Vault: Melissa tells Bert about freezing her eggs

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Melissa Tells Bert About Freezing Her Eggs

Date: July 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this intimate and informative segment, Melissa opens up to Bert and the team about her journey freezing her eggs—technically, creating and freezing embryos—with support from Katie. The conversation demystifies the medical process, explores emotional and practical motivations, and delivers trademark Bert Show humor while educating listeners about fertility preservation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Melissa’s Embryo Freezing Journey

• Process Breakdown (01:07–03:32)

  • Melissa and Katie explain the IVF process: rather than just freezing eggs, they're creating and freezing embryos using donor sperm.

  • Katie shares how hormone treatments stimulate both of Melissa’s ovaries to produce multiple eggs, as opposed to the usual single monthly egg.

  • After retrieval, eggs are fertilized with donor sperm in a lab (“like a little petri dish”—Dr. Oz, 02:27), and resulting embryos are frozen for future use.

  • Melissa is candid about the physical effects: giving herself daily hormone shots and feeling extremely bloated from enlarged ovaries.

    “My ovaries are bigger than normal. And so I feel incredibly bloated and huge today.” —Melissa (02:50)

• Science and Sci-Fi Vibes (02:29)

  • “It’s very sci-fi, which of course I love, but it’s a scientist in a lab that is going to put the two together and look and see and then put them in the freezer.” —Melissa

2. Physical and Emotional Impact

• Melissa mentions a particular hormone made her cry, but she’s no longer taking as much of it and feels emotionally stable during this phase.

• Describes her discomfort with humor:

  “Melissa’s been leaning back in her chair like it’s pulling my shirt down, like, oh my God, like grandpa at Thanksgiving dinner.” —Melissa (03:13)

• Nightly injections are discussed, and ensemble members joke about the awkward logistics.

  “Where do you have to give yourself the shot?” —Melissa
  “In my stomach.” —Katie (03:29)

3. Why Freeze Embryos Instead of Implant Now?

(03:53–04:16)

• Melissa is clear: she’s not currently ready for motherhood, time- or finance-wise.
• At age 40 and as a transplant recipient, she wants to secure future options in case health circumstances change.

  “Because I am 40 now and because I am a transplant recipient in case something happens... we wanted to have this option.” —Melissa (03:59)

4. Humor, Hope, and Heart

• The team brings levity to the process, joking about “ice cube babies” and potential for celebrating Mother’s Day early.

  “If we do get embryos in the freezer this week, I do expect, you know, a Mother’s Day card in May for my ice cubes—you know, but kind of a mom, halfway a mom.” —Melissa (04:19)

• Jokes continue about potential number of embryos and odd contests:

  “If you have 20 and you only use one or two, can we give the others away?” —Melissa (04:40)
  “You can win Justin Bieber tickets or Melissa’s eggs.” —Dr. Oz (04:48)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Educational Honesty:

  “I really don’t know a lot about female anatomy, how women’s bodies work in this way.” —Dr. Oz (01:26)

• Relatable Humor:

  “Like grandpa at Thanksgiving dinner, you know, like you just polished off enough turkey for four men.” —Melissa (03:13)

• Hopeful Anticipation:

  “It may not end up in anything because when they go to retrieve, some of the eggs may not even take to the sperm and it may not produce any embryos whatsoever. But we’re hoping that it will.” —Melissa (03:47)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:02 – Katie and Melissa introduce the embryo freezing process
• 01:26 – Dr. Oz asks for a simple explanation
• 02:27 – Petri dish description and lab details on fertilization
• 03:13 – Humor about feeling bloated and “grandpa at Thanksgiving dinner”
• 03:31 – Shots and medication routine
• 03:53 – Why not implant now? Melissa details her reasoning
• 04:19 – Jokes about Mother’s Day for “ice cubes”
• 04:40–04:48 – Joking about winning embryos as prizes

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The segment perfectly balances heartfelt realness and light-hearted banter. Melissa’s vulnerability demystifies the egg and embryo freezing process for listeners, offering both practical and emotional insights. The Bert Show team supports with honesty, curiosity, and humor, ensuring a relatable and engaging discussion.

