Vault: Men Give Our Listener Brutal Honesty About Her Boyfriend

Summary

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Podcast Summary

The Bert Show: Vault: Men Give Our Listener Brutal Honesty About Her Boyfriend

Date: January 27, 2026
Duration summarized: ~00:00–17:09
Main Cast: Burt, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Keith, Carl, Amy (listener)

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Overview

This episode centers on Amy, a listener struggling with her boyfriend’s emotional flip-flops regarding their relationship. Amy seeks honest, male perspective on her boyfriend’s mixed signals: he claims not to be in love with her, but can't let her go. The Bert Show team invites male callers and offers candid, sometimes blunt, advice to help her interpret her boyfriend’s behavior and decide how to move forward.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Amy’s Situation (00:26–02:52)

• Background:
  Amy details her on-again, off-again relationship with a boyfriend living in Charlotte while she resides in Atlanta.
  • He’s told her multiple times he’s “not in love” with her, but then soon after asks for another chance; this cycle repeats.
  • She’s been asking about their future after two years together, but only receives vague, contradictory answers.
  • Amy says they haven't had physical intimacy recently, and she’s unwilling to be intimate without commitment.

The Guys Weigh In: What’s Really Going On? (02:52–05:38)

• Keith (caller): Suggests he’s likely keeping Amy around while looking for something “better”—classic “having his cake and eating it too” move.

  "I'm telling you, this guy's got somebody else on the side." – Keith (03:54)

• Burt & Co-hosts: Admit to having kept relationships on “life support” when afraid to be alone, even when knowing deep down the connection had ended.

  “I used to do this all the time... I’d keep one woman until something better came along, just so I had something.” – Co-host (05:02)

“I Love You, But Not In Love With You” (05:38–08:42)

• Amy: Struggles to understand what her boyfriend means by loving her, but not being “in love.”
• Co-hosts & Carl (intern):
  • Breaks down that “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” often means platonic affection—like for a friend or family—not romantic love.

  “He loves you like a mom. He loves you like a friend.” – Carl (08:39)

• They stress Amy is being kept around for convenience rather than real commitment.

Honest, Tough Love & Next Steps (08:44–12:29)

• Melissa: Urges Amy to accept that she won’t get what she wants from this relationship and to let go.

  “I think you just need to be told that you're not gonna get what you want." – Melissa (08:57)

• Co-host: Asserts Amy must now take responsibility for her own well-being, since her boyfriend’s patterns won’t change.

  “Zero tolerance for disrespect. And he’s done it to you time and time again.” – Co-host (10:34)

• Amy: Acknowledges it’s hard but expresses her intent to put an end to the cycle.

A Male Caller Shares His Similar Experience (12:32–13:56)

• Jason (caller): Was in a similar situation—couldn’t commit due to past hurt, manipulated the situation, and didn’t want to be the bad guy. Suggests that sometimes such men only react if the other person shows interest in someone else, but warns against playing games.

  “I couldn't commit to her, but I still cared about her... I manipulated the situation by going back and forth.” – Jason (12:56)

Emotional Closure & Self-Worth (13:56–17:09)

• Melissa: Reminds Amy the comfort of his return is an illusion—the pain is only delayed, not avoided.

  “Yeah, but it’s a false sense of comfort because all you’re doing is delaying the pain.” – Melissa (14:19)

• Co-host: Proposes a “breakup pact” between men and women: be honest and direct about ending things, and let it go without dragging things out.
• Amy: Plans to tell her boyfriend not to visit and to move on.
• Group: Encourages Amy to get “mad,” value herself, and recognize she deserves a loving, decisive partner.

  “Start building yourself some self-esteem points.” – Co-host (16:28)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On fear of being alone:

  "He keeps coming back because the fear of him being alone is too much for him to take.” – Co-host (05:22)

• Brutal male insight:

  “You're convenient right now. You're just there.” – Co-host (08:42)

• Advice to Amy:

  “If you keep going back now, it’s your fault if you get hurt.” – Co-host (10:34)

• On moving forward:

  “You deserve better... there will be a guy out there... but this guy is not going to be that guy.” – Melissa (11:20)

• On clinging to false hope:

  “It kind of feels comforting... but it’s a false sense of comfort because all you’re doing is delaying the pain.” – Melissa and Amy (14:01–14:19)

• Empowering Amy:

  “Be strong now. You need to start building yourself some self-esteem points.” – Melissa & Co-host (16:26–16:28)

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Key Segment Timestamps

• 00:26-02:52: Amy details relationship struggles, cycles of breaking up, and confusion.
• 02:52-05:38: Male callers and co-hosts analyze boyfriend’s intentions (“keeping her as backup”).
• 05:38-08:42: Discussion on what “I love you, but not in love with you” really means.
• 08:44-12:29: Team and callers offer honest advice; Melissa and others challenge Amy to move on.
• 12:32-13:56: Jason shares experience as a non-committal boyfriend; warns against games.
• 13:56-17:09: Group encourages Amy to break the cycle, value her self-worth, and close the chapter.

