Vault: Mother returned adopted child Part 1

Summary

The Bert Show — Vault: Mother Returned Adopted Child Part 1 (July 16, 2026)

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into a deeply emotional and controversial story from Bedford County, Tennessee, where a woman returned her adopted 7-year-old son to Russia after facing significant behavioral challenges. The hosts and listeners discuss the ethics, realities, and emotional repercussions of disrupted adoptions, centering on the responsibilities of adoptive parents, the honesty of adoption agencies, and the humanity of adopted children.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Incident: Returned Adopted Child

• [01:01] Melissa recounts the story:
  • A Tennessee woman adopted a 7-year-old boy from Russia.
  • Due to severe behavioral issues (including threats to kill the family and burn down the house), she sent the child back to Russia alone with a note stating he was no longer wanted.
  • The case led to a criminal investigation.

2. Adoption Realities & Agency Transparency

• Jade (Listener Call-In, [01:40]) shares her family’s adoption experiences:
  • It’s “really, really common” for adoption agencies to “stretch the truth or…not give you everything” about a child to get them into homes.
  • “You have to realize, these kids go through so much…stuff that we would never…put our kids through…abuse…the worst you could possibly imagine. And they just get shipped from place to place.”
  • While Jade doesn’t agree with how the woman handled it, she empathizes with adoptive parents who feel overwhelmed.

3. The Moral and Legal Debate: Is it Okay to “Return” a Child?

• [03:29] Host (Burt): Raises the key ethical debate:
  • If adoption agencies hide a child’s behavioral or medical needs, is it right for adoptive parents to “send the child back”?
• Jeff ([03:56]):
  • Sees some scenarios where “you can send the child back” — if the agency was deceptive about significant needs threatening the family's stability.
• Jen ([04:50] & [05:30]) strongly disagrees:
  • “It’s a human being. We’re not talking about a tractor from Lowe’s…You made a commitment to get a human being…At that point, it’s not the child’s fault that the adoption agency misrepresented them.”
• Angela ([06:59]):
  • “It’s a human being and it’s a soul, and it’s an innocent child…it’s still your kid…That’s a life. That’s a human being. It’s a soul.”

4. Responsibility and Parenthood

• [06:56] Jeff:
  • Raises the challenge of being saddled with unanticipated, overwhelming needs that could “damage your family.”
• Jen ([06:35]):
  • Parent’s responsibility is the same after adopting, even if the child brings unexpected issues.
  • “That’s a risk you take when you open yourself up to parenthood.”
• Savannah (Listener, [07:26]):
  • Objects to the notion that parents should “absorb that completely” if agencies are dishonest.
  • “You’re signing a contract…but it’s not okay for them to just send you a child saying well, this is what you’re getting and it’s not what you’re getting.”

5. When Does Parenthood Begin?

• [08:14] Host (Burt):
  • “When does motherhood start…is it as soon as you sign the papers or as soon as the child arrives?”
• Jen ([08:31]):
  • “Once you sign the papers and you’re accepted…that is your child. There’s no turning back.”
• Angela ([08:51]) uses the hypothetical of race to challenge Jeff’s logic, pushing boundaries of what is considered “acceptable” as a reason to “return” a child.

6. Product or Person?

• Jeff ([09:18]):
  • Views the situation “like a business transaction” — if misled, you “have a right to…accuse them of fraud and return the product.”
• Melissa ([09:39]):
  • Pushes back:
    • “An eight-year-old child knows that it’s being sent back…All that child has ever known is, is that it’s not wanted…I could never contribute to furthering letting that child know, you were not good enough, you were not wanted. I am sending you back.”
  • Shares the pain foster children face, such as being excluded from school yearbooks.

7. Adoption Experience and Expectations

• Listener (J) ([11:14]):

  • Highlights the process: prospective parents must travel and spend days with the adopted child before finalizing. “She knew what she was getting as far as behavioral problems.”
  • Shares perspective as an adoptee: behavioral changes can occur later; there’s “no guarantee on a child.”

• Host (Burt) ([11:53]):

  • Clarifies: Jeff’s viewpoint is akin to “the product is faulty before it leaves the factory.”

