Vault: Mindless Movies

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: Mindless Movies"

Date: December 9, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Cast & Guests: Bert (Host, possibly Birch), Jen, Lucas, Jamie, Kimber, Drew Ski, and various listeners

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Main Theme

A laugh-filled discussion on everyone's favorite "mindless movies"—those effortlessly watchable, often nostalgic films you just can't pass by when channel surfing. The hosts and listeners share and debate their top picks, swapping memories, hilarious stories, and iconic movie quotes. It’s a breezy, relatable episode perfect for anyone who loves comfort flicks and a dose of '80s or '90s pop culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Genesis: The Host's Mindless Movie Experience

• Host shares a personal story about having "ADD" while working on the show, getting constantly distracted by the TV, and being unable to ignore "Three O'Clock High" when it appeared on-screen (02:04).
  • “Whenever it's on and I'm channel surfing, I absolutely must stop on.” (02:45)
• Theme announced: Host put together a “top ten mindless movies of all time” list.
• Definition emerges: Mindless movies are those that are easy to watch, comforting, and you can’t resist finishing when they’re on.

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2. Building the Ultimate List: Picks, Debates, and Hot Takes

Early Favorites & Debate

• "Three O’Clock High" (02:45) - Classic bullied-nerd '80s movie.
• "North Shore" (03:23) – Arizona surfer in Hawaii, not universally embraced.
  • Jen’s rebuttal: “Also definitely not on the all time top 10 list. I’ll have to rebut that one.” (03:39)
• "Better Off Dead" (03:42) – Beloved John Cusack comedy
  • Lucas: “My favorite all times.” (03:47)
  • Host: “If that thing is on TV and you are channel surfing, you are stopping on John Cusack. Is that the one with ‘I want my $2?’” (03:48)
  • Lucas: “Yes, I want my $2!... Then of course, he's got his part time job at the burger place and... fantasy about the Van Halen song...” (03:54)
• "Real Genius" (04:13) – Classic Val Kilmer role.
• "Lucas" (04:24) – Underdog love story with Charlie Sheen; nostalgic debate.
• "10 Things I Hate About You" & "Can't Hardly Wait" (04:40, 05:06) – Expanding into '90s mindless comfort films.
• "Top Secret!" (05:09) – Val Kilmer again; a spoof favorite.
• "The Last Starfighter" (05:35) – Sci-fi kids' adventure.
• "Office Space" (05:50, 06:08) – Endlessly quotable satire of office life.
  • Kimber: “It’s the best quote movie. I mean, it talks about everybody’s life in the office.” (06:08)
• "Hiding Out" (06:24) – Jon Cryer hides in high school after 'Pretty in Pink.'

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Listener Calls & Extra Picks

Notable Listener Contributions

• "Revenge of the Nerds" (07:10) – Classic nerd empowerment.
• "Heaven Help Us" (07:21) – Andrew McCarthy & Kevin Dillon in Catholic school.
• "Roller Boogie" & "Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo" (07:47, 08:09) – Roller disco and breakdancing oddities.
• "Clueless" & "Friday" (08:13) – '90s and urban cult classics.
  • Jen: “Friday is a freaking funny movie. And it’s just mindless...” (08:28)
• "Howard the Duck" (08:41) – Universally panned but oddly addictive.
  • Host: “To me, that’s one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my life.” (08:48)
  • Kimber: “I know, but oh my God, do you not watch it every time it’s on, honey?” (08:51)
  • Lucas: “Leah Thompson sleeps with a duck in the movie.” (08:54)
• "Say Anything" (09:10) – Debated: mindless or masterpiece?
  • Host: “Oh, that is not mindless. That is pure gold.” (09:15)

Jamie’s Top 5 (09:42)

5. "Learning to Drive"
6. "Any National Lampoon’s" (esp. original)
7. "Short Circuit"
8. "Can’t Buy Me Love"
9. "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off" – crowned the “undisputed champion”
   • Jamie: “And the number one... Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” (10:26)

• Host: “I will at least watch it all the way up until the parade scene where he sings ‘Danke Schön’. And then I’ll take off.” (10:37)
• Lucas: “I just love when his friend is in bed and he thinks he’s dying...” (10:43)

More Beloved and Ridiculous Picks

• "Footloose" (10:55) – Deemed “cheesy” but comforting.
• "The Boy Who Could Fly" (11:25) – Obscure feel-good film.
• "Weird Science" (11:55) – Ultimate ‘80s adolescent fantasy.
• "The Breakfast Club," "16 Candles," "Pretty in Pink" (12:05-12:25) – John Hughes classics debated: Mindless or not?
  • Lucas: “Anytime that comes on, I am so... I will watch ‘16 Candles’ the whole way.” (12:19)
• Pillow confessions (12:28) – Off-topic but hilarious digression about teenage crushes and pillows.