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Tone and Takeaway

The episode is frank, compassionate, and direct. The Bert Show team ditches sugar-coating and gives Amy the “brutal honesty” she asked for, while still empathizing with her pain. The consensus: Amy’s boyfriend is emotionally unavailable and using her as an emotional crutch. The healthiest move for Amy is to end the relationship, regain her independence, and wait for someone who reciprocates her love fully.

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Transcript

[Burt]

The Burt Show.

[Co-host]

All right. Amy emailed us a couple of days ago, and I thought, you know what? I have been in this situation before on the other end, and for women to call up and give her advice right now I think is a little bit ridiculous. We're gonna need guys to call up and sort of crack the code for Amy here. So if you're a guy and you have advice, once you hear Amy's story, feel free to give us a call. 404-741-Q100. Hey, Amy.

[Amy]

Hey. How you doing?

[Co-host]

Good. How are you?

[Amy]

Good. I'm okay.

[Co-host]

All right, what's going on with the boyfriend here? It's a little bit of some give and take going on here, right?

[Amy]

Yes. It's craziness. Well, let me start off by. It started first in September on his birthday. He lives in Charlotte, and I live here in Atlanta. And I went up there to see him, and we were just having some problems in our relationship with him, you know, calling me, and I asked him what was up with him. He was like, I'm not in love with you anymore. And so I immediately jumped out of his car, and I went to my car and I left. He calls me. He sends me an email, actually, a day later telling me that, you know, he's sorry and he wants to be with me again. Okay. So that's one of the ups and downs. So we're together, and then a couple weeks ago on Sunday, I asked him, where do you see this relationship going? Because we've been together for two years. We're not, you know, like teenagers. I want to know. You know, we never talked about the future. And then he just straight up told me that he doesn't think he's in love with me, but he loves me so much. And. Oh, just craziness. And so then I left Charlotte, and two hours later, he calls me on the phone crying, saying that I'm his best friend and he doesn't want to lose me. And the thought of not having me in his life drives him crazy and insane. But he still said that, you know, he's not in love with me and he just wants to keep it as friends.

[Burt]

And now let me ask you a question. Are you guys. As friends? Are you guys, you know.

[Amy]

No. Well, no.

[Burt]

Are you sure? Are you sure?

[Amy]

No, we haven't even.

[Burt]

Even a little bit. Even like, just like, even that much?

[Amy]

No. Well, listen, because how about this? How about this much Sunday we did, and he kept trying to mention that, you know, we haven't had sex in a While. And I was just like. Well, I tried not to bring that up because I'm not the type of. That will sleep with somebody if we're not together. You know, if that's, if he doesn't want to be with me, then I'm not gonna give him that.

[Co-host]

All right, Amy, hold on one sec. So here, here. The root of the problem here really is this. I mean, cuz we can get right to the gist here is that he keeps telling you he doesn't love you, but then the next day he's like, I do love you, I wanna be with you. And he's done this like three or four different times. So the real question is here is if he tells you that he just wants to be friends or he's telling you that he doesn't love you, that then why is he calling you back to keep this relationship on life support?

[Amy]

Well, that's not. The other crazy part is this. On the day that I wrote you the email, he called me and said he wants to be with me again and that I his anchor and that he doesn't want to lose me and that he is in love with me, but he's destroyed everything in his life and he doesn't want to destroy me.

[Co-host]

Okay, let me give the phone number out. And again, this is advice. I know there are plenty of women going, oh, this thing happened to me too. Nuh. I just want to hear from guys like let's, let's allow Amy to get in the head of a guy right now. 404-741-Q100 and it really comes back to why do we let these women go? And then the next day say, okay, we want you back. And over and over and over again. Do it.

[Melissa]

Because we need a guy to tell her what this guy really means, you know, like, because I think you're just. He's going back and forth and you want to know what his real intention is?

[Amy]

Yeah, he's supposed to be coming on Friday and I asked him last night. You know, I'm like, you know, I kind of wanted to bring it up again to him, but he's like, I don't want to talk about it. So I was like, whatever.

[Co-host]

Lance, you got some advice?

[Amy]

Whatever, man.

