Vault: Melissa Had An Awkward Experience at a Funeral and She's Finally Confessing - The Bert Show

The Bert Show | Vault: Melissa Had An Awkward Experience at a Funeral and She's Finally Confessing

Date: March 20, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings humor and heart to an uncomfortable yet relatable situation: accidentally ending up at the wrong funeral. Jen leads with her story about attending the burial of her friend's mother and nearly paying respects to strangers. The cast, including Melissa and Ashley, react with jokes, empathy, and their own stories, while listeners chime in with awkward funeral experiences of their own. The mood stays light, blending genuine feelings with characteristic Bert Show humor.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jen's Awkward Funeral Mix-Up

Jen’s Story Unfolds (01:07 – 06:29)
- Jen explains she missed her friend's mother's funeral but made it to the burial, only to find four tents at the cemetery and no clear directions to the correct service.
- After asking Navy servicemen at one tent, who direct her to the wrong location, Jen joins a procession, unsure if she’s with the right group.
- She ends up at the tent marked by the Navy guys as “Calhoun” rather than “Gibson,” her friend’s family, and contemplates how to gracefully back out.
- Relief comes when her friend steps out of the family car, confirming Jen is at the right burial—though no thanks to the misinformed Navy guys.

Quote:
"I thought, well, I'm just gonna have to go pay my respects to Mr. and Ms. Calhoun."
— Jen (04:47)

The Panic of Being Trapped
- Jen humorously explains the anxiety of being stuck in a one-way, blocked-in funeral procession, unable to escape without causing a scene or disrespect.

Quote:
“Did you think for a few minutes about putting the car in reverse and backing up the whole way?”
— Melissa (05:53)

Cultural and Situational Awareness
- Jen adds another layer, noting the discomfort of being the only white attendee at what appeared to be a predominantly African American service. Even if it was the right family, people hadn’t seen her at the funeral, so she was a stranger to all.

Light-hearted Debate: Funeral Procession Etiquette (06:37 – 07:55)

Melissa brings up the ‘pseudo motorcycle cops’ that block traffic for funeral processions, describing their demeanor with playful disdain.
The conversation turns to the annoyance of non-funeral vehicles sneaking into the procession, and the general confusion or bravado that can ensue.

Quote:
"I mean, they whip those bikes around ... they stop traffic like their hand is up, you know, rock solid. And they're just sitting there and they're like, that's right. I am stopping all this traffic."
— Melissa (07:01)

Caller Stories: More Funeral Funnies

Becky’s Checkers Run Gone Wrong (08:09 – 09:05)
- Becky calls in with a story of leaving a funeral for fast food, only to realize the funeral procession had passed her, leaving the family to scramble to catch up.
Melissa’s High School McDonald’s Detour (09:11 – 10:16)
- Melissa recounts following a hungry friend's lead during a funeral procession—only for the entire line of mourners to follow their car through the McDonald's drive-thru by accident.

Quote:
"He turns off the road to go down the road where the McDonald's is. The entire procession follows down."
— Melissa (10:04)

Ashley’s New York Traffic Mistake (10:41 – 11:47)
- Ashley recalls, as a new driver, interrupting a funeral procession at an intersection, honking at the cars only to later realize her blunder after a cop yelled at her.

Quote:
"I'm, like, going through this red light. So I'm just...honking and wailing my horn at all these people."
— Becky (11:19)

Etiquette Lesson: Last Car and Funeral Cops (11:57 – 13:07)
- A caller explains the etiquette: if you’re the last car in a funeral procession, you should flash your lights so police know when it’s over. Ignoring this led her to be pulled over by the police—embarrassingly, as the spouse of an officer.

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

"Once you're in, you're in. So I'm in the procession and we go around and we're going around ... I thought, how am I gonna pull off paying my respects to somebody I don't even know?"
— Jen (04:11 & 04:47)
"Not to spin your tires on the grave of another."
— Melissa, joking about learning respect in cemeteries (06:16)
"If you get stuck in the wrong procession, just go with it. Say your prayers exactly. And just say, I'm just a friend of the family."
— Jen (06:21 & 06:26)
"Did he explain to you that you were in error or did you figure it out later?"
— Melissa challenges about funeral procession faux pas (11:41)

Important Timestamps & Segments

Jen’s story begins: (01:07)
Mix-up with Navy guys: (02:19 – 03:52)
Procession panic and cultural note: (04:10 – 05:29)
Conversation on funeral etiquette and humor: (06:16 – 07:55)
Listener call-in stories: (08:05 – 13:07)

Summary Tone & Takeaways

The cast leans into their hallmark warmth and self-deprecating humor, encouraging listeners to share and laugh at moments of awkwardness. For anyone who’s ever attended a funeral—or feared making a faux pas in a sensitive setting—this episode is a comforting reminder: sometimes, the best way to cope with embarrassment is to share the story, laugh, and learn from it.

Lesson of the Day:
Don’t overthink it if you end up at the wrong funeral—just act respectfully and pay your regards! And if in a funeral procession, maybe skip the fast-food detour…

Transcript

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Melissa (1:07)

So Melissa had a sad day yesterday, but as she always does, found some light.

Jen (1:10)

Yeah, well, I mean, yesterday, the sad part of the story, tragic part of the story, is a dear friend of mine who is my oldest friend here in Atlanta, her sweet mama passed away last week and so the funeral was yesterday. Now, the funeral took place while we were still here at the station. So I had to miss the funeral but made the burial. And so Katie went to the funeral and we tag teamed it and I went to the burial. So when I left here, changed clothes, went and got the address for the cemetery. And so I got there and when I got there, there was no crowd or procession of cars. So either I was too late or too early. So I just parked over to the side near the office and I thought, well, let me ask somebody and see if this has already taken place. Well, there were four. Usually at a cemetery, if you have never been to a service, to prepare for the service, they usually have a tent over the grave site because, you know, for shading, either for the sun or the rain, whatever. But at least it gives you an idea that they were about to have a service or just had one. Well, there were four tents up at different sites at the cemetery, so I didn't know which one, you know, but I'm like at least four, four events are taking place today, right?

Melissa (2:19)

And they're not marked. Like there's not.

Jen (2:21)

Like that's what they need to start doing is putting the last name somewhere Draped down the tent or something to let people know. But usually it's just the funeral, you know, you know, name on the tent. But I. But yeah, so four tents were up, so I didn't know which one to go to. Right. So I thought, well, I asked somebody. Well, there was one, one site where they looked like there's a little activity. Some of the service, you know, some of the guys that work at the cemetery were kind of preparing it. And there were three Navy guys that were nearby. And I thought, well, I didn't know her mom was a, like in the Navy, you know, like a Navy vet. Yeah. And so I thought, okay, well, let me go ask. So I went over to him and I said, you know, is this, is this the Gibson, you know, service? And they said, no, it's for Calhoun. And I said, okay, well, I need the Gibson. So I thought, well, I'll just, I'll just see what, I'll just see. I'll just see what happens. So as I'm walking back to my car, then on the street, I see the procession come into the cemetery. So I thought, well, this must be them. The timing must be perfect. So I got in the car and I sat there now with, you know, and if you're not familiar, a lot of times the hearse will go, then the family car is after. And the family car is usually nice and the windows are tinted so you can't really see into the family whose family it is. Yes. And my friend's the daughter, so. And I thought, well, I needed to see in that. So I sat in the car and the hearse went by and I was going to wait till at the end of the procession. And then when the family cart went by, I thought, just in case it is them, I smiled in case she saw me. But if it wasn't them, they're thinking, who's this crazy girl that's just smiling at the family car sitting in the cemetery?