Vault: Mother returned adopted child Part 2

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – Mother Returned Adopted Child Part 2

Date: July 16, 2026
Episode Overview
This episode delves into the emotionally charged topic of adoption “returns”: what happens when adoptive parents feel they cannot keep a child they have adopted. The Bert Show cast and callers examine real scenarios—especially involving older children—debating the ethics, logistics, and emotional ramifications. They discuss the responsibilities of adoptive parents, the foster care system's failures, and personal perspectives on commitment and family.

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Key Discussion Points

Real Story: Family "Returning" an Adopted Child

• [00:39] Caller 1 Shares an anecdote about a family who adopted an eight-year-old girl, but had to "return" her after she made sexual advances towards the father and caused continual chaos, despite attempts at therapy and professional help.
• Caller’s Quote:

  “It was actually a US girl. But the girl started wreaking havoc in the home and she was making lots of sexual advances towards the husband. So they ended up having to return her because she just created total chaos in the house.” (Caller 1, 00:40)

Language and Tone Concerns

• [01:03] Host: expresses discomfort at the term “return” for a child, likening it to returning a puppy or product.
  • Quote:

    “Using the words ‘they had to return her’ sounds so like Petsmart pizza puppy at Petsmart.”

• [01:12] Bert: jokes,

  “Do you save your receipt?”
  sparking a debate on the appropriateness of comparing adoption to product returns.

Responsibility and Commitment in Adoption

• [01:55] Lady Luck:

  “You can't order behavior. I mean, happens.”

• [02:34] Host: Raises the issue of hidden pre-existing conditions in children not disclosed by agencies, which can leave parents overwhelmed and unprepared.
  • Quote:

    “If there are pre-existing conditions that you don’t know, that I don't tell you about beforehand, and then the child arrives—especially if they're true medical and they've been diagnosed child arrives and you weren't told about that, I think you have a pretty good... I mean, it's going to be a painful decision to make.”

Foster Care System and Trauma

• [01:58] Caller 3: points out that behavioral challenges are often a symptom of a “hellish” foster care system.
  • Quote:

    “I think that there’s a reason that some of these kids have evolved into having behavioral problems because they haven’t had a great shot at life in the foster care system.”

Spiritual and Moral Dilemmas

• [03:01] Caller 2: introduces a spiritual angle, questioning destiny and familial purpose:
  • Quote:

    “Can’t you look at it from a spiritual perspective too? I mean, that would be part of the struggle... is our family supposed to raise this child? Did God bring this child to us?... We were going to Spain, but we ended up in Holland.”

The "Defective Product" & "Dog Analogy" Debate

• [03:34] Bert: compares a challenging adopted child to a dangerous dog brought into a household.
  • Quote:

    “So if you have two children in your family and you bring a dog into the house and that dog bites both of your children and attacks, every visitor comes over... it is different.”

• [03:53] Host & Callers: push back, emphasizing that you can't analogize children to pets or products and that every decision impacts the child’s trauma and abandonment cycle.

Parental Responsibility and "Return" Debate

• [04:21] Lady Luck: takes a hard stance against ever “returning” an adopted child:
  • Quote:

    “I can’t believe this is even a debate. I mean, you don’t. You signed up for this. When you adopt a child, you don’t get a choice. Like, I don’t get to send Ella back with a post it because she doesn’t sleep through the night.”

• [04:55] Lady Luck reframes Bert’s scenario, asserting that biological children also come with unpredictability and you can’t “choose” easy family dynamics.
  • Quote:

    “If I have two children and I decide I want to biologically have another one, I don’t get to say I only want an easy one that fits into my family.”

Ethical Gray Areas and the Role of Information

• [05:02] Bert & Lady Luck debate the ethics when crucial information about a child's health or behavioral history is withheld by an agency:
  • Bert:

    “We could open our house up to another child, but we can’t afford therapy, bills, medical bills, this, that, and other things...”

  • Lady Luck:

    “...But you have already agreed to be that parent, that child's parent.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On trauma cycles:

  “So now here you are again, giving up a child, causing more... damage and more... abandonment issues again, when you could be the one to turn the child around.” ([04:11] Host & Caller 2)

• On commitment:

  “You adopted the child, you chose to have that child become your son or your daughter. If you don’t get what you want, you don’t send it back with a post-it note.” ([04:33] Lady Luck)

• On unknown diagnoses:

  “If you weren’t told, then you gotta take a good hard look at your family and yourself and say, ‘I don’t know that we can handle this.’” ([02:34] Host)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:39 – Caller’s real-world example of “returning” an adopted child.
• 01:03 – Debating the language around adoption returns.
• 01:58 – Discussion on trauma and behavioral issues from foster care.
• 02:34 – Ethics around hidden or undisclosed pre-existing conditions.
• 03:01 – Spiritual musings about fate and family.
• 03:34 – “Dog analogy” and debate about “dangerous” family members.
• 04:21 – Lady Luck’s argument for unconditional commitment.
• 04:55 – Counterpoints about unpredictability in biological versus adopted children.

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Overall Tone & Takeaway

The conversation is raw, honest, and at times tense. The cast and callers hold nuanced, sometimes opposing, perspectives. Key themes include how much responsibility an adoptive parent should bear, whether there are ever valid reasons to “return” an adopted child, and how systems and unforeseeable trauma intersect with the real, messy business of family life. The show invites listeners to grapple with empathy, accountability, and the complexities of family and adoption.

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Transcript

[Lady Luck]

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[Bert]

The Birch Show.