Final Listener Rounds

• "Raising Arizona" (12:50) – Declared as “classic mindless movie.”
• "My Cousin Vinny" (13:05) – Required watching for many.
  • Lucas: “It’s a great movie. When she’s on the porch and she’s talking about her biological clock and she’s stomping on the porch..." (13:12)
• "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (13:18)
• "Little Shop of Horrors" (13:34)
• "Spaceballs" (13:46) – Declared “totally mindless and stupid” with affection.
  • Host: “Spaceballs. Totally mindless and stupid.” (13:51)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If that thing is on TV and you are channel surfing, you are stopping on John Cusack. Is that the one with ‘I want my $2?’” – Host (03:48)
• “It’s the best quote movie. I mean, it talks about everybody’s life in the office.” – Kimber, on "Office Space" (06:08)
• “Oh my God, do you not watch it every time it’s on, honey?” – Kimber, on “Howard the Duck” (08:51)
• “Oh, that is not mindless. That is pure gold.” – Host, on “Say Anything” (09:15)
• “And the number one... Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” – Jamie (10:26)
• “You remember Weird Science always sucks you in.” – Jen (11:59)
• “Anytime that comes on, I am so... I will watch ‘16 Candles’ the whole way.” – Lucas (12:19)
• “Spaceballs. Totally mindless and stupid.” – Host (13:51)

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Timestamps for Importants Segments

• 02:04 – Intro to the “mindless movie” rabbit hole
• 03:23-05:06 – Core cast’s favorites and passionate mini-debates
• 07:10-09:15 – Listener calls, new titles, and friendly disagreements
• 09:42-10:43 – Jamie’s official top 5 countdown, crowned by “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”
• 11:55-12:25 – John Hughes movies and confession tangents
• 12:50-13:55 – Final picks and wrap-up, “Raising Arizona,” “My Cousin Vinny,” “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” “Spaceballs”

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Overall Tone and Language

Casual, energetic, and loaded with nostalgia. The hosts and callers reminisce, tease, and compete affectionately for the most gloriously mindless movie pick—sometimes derailing into side tales (pillow crushes, anyone?) but always coming back to the love of “just one more watch.”

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Takeaway:
If you crave background laughs or film recs that ask zero brainpower, this is your episode. It’s brimming with cult classics, guilty pleasures, and the shared joy of mindless movie marathons.

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For More:
Listeners are encouraged to call in or visit thebertshow.com to join the conversation or share their own “mindless favorites.”

Transcript

[Mrs. Claus]

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[Kimber]

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[Host (possibly Birch)]

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[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hey, the Birch Show. I was working on the show over the weekend and I told you guys I haven't been diagnosed with it, but I know I've got ADD because there's no way that I can focus on one thing for more than two minutes. So while I'm working on the show on Sunday, I have the TV on and I'm like not even watching. But I'm channel surfing but I'm not even watching what's going on. And every now and then I'll look over at the tv, then I look over at the computer and I look over at the TV and I sit stop in my tracks when an old 80s movie comes on called Three O' Clock High. Now you're gonna have to be old school to remember this. This movie.

[Jen]

Do you remember it?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

You do?

[Jamie]

Waiting. Waiting for the fight.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

That's right. This total geek ticks off the school bully and the whole movie is about how this guy tries to get out of the fight. It's a cheesy 80s, funny mindless movie and it's all about the bully wanting to kick his butt at 3 o' clock and it, the bully ends up like knocking out the principal and knocking out the sheriff and the bully finally gets his butt kicked at the end of the movie. But it's just one of those mindless 80s flicks that whenever it's on and I'm channel surfing, I absolutely must stop on. Yeah, alright, so what I did was I put together the top ten mindless movies of all time. All right.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

You guys ever see a movie called North Shore? Dude from Arizona wins a surf competition in a surf pool and they send him to Hawaii and he ends up winning like a professional surfing tournament. You guys never saw that one? All right, that's an old school one.

