Vault: My Toddler Cost Me HOW Much?! Parents Share Their Most Expensive Kid Disasters

Summary

The Bert Show Episode Summary

Vault: My Toddler Cost Me HOW Much?! Parents Share Their Most Expensive Kid Disasters

Date: April 7, 2026
Hosts: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, et al.)

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the hilarious and cringe-worthy financial disasters caused by the youngest members of listeners’ families—toddlers! The Bert Show hosts share real-life stories from parents on how their children unintentionally wreaked havoc, costing thousands of dollars. With each caller, the stakes (and the price tags) get higher, ranging from destroyed artwork and flooded homes to an $18,000 Rolex flushed down an airplane toilet. The tone is lighthearted, self-deprecating, and packed with the authenticity and humor that defines The Bert Show.

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Key Segments & Stories

1. Kicking Off with a Viral Toddler Mishap

• [01:19] Host 2 introduces a news story: 2-year-old Evan Brambi flushes his mom's wedding and engagement rings down the toilet.
• Evan's mom shares the sinking realization, but a plumber miraculously recovers them after three hours:
  • Quote: “It took three hours, but he found the rings. One more flush and they would have been gone.” – Storyteller ([01:55])
  • Quote: “The relief I felt was just crazy.” – Evan’s Mom ([02:14])
• Hosts reflect on how such stories become family legends.
  • Quote: “Someday when he's ready to give somebody her rings, he'll know what he did to me.” – Evan’s Mom ([02:21])

2. The Listener Call-In Showdown: Most Expensive Kid Disasters

a) The $400 TV Catastrophe

• [02:38] Caller recounts a stepson spraying window cleaner into TV speakers while "helping clean," ruining a $400 TV.

b) Priceless Artwork (Now With Doodle)

• [02:53] Host 2 shares about a hand-painted painting defaced by their 1.5-year-old son Hollis, who joyfully scribbled across it with a pen.
  • Quote: “He was having the time of his life. This is great.” – Host 2 ([02:53])
  • The painting still hangs, scribbles and all.

c) $2,300 Carpet Juice Crime (& Flushed Heirloom)

• [03:27] Angela shares two disasters:
  • Her 18-month-old spills a “spill-proof” cup, resulting in $2,300 of carpet cleaning.
  • Her 1-year-old flushes a pearl bracelet (final gift from her late father, $500 value) down the toilet:
    • Quote: “But the sentimental value is way more…you can't be mad at them. They're one.” – Host 2 ([04:34])
  • Total damage: $3,000.

d) $4,000 Boat Rewiring

• [04:54] Bo (caller) tells how, at four, he shorted out every wire in a 20-foot boat by putting keys in a cigarette lighter, leading to a complete electrical overhaul.
  • Quote: “Just had to rewire, had to take the entire boat apart. It was a nightmare.” – Bo ([05:32])
  • Final bill: $4,000.

e) The $6,000 Home Flood

• [05:54] Jennifer describes her 3.5-year-old knocking the toilet tank lid off, breaking a pipe, and flooding their house.
  • Quote: “How much are we talking about?” —Host 2
    “About $6,000.” —Jennifer ([06:12])
  • Hosts joke about toddler ‘return policies’:
    • Quote: “Can you put them on the street with a tag on them or something?” – Host 2 ([06:15])

f) $8,600 Indoor Waterfall

• [06:32] A caller recounts their 3-year-old turning on the bathroom taps and stopping the sink, causing a three-story flood.
  • Quote: “We came back about an hour forty-five later to a three-story waterfall.” —Caller ([06:32])
  • Water damage across the entire house: $8,600.

