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Host
What's up everybody?
Bretzky
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Host
So when he revealed to us yesterday she was dating this nice guy, she sort of dumped him because he was too nice.
Wendy
Yeah, I mean, too nice in the way, like pushover nice. Like anything I said that I wanted, I. I could have. If I said I wanted to go to this game, he would get us tickets just out of random, which is really nice. But sometimes you just don't want to see someone's full deck of cards. You want to kind of have the game and some sort of mystery and something to figure out. Because I think when you learn too much too fast, the there's just nothing to look forward to.
Host
And I think Jeff and I determined yesterday that the too nice guy that Wendy dumped she probably wasn't physically attracted to because the conversation is very different. If he's totally hot and he goes out and he gets you tickets to a game that you, you barely even mentioned to him, and he's really hot and you're attracted to him. All of a sudden he's this hot, sweet guy, but since you're not physically attracted to him, he's sort of too nice.
Wendy
No, he was definitely a cute guy and we had fun when we went, but I mean, it's just. It was just too much, like too fast, too available. Too available and not anything to look forward to besides the same thing. The same thing, the same thing.
Bretzky
Unless he looked like the situation from Jersey Shore. Then you're like, well, I look forward
Host
to his abs right now. Joanna, you're not. Fiance is a really nice guy.
Joanna
Jason is a typical, very nice guy. And actually, it's funny that you mentioned that because when we first started dating we went out with. Well, when I first met him, I was with a good friend of mine and she happened to mention that her favorite band at the time or her favorite music artist was Feist. And this was when Feist was really big. On our very first date, Jason says that he bought me and my friend and him tickets to go see Feist very first date. That's awesome. On our very first date. And he. Because he heard it in conversation. Well, I couldn't go because I already had plans. But because Jason's a good looking guy, I was like, this guy is so sweet. Now had he been so so or mediocre, I don't think I would have thought that was as sweet.
Host
It's a little creepy then. If you're not as attracted and he's that aggressive about it, then it's a little creepy.
Joanna
Yeah, I hate, I hate to say that, but I think it's true.
Host
I think it is too, man.
Wendy
Everything was great. I went on the first date and it was amazing and over the top, which was awesome. And I had a good time and I gave him another chance and another chance and another chance and it just became overwhelmingly too much.
Host
Alright, so let's assume that you're going out with a guy that's a fairly decent guy and you're attracted to him. This is probably for guys more than it is for women here, because here's the definition. Okay? And Blaine Batchelor did a great job on this article. I think this is from a couple of years ago in Sunday Paper and she defines what a truly nice guy is from a guy that's too nice. All right, okay. The truly nice guy treats everyone, his parents, the waiter, the woman he dates, and most importantly himself with respect. He radiates confidence. He leads a rich, satisfying life and is eager to share it with his romantic interest. As a result, he attracts similarly stable, confident women and sustains healthy, fulfilling relationships. By contrast, the too nice guy, like the aforementioned, simply treats everyone all the time to drinks, dinners, you name it. Because he's always eager to please. Even at the sake of his own needs or bank account. He oozes insecurity. He might have a life, but more often than not he needs to get one. As a result, he never attracts stable, confident women for the long term and chalks up his failed relationships to women's skewed mentalities.
Wendy
Yeah, I could definitely see that. I mean, confidence is a pretty big key when that and I think uber eagerness and too nice of a guy Definitely goes hand in hand.
Host
So the two nice guys basically saying, this isn't on me, I'm such a nice guy. This is on insecure women because they're not ready for a guy like me. Whereas the truly nice guy is just nice to everybody all the time. And he's not going out of his way, he's not acting. That's what he really is.
Joanna
Right. Because he's just truly a nice guy.
Latte
Mm.
Host
Here are some more characteristics of the truly nice guy versus the too nice guy. Truly nice guys don't feel the need to advertise their outstanding character. Two nice guys wear their nice guy title as a badge of martyrdom.