[Jen]

Also definitely not on the all time top 10 list. I'll have to rebut that one.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Maybe a west coast one. Better off dead.

[Jen]

Oh yeah.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Come on, man.

[Lucas]

My favorite all times.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

If that thing is on TV and you are channel surfing, you are stopping on John Cusack. Is that the one with I want my $2?

[Lucas]

Yes, I want my $2. And then of course, you know, he's got his part time job at the burger place and he fantasizes about the Van Halen song and the burgers turn into these claymation.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

That's right.

[Lucas]

You know, man burger, woman burger and the romance and it. I love that movie.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Great movie. True genius.

[Jen]

I don't know that.

[Jamie]

Real genius.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Real genius. Yeah, real genius with Val Kilmer.

[Lucas]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Great movie, Lucas.

[Lucas]

Oh, see, that was. That was Charlie Sheen and the.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

What was that little kid's name? Corey something.

[Lucas]

Corey. The one of the names.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

If Lucas comes on. You never saw that movie, Jen. Oh, he's like this little itty bitty guy and he's trying to get the chick and he drives the football team.

[Lucas]

And Charlie Sheen's like the star football player and. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

10 Things I Hate about you.

[Jen]

Oh, yes.

[Lucas]

Now is that eight?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

That's not 80, that's 90s. These don't have to be 80s, okay.

[Jen]

Yeah, none of mine are 80s.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Okay. 10 things I hate about you.

[Jamie]

2002.

[Jen]

You know, those old movies from last year.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

And I also put can't hardly Wait on that on that list.

[Lucas]

That movie? Yes. The only time I've ever liked Jennifer Love Hewitt was in that movie.

[Jen]

That was a good one.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Can't hardly win. What would be on your list?

[Lucas]

Well, I put another Val Kilmer in because again, this is mindless. And it's one that I would never choose to rent or choose to watch. But then when it's on, I just kind of like, huh, is that top secret? It's like the predecessor to Airplane where he's like, the secret agent is like a goofy thing. So I think that was one of Val Kilmer's first movies, but now this one, I love this. And then this taps into my whole sci fi thing. Do you remember the last Starfighter? The kid who lives in the trailer park, and they have an arcade game in the trailer park. Then he's sent into space by the guy that played the music man. What's that guy? You know, a Victor Victoria guy. And he comes in a trench coat and top hat and he sends him out to space and he becomes the last starfighter to help this other guy.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

I've never seen it. Never seen it.

[Lucas]

Oh, my God.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

This trailer park kid lives a video game. So anyway, Last Starfighter, Office Space. Yes.

[Jen]

That's all.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

It's up. You have said that movie before, and I have never seen it.

[Lucas]

It is mindless. It's Jennifer Aniston's first feature film. And. And it's on like, it's. It's on cable right now.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hey, Derek, you agree with that?

[Kimber]

Oh, gosh, yes. It's the best quote movie. I mean, it talks about everybody's life in the office. If you work in like a cubicle space area.

[Jen]

Exactly. It's like, yeah, I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday? Yeah, that'd be great, boss.

[Lucas]

Yeah, it is a great movie. And then just one more that this is almost makes me mad because, I mean, because I don't like to sit and watch it, but you remember hiding out with Jon Cryer where he was the adult that went back in the high school? He's hiding out from some.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Did that come out right after, like, Pretty in Pink? Wasn't he. Wasn't he Ducky in Pretty in Pink? Okay.

[Lucas]

Came after. After Pretty in Pink. And he. For some reason. Because if he does his hair in different color, didn't he do pink? You know, pink in the 80s, when you do the slash of color in your hair and thought that was cool. Well, you know, somehow he's gonna shave his beard and put pink in his hair and get him back into high school in his late 20s, and somehow nobody's gonna notice, so.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hey, Jamie, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Kimber]

Morning, guys.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hi. Greatest mindless movie of all time.

[Kimber]

Revenge of the Nerd.

[Jen]

Oh, yeah.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

I do like that movie. I do like that movie. I do. The first one was great.

[Lucas]

Oh, yeah, the Pies. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Yeah. All right. Great one.