8. Return Scenarios and Child Identity

• Jeff ([12:03]):
  • Uses analogies for mistaken identity (e.g., wrong gender or race), but the rest of the group rejects the “product” framing.
• Jen ([12:24]):
  • “Oh, absolutely. You keep it. No matter what it comes, you keep it. It’s a being. They’ve got feelings.”
• Melissa ([12:49]):
  • Reasserts: “We don’t agree with you, Jeff…It’s a child, not a purchaser of a product.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jade ([01:42]):
  “It’s really, really common…for them to sometimes lie or stretch the truth or not give you everything because there’s so many kids that need home.”
• Jen ([04:50]):
  “You made a commitment to get a human being…You handle the situation how you would if your 9-year-old biological child started having these issues.”
• Angela ([06:59]):
  “It’s a human being and it’s a soul, and it’s an innocent child who’s…no fault of their own…It’s your child.”
• Melissa ([09:44]):
  “An eight-year-old child knows that it’s being sent back…All that child has ever known is…that it’s not wanted.”
• Listener (J, [11:45]):
  “One day your child could be fantastically normal, and the next day they could be out of control…That’s your child. When you sign that paperwork, you are mom or you are dad.”
• Jeff ([09:18]):
  “If you are told that you are being delivered one thing and you receive something else, you have a right to go back…and return the product.”
• Jen ([12:27]):
  “It’s a being. They’ve got feelings.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:01] – Introduction of the case and background
• [01:40] – Jade shares adoption/foster care experiences
• [03:29] – Key debate: agency honesty and parental responsibility
• [04:50] – Jen’s passionate argument on parental commitment
• [06:59] – Angela: adoption is about accepting a child unconditionally
• [07:26] – Savannah: concerns over agency honesty and fairness
• [08:14] – Hosts debate: when does parenthood start?
• [09:39] – Melissa: emotional harms to adopted children
• [11:14] – Listener (J): adoption processes and unpredictability
• [12:03] – Jeff: analogies and the “business transaction” angle
• [12:24] – Jen: affirmation of unconditional commitment

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Summary Tone

The conversation is intense, emotional, and reflective, with a mix of personal stories, hypothetical scenarios, and ethical debate. The hosts treat the subject with seriousness and compassion, punctuated with raw honesty and occasional humor in keeping with The Bert Show’s style.

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For further listener engagement and continued discussion, the hosts invite comments on their website.

Transcript

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[Jeff]

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[Host (Burt)]

It's the vert show. This is a story that we're sort of chewing over right now.

[Melissa]

That's right. In Bedford County, Tennessee. They are now launching an investigation into a woman who lives there and she had adopted a child from Russia. 7 year old boy from Russia. And it was last week that apparently she had had enough because he had some behavioral issues. One of the listener Bert show listeners let us know the details of that which was he threatened to kill the family. He threatened to burn down the house. So. So he was not an easy child. And so she decided that she would put him on a plane by himself back to Russia with a note that says that they no longer wanted him.

[Host (Burt)]

All right, Jade wants to tell us that this is a little more common than we know. Hey Jade, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Jade]

Hey, good morning guys.

[Host (Burt)]

Good morning.

[Jade]

I was calling let you know, unfortunately this is really, really common. It's not something that's unheard of when you're doing adoption. When you're doing adoption. Because my family's been dealing with this since I was a little girl adopting a foster care. And when you're doing it, they do ask you what you want. So your scenario burn. They ask you what you want, age what you're looking for and they try to fit that. But it's very common for them to sometimes lie or stretch the truth or not give you everything because there's so many kids that need home.

[Host (Burt)]

Sure.

[Jade]

But like my grandmother adopted two boys and my grandmother has been doing foster care since I was a little girl, 8 years old. And the only reason she adopted these two is because they never knew their mother. Okay, long story short at the end, these boys had tried to burn down my grandmother's house, tried to kill my grandmother and just were, because she was older, started trying to overpower her. And you have to realize, I understand the passion and the other women in the room, but you have to realize these kids go through so much. So by age 8, you know, it's stuff that we would never, if we raise our kids to loving, nurturing homes that we would never put our kids through. But there's so much stuff. You mean abuse. And I just don't want to get into it because it's too early in the morning. But it's just so much stuff that the worst that you could possibly imagine. And they just get shit from place to place.

[Host (Burt)]

Ships.

[Jade]

Ships. Although this woman did this, I don't agree with how she did it.

[Host (Burt)]

Right.

[Jade]

But I can completely understand saying, whoa, this is a bit much for my family. This is not what I was looking for.

[Host (Burt)]

All right, let's focus on the one thing that Jade did tell us right there, though. Because in our scenario, this is really the debatable part that's so passionate. So what she said there is the adoption agencies sometimes will stretch the truth or they'll forget from time to time to tell you one or two things about the child to get the child into a home and out of foster care.

[Jade]

So.