g) The $18,000 Rolex Down the Toilet

• [07:19] Michelle’s story caps the show: Her 5-year-old daughter, learning to tell time on a gold presidential Rolex (with diamonds, a college graduation present), drops it in an airplane toilet.
  • Quote: “It just disappeared.” – Michelle ([07:56])
  • Quote: “Did you reach down into it and try to get that thing out of there?… My whole arm would have come out of there totally blue.” – Host 2 ([07:57])
  • Quote: “To give the kid an $18,000 watch to take into the bathroom—number one…” – Host 2 ([08:15])
  • Value of the lost watch: $18,000.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Toddler immunity—you can’t be mad at them when they’re one and they don’t know better.” – Host 2 ([04:44])
• “Be honest. Did you reach down into it and try to get that thing out of there?” – Host 2 ([07:57])
• “I’d hold the kid by the ankles and say, go down there and get it.” – Host 2 ([08:27])
• Wry Reflection: “At what level can you like, I don’t know, put them on the street with the tag on them… This is too expensive for a free box.” – Host 2 ([06:14])

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Episode Flow & Tone

• The episode moves quickly from relatable, "small potatoes" financial disasters to jaw-dropping anecdotes.
• The hosts keep things playful and supportive, often poking fun at themselves and their own parenting mishaps.
• Callers are commiserated with, not judged; humor is used to process even the most gut-wrenching losses.
• The segment highlights both the hilarious unpredictability of raising toddlers and the bittersweet reality that sometimes the real cost isn’t the money—it’s the sentiment attached.

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Timestamps for Key Stories

• [01:19] – Toddler Flushes Wedding/Engagement Rings (Recovered)
• [02:38] – $400 TV Destroyed
• [02:53] – Child Draws on Priceless Painting
• [03:27] – $2,300 Carpet Damage & $500 Flushed Bracelet
• [04:54] – $4,000 Boat Rewiring Disaster
• [05:54] – $6,000 Home Flood
• [06:32] – $8,600 Waterfall/Flood
• [07:19] – $18,000 Rolex Flushed on Airplane

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This episode of The Bert Show serves as comfort, catharsis, and comic relief for all parents who’ve faced off with a toddler-sized hurricane—and lived (together with their insurance adjuster) to tell the tale.

Transcript

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We are Marines. We were made for this. The Burt Show Here's a story I saw this morning that made me think about this.

[Storyteller]

Evan Brambi is as cute as they come, but this 2 year old sure knows how to cause some trouble. Yesterday he flushed his mom's wedding and engagement rings down the twist and then walked away.

[Host 1]

And I heard a flush and I said, what did he just flush down the toilet? Because he's always doing it. Always flushing something down the toilet.

[Storyteller]

Evan's mom later went to get ready and realized her rings she had left in the bathroom after cleaning them were gone.

[Host 1]

Oh no, Evan, where is mama's rings? And he said, in the toilet.

[Storyteller]

This mom never thought she would see her rings again. But a plumber from Mr. Rooter came to the rescue. It took three hours, but he found the rings. One more flush and they would have been gone.

[Host 2]

It was lucky because, you know, there's like four condos in here and anyone who could have flushed the toilet and it would have been gone.

[Host 1]

The relief I felt was just crazy.

[Storyteller]

Evan's mom says this is a story she will never let Evan forget.

[Host 1]

I kept thinking, someday when he's ready to give somebody her rings, he'll know

[Caller]

what he did to me.

[Host 2]

We're gonna work on laughing right now. And they never quite say how much it was right there or potentially how much they could have lost right there. But we'll start low and work our way up.

[Caller]

Hey. My stepson actually was helping daddy clean at the house and sprayed like a ton of window cleaner into the TV speakers. A $400 TV.

[Host 2]

Seems so much fun at the time. We have a painting. It's not worth a lot of money, but it was given to us hand painted by one of our friends for our anniversary. Our friend Sammy did it and it's hanging up on our catwalk. And one day as I walked out of our master bedroom, there's Hollis at one and a half with a pen, just writing right over the painting. Oh, no. Having the time of his life. This is great. Did you leave it up or take it down? It's still up. You can still see the pen mark on it. Hey, Angela, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi, I'm calling in regards to about the toddler stories and how much damage I got. Actually two for you. Okay, one is a fantastic story. I have over $2,300 worth of damage to my carpet by my 18 month old son who we had a sippy cup full of juice that was allegedly spill proof and he took it all over the place.

[Host 2]

Oh no.

[Caller]

We had to call the carpet guy to come out and clean our carpet like over five times. Unbelievably, it still never got completely out.