[Keith]

I'm telling you, this guy's got somebody else on the side. I really don't want to say that to you, but it's just the way it is. I mean, he doesn't want to give her up because, you know, if he can get his ice in and have his cake she doesn't know about the cake. There's a piece of cake somewhere.

[Amy]

I honestly don't believe he dating anybody else. I don't believe that. I'm kind of good at sensing that. And when I'm with him, I stay at his apartment maybe for a week or two at a time. There's no women calling. It's nothing like that. I don't believe he is. I don't believe he has a woman on the side.

[Co-host]

I think Keith here is going to say exactly what I was going to say. Go ahead, Keith.

[Keith]

I think she's looking for that. He's looking for the next best thing, trying to keep her around. And then, you know, when he finds something better, he's gonna drop her.

[Co-host]

Hey, Keith, back me on this. Tell me if this is the truth, because, Amy, I used to do this all the time. Here's what I used to do. Because I was too much of a sissy to break up with a girl, right? And I was too much of a sissy to think that as a single guy, I could actually go up, out and hook up with women. So what I would do is I would keep one woman within the relationship just until something better came along. Just so I had something, because I was too scared to be alone. So I would keep the woman just. And I would tell her everything that she needed to hear until I was with another woman.

[Keith]

That is exactly right. Exactly what happens all the time.

[Amy]

I don't know. Okay, you know what? I called because I wanted the advice. I definitely do.

[Co-host]

So I'm not saying he's with somebody currently, but what I'm saying is looking at someone. But, like, either he's looking at somebody or he's actually. Because he's already told you I don't love you anymore, and he's told you three different times. But he keeps coming back because the fear of him being alone is too much for him to take.

[Amy]

Well, here's what he says. He says that he's not in love with me, but he loves me.

[Co-host]

Well.

[Burt]

Well, here's what's going on.

[Amy]

I don't understand what that means. I need to know. Because if that is the case, then I don't want him coming here on Friday. I want to just move on with my life.

[Burt]

Now, here's what going off of what Bert said. Here's what could be happening. So, like, he's at work or whatever, and there's this other person, and all is good, you know? So he's flirting with her, and he's got you and he's got you and he's flirting with her. Maybe they go out on a date and everything's cool. Then he gets a second date and he's like, girl number two is so much better than you. So he's like, I don't love you anymore. I don't need you. And then he goes out with her and then has a cover. You know, things go with her, but then she's not all that he thought she would be. Like, okay, wait, wait a minute, hold on. Maybe I do kind of love you a little bit because this girl's not working out like I thought she was. And then she comes back and she says, actually, I do think I really like you. Let's go out again. He's like, okay, I don't love you anymore.

[Co-host]

He may not even have anybody specific in mind. He may think I don't.

[Amy]

I don't believe he does have anybody specific in mind. I don't. I don't. I don't know. And that's what he told me too. I don't know of that. You know, if that adds to. He told me that there's nobody else that he thinks about or that he wants to be with. He doesn't even look. This is when he called me on Sunday crying that. Yeah, he said that he doesn't even look at other women. That, you know, the only person that he can see himself with is me. And he says that with his life, I guess he says his life is in turmoil right now. And, you know, I'd say I've been.

[Co-host]

This guy where I had tremendous balls on Tuesday and I was just mad.

[Melissa]

Hold on, hold on.

[Co-host]

Let me finish. Let me finish.

[Amy]

I was. Let him go. And I didn't say any, you know, I wasn't going to call him or anything. It's him that's calling me and I have not called him. I've made an effort of not doing that. He only calls me.

[Co-host]

I'm trying to explain it to you.

[Melissa]

You just got the shut up.

[Co-host]

Yeah, here's the shut up, though.

[Burt]

Shut up.

[Co-host]

He was really big on the zoo back in the 80s, the Breakfast Zoo.

[Burt]

What if you're listening this afternoon and Johnny O's really using that for a contest wise or something.

[Melissa]

Oh, no, my bad.

[Co-host]

The deal is this, is that I've done this before where I'm not happy in the relationship, right? But I don't have the balls to. One day I just wake up and I'm like, this is it. I'm over. I'm done with this. So. So I finally have the guts to break up with her, but then the next morning, I freak out that I'm gonna be alone. So then I start making all of these excuses for the stuff that I said the night before, even though I really meant it.

[Amy]

Oh, God. Well, that's the case, then.

[Co-host]

What? You got intern Carl, come on up. And then Melissa, you can comment, but you have to put on a man's voice.

[Carl]

I just wanted to say.

[Co-host]

And that's gonna live out a couple.

