Vault: NBA player, Zaza Pachulia challenges Bert!

Summary

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The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: NBA player, Zaza Pachulia challenges Bert!
Date: May 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

This lively episode features an unexpected challenge from NBA player Zaza Pachulia, center for the Atlanta Hawks, to the show's host, Bert. The main theme is a playful debate about what it means to be "athletic" versus simply excelling in a sport due to natural attributes like height. The conversation transitions into a humorous, good-natured challenge: Bert and Zaza will face off in a soccer match to settle whether athleticism trumps physical advantage, and there are “stakes” to sweeten the deal. Along the way, listeners are treated to the usual mix of the show’s banter, playful teasing, and personal stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bert's Hawks Fandom & NBA Talk

• Bert reaffirms his (recently acquired) Atlanta Hawks fandom, joking about being a “bandwagoner” but expressing real excitement for the team’s underdog status this season.
• Bert remarks, “Only we bandwagoners know how good they are.” (01:37)

Notable Quote

• “Nobody is predicting the Hawks to win the championship. They’re flying so under the radar right now, and only we bandwagoners know how good they are.” — Bert (01:29)

2. Sports and Height Stereotypes

• The team discusses which sports are suited to different body types and the common stereotype that taller people are naturally better athletes, especially in basketball.
• Bert and Jeff recall childhood experiences — Bert laments being repeatedly asked to be a jockey due to his size:
  • “If I had a dime for every time...somebody approached me and asked to train me to ride horses.” — Bert (03:17)
• Reflection on how being tall doesn’t always equate to being a great athlete.

Notable Moment

• The group jokes about how height often leads people to make assumptions about one’s sport:
  • Jeff: “That’s the joke amongst all tall kids...You play basketball, right?” (02:50)

3. Defining “Athleticism”

• Bert asserts that not all professional athletes are “athletic”—some are just big physically, prompting a debate about the true meaning of athleticism.
• “Just because you’re big doesn’t mean you’re athletic.” — Bert (05:31)
• The co-hosts challenge Bert: would he take on a professional athlete in another sport?
• Bert doubles down, suggesting in sports that fit his skill set—like soccer—he could compete with NBA players who succeed by virtue of size.

Notable Quote

• “If you put me up against an Al Horford playing soccer...then I’d probably kick ass.” — Bert (05:12)

4. Zaza Pachulia Calls In: The Challenge

• Unexpectedly, Zaza Pachulia calls the show after hearing his name on the broadcast (08:01)
• Zaza confirms his height: “A little bit taller than you. Six eleven, though.” (08:32)
• Bert and Zaza discuss whether all basketball players are athletic or just tall—Zaza chimes in that their Hawks' squad doesn't have non-athletic players.
• The conversation escalates to a challenge: they agree to face off in a “mini soccer” match, with dinner at Zaza’s restaurant at stake if Bert wins. Co-hosts suggest if Bert loses, he must wear a Zaza jersey to every Hawks game and possibly have their match played on the arena’s big screen.

Challenge Details

• Zaza: “Why don’t we try? And if I lose, I want to take you to my restaurant...But if you lose, you gotta come up with something.” (09:56)
• Bert: “Sure. I’ll go out there with you, and we’ll kick it around a little bit, and we’ll see how athletic both of us are.” (12:39)

5. Personal Stories: Soccer, Basketball, and Europe

• Zaza shares he played soccer growing up in the Republic of Georgia, but was moved to basketball because he grew too fast for soccer (13:07).
• “Soccer in Europe is huge. It’s number one sport not only in Europe, in the world...Every kid’s dream.” — Zaza Pachulia (13:07)
• He describes being “hurt” by having to leave soccer, but grateful in hindsight.

