place.

[C]

I will hang it up. Or if it's a folded article, I will fold it and put it on the little bench or stool or whatever.

[E]

And we appreciate. You get kudos for that, Jeff Donald. That's awesome.

[C]

But I never realized that the rack outside. Yeah, yeah. That's new.

[E]

That's what it's there for. That's what it's there for.

[C]

Our apologies.

[E]

This one is again, to the ladies. The panty liner in the bathing suit bottom is there for a reason. Please don't pull it out and stick it on the floor or stick it on the dressing room.

[D]

Nasty.

[E]

I am not making this up.

[F]

And they put. Do they Put that same swimsuit back on the rack or like, oh, yes, they do.

[C]

Can you tell me about this thing?

[F]

Well, it's.

[E]

It's hygienic. It's a little hygienic liner.

[F]

So your stuff. Don't.

[E]

We like to think that most people try the bathing suit on with their, you know, their underwear salon, but they're still, you know, I think there's some people that just, you know, they can't get that full effect.

[C]

So it's a barrier. Intimate parts from touching fabric that another person may someday wear.

[F]

Correct?

[D]

Yep.

[E]

Yes.

[G]

And that's why you wash your bathing

[E]

suit when you bring it home from the store. Absolutely. Please don't leave items that you don't want stuck anywhere throughout the store. People like to think they're cute, and they'll hide them in the tables with the folded clothing or stick them in the middle of a rack where it doesn't belong, bring them back either that pretty silver rack or take it to the register. And the same for trash. I can't tell you how many times I'm folding clothes on a table and there's like, a Starbuck cup in there half full. They just. It's like they think they can just stick their trash anywhere.

[F]

I've seen that. I think that's rude now, the placing of the items in the wrong place, or if you decide you don't want anymore halfway through the store. I know people that. Katie who have done that before.

[D]

Set it down.

[C]

I forgive you.

[D]

Melissa Corp. Now, I have a couple questions for you.

[C]

Go ahead.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

The first one is about deodorant, because a lot of times we don't mean to, but when we're trying on the lbd, then we get a little do on it. Does that frustrate you? To no end.

[E]

You know, that doesn't bother me as much because a lot of times we can sell it and they'll do a little bit of a markdown to sell it. That doesn't bother me as much because that's accidental. Right. That's not intentional.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah. That I can deal with.

[C]

Hey, Anna, welcome to the show.

[E]

Hi.

[C]

What's going on?

[E]

I want to say that I completely agree with you. I work at a little coffee shop, and people leave their stuff everywhere, and I'm just like, I'm not your maid and I'm not your mommy. Learn to clean up.

[C]

Pastor Laura, your church is starting to form.

[E]

Thank you.

[C]

Got a flock coming together.

[E]

I've got a few more items. Can I.

[F]

Go ahead. Bring her up. Do It.

[E]

I love kids, but if your child is crying for five minutes straight, you and your child need to leave the store.

[F]

I can't tell you how many times

[E]

people dragging these kids through and they're screaming bloody murder and the parent is oblivious to it. And on the child note, the toy department is not a babysitter. I can't tell you how many times people will leave their kids in the toy department and then they go off shopping or they'll give them like a book or a stuffed animal. I will go to pick those things up and they're sopping wet. Not to gross you out, but where the child's been teething on it.

[F]

Ew.

[E]

Men. The sitting room in the women's department is for women, not for men to go in there with your spouse or significant other.

[F]

Really? Yes.

[E]

Mad when you call them out on it.

[D]

Really?

[H]

Yes.

[C]

You should have a cop calling out on it.

[E]

Oh, and I mean, they get angry. He'll go, I had one guy. Well, it doesn't say women's. I said it's in the women's department. I mean around here.

[D]

Was he trying to try on women's clothes or.

[E]

No, they'll go in with their wives. I am not making the.

[F]

Oh, I see. So that you. So other women in their dressing, they don't want a man in there with other women in their dressing.

[C]

I don't even get nervous sometimes. You know how it's like usually hallway into the dressing room. I've been outside that hallway waiting for Jessica and then like, she'll call me to get her and she'll be like, hey, can you give me some back here?

[E]

I'll hang around the outside. She'll kind of peek out.

[C]

Well, no, she'll be like, she might hand something over and so can you go find this in blue or a small. Like it weirds me out even to have to walk down that hallway. Cause I'm convinced some half naked chick's gonna pop out asking her girlfriend.

[E]

Well, there are men that go in there with. And then they get mad when you call them out on it.

[D]

Yeah. Cause you know, there's. Sometimes you can't get the zipper all the way up or you can't get something buttoned. So you'll come out to try to the saleswoman to help you. And so you are half dressed.

[C]

Yeah, I have no interest in being the guy lurking in the dressing room.