[Host 2]

Looks like some sort of crime scene.

[Caller]

And then I have another wonderful story about my now 10 year old son. When he was 1 years old, my husband was supposed to have been watching him and he decided to flush my pearl bracelet, which was the last thing my father gave me before he died.

[Host 2]

Oh, no.

[Caller]

Down the toilet. And it never came out. So that was about $500 worth of pearl.

[Host 2]

But the sentimental value is way more. Is. Yeah. The cost of that. But you can't be mad at him. He's one and they don't know he's flushing something down the toilet. He doesn't know.

[Caller 2]

You can be mad in general, but

[Caller]

you can't be mad at them.

[Host 2]

Right. You get toddler immunity. All right, so Angela, total was 3,000. Here is Bo. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

Hello. I was about four years old and we have a lake house in North Georgia. And I was. Everybody was up on the boathouse eating lunch. I was playing in the boat and I took the keys out the ignition of the boat and put them in the cigarette lighter. And what happened was it shorted every wire in all 20ft of the boat. I mean, like, just had to rewire, had to take the entire boat apart. It was a nightmare.

[Host 2]

So when all was said and done, how much are we talking about in damage?

[Caller 2]

I guess it was about four grand.

[Host 2]

Four?

[Caller 2]

It's been a. You know, when I was really young, I could probably find out from my dad if I called him an ass.

[Host 2]

Oh, he would have too many. An exact amount, yes. Jennifer, good Morning. You're on Q100. Morning.

[Caller]

My daughter was three and a half years old and helping us clean the bathroom and she knocked the top of the. The toilet thing off and hit the. The pipe in the wall and flooded our whole house.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

How much are we talking about?

[Caller]

About $6,000.

[Host 2]

Oh, dang.

[Host 1]

Yeah, dude.

[Host 2]

At what level can you like, I don't know, put them on the street with the tag on them or something?

[Caller]

I don't know.

[Host 2]

But man picked up with recyclables, put them with a sign saying this is too expensive for a free box. Be careful. Hey, Jeff, Good morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 2]

Hey, good morning. We've got three children and we were getting ready for church one morning and just trying to find shoes and get everything done. And our little guy was upstairs. We called him down, went to church, came back about hour 45 minutes later to a three story waterfall. He had played with the taps in his bathroom and stoppered the sink.

[Caller]

Oh, no.

[Caller 2]

And we have. His bathroom was upstairs and it was over the powder room on the main floor. And then the basement had a full bath and there was water coming out of every orifice of our house. How old was he at the time? He was three. It was $8,600 worth of damage.

[Host 2]

8,600 at three years old?

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Wow. And Michelle may be our closer call here. Hey, Michelle, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, how are you?

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Caller]

I had my daughter on an airplane and I was teaching her how to tell time and she had my gold presidential Rolex that I had gotten from a college graduation present. And she went into the bathroom and it fell off her little wrist and went down the toilet. And Delta Airlines.

[Host 2]

It was a Rolex.

[Caller]

It was a gold presidential Rolex with diamonds on it.

[Host 2]

How much is that watch worth about

[Caller]

$18,000

[Caller 2]

down the toilet, you can't get it back because I'm guessing that stuff goes into a tank and if you're will,

[Caller]

it just disappeared.

[Host 2]

Get blue dye all over you. Be honest. Did you reach down into it and try to get that thing out of there? No, I would have for $18,000 in my hand. My whole arm would have come out of there. Totally blue.

[Caller]

Oh, my gosh.

[Host 2]

$18,000. And she was how old?

[Caller]

She was five years old.

[Host 2]

Five years old. Yeah.

[Caller 2]

Well, you know what?

[Host 2]

That.

[Caller 2]

That one right there. I'm blaming mommy as much as kid

[Caller]

to give the kid an $18,000 watch

[Caller 2]

to take into the bathroom, number one. And number two, the fact that she didn't go into that tank and get $18,000. I'd work it out.

[Caller]

Stop the play.

[Host 2]

I held the kid by the ankles and said, go down there and get it. The Birch show.

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