The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: MC STAND UP

Date: November 11, 2025
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Key Cast: Bert, Melissa Carter ("MC"), Katie Jo, Jen Hobby

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a unique and hilarious challenge: Melissa Carter (MC) is forced to perform four minutes of stand-up comedy as a punishment after her girlfriend, Katie Jo, performed poorly on a NASCAR trivia quiz. The show captures MC’s anxiety and vulnerability as a first-time stand-up comic, the reactions from the rest of the cast, and the resulting on-air laughs. With the signature Bert Show authenticity and camaraderie, the episode is a blend of genuine nervousness, supportive ribbing, and comedic payoff.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting Up the Stand-Up Punishment

• Background:
  • Melissa Carter’s girlfriend, Katie Jo, is quizzed on her NASCAR knowledge and only gets 2 out of 10 questions correct.
  • For every missed answer, MC has to do 30 seconds of stand-up—totaling 4 minutes (01:09, 05:45).
  • MC shares her extreme nervousness and dread ("…my mind wondering how I was going to do this… no part of me that has ever even thought about being a standup comedian.") (01:09–01:58).
• MC’s Experience:
  • MC describes waiting anxiously: “It's like when you're a kid and you have to do a book report on a book you didn't read…” (02:14–02:51).
  • She jokes about wanting to just flee the building ("I had the thought down the hall, if I just got in the car and drove away, what would happen?") (02:51).

2. NASCAR Trivia Recap

• The cast hilariously reviews Katie Jo’s answers, highlighting the fun mix of right and wrong responses (03:15–05:44):
  • For example, Katie Jo guesses "Pepsi 600 at Lowe's Motor Speedway" instead of "Coca Cola 600."
  • Only correct answer: The average amount a primary sponsor pays ($10 million).

3. Melissa Carter’s Stand-Up Routine

• Introduction:
  • MC gets a mock-grand introduction from Bert ("Turn off your cell phones or set them to vibrate. One night and one night only… Melissa Carter to the stage.") (06:13–06:29).
• Stand-Up Material Highlights:
  • Religious Stereotypes in NASCAR:
    • “You know a driver is a Scientologist because they think that positive thinking and vitamins are the only thing they need to make their car run.” (06:46–07:10)
    • Baptists: "They think that everyone else races wrong except them."
    • Catholics: "...they feel guilty about the way they drive all the time."
    • Mormons: "…they have more than one car on the track."
    • Atheists: "...don't believe there are any other cars or even the track exists."
    • Extremists: "...purposely run their cars into everyone else."
  • Gender Jokes:
    • On Yamaha’s motorcycle airbags: "If you crash, it inflates to put a cushion between their jewels and the handlebars, thus protecting a man's most valuable asset… Yamaha already had invented a device that protects a woman's most valuable asset. It's called the helmet." (08:19–08:49)
  • Listener Drama Callback:
    • "Top three questions that Sorry Sarah's new boyfriend is gonna ask… Number one, have you cancelled your Cosmo subscription yet? Number three…do you have plastic sheets?" (08:49–09:24)
  • Current Events/News Gags:
    • Gross-out: Woman assaults her puppy’s breeder with a dead chihuahua in Missouri. “But since the dog was already dead, police can deport him for illegal immigration. Yeah, that's a bad one.” (10:17–10:46)

4. Show Crew’s Reactions

• MC’s stand-up is met with laughter, supportive applause, and some gentle ribbing (“If you order more drinks, the jokes get funnier.”) (10:12).
• MC closes with gratitude for the audience and a loving shout-out to Katie Jo. (“Thank you to Katie Jo for getting the 8 answers wrong...I still love you.”) (10:46–10:52).
• Bert and the team praise MC’s bravery: "I thought you were fantastic." (10:57).
• “This is the Bert Show.” (11:02; sign-off to content portion.)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• MC (on pre-show nerves):
  “It's like when you're a kid and you have to do a book report on a book you didn't read, which happened to me a lot.” (02:14)
• MC (on the stand-up punishment):
  “If I just got in the car and drove away, what would happen? What's the worst that could happen?” (02:51)
• Bert (introducing MC):
  “Columbia, Tennessee's… Boy, are we blessed tonight. Columbia, the funniest city in the east. Melissa Carter to the stage. Thank you. Thank you.” (06:28)
• MC (Scientologist NASCAR drivers):
  “They think that positive thinking and vitamins are the only thing they need to make their car run.” (07:00)
• MC (Yamaha motorcycles):
  “Yamaha already had invented a device that protects a woman's most valuable asset. It's called the helmet.” (08:47)
• MC (closing):
  “Thank you Atlanta, so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you to Katie Jo for getting the 8 answers wrong. If it's too right. I still love you.” (10:46)
• Show’s supportive tease:
  "If you order more drinks, the jokes get funnier." (10:12)

Timestamps of Major Segments

• Show Content Begins: 01:01
• NASCAR Trivia Setup: 01:09–05:44
• Bert Introduces Stand-Up: 06:07
• Stand-Up Routine: 06:29–10:46
• Immediate Crew Reactions: 10:46–11:02
• End of Episode Content: 11:02

Conclusion

This episode puts Melissa Carter front and center in a hilarious, nerve-wracking segment that showcases The Bert Show’s mix of realness and comedy. The group’s chemistry is on full display as they build up MC’s anxiety, laugh with (and at) her stand-up misadventures, and ultimately celebrate her willingness to embrace the challenge. It’s a classic Bert Show episode: funny, self-aware, and filled with moments of camaraderie.