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For listeners considering or curious about fertility preservation, this episode provides honest answers, firsthand experiences, and a supportive, no-judgment zone.

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Transcript

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[Katie]

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The first show.

[Melissa]

Melissa.

[Katie]

Yes?

[Melissa]

You have to tell Bert what you're doing.

[Katie]

I know.

[Interviewer]

I have to tell Dr. Oz what you're doing.

[Katie]

I know we talked a little bit about it on Saturday, but I, for those who have not heard yet, Katie and I are freezing my eggs and I say freeze. My eggs are actually freezing embryos this week.

[Dr. Oz]

You really are gonna have to speak to me as though I am a sixth grader when it comes to any of this because we had this conversation on Saturday night, and I gotta be honest with you.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Dr. Oz]

Outside of. How do I put this lightly? What to touch. I really don't know a lot about female anatomy, how women's bodies work in this way.

[Katie]

Right. All right. Well, every month, women produce a natural hormone that causes one ovary to make an egg. Because I also learned through this process, the eggs were not already created, which I thought. So even women, even women don't know their own bodies. But it's a natural hormone that one ovary creates an egg and then pops it out and you have your cycle or you get pregnant. So what I'm doing is for the past six weeks, they have slowly built up my hormone level of that natural hormone in others that has allowed both ovaries to decide to make multiple eggs. So then what's gonna happen this week is they are going to go and retrieve those eggs. They're going to mix them with the sperm that we have received from the donor, and then they're going to see which ones start splitting as in start growing. Then they're going to put them in the freezer and stop the process.

[Dr. Oz]

And all this is happening like a little petri dish.

[Katie]

Yes. The fascinating thing is that it's very sci fi, which of course I love, but it's like this. It's a scientist in a lab that is going to put the two together and look and see and then put them in the freezer. So I was teasing with them today because I have really not felt very many effects of the hormones. One hormone did make me cry, but I'm not on that as much as I was. So I'm not in a crying mood or emotional mood anymore. But I. But the fact that both ovaries are producing a lot of eggs, you know, they're growing. My ovaries are bigger than normal. And so I'm incredibly, I feel incredibly bloated and huge today. So Melissa's been leaning back in her chair like it's pulling my shirt down, like, oh my God, like grandpa at

[Melissa]

Thanksgiving dinner, you know, like you just polished off enough turkey for four men.

[Katie]

And it started last night because I have to give myself shots for these hormones come in a syringe. So I have to give myself shots every night. So last night after that shot, about an hour or so after that as my estrogen levels and everything where you

[Melissa]

have to give yourself the shot in my stomach.

[Dr. Oz]

Yeah, she told me.

[Katie]

Yeah. So. But yeah, so last night Katie was laughing at me because I was just like laying on the couch and it was just like one of really tough cycle. So anyway, but other than that, I've been very fortunate and it may not end up in anything because when they go to retrieve some of the eggs may not even take to the sperm and it may not produce any egg, you know, any embryos whatsoever. But we're hoping that it will.

[Interviewer]

And the obvious question from the outside looking in is why not just implant them and have a baby?

[Katie]

Because I am not ready to have a baby. Yeah. Katie and I are not financially or time wise ready. But because I am 40 now and because I am a transplant recipient in case something happens, in case I have to go into dialysis again, we want, you know, we wanted to have this option.

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Katie]

So that's what I'm doing.

[Interviewer]

I knew the answer to that. That's the question. Correct.

[Katie]

Now I tease them. If we do get embryos in the freezer this week, I do expect, you know, a Mother's day card in May for my ice cubes, you know, but kind of a mom halfway. A mom.

[Melissa]

Yeah. One Mother's Day card or several?

[Katie]

It depends on how many I will know by the end of the week how many embryos are in the freezer. It could be 20, so it could be 20, it could be one, it could be three. You know, they don't know.

[Interviewer]

Do we get there now?

[Melissa]

If you have if you have 20 and you only use one or two, can we give the others away to call a 100?

[Katie]

I'll create some kind of contest.

[Dr. Oz]

You can win Justin Bieber tickets or Melissa's eggs.

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