[E]

Right. And I've gone in and help people. That's what I tell. If you need any help, let me know. You know, that's what I'm here for, so. And my last one. And again, this is dots. If you are over the age of 40 or weigh over 150 pounds, you might want to rethink shopping in the junior's department. I cannot tell you. You know, it's just. Grandma, Junior department is just that. Juniors. It's not for. That's your granddaughter.

[D]

So you cut it off at 40? I would cut it off a lot lower than that.

[E]

Well, I was trying to be generous.

[C]

Hey, Omar. Welcome to the show.

[E]

Hi. How you doing? I've worked retail for two years, right? And by far, women are the worst that I've ever seen. I had a lady leave feces smeared all over the walls. Yes.

[F]

It happened when I was working.

[C]

Wait, what?

[D]

Stop.

[E]

Hold on.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wa.

[G]

I used to work retail, and in the junior's department, there was a woman and her two children, and all of a sudden you see them come dashing out, and all of a sudden you go in and there's a whole pile of crap just sitting there.

[D]

She let her kid poop on the floor.

[G]

She did it.

[C]

No, she didn't.

[G]

She did it.

[D]

No.

[G]

Yes. Cause her kids ran out first laughing, and then mom ran out.

[D]

Oh, that is nasty.

[F]

Who leaves her fecal matter in a. I don't know. There's a bathroom in the back. Yes.

[G]

That was the first day of my life.

[C]

Do you. Are you proud? Will you be proud to call Millie Pete today and tell her that as part of your job? You just said that sentence.

[F]

Hey, mom. Let me tell you about Mom.

[C]

Let me tell you what happened at work today. Who lives fecal matter anywhere? That's what I did at work today. Hey, Heather. Welcome to the show.

[G]

Worst day ever.

[H]

Yeah, I actually have something to say about this as well. I worked in retail for about eight months. I actually just recently quit my job with this retail. And it wasn't like a little, like sort of like hole in the wall. It was a big name department store at a very respectable shopping mall here in Atlanta. And I quit because of how horrible this gets. It's so out of hand.

[E]

We.

[H]

I mean, it's insane.

[E]

They.

[H]

Not only about the issue with the clothes, you know, nobody. They're so disrespectful. Nobody brings them back out. I mean, they just treat them like trash. But we would find. I mean, it was so disgusting. We would find clothes that were actually urinated on.

[E]

What?

[F]

I don't understand.

[C]

How does that happen?

[F]

Are you really behaving this way?

[G]

Yes.

[F]

Disgusting.

[H]

I mean, they would. For the record, I will say this does not work if anybody gets this idea in their head. But they would try to urinate on the clothes to short circuit the sensors tags on them.

[E]

Oh, you're.

[C]

No way.

[F]

Oh my God. Are you kidding me?

[D]

You were trying to shoplift.

[H]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

You know what? That electronic stream should have gone through the urine and shocked them.

[C]

Shocked them right there. Yes, I've got a. Hey, Michelle. I think this goes without saying.

[F]

I never ever, ever, ever thought of that.

[C]

Welcome to the show, Michelle.

[E]

Hi. I also work in intimate apparel. That's going to be your bras, panties and all that. Pajamas. I just wanted to give a wor warning to the customers. When you buy your products, please wash them before you wear them. I don't know if anyone knows to do this. A lot of people just think it

[C]

just what we do now.

[E]

People think people don't try on panties. They do. They do. Disgusting. Dealers I help with bra fittings are sweaty and coughing and phlegmy and just

[F]

wash all of your people. Learn how to live. What is wrong with everybody?

[C]

Hey, Laura, I feel like saying thank you right now is like thanking the police officer who just caught me speeding. But I appreciate you sharing your face

[E]

with us in the two and a half years I keep thinking I gotta get on the bird show, I gotta get on the merch show.

[F]

Great job.

[E]

This is all for real, y'. All. Like I said, it's scary stuff.

[C]

Yeah, I hope you scary. I hope you have helped to spread the message and I hope that people will now be a little more respectful. And me personally, I am looking for a tailor, somebody who can custom make every article of clothing that I need using fabric that I'll buy. And if you have those skills, you can reach me via email, Facebook or Twitter. Thank you. No urine on my clothes.

[E]

Okey doke.

[F]

Hey, April.

[G]

And always wear shoes, by the way. Always wear shoes in the fitting room because you don't know what's on that carpet.

[C]

Well, I know because in guys dressing rooms, physical matter. I don't know if you know that.

[F]

Guys particles, pickle flakes.

[C]

Guys shirts have like 300 pins in them. I don't know if you know this like a man's dress shirt and you have to try it on. You've got a. You gotta take out every pin. Every guy just throws them on the floor, like dozens of them. And if you took your shoes off in there, you definitely hemorrhage. All right, so we're done with this. We don't need to hear about the vomit in the dressing room.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Hey, the bird show.