6. Stakes and Banter

• Listener suggestions add humor: if Bert loses, he may have to be water boy at a Hawks game.
• The team riffs about how improbable it is for Bert—who has only played one soccer game ever—to compete with an NBA athlete. Bert admits: “I played my very first soccer game two weeks ago.” (17:00)

Notable Moment

• Zaza, playfully: “See, he already started. Excuses.” (12:19)

7. Zaza on the Upcoming Season

• Zaza previews the Hawks’ home opener versus the Pacers, stressing the importance of starting strong, staying motivated, and surprising doubters. (14:34, 15:48)
• “Nobody was saying that Orlando would play the finals...Once you’re up there...anything can happen...we’ll give ourselves chance to play in the finals. But important is to have a good start.” — Zaza Pachulia (15:48)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Go Hawks. Go Hawks. Yeah. For like the last 13 games of season.” — Bert (01:08)
• “If I had a dime for every time...somebody approached me and asked to train me to ride horses.” — Bert (03:17)
• “Just because you’re big doesn’t mean you’re athletic.” — Bert (05:31)
• “I might call Matt Ryan up and say I could beat you in a 40 yard dash.” — Bert (05:54)
• “Why don’t we try? And if I lose, I want to take you to my restaurant and buy your dinner. But if you lose, you gotta come up with something.” — Zaza Pachulia (09:56)
• “You gotta give me a couple days now, because we have a game tomorrow opening night...But when we have off day, we’re definitely going to play soccer.” — Zaza Pachulia (11:53)
• “Soccer in Europe is huge. It’s number one sport...It was my dream to be a good soccer player. But unfortunately, I play only two years, and they kicked me out because I was growing up very fast.” — Zaza Pachulia (13:07)
• “So once you’re up there...anything can happen...if we play hard and together, I’m sure we’re going to give ourselves chance to play in the finals.” — Zaza Pachulia (15:48)
• “I played my very first soccer game two weeks ago.” — Bert (17:00)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:00 – 01:41: Bert’s Hawks fandom and “bandwagoner” confession
• 03:17 – 03:47: Bert’s history of being asked to be a jockey due to his height
• 05:02 – 06:03: Debating athleticism vs. physical advantage in sports
• 08:01 – 09:56: Zaza Pachulia calls in, banter, and the challenge initiation
• 11:01 – 12:39: Mini-soccer challenge outlined, playfully setting the stakes
• 13:07 – 14:06: Zaza’s soccer childhood and switch to basketball
• 14:34 – 16:33: Zaza on Hawks’ season hopes and underdog mentality
• 17:00: Bert reveals he's still new to soccer, raising the stakes of the challenge

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Episode Highlights

• An NBA star spontaneously calls in after being discussed on-air, leading to a real-life sports challenge.
• Zaza’s humble and humorous response to Bert’s athletic speculation disarms the hosts and listeners alike.
• The episode combines playful ribbing with genuine personal stories and light sports analysis.
• Sets up a potential on-field (or “on-pitch”) showdown with social media and in-arena video possibilities, all for laughs and a friendly wager.

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Takeaway

This episode’s charm lies in its mix of bravado, humility, and humor as Bert confidently debates NBA athleticism—only to have the “big man” himself call in and raise the stakes. Listeners get both fun sports talk and an inside look at Zaza Pachulia’s backstory, capped with a memorable cross-sport challenge that perfectly fits the show’s playful spirit.

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Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Burt]

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[Jeff]

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[Burt]

FDIC, subject to credit approval. 1, 2.

[Co-host 2]

1, 2, 3, 4. Gimme a break, give me a break Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar Gimme a break, gimme a break, Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar the chocolate crispy taste gonna make your day and wherever you go you hear the people say Give me a break, give me a break Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar have a break, have a Kit Kat.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Get it?

[Burt]

The bird show. You know, I'm a huge Hawks fan and have been for nearly half a season.

[Co-host 3]

Last year, last season, it was all, go Hawks. Right, Miller?

[Burt]

Go Hawks. Go Hawks. Yeah. For like the last 13 games of season.

[Jeff]

You should do that right now.

[Co-host 3]

You said it so passionately.

[Burt]

Yeah, go Hawks.

[Jeff]

You should do it right now. Cause they're undefeated.

[Burt]

They're undefeated right now. Here's what I love about the Hawks. Cause I. I'm a huge sports fan. I mean, I'm a huge Hawks fan also. But as far as sports go, I read them all. Sports Illustrated, ESPN. I'm watching, you know, all of them.

[Co-host 3]

You're on SportsCenter all day.