[Kimber]

Hey, Stephanie, have you ever heard of a movie called Heaven Help Us? It has Andrew McCarthy and Kevin Dillon where they're in a Catholic school back in the. I think, the 50s.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Yes.

[Kimber]

And at the end, they end up getting in a fight with the priest. And it's awesome.

[Lucas]

I don't know if that's such a mindless movie, though.

[Kimber]

But it's a classic that every time it's on, you're like, okay, I'm not moving.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Gotta watch it.

[Lucas]

Yeah, yeah, it's.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Good morning. All the hits. Q100.

[Kimber]

Have y' all ever seen Roller Boogie with Linda Blair?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Roller Boogie?

No.

[Kimber]

It came around 39 and 80, and my sisters and I used to watch it all the time. Like when I roller skated all the time.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Rollerbugging. I'll tell you, another one that comes on in the same kind of vein is Electric Boogaloo.

[Lucas]

Oh, yes.

[Jamie]

Breaking two.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Breaking two.

[Lucas]

That's breaking two. Electric Boogaloo.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Electric Boogaloo's gotta be on the list. You got a couple of these, Jen.

[Jen]

Yes. You know what's on the top of my list is Clueless, the one with Alicia Silverstone. And Paul Rudd is in it, and he's. I will get sucked into that every single time. And another one is Friday, you know, with.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Oh, that is funny.

[Jen]

Friday is a freaking funny movie. And it's just mindless I mean, there is nothing to it.

[Jamie]

But Friday is funny.

[Jen]

Frickin hilarious. Those two are definitely at the top of my list. And then what Melissa said. Office Space. Oh, love it.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hey, Amy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Kimber]

Hey there. Good morning. Okay, my ultimate, top favorite mindless movie is Howard the Duck. I get sucked into it.

[Lucas]

Oh my God.

[Jen]

Oh, really?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

To me, that's one of the worst movies that I've ever seen in my life.

[Kimber]

I know, but oh my God, do you not watch it every time it's on, honey?

[Lucas]

I mean, no. What was that actress's name in it? And she. Leah Thompson sleeps with a duck in the movie.

[Mrs. Claus]

I'm kidding.

[Kimber]

How mindless is that?

[Lucas]

I mean, it is mindless. That is true.

[Jamie]

Aflac.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

High Q100.

[Kimber]

Hey, how are y'?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

All?

[Kimber]

Good, Good. I had say anything with John Cusack.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Oh, that is not mindless. That is pure gold.

[Kimber]

That is the best movie of all time.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

That is pure gold.

[Kimber]

Him with the boombox outside the girl's.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Window or out in front of the Sip and Serve talking to all the loser guys about how he should be picking up on more ch.

[Kimber]

Exactly.

[Drew Ski]

Exactly.

[Lucas]

And I love his friend who writes all the songs for ex boyfriend. You know, it's great.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

If you guys know so much about chicks, why are you sitting outside the Sipping Serve on a Friday night? You have any of these?

[Jamie]

Yeah, my top five is in backwards order. Five would be Learning to Drive.

[Jen]

I don't know.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

That one never saw.

[Lucas]

Was that Bill Murray's younger brother in that or is that a different movie?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Oh, I don't know.

[Jamie]

Learning to Drive is with. I think it had both of the Coreys in it. And it's when the guy gets his license and he wants to take out the hot chick.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

I did see this.

[Jamie]

Four would be any of the National Lampoons, especially the first one.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Okay.

[Jamie]

Three Camp or Short Circuit.

[Lucas]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jamie]

Any. Any movie with a song by DeBarge in it.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hey, Johnny, he said, and he tried to look the other way.

I still like that song.

[Jamie]

2 would be can't Buy Me Love.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Oh, anything with. With that dude Dempsey in it. Isn't he Patrick Dempsey? Anything with him in it. You gotta watch.

[Jamie]

And the number one. And I can't believe nobody said this. And this is definitely the undisputed champion. And I challenge anyone to beat it. Ferris Bueller's Day off.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Yeah, Always sucks.

[Drew Ski]

You right.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

I will at least watch it all the way up until the parade scene where he sings Dankoche. And then I'll take off.

[Lucas]

I just love when his friend is in bed and he thinks he's dying. I just love watching him get in the car. I'm not going.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

I'm not going.

