The Bert Show: Vault – Listeners Spill Their Most Disgusting Work Stories

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

Episode Overview

This lively and candid episode of The Bert Show invites retail workers and listeners to share their most shocking and disgusting workplace stories. The conversation ranges from the everyday frustrations of working with the public to jaw-dropping tales of unsanitary customer behavior. Bert, Kristin, and the cast share the mic with several guests, fostering a blend of camaraderie, catharsis, and cautionary tales for both shoppers and employees.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Respect in Retail: The Dressing Room Rant

• Laura, a retail worker, calls in to air frustrations and offer advice to shoppers, particularly women, about dressing room etiquette.
  • Returning Items Properly: Laura wishes shoppers would use the silver rack outside the changing rooms to return clothes, rather than leaving them inside-out, on the floor, or crumpled in corners.

    “...when you go in to try clothing on, that pretty silver rack outside the fitting room is where you need to bring the clothes out to after you try them on.”
    (03:01 - Laura)

  • Panty Liners in Bathing Suits: Laura is appalled by customers removing the hygienic liner and sticking it to the floor or walls.

    “Please don't pull it out and stick it on the floor or stick it on the dressing room.”
    (03:44 - Laura)

  • Trash and Misplaced Items: Shoppers leaving drinks, trash, or unwanted merchandise in random store locations frustrates Laura.
  • Children in the Store: She shares how customers treat the toy department as free daycare and leave saliva-soaked toys behind.

2. Listener and Cast Reactions

• Relatability and Realizations: Cast members, Jeff, and others admit to being unaware of proper dressing room protocol and pledge to do better.

  • “I never realized that the rack outside... that's what it's there for.”
    (03:38 - Jeff)

• Coffee Shop Parallels: Anna, another listener, calls in from her coffee shop job, venting about similar disrespectful customer habits.

  • “People leave their stuff everywhere, and I'm just like, I'm not your maid and I'm not your mommy.”
    (05:49 - Anna)

3. Parenting in Public Spaces

• Crying Children and Unattended Kids: Laura urges parents to remove crying kids rather than ignore tantrums, and not to leave children unsupervised.

  • “If your child is crying for five minutes straight, you and your child need to leave the store.”
    (06:11 - Laura)

4. Men in Women’s Dressing Areas

• Laura complains about men accompanying their partners into women’s changing rooms, irritating other shoppers and staff.

  • “The sitting room in the women's department is for women, not for men to go in there with your spouse or significant other.”
    (06:47 - Laura)

5. Shocking and Disgusting Incidents

• Feces on the Walls: Omar, a listener, describes discovering fecal matter smeared on retail walls.

  • “I had a lady leave feces smeared all over the walls.”
    (08:41 - Omar)

• Defecation Incident: Another listener shares a story about a woman and her children defecating in the store, with the children running out laughing.

  • “...you go in and there's a whole pile of crap just sitting there.”
    (09:01 - Unnamed Listener)

• Shocking Shoplifting Methods: Heather explains people urinate on clothes to try to disable anti-theft sensor tags—unsuccessfully.

  • “They would try to urinate on the clothes to short circuit the sensors tags on them.”
    (10:35 - Heather)

6. Lingerie Warnings and Cleanliness

• Wash Before Wearing: Michelle, who works in intimate apparel, urges customers to wash new products due to the volume of people trying items on.

  • “When you buy your products, please wash them before you wear them. I don't know if anyone knows to do this. A lot of people just think... People think people don't try on panties. They do.”
    (11:11 - Michelle)

7. Cast Humor and Coping

• Over-the-Top Reactions: The cast responds with disgust, dark humor, and camaraderie, finding ways to laugh at the horror stories while acknowledging the real struggles of retail work.

  • “Who leaves fecal matter anywhere? That's what I did at work today.”
    (09:36 - Bert)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Hygiene & Shoppers' Responsibility:

  “...it’s scary stuff. Like I said, I hope you have helped to spread the message and I hope that people will now be a little more respectful.”
  (12:08 - Bert)

• Advice to Listeners on Apparel:

  “Always wear shoes in the fitting room because you don't know what's on that carpet.”
  (12:32 - April)

• Cast’s Takeaway:

  “Me personally, I am looking for a tailor... No urine on my clothes.”
  (12:20 - Bert)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 03:01 – Laura’s Dressing Room Rant
• 03:44 – Panty Liner & Hygiene Issues
• 05:49 – Anna, Coffee Shop Worker, Adds Perspective
• 06:11 – Parenting and Retail Etiquette
• 06:47 – Men in Women’s Changing Rooms
• 08:41 – Omar’s Feces Story
• 09:01 – Listener: Poop Incident in Juniors Department
• 10:35 – Heather: Urine Tampering with Sensor Tags
• 11:11 – Michelle: Wash Before Wearing Lingerie
• 12:32 – April: “Wear Shoes in Fitting Rooms”

Tone and Language

The episode maintains a conversational, honest, and often humorous tone. The cast and callers use direct language, expressive exclamations, and playful banter ("Pastor Laura, your church is starting to form," 06:02) to react to the cringe-worthy tales.

Summary Takeaway

The episode is an eye-opening, sometimes stomach-turning look at the realities of retail work, emphasizing much-needed customer etiquette and respect for service industry workers. The cast encourages everyone to treat stores (“not your bedroom”) and their workers with decency—and to always wash new clothes, keep children close, and never, ever remove a panty liner or leave trash (and worse!) behind.