[Host (Burt)]

So for our debate, let's just say that the adoption agency, the fostering agency knew about the behavioral problems. Look, we can create a whole bunch of different scenarios, autism perhaps, whatever, and didn't tell the adopted family. The debate here is once you get that child and you realize that the child had pre existing conditions that they didn't tell you about, is it right for you to just call them back up and go, this is not what you told us?

[Jeff]

Now I want to say, and send the child back from using the scenario that I'm defending, because I think there are scenarios where you can send that child back. If you are working with children who are in the foster program, I think there is an expectation, and this is not a knock on foster kids, you know, for lack of another way to describe them, but kids, children who are in the foster program, I think that that requires a level of understanding and a level of patience, knowing that they've probably had a tough time of it.

[Melissa]

They have had a hard time.

[Jeff]

Yes. So I'm talking about a situation where. I'm talking about this exact situation where it's a Russian adoption agency who provided a description of a child that was not accurate.

[Host (Burt)]

If you're. If your child got. If the child landed, Tracy and was blind and couldn't hear.

[Jen]

I think when you have made a commitment to adopt a child, it's a human being. We're not talking about a tractor from Lowe's. We're not talking about a product. You are not buying something. You have made a commitment to get a human being. So at that point, it's not the child's fault that the adoption agency misrepresented them. You have signed the papers, you made that commitment. At that point, you are that baby or that child, however old they are, you are their parents. It is not their fault and it is not their problem. And that an organization or an agency that coordinated this whole thing misrepresented that child like you may. You made the commitment. You handle the situation how you would if your 9 year old biological child started having these issues.

[Host (Burt)]

So mentally you are the parent as soon as that baby lands. Mentally.

[Jen]

And if you're not prepared to make that commitment when you sign those papers, then don't do it. Don't even go into the process. You have to assume that, I mean, make the assumption that they're gonna be misrepresented.

[Jeff]

Why would you make that assumption? Like, let's say you have a situation where there's a child that requires around the clock care, whether it's, whatever the situation is. You've just adopted an unhealthy child, but you have two of your own that are healthy. And it's going to require one parent to quit. It's going to require one parent to quit their job. So you have a conversation with your spouse, you and Scott have a conversation and you decide, hey, you know what? We have room in our home and room in our bank accounts and room in our heart and to bring in another child to this family. And you know, you call the adoption agency and you say, we want, you know, whatever. And they don't tell you that that child requires some sort of specialized care that will affect the way you care for Ella and affect the relationship that you have with Scott and will damage your family.

[Host (Burt)]

Jen's not buying the scene.

[Jen]

I agree. Then don't even open yourself up to that potential. Because you know, what? If I have, right now, I have Ella and our house is pretty, it's. It runs pretty smoothly right now. And in a couple years, we might want to open ourselves up to the possibility of having another child biologically. Or we could adopt, who knows? But that's a risk that you take when you open yourself up to parenthood.

[Jeff]

But it's like, get an easy choice.

[Host (Burt)]

Jen wants in on this, too.

[Angela]

I still think it's a human being and it's a soul, and it's an innocent child who's who. It's no fault of their own. And I think that it's still your kid. I think when you sign up for the process, regardless of how that agency withheld information from you or not or how it's going to affect your family, you signed up for adoption. It's your child. That's a life. That's a human being. It's a soul.

[Host (Burt)]

Here's Savannah. Good morning, Savannah. You are part of the Burt show.

[Savannah]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Savannah]

I just think it's ridiculous to say that if an adoption agency is knowingly dishonest with you that you should just be expected to absorb that completely. I think it's unacceptable.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Savannah]

You have the argument that this is a human being. And I think the woman with the child, she adopted from Russia. I think that's probably an extreme case, and I'm sure other people experience extreme cases too. But the fact is that you go sign papers because you're willing to open up your family to another child that needs a home, but it's not okay for them to just send you a child saying, well, this is what you're getting and it's not what you're getting. The fact is that you're signing a contract.

[Host (Burt)]

The debate here really is when does motherhood start then when you're adopting a child, does motherhood start as soon as you sign the papers or as soon as the childhood arrives because the child arrest? Because what you're saying is once you sign the papers and you're accepted, doesn't matter. You're a mom at this point. That is your child. There's no turning back.

[Jen]

We're debating this case. And at this point, the child had already arrived and she sent the baby back at that point. I mean, this is not a product. You made the commitment to be this child's parents. It's not like. Yes. Did the adoption agency do something wrong? Of course they did. They lied. They misrepresented. But we're not talking about a tractor. We're talking about a child, and you are that child's parents.

