The Bert Show: "Vault: Myspace Spy Update"

Date: November 20, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (with Birch, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, et al.)
Featured Caller: Jessica

Episode Overview

In this throwback episode, The Bert Show revisits the modern realities of post-breakup curiosity — specifically, how social media (in this case, MySpace) has turned the classic "drive-by" spy into a digital sport. The focal point: Jessica, a listener who went from curiosity to playful revenge by creating a fake Myspace profile to access her cheating ex’s private blog. The cast and Jessica dig into the emotions, motivations, and consequences of “Myspace stalking,” drawing laughs and real-talk insights into heartbreak, closure, and a little bit of digital mischief.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. MySpace as the New "Drive By" (01:50–03:45)

• Social Media & Breakups: The hosts discuss how MySpace has replaced the need to physically "drive by" an ex's place to see what they're up to.
  • Quote: "MySpace has replaced the drive by because if you have been in a relationship and you get broken up with and you get that Power sucked out, you know, away from you. Then for some reason, the stalker comes out on you..." — Female Guest 1 [02:05]
  • It’s acknowledged that this is often seen as “more of a girl thing,” though the cast jokes all parties are prone to it, regardless of gender or orientation.

2. Jessica’s Story: Digital Spy Games

• Backstory & Motivations: Jessica (the caller) clarifies upfront that she isn't "obsessed," but rather acting out of curiosity after being cheated on.
  • She describes the emotional impact: "I'm the girl whose boyfriend cheated on her. And he was like, my everything. Like, he was my first every. Every, everything." — Jessica [05:14]
• Fake Profile Tactics: Jessica and her friend craft a fake MySpace profile to access a private blog belonging to her ex, which she suspects is about her.
  • The persona used: "We find some girl on MySpace who clearly doesn't care what people think about her. You know, her butts hanging out and her boobs are out, and she just is like a slut, you know?" — Jessica [05:46]
  • They successfully friend the ex, read the blog (which turns out not to be about Jessica), and pass the findings around for laughs.

3. Taking It a Step Further: The Myspace Catfish Date

• The Prank: When her ex starts flirting with the fake profile and asks her out, Jessica and her friends orchestrate a sting. They send him to a restaurant (undisclosed for privacy), where her friends observe him waiting in vain.
  • Memorable Moment: "They send me a text message, and they're like, the eagle has landed." — Jessica [09:39]
  • Her friends provide live updates as the ex waits, playing on his phone and perking up every time someone walks in.
  • "They were there for at least 45 minutes...every time someone walked in the door, like, he would perk up...and the girl never showed up." — Jessica [10:06]
  • The ex even tries to reschedule, undeterred by being stood up!

4. Reflections: Motivations and Satisfaction

• Why Do It? Jessica explains her motivation wasn’t revenge or rekindling, but “satisfaction” after being betrayed.
  • "It was like the dating Antichrist, you know, like, update. I just did it on my own." — Jessica [11:15]
  • She revels in the small victory: "Oh, hell yeah. I felt so victorious. I was like, oh, this is glorious. This is the greatest thing ever." — Jessica [12:16]
• The Addiction of Online Spying: The hosts and Jessica acknowledge how addictive (“like crack”) it is to have that kind of digital access post-breakup.
  • "It is crack. It's. It's total crack...knowledge is power for sure." — Jessica [11:44] / Host [13:41]
• Aftermath: Jessica claims she deleted the fake profile shortly after, especially after her ex kept private-messaging wanting to meet again — and locked down his Myspace page as a result.

5. The Hosts Weigh In

• Birch (Host) Jokes: Suggests he’d bet Jessica will eventually cave and spy again: "I guarantee you that you cannot, you cannot resist going back in there and finding out what he's up to." — Host (Birch) [14:08]
• The hosts see MySpace stalking as simply a new, inevitable part of post-breakup coping, likening it to “the modern-day drive by." [14:32]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• The Humor of Mutual Stalking:
  “You guys, what are you doing here?” — Female Guest 2 impersonating exes running into each other [03:12]

• On Exposing a Serial Cheater:
  "He never cursed around me. He never even as a joke, he was never like, shut up...I just found out the complete opposite from the girl that he was cheating on me with." — Jessica [07:51]

• On Post Breakup Empowerment:
  "My knowledge that there was never a girl showing up was definite power. And it was all the satisfaction in the world because like I said, he cheated on me. Bastard." — Jessica [13:44]

• Host Perspective:
  "This is the modern day drive by is what MySpace is now. You really...It's more convenient." — Host (Birch) & Female Guest 1 [14:32]

Important Timestamps

• 01:50–03:45: The new reality of digital “drive-by” stalking and its gender dynamics.
• 04:58–07:47: Jessica recounts why and how she checked in on her ex after years apart.
• 07:47–09:39: Discovering her ex's double life and planning the fake date sting.
• 09:39–10:46: The live "sting operation" as her ex waits for the fake date.
• 11:11–12:16: Jessica and friends revel in their prank victory and the addictiveness of digital snooping.
• 13:22–14:32: Reflection on the power and pull of MySpace as a tool for closure and mischief.

Overall Tone and Takeaways

The episode stays lighthearted and confessional, blending humor with real feelings about heartbreak and the lengths people go to for closure. Jessica’s story is relatable and entertaining, especially for anyone who’s ever been tempted to peek into an ex’s online life. The hosts maintain a supportive, slightly mischievous camaraderie, never judging Jessica but teasing out the universal truths behind digital snooping in the age of social media.