The Bert Show | Vault: Melissa Had An Awkward Experience at a Funeral and She's Finally Confessing

Date: March 20, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings humor and heart to an uncomfortable yet relatable situation: accidentally ending up at the wrong funeral. Jen leads with her story about attending the burial of her friend's mother and nearly paying respects to strangers. The cast, including Melissa and Ashley, react with jokes, empathy, and their own stories, while listeners chime in with awkward funeral experiences of their own. The mood stays light, blending genuine feelings with characteristic Bert Show humor.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jen's Awkward Funeral Mix-Up

• Jen’s Story Unfolds (01:07 – 06:29)
  • Jen explains she missed her friend's mother's funeral but made it to the burial, only to find four tents at the cemetery and no clear directions to the correct service.
  • After asking Navy servicemen at one tent, who direct her to the wrong location, Jen joins a procession, unsure if she’s with the right group.
  • She ends up at the tent marked by the Navy guys as “Calhoun” rather than “Gibson,” her friend’s family, and contemplates how to gracefully back out.
  • Relief comes when her friend steps out of the family car, confirming Jen is at the right burial—though no thanks to the misinformed Navy guys.

Quote:
"I thought, well, I'm just gonna have to go pay my respects to Mr. and Ms. Calhoun."
— Jen (04:47)

• The Panic of Being Trapped
  • Jen humorously explains the anxiety of being stuck in a one-way, blocked-in funeral procession, unable to escape without causing a scene or disrespect.

Quote:
“Did you think for a few minutes about putting the car in reverse and backing up the whole way?”
— Melissa (05:53)

• Cultural and Situational Awareness
  • Jen adds another layer, noting the discomfort of being the only white attendee at what appeared to be a predominantly African American service. Even if it was the right family, people hadn’t seen her at the funeral, so she was a stranger to all.

Light-hearted Debate: Funeral Procession Etiquette (06:37 – 07:55)

• Melissa brings up the ‘pseudo motorcycle cops’ that block traffic for funeral processions, describing their demeanor with playful disdain.
• The conversation turns to the annoyance of non-funeral vehicles sneaking into the procession, and the general confusion or bravado that can ensue.

Quote:
"I mean, they whip those bikes around ... they stop traffic like their hand is up, you know, rock solid. And they're just sitting there and they're like, that's right. I am stopping all this traffic."
— Melissa (07:01)

Caller Stories: More Funeral Funnies

• Becky’s Checkers Run Gone Wrong (08:09 – 09:05)
  • Becky calls in with a story of leaving a funeral for fast food, only to realize the funeral procession had passed her, leaving the family to scramble to catch up.
• Melissa’s High School McDonald’s Detour (09:11 – 10:16)
  • Melissa recounts following a hungry friend's lead during a funeral procession—only for the entire line of mourners to follow their car through the McDonald's drive-thru by accident.

Quote:
"He turns off the road to go down the road where the McDonald's is. The entire procession follows down."
— Melissa (10:04)

• Ashley’s New York Traffic Mistake (10:41 – 11:47)
  • Ashley recalls, as a new driver, interrupting a funeral procession at an intersection, honking at the cars only to later realize her blunder after a cop yelled at her.

Quote:
"I'm, like, going through this red light. So I'm just...honking and wailing my horn at all these people."
— Becky (11:19)

• Etiquette Lesson: Last Car and Funeral Cops (11:57 – 13:07)
  • A caller explains the etiquette: if you’re the last car in a funeral procession, you should flash your lights so police know when it’s over. Ignoring this led her to be pulled over by the police—embarrassingly, as the spouse of an officer.

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• "Once you're in, you're in. So I'm in the procession and we go around and we're going around ... I thought, how am I gonna pull off paying my respects to somebody I don't even know?"
  — Jen (04:11 & 04:47)

• "Not to spin your tires on the grave of another."
  — Melissa, joking about learning respect in cemeteries (06:16)

• "If you get stuck in the wrong procession, just go with it. Say your prayers exactly. And just say, I'm just a friend of the family."
  — Jen (06:21 & 06:26)

• "Did he explain to you that you were in error or did you figure it out later?"
  — Melissa challenges about funeral procession faux pas (11:41)

Important Timestamps & Segments

• Jen’s story begins: (01:07)
• Mix-up with Navy guys: (02:19 – 03:52)
• Procession panic and cultural note: (04:10 – 05:29)
• Conversation on funeral etiquette and humor: (06:16 – 07:55)
• Listener call-in stories: (08:05 – 13:07)

Summary Tone & Takeaways

The cast leans into their hallmark warmth and self-deprecating humor, encouraging listeners to share and laugh at moments of awkwardness. For anyone who’s ever attended a funeral—or feared making a faux pas in a sensitive setting—this episode is a comforting reminder: sometimes, the best way to cope with embarrassment is to share the story, laugh, and learn from it.

Lesson of the Day:
Don’t overthink it if you end up at the wrong funeral—just act respectfully and pay your regards! And if in a funeral procession, maybe skip the fast-food detour…