[Lucas]

You know, I just. Yeah, I love it.

[Jamie]

Good morning.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

All the hits. Q100.

[Kimber]

Hey, good morning.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Morning.

[Kimber]

I can't believe no one said this yet. Footloose with Kevin Bacon.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Footloose. We've debated Footloose before. This is a movie to me that just does not stand the test of time. Like, it was great back in the day, but you watch it now and you're like, how cheesy is this thing?

[Kimber]

But, I mean, I have it on video that I taped off of TV back when I was in, like, my first high school. And I watch it all the time.

[Jen]

I love it.

[Lucas]

We can't start debating the intellect of these movies because, I mean, again, Last Starfighter, I'm playing a video game, and all of a sudden I'm in space. But I'll sit and watch it.

[Jamie]

Does anybody remember the movie about the kid who. Was there something wrong with him? But he. Was it called the Boy who Could Fly?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

I don't remember.

[Lucas]

I don't know.

[Jen]

I think I remember.

[Jamie]

And the girl lived next door to him, and he used to stare at her through the window. And at first it spooked her, but then she started to like him. Then they ended up on the roof together in the whole neighborhood. Because there's a. You know, of course, when they end up on the roof together, there's a neighborhood picnic in the backyard of the house and the roof they're on. So, you know, everybody looks and goes, oh, my God, they're on the roof. And everybody points. And then he takes her hand and they fly away.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

It's based on a true story, you know. Oh, here's another one. Weird Science.

[Jen]

You remember Weird Science always sucks you in.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Morning all. It hits Q100.

[Kimber]

Hey, how's it going?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Good, T.C. what's going on?

[Lucas]

All right.

[Kimber]

The Breakfast Club.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Yeah. See, to me, that's mindless.

[Jamie]

I never got into any of those movies.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Really? Any of the John Hughes movies?

[Jamie]

None of them. I think they came out at a time where I was too focused on pretending my pillow was Blair from Facts of Life.

[Lucas]

And I was making oh, well, 16 candles. Anytime that comes on, I am so. I will watch 16 candles the whole way.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Freddie and Pink is another one.

[Jen]

Sure.

[Lucas]

Have you ever made out with a.

[Jamie]

Pillow and pretended it was Blair from Facts of Life? Yeah, I did a lot more than make out with it.

[Jen]

I pretended my pillow was a new kid on the block.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Did you?

[Jamie]

My guess is my pillow is still fertile.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

The last place you want to bring a black life.

[Jamie]

Exactly.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hey, Tommy.

[Kimber]

Hey.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hey, man. Finish it off for us.

[Jamie]

Raising Arizona.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

A classic. Classic mindless movie. That is a great movie, man. Thanks for calling. Okay, man. Bye.

[Jen]

Bye.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Oh, no. This one. I don't know if this one somehow fits into this category. Hey, Rita.

[Kimber]

Hey.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Mindless movie.

[Kimber]

My Cousin Vinny.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

That is a good one, too. That is a movie you have to stop on. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kimber]

That's one of my favorites.

[Lucas]

When she's on the porch and she's talking about her biological clock and she's stomping on the porch. It's a great movie.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Hey, Rhonda.

[Mrs. Claus]

Hey.

[Kimber]

I'm gonna show my age but Fast times at Ridgemont High.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

I got the dvd. It's great.

[Kimber]

It's awesome.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Thank you.

[Lucas]

Thanks.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Morning. All the hits Q100.

Hello.

[Kimber]

Hello.

[Jen]

Hey.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Hello.

[Kimber]

I got a movie for you.

[Jamie]

Okay.

[Kimber]

Little Shop of Horrors.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Little Shop of Horrors.

[Lucas]

I have seen that. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Any good?

[Lucas]

It's okay.

[Jamie]

You've never seen it?

[Jen]

It's been mindless.

[Jamie]

Really?

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Never seen it. Morning. All the hits Q100.

[Kimber]

I can't believe you guys haven't mentioned it yet. It's the spoof of Star Wars.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Spaceballs. Totally mindless and stupid.

[Lucas]

That's a great movie.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Totally mindless and stupid.

[Jamie]

Mocha vegan.

[Host (possibly Birch)]

Thanks, Cory. See you, man.

[Drew Ski]

Hey, the Bird Show.

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[Drew Ski]

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