[Burt]

Different fantasies, or else the 1986 shut up bell comes out.

[Carl]

What I want to say is. Amy, you keep saying the same thing. You want to understand. You don't understand the guy. I can't. Women kill me with this. I don't understand the guy told you he loves you, but he's not in love with you. And it means exactly what it means. He loves you like a mom. He loves you like a friend.

[Co-host]

You're convenient right now. You're just.

[Amy]

Am I really?

[Co-host]

Yep. You're just there.

[Amy]

So I should just let it go?

[Co-host]

What do you think? Male Melissa.

[Amy]

I hate to hear that, but I will do it.

[Melissa]

Well, here.

[Burt]

Go ahead, Melissa.

[Melissa]

Here's my opinion. I think you just need to be told that you're not gonna get what you want.

[Amy]

Yeah, that's probably what it is.

[Co-host]

And it wasn't nearly as hot as.

[Melissa]

I thought it was. I know it's dorky, but. Yeah, if I could speak. If I were a man and he's just so. Oh, I know.

[Amy]

I'm gonna tell him I want him to leave me alone because he just sends me all these crazy text messages during the day.

[Co-host]

Yeah. I'm telling you, you wanted tough advice, and I know it's really hard to hear, but this.

[Amy]

But, you know, I needed the truth.

[Melissa]

I think the guys were trying to tell you that he said what he meant, and it is what it is. And as a woman, I'm telling you, you're not gonna get what you want because you can't.

[Amy]

I wish he'd just leave me alone. Then, you know.

[Melissa]

Then don't answer his calls.

[Co-host]

We've had somebody else on the show. Said that one time about a boyfriend, too, and ended up in the same relationship. Good morning, andy. You're on Q100.

[Keith]

Hey. She needs to drop him. He doesn't want to be a bad guy, right? He doesn't want her to hate him, so he doesn't want to break up with her.

[Co-host]

Dudes are twisted this way. Like, we think if we don't break up with you, Guys, but we make you miserable for the next four months and you break up with us. That, that's a better way out of the relationship than just starting to hurt immediately.

[Amy]

He's been acting like this the sweetest guy in the world for the past week, which is, you know, he's, he's, you know, doing things that I've always wanted him to do. And now, you know, he's doing that for this. The past week after he broke up with me this time.

[Melissa]

Because he's coming in town, that's why, because he's coming in town on Friday. He's, he's, he's paving the way to have a good weekend.

[Co-host]

Amy, what's, what's my mantra for relationships? It's zero tolerance for disrespect. Zero. And he's done it to you time and time again. And now if you keep going back in the relationship, now I put it on you because he's already shown you what he's all about. If you keep going back now, it's your fault if you get hurt. I got all Dr. Phil on your right here.

[Melissa]

Look at you.

[Co-host]

Woo.

[Amy]

Goodness. You're probably right.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Burt]

What about Dr. Phil to you is sexy.

[Co-host]

Just the power that just, I don't know where it came from, the insight.

[Amy]

Oh, goodness.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry. I know it's disappointing because you want to make this work, but. And I'm going to channel. Am I allowed to channel Jen Hobby, even though it's a male advice?

[Burt]

Yeah, but you have to do it in a male voice.

[Melissa]

What Jen would tell you if she was here is that you deserve better. You deserve. There will be a guy out there, but you have to hear it because I know you say, you know, but you want this guy to be that guy and he's not going to be.

[Amy]

I do, but.

[Melissa]

You do.

[Amy]

You're right.

[Melissa]

Jen would say that there is a guy out there that will definitively tell you, I love you. I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. I want to see you this weekend. I want to see you tonight. And that is what you want. And he's not going to be the one to do it.

[Co-host]

And here in this again, we talked about this earlier. Now the tough part comes because you're going to have the guts to finally say, don't come here this weekend. And you're going to put him at arm's length. And now he's really going to want you. So he's going to totally come full court press. And now you've got to be as strong as ever. If you really think that this relationship's not going to work out in the long run.

[Amy]

Yeah, you're right. I guess I'll do that tonight. What's today? Wednesday? Yeah.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry.

[Co-host]

You're just.

[Amy]

I want to see him, but it's like, I don't want to be played. I know I can. I know I deserve to be treated, you know, better, you know, I know I don't deserve to be treated like this. Going up and down with him because he's so into. He's so indecisive, you know, Jason here.

[Co-host]

Says he can explain it to you. Go ahead, Jason. You'll be the last.

[Keith]

Hey, guys. All right. I was actually in this exact same situation for about two and a half, almost three years. The problem with the guy is, is. Well, first I'd like to ask. This guy had, like, problems with relationships before in the past. Like, did he. Like.