[Burt]

The time. It's on in the background, right? Nobody is predicting the Hawks to win the championship. They're flying so under the radar right now.

[Co-host 3]

Okay?

[Burt]

And only we bandwagoners know how good they are.

[Co-host 4]

At least you've admitted it.

[Burt]

That's. This is exactly where you want to be. All right? So this is the perfect position for the Hawks to be in this season.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Perfect.

[Burt]

I actually, everybody. Everybody's talking Celtics and Orlando and Cleveland and Shaq. This is where we want to be. Nobody expects us to kick ass. I Us. Us. Go Hawk.

[Jeff]

One more Gohawk.

[Co-host 2]

Go, Hawk.

[Burt]

There you go.

[Jeff]

I actually thought of you yesterday because ESPN or somebody did, remember? What was it that your dad said about you playing soccer related to your height?

[Burt]

He said, cause I was struggling with baseball. He said he was trying to suggest that I should try soccer because I was athletic and you don't have to Be very tall. And that would be a better suited sport for me, which I didn't listen to. Which I should have listened to.

[Jeff]

And I'm assuming this is because of the start of the NBA season, but some TV show or some network had a study, because people will study anything. Had a study explaining what heights are suited for what sports. You know, obviously, the taller you are, the better it makes you at basketball.

[Co-host 4]

Well, that's the joke amongst all tall kids.

[Jeff]

Right? You play basketball, right?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

How tall are you?

[Burt]

5 10, give or take. It's been a while since. Yeah, 5, 4.

[Jeff]

Okay. Soccer wasn't on the list for guys

[Burt]

that are shorter to play. Yeah, for sure.

[Jeff]

It was horse jockey and gymnast.

[Burt]

Oh, really?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Burt]

That hurts. If I had a dime for every time I was in San Diego, when I lived in San Diego, that somebody approached me and asked to train me to ride horses.

[Co-host 2]

No way.

[Burt]

Oh, yeah. Happened quite a bit.

[Co-host 3]

Are you serious?

[Burt]

Quite a bit.

[Co-host 3]

When you were growing up?

[Burt]

Yeah. Cause I used to play beach softball. It's a game that I would take way too long to explain.

[Co-host 3]

Okay.

[Burt]

People could see the athleticism, and they saw how I was built. And I had way more than one occasion with Del Mar Fairgrounds, right up the road where they race horses. People ask me, have you ever thought about being a jockey before?

[Co-host 3]

Why didn't you say yes?

[Burt]

Insecure about my height.

[Co-host 3]

Really?

[Burt]

Insecure about my height. It's probably the reason why I didn't get into soccer also. Because what Jeff is saying here is the truth is, like, just because you're tall or big doesn't make you a better athlete than somebody that's short or shorter in stature like you. If you take a look at half the guys in the NBA right now, a lot of them are playing because they're just big guys. They're not necessarily athletic guys, but they're big bodies, man.

[Co-host 3]

And they can basically just lift up an arm and think it's in the basket.

[Jeff]

So LeBron James is an athletic.

[Burt]

He's the exception. I would definitely say he's an athlete.

[Jeff]

He's the one exception.

[Burt]

Not the one exception, but there are plenty of guys. Like, you get these dudes in the league. Do we really want to go down this road? These dudes that are like 7 foot 4, 7 foot 2, or what have you, that are just big bodies, not necessarily athletic?

[Co-host 3]

Who in the world is 7 foot 4?

[Burt]

Shaq is like, 72 or something like that.

[Co-host 3]

Really?

[Burt]

We got a couple of dudes on our team. Al Horford, I think, is like a he's 6, 10. But I think that Zaza Pachulia guy is like 7 foot or something like that. And he's a really good example. There you go. There's a guy, big dude, some would say a little slow in the feet, maybe not all that athletic, but a big dude and a great guy to have on your court for you.

[Jeff]

So who is. Who then would be a better athlete? You or one of these tall guys who are just playing basketball because they're tall?