[Host]

Apparently the movie you guys were trying to remember was called Orphan. Okay, that's the first thing we need to know. Jenny, Good morning. You are on the Burt Show. Hi.

[Caller 1]

Hey. I wanted to say that I actually know a family that adopted a little girl and had to return her. The story is it was a mom and a dad and they had two sons and they really wanted a little girl so they decided to adopt. And it was actually a US girl. But the girl started wreaking havoc in the home and she was making lots of sexual advances towards the husband. So they ended up having to return her because she just created total chaos in the house.

[Host]

I know we're talking about human beings, but using the words they had to return her sounds so like Petsmart pizza puppy at Petsmart.

[Bert]

Do you save your receipt?

[Caller 2]

It's a different thing if you're, if you're fostering a teenager or you're taking in like a grown up kid. I think that's a different scenario.

[Host]

How old was the child?

[Caller 2]

You presented it. It seemed like, here's your infant. And then like, oh, sorry, don't want

[Host]

it, gotta return it.

[Caller 2]

Right.

[Caller 1]

I think the little girl was around eight years old, give or take a year.

[Lady Luck]

So see, then why not take her to a doctor or specialist that your child now? Why not get it fixed?

[Caller 1]

I think I actually tried that for several months and I think, I think it was like a six month, six to eight month period that they had the little girl before they returned her.

[Host]

That must have been a painful decision.

[Bert]

The argument though that Bert makes is a very valid one. Like if you order one thing and are delivered something else just because it's a.

[Caller 1]

But you can't order.

[Lady Luck]

You can't order behavior. I mean, happens.

[Caller 3]

This is, I think this is a whole commentary on the foster care system too. Because I think that, you know, an infant. Yeah, an infant I think is different because an infant infant you bring into your home and then, you know, anything that's going on with that infant is your responsibility. Like the Nature, nurture thing. But I think that when you get older and older, I think it's really sad because I've known people in my life that have been through the foster care system and it is hell. So I think that there, I think there's a reason that some of these kids have evolved into having behavioral problems because they haven't had a great shot at life in the foster care system.

[Host]

Well, if there are pre existing conditions that you don't know that I don't tell you about beforehand, and then the child arrives, especially if they're true medical and they've been diagnosed child arrives and you weren't told about that, I think you have a pretty good, I mean, it's going to be a painful decision to make. But if you weren't told, then you got to take a good hard look at your family and good, hard look at yourself and say, I don't know that we can handle this.

[Caller 2]

But can't you look at it from a spiritual perspective too? I mean, that would be part of the struggle is like, you know, was this part of the plan? Like, you know, is our family supposed to raise this child? You know, did God bring this child to us? Even though this is not what we expected, you know, we were going to Spain, but we ended up in Holland.

[Bert]

Right, right. But you could, you could also look at, I mean, taking the human aspect out of it, which is tough, but that's not possible.

[Caller 2]

That's not what you're arguing about. You're not talking about lawnmowers. You get a defective lawnmower. Yes. Take it back to your hose.

[Bert]

So if you have two children in your family and you bring a dog into the house and that dog bites both of your children and attacks, every visitor comes over. So if you bring a child into your house and the child bites both of your other k and attacks people when they come over to the house, it is different.

[Caller 3]

Sure, it's different.

[Caller 2]

It's completely different. It's totally different. Why?

[Host]

Because you're contributing. I mean, you have an opportunity. Maybe that same scenario has, maybe that opportunity has played out in this child's life up to this point to make them that way. So now here you are again, giving up a child, causing more, what's the word I'm looking for?

[Caller 2]

Damage.

[Host]

More damage and more. Just abandonment issues again, when you could be the one to turn the child around. Tracy, Producer Tracy here has some very strong opinions about this.

[Lady Luck]

I can't believe this is even a debate. I mean, you don't. You signed up for this. When you adopt a child, you don't get a choice. Like I don't get to send Ella back with a post it because she doesn't sleep through the night.

[Caller 3]

But we're talking about older children. So let's talk about the story. Was an eight year old.

[Lady Luck]

Yeah, but still, like you adopted the child, you chose to have that child become your son or your daughter. If you don't get what you want, you don't send it back with a post it note.

[Bert]

But I'm talking about Bert's scenario where you said, I have two children, I need a healthy, well adjusted, blah, blah, blah, this is what I want. And then when you get, when you receive your child, great.

[Lady Luck]

And if I have two children and I decide I want to biologically have another one, I don't get to say I only want an easy one that fits into my family.

[Bert]

But you're not saying that. You're saying, hey, you know what? We could open our house up to another child, but we can't afford therapy, bills, medical bills, this, that, and other things we have to have.

[Lady Luck]

And what happens if the adoption agency then sends what they think is a

[Bert]

completely healthy child in the 60 years birth scenario? Birth scenario is the child has been diagnosed before the adoption agency gave it to the family.

[Lady Luck]

Okay. And the adoption agency, for whatever reason, didn't, wasn't completely honest with them. But you have already agreed to be that parent, that child's parent.

[Bert]

You agree to be the parent of a healthy child, but you don't get

[Lady Luck]

to be a parent to a healthy child or not a healthy child.

[Caller 2]

One year from that point, the child gets hit by a car, survives the accident.

[Bert]

Stop. But guess what? We're changing the scenario. The scenario is.

[Caller 2]

No, I don't think nobody can change.

[Bert]

Nobody will. Address the scenario. The Birch Show.

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