[Angela]

Now, what if the child showed up a different race? Is that enough? I mean, is that enough to send the child back? Like Jeff, like you've got your whitey, white bread family and you're gonna adopt one child and you think that that child is going to be a white kid from California. But guess what? You get a six month Old Asian little girl.

[Jeff]

My opinion is that or you get

[Angela]

a six month old black little boy, is it okay to send it back?

[Jeff]

My opinion is that if you are working within an adoption agency and you are told that you are being delivered one thing and you receive something else, you have a right to go back to that adoption agency and accuse them of fraud and return the product.

[Host (Burt)]

Jeff is looking at this more business like you guys are looking at it more.

[Melissa]

Well, the thing is, it is a product. The thing is, an eight year old

[Jeff]

child, an eight year old child knows

[Melissa]

that it's being sent back. An 8 year old child knows, a 10 year old child knows. A 5 year old child knows. The thing that I think that if you were anybody that goes through adoption knows, you sit and you wait. I mean, it is a long process in order to adopt a child. And it's a very expensive process to adopt a child. And my concern is, if you know you're adopting a child and you want a child that is older who is aware of what's going on. We're not talking about an infant, we're talking about a child that knows what's going on, then you have to know that that child, and I'm going to say it has behavioral problems. Because all that child has ever known is, is that it's not wanted. And I gotta say that I don't think in my heart of hearts I could ever contribute to furthering letting that child know, you were not good enough, you were not wanted. I am sending you back. I could not do it. No, I can't do it.

[Host (Burt)]

I feel like the national anthem should be playing behind you right now.

[Melissa]

But I'm just saying, I mean, yeah, I just think that if people research and looked into the foster care system because, okay, one story that I remember from my friend from years ago, she was in the foster care system. And it's not just parents, it's not just people in their family. She was in the foster care system here in Atlanta, Georgia. And she would go to school and the school system would send the foster kids home before they took annual pictures. So she was never in a yearbook because she was a foster child. So it's everybody in that child's world telling it, you are not good enough. And it's a shame that people would be willing participants in letting that kid further know that.

[Host (Burt)]

Angela, good morning. You're part of the Burt Show.

[Listener (J)]

First, let me say amen to Melissa. Second, it's. Y' all are talking like it's a mail order bride thing. They they. She has to go over and meet the child. They don't send the child to her. She actually has to go over and pick up the child. And you have to spend a few days with the child, decide if that's a child you want. So she knew what she was getting as far as behavioral problems. I was adopted when I was three. I was the perfect little angel until a year later and I went ballistic. So there's no guarantee on a child. It's a human being. One day your child could be fantastically normal, and the next day they could be out of control.

[Host (Burt)]

That's not just debate.

[Listener (J)]

That's your child. When you sign that paperwork, you are mom or you are dad.

[Host (Burt)]

That's not the debate, though, that we're having. What Jeff is saying is, your child, product is faulty before it leaves the factory. And you can use what he's saying.

[Jeff]

And I'll use Jen's example, she used race. But that's polarizing, because every time you say race, it becomes polarizing. But if you have a family with three sons in it and you don't want to risk having a fourth son, you want a daughter and. And you go to an adoption agency and you say, I want a daughter, and something happens, and what arrives is a boy.

[Angela]

So then you have a boy.

[Host (Burt)]

In your opinion, you have a boy.

[Jen]

Oh, absolutely.

[Host (Burt)]

You keep it. No matter what it comes, you keep it.

[Jen]

It's a being. They've got feelings.

[Jeff]

Okay, let's not make it.

[Jen]

I feel so bad about myself.

[Jeff]

Let's not make it eight years old. If it's eight days old, let's make it one day old. And you go into the adoption agency and points through the nursery.

[Angela]

No, this has not changed.

[Jeff]

And said, there's your son. Why wouldn't you say, we don't want a son?

[Jen]

But you know what you're getting. You have to go meet the child.

[Jeff]

No, it's one day old. It was just born.

[Melissa]

We don't agree with you, Jeff. I mean, as simple as we don't agree with you.

[Host (Burt)]

You know what we can do to

[Jen]

a child, not a purchaser of a product. I mean, people adopt babies and infants from teenagers all the time who are giving their babies up for adoption. They don't get to see what their product is before they get it.

[Host (Burt)]

A whole bunch of you guys wanted to comment on this, and we just don't have time. So what we'll do is we'll link on over to the story from our [e-mail] and we have a comment section there and you guys can do what you want right there. All right. And again, I apologize for the mature debate on the show here.

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[Jeff]

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