[Burt]

Well, if they only played basketball, then I would say that they're good at that sport, but not necessarily athletic. So if you put me up against an Al Horford playing soccer, you put me up against a Shaq, like playing soccer, something that caters to more of my athleticism and height, then I'd probably kick ass.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Burt]

Met with silence. Just because you're big. Just because you're big doesn't mean you're athletic.

[Jeff]

You are aware that these are professional athletes?

[Co-host 3]

Yeah, in theory, I understand what you're saying. But you, I mean, so you would really go up against a professional athlete?

[Burt]

So you're saying athlete, not in his sport?

[Co-host 2]

Like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't call up

[Burt]

Matt Ryan today and say, look, I could beat you in a quarterback competition, but I might call Matt Ryan up and say, I could beat you in a 40 yard dash, but a great

[Co-host 4]

athlete is somebody that could play.

[Burt]

I might. I wouldn't run. There are slow quarterbacks, there are slow centers, there are slow hockey players. Just because you're an athlete or you play a professional sport doesn't necessarily make you athletic. So it's going over your head.

[Co-host 3]

No, I got it. I got it. So you would literally take on a player in soccer if it.

[Burt]

Yes. If it's outside their sport, sure. I'd give it a try. You bet. You bet.

[Co-host 3]

Man, you had some muscle milk this morning.

[Burt]

I'm just saying, in the sports world, people hear it.

[Co-host 4]

Well, I'm sure that we're just all like, really? So he really would take on somebody?

[Co-host 3]

I mean, there's no doubt about it that you're athletic and you work out every single day. So you're in great shape to be able to do that.

[Burt]

Okay. And I feel solid about that. If it wasn't in their own, like, there's no way that I could beat that. What's that world sprinting dude's name from Jamaica? Oh, Bolt. Usain Bolt. There's no way I could take him on in his sport, but there could be a mutual sport that would even the Playing field. Or I think we'd be fine at,

[Co-host 3]

like, kickball at Piedmont Park.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And that's probably about it. So you think you could be Chipper Jones at kickball? You could take McCann down in some dodgeball?

[Burt]

Uh, no, I couldn't because that caters to their Sport.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Burt]

Because McCann's a catcher. If I played dodgeball, that's all about throwing, he'd kill me.

[Jeff]

I'm pretty.

[Co-host 3]

Would you swim some laps against Chipper?

[Burt]

Yes.

[Co-host 3]

And beat his butt.

[Burt]

Or Brian McCann and. Yes. That's a very good analogy.

[Jeff]

I'm pretty sure I can beat Matt Ryan in foursquare and beat his ass in foursquare.

[Co-host 3]

I could rock him in tetherball.

[Burt]

So that would be. That would be my take on it.

[Co-host 3]

Okay.

[Jeff]

I'll call for roy. Down line five for roid steroid.

[Burt]

Good morning, Q100.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Hello.

[Burt]

Hello.

[Co-host 3]

Good morning.

[Burt]

Good morning.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Hey, I was surprised. This is Zaza calling Patchouli. I heard my name there, guys. It was fun talking about a lot of things. Yes, actually, I'm on my way to Phyllis arena for the practice. I'm listening to you guys.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Co-host 4]

He sounds tall.

[Co-host 3]

I know.

[Burt]

I couldn't even put my voice on the voice disguiser and make it sound that deep. Zaza Pachulia is a center for the Atlanta Hawks that we were just talking about.

[Jeff]

How tall are you?

[Zaza Pachulia]

A little bit taller than you. Six. Eleven, though.

[Burt]

Six.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Who was five four there? Somebody said he was five four.

[Burt]

Yeah, that's me. That's Bert, as a matter of fact.

[Jeff]

You know what? Why don't you know Bert? Why don't you and Zaza just talk amongst yourselves? And the rest of us, we'll just lean back and. But y'.

[Zaza Pachulia]

All.

[Burt]

Zaza, I bet you'll agree with me. See, I'm talking in scientific sports terms that they can't understand because they're not sports fans. But you and I can have a conversation about this.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Definitely. Definitely. I need to talk to you, too. So you're saying that you are good in soccer so you can.

[Burt]

Well, here's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, and I think you'd have to agree that there are some guys in the league that are purely basketball players but not athletic.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Is that we don't have such a guys in our team. I don't know about others, but we don't have what you guys in our team.