[Amy]

Five years. And she cheated on him. And that's why I was over.

[Keith]

Okay. This is what happened to me.

[Burt]

We.

[Keith]

Me and this person were friends before we became. Before we became boyfriend, girlfriend got together. And I'd had really rough times with relationships, and I had a serious problem with committed. But I liked her so much, and I cared about her so much that I didn't want to hurt her to the point where, you know, I didn't want her to hate me. I didn't want her to hurt me. So I kind of manipulated the situation by going back and forth with her. But my thing was, is that I couldn't commit to her, but I still cared about her. And I was almost like fox with it, you know, I didn't know which way to go. If you care about the guy enough to try and make an effort, the one thing that you could always do is play like you have interest in somebody else and bring out his true.

[Co-host]

Emotions and not just the game plan.

[Burt]

But if you do that, it might not be his true emotions. It might be as compelling.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Co-host]

And then he wants to get the dude's toxic.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Free yourself up. Free.

[Amy]

I'm not one into playing games. I don't want to do that. So I.

[Melissa]

The worst thing I think, is knowing that you're gonna be in pain and you might as well.

[Amy]

Yeah, I know that. It's like you almost. I almost got, like, this comforting sense, you know, on. When he called me and said he wanted to be with me again. I almost felt like, oh, good. So now I don't even have to. I don't have to think about, you know, losing him and going through all that emotion. So it kind of feels comforting, you know?

[Melissa]

Yeah, but it's a false sense of comfort because all you're doing is delaying the pain.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

You know, I think men and women should make an agreement with each other when it comes to breaking up. And I hope I can get my thoughts together.

[Amy]

And he didn't even do it. I, you know, I had to do it. You know, I had to bring it up.

[Co-host]

Doesn't really matter, though. Here's the agreement I think we should make. I think that women should tell guys, look, if you want out of the relationship, just tell me. Just tell me. Don't be a sissy about it and don't wait three or four weeks. Tell me the honest truth. But in exchange for that kind of truth of us letting you go and not playing games with you, you've got to let the relationship go. Cause I think too many times, we don't want to be the bad guy. So we won't break up. We'll stay in the relationship because we don't want the phone calls and we don't want conversation after conversation after conversation why it didn't work out. Yeah, I think we owe you an explanation. And then I think you owe it to us is just cut it and let it go.

[Amy]

And that's what I told him. And that's what I told him that night, that he wanted to be. Say he wanted to get back with me. I told him straight up that I'm not going to keep playing these games with you, and you have to tell me what's true. And that's when he said that he is in love with me. But, you know, what was it that. That, you know, he didn't want to destroy me because he's destroyed everything else in his life.

[Melissa]

He's so stoic.

[Burt]

He's so very sacrificial.

[Co-host]

He's like Braveheart, isn't he?

[Burt]

So very slow. John Mayer song.

[Melissa]

Yeah, well, I think that you're.

[Burt]

Your body's a wonderland.

[Melissa]

You're like the group of friends when you know that one of your girlfriends who's trying to explain a bad situation when she's overly explaining it, trying to nitpick and try to remember every single word he said and everything that happened. You're not ready to. You're. You're in that danger zone of going back. The women that are fed up are the ones who are angry. Don't talk about it more. I'm sick of it. Let's go and talk about something else or do something else and you're not. You need to push yourself into that point.

[Amy]

Okay, I'm gonna let him do. I'm just gonna let him know.

[Melissa]

All right, you can do it.

[Co-host]

Be strong now.

[Melissa]

Be mad. Come on.

[Co-host]

You need to start building yourself some self esteem points. Right?

[Amy]

I don't see how I can be angry, though. You know, it was a good two years. Honestly, it was.

[Melissa]

He's not in love with you.

[Co-host]

Yeah, he was. He was. It played out.

[Amy]

I don't think he ever was.

[Melissa]

Well, he wasn't in love with you. Nah.

[Co-host]

All right. He wasn't. All right.

[Amy]

I don't think he was.

[Co-host]

He probably wasn't. I'm just kidding. Of course he was.

[Amy]

I don't think he was.

[Co-host]

Don't beat yourself up. Just say that he was and the relationship just played out.

[Amy]

What a jerk.

[Co-host]

Exactly.

[Melissa]

There you go.

[Co-host]

You talking to me or are you talking about the old, I'll see you later, Amy.

[Melissa]

Good luck.

[Co-host]

Bye. Bye.

[Melissa]

You can do it.

[Burt]

The bird show.