[Jeff]

I'm sorry. I know this.

[Zaza Pachulia]

I can prove it to you, too.

[Jeff]

I know this is just between Burton Zaza, but if I'm not mistaken. But you didn't you call Zaza out by name?

[Burt]

I. I would just say this. Why are you living in the past when we're talking about the future here? Like, for instance, you as a guy that's 6 foot 11 or whatever, if I took you out of your sport right into a realm that you're not used to playing, would you be as athletic, like on a softball field or on a soccer field as you are on a basketball court?

[Zaza Pachulia]

Why don't we try? Why don't we try? And if I. If. Let's go on the soccer field, let's have a kick out. And if I lose, I want to take you to my restaurant and buy your dinner. But if you lose, you gotta come up with something.

[Burt]

Okay, so it would be you and me. You and me on the. You and me on the pitch and playing soccer against each other. Now, how do we determine who wins?

[Zaza Pachulia]

You gonna have some weaknesses or cameras?

[Co-host 3]

I think you guys gotta do a shootout, right?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Can't we just. Can't we just.

[Co-host 3]

Is that what it's called?

[Burt]

No, because a shootout wouldn't test his athleticism against mine. A shootout is just you against the goalie. We need to go head to head against each other. So I need to try to get the ball from him and he needs to try to get the ball from me.

[Jeff]

I think it's easy. I think you have an open. I think you have an open net, and I think you guys just defend each other. Each start with three possessions, and the possession ends either when a goal is scored or when the other person takes the ball.

[Burt]

We could use those as the guidelines.

[Zaza Pachulia]

They call it mini soccer. So definitely we can play in a mini soccer on a field. I'm sure you don't want to run that much, you know, on the real, real soccer field. So. Because you could play in mini soccer.

[Burt]

Now, I could not keep up with him fitness wise, without a doubt, because this is what he does for a living. But I'm saying in short spurts, Zaza, that I'm. I might be able to keep up with you in soccer.

[Jeff]

Well, you should definitely be able to keep up because a few minutes ago you called him slow.

[Burt]

I never said the word slow.

[Jeff]

Yeah, you did.

[Burt]

I was saying there are some players in the. In the NBA that aren't as athletic as specifically. I didn't say slow.

[Jeff]

Do you want me to go pull it?

[Burt]

I don't even think the tape's working today.

[Co-host 3]

Definitely not.

[Zaza Pachulia]

I'm representing now all the NBA players, so we definitely have to meet on the soccer field.

[Burt]

Okay, I will take that chance.

[Zaza Pachulia]

You gotta give me a couple days now, because we have a game tomorrow opening night. So I don't want to do this thing until tomorrow. But when we have off day, we're definitely going to play soccer.

[Burt]

Now, see, here's the risk we run into also, if zaza gets hurt, if I hurt zaza during this whole thing and he's out for the rest of the season, that affects our city. So I'm a little bit. Dude, I just want to let him know right now.

[Co-host 4]

I appreciate the call.

[Burt]

I'm not going to go.

[Zaza Pachulia]

See, he already started. Excuses.

[Jeff]

Are you sure you don't want to just do this tomorrow afternoon? Because a quick victory over Burt might give you, you know, good confidence going in. Or would that just be too. Probably too easy?

[Zaza Pachulia]

I know I'd rather do after the game.

[Jeff]

All right.

[Burt]

Okay. I don't want to wear them out before a game.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Oh.

[Burt]

Oh, my God. So we'll wait till you have an off day, and then. Sure. I'll go out there with you, and we'll kick it around a little bit, and we'll see how athletic both of us are.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Okay. Sounds good. Ok. Let all the people know and let all the people see.

[Burt]

Now, zaza, let me ask you this because I can detect your accent, and I know that you're not from here, and most people that aren't from our country have some kind of formal soccer training in their past. Did you ever play any soccer in your past?

[Zaza Pachulia]

Yeah, actually, I did. I was playing soccer before I stopped playing basketball. Because, as you guys know, especially, I'm from Georgia, Republic of Georgia, Europe. And soccer in Europe is huge. Is big. It's number one sport not only in Europe, in the world. It's only us that's not that popular. So, like every kid's dream. It was my dream to be a good soccer player. But unfortunately, I play only two years, and they kicked me out because I was growing up very fast. So my soccer coach came up to me and said, son, you're in the wrong spot. You gotta go play basketball.

[Co-host 2]

Sure.

[Zaza Pachulia]

And that really hurt me, actually. But I was a kid that time. But I'm sure the soccer coach had a vision that when I was growing up, I was tall guy, so I was going to be good in basketball. So, of course, now I'm very thankful to him because he told me these words, but the time kind of hurt.

[Burt]

All right, so I'm just gonna. I just want to make sure here that if we Play the soccer game. There's not such an emotional tie in that. If I beat you, you start crying. Oh, dude, I can't take that, man.

[Zaza Pachulia]

I have lost in my career. I have won in my career, so I know what it is.

[Burt]

All right, Zaza Pachulia. It is on, my friend. And so it shall be you and I on the pitch sometime over the next couple of weeks, and we'll see how this goes.

[Jeff]

You burn is the pitch.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Can't wait.

[Co-host 3]

Hey, Zaza, good luck tomorrow night. Is it a home game?

[Zaza Pachulia]

Yes, yes, yes. We play against pacers tomorrow at 7 o', clock, Phillips Arena. And you know, we'll be waiting for this moment for whole summer. And hopefully, hopefully we're going to win because it's very important to have a good start that sets the tone. And you know that. For the motivation and for the fans also. So we can wait for tomorrow night's

[Jeff]

game, I think, because the deal was that if Bert, if you. One half of the bet was dinner at your restaurant. Right, Zaza? So I think the other half is if Burt loses. Every Hawks game you attend this season, you have to be wearing a Zaza jersey, everyone, so people can find you. And it has to be his size.

[Burt]

I like playing a little clip of our soccer challenge on the big screen also.

[Jeff]

You mean him crushing you?

[Burt]

Nothing else. Watching a guy that's 6 foot 10 or 11 taking on a guy 5, 4 in soccer is going to be pretty funny. All right, Zaza. Hey, good luck with the season. I was just telling these guys, man, I'm stoked for you, because nobody is really saying that the Hawks can win a championship. Everybody's talking about Boston, which is good. Talk about Cleveland, talk about Orlando. And I still think Atlanta's sort of flying under the radar a little bit.

[Zaza Pachulia]

I mean, I can bring you a perfect example. Like last year, nobody was saying that Orlando would play the finals, but they were so close for this championship. It's a joke. So once you're up there, once you're in top four, you never know what's going to happen. Especially it's a long season. Guys got my hurt, and this is basketball in the playoffs. Anything can happen, you know, so we feel really good about yourself. We want to control ourselves. We don't want to be relayed on other teams. So if we do right things, if we play hard and together, I'm sure we're going to give ourselves chance to play in the finals. But important is to have a good start. We have to go game by game, and everything going to be good with the help of our fans.

[Burt]

All right, Zaza, good luck, and we'll see you this week. And we'll talk later in the week as well.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Ok. Good to talk to you guys.

[Burt]

All right. Bye.

[Jeff]

What if you had to be the water boy for the Hawks one game?

[Co-host 3]

That's funny.

[Burt]

That's. Those are pretty high stakes for a guy that's only played one soccer game his entire life.

[Zaza Pachulia]

Because.

[Jeff]

Because during that game, nobody will be more dehydrated than Zaza. Like, he'll be calling you over every 10 seconds.

[Burt]

And really, what you guys do need to know is, seriously, I played my very first soccer game two weeks ago.

[Co-host 3]

I love you.

[Burt]

I'm proud of you.

[Co-host 3]

Coming strong.

[Burt]

You got to at least put up a good fight, because people can think you're crazy and back out of a bet. Which is what I was hoping. Hoping he was going to do.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Burt]

But didn't happen.

[Co-host 4]

But it's like one question too many. Did you play soccer growing up? Well, yes. It actually broke my heart that I

[Burt]

had to get out of this. You're on the Birch Show.