Caller/Guest
How do they do that? Then? I wonder what's an example of wearing
Host
it as a badge, as martyrdom? So when the woman isn't attracted to them, they wear it like, I'm such a nice guy. That's why women won't date me.
Caller/Guest
I think you're right.
Wendy
Yeah.
Bretzky
They all think I'm their brother.
Host
Right?
Bretzky
Right.
Caller/Guest
I'm always in the friend zone.
Bretzky
Yeah.
Caller/Guest
Yeah.
Host
Truly nice guys appreciate the objects of their desire too. Nice guys worship them.
Caller/Guest
Oh yeah, that is a big difference.
Wendy
Say it again.
Host
Truly nice guys appreciate the objects of their desire. And two nice guys worship them too much.
Bretzky
The object of desire being the woman.
Host
Right. Truly nice guys never pretend to be someone they're not just for the sake of getting the girl. By contrast, two nice guys, when they're frustrated about their lack of romantic success, threaten to become a bad boy and treat women like rubbish in hopes of changing their fortunes. Rubbish. The first American woman ever actually to use that word,
Latte
rubbish.
Host
You know what she's trying to say there?
Wendy
Yeah, I don't even. But I don't even think like uber nice guys are capable of being anything bad because they just want to please all the time and that's all they do. So I don't know if they're like,
Host
you can't even act like it cuz it's such a foreign concept.
Wendy
You can try, but I don't think it truly comes off as a bad boy.
Caller/Guest
And I think what she's saying there too is two nice guys, maybe it's not being genuine and they want to just flip it, you know, but the real nice guy, it's just a genuine niceness. And they, they would never think about flipping it because that's just who they are.
Host
And to a point where he won't get walked on. Where the two nice guy gets walked on all the time and then gets frustrated with it. Right. A truly nice guy looks for a woman who will respect him subconsciously or not. Too nice guy looks for a woman who will control him.
Caller/Guest
Oh.
Wendy
Oh, that's a good one.
Bretzky
Why is that?
Wendy
I could see that because of insecurity, maybe, and lack of confidence. So a woman can easily, like, easily more easily control them than they can her.
Caller/Guest
They're looking for somebody to tell them what to do.
Latte
Right.
Host
Truly nice guys never waste their time chasing mindless arm candy catchers. Two nice guys, however, shower them with drinks, dinners, and diamonds, only to watch these predators slink away to their next two nice guy target when they're restless and ready for another ego stroke or free ride. Which is a little bit what you saw with the ticket dude.
Wendy
Yeah. I mean, anything you want. They're easy to please. I mean, that's about it.
Joanna
He wants to buy your love.
Caller/Guest
Mm.
Bretzky
On the wings of love, the two
Host
of us, truly nice guys are fundamentally happy with themselves. Two nice guys are fundamentally insecure.
Caller/Guest
I would agree with that because it is. It's a fundamental difference. I mean, I think that if you're too nice, you're insecure, and you're overdoing these things to sort of make up for your insecurity. If you're truly nice, then it's just who you are. It's just genuinely who you are. And you're gonna be that way to the co worker in the office. You're gonna be that way to, you know, the people that are your next door neighbors, and you're gonna be that way to the people that you date.
Joanna
Right. And that's what she was saying, just
Caller/Guest
to the girls that you date and then you treat other people differently.
Joanna
Does that make sense?
Host
Yep. And truly nice guys never finish last. Two nice guys who endlessly mope and whine about never getting the girls include the scores of available truly nice ones who are also out there in the dating race. Always lose.
Caller/Guest
Come again? One more time.
Wendy
Again.
Host
Basically saying that the truly nice guy never finished last and the two nice guys always finish last because they sort of just trying too hard taps into that insecurity again. Right.
Caller/Guest
They think, oh, I'm always in the friend zone. Oh, I never get the girl that I want. Well, guess what? That's what you put out there. That's what you get back.
Bretzky
Right.
Host
Is this an age thing too? Like, if you're in your 20s and you're still sort of part of the new dating scene, does this apply more to that scene than it would like if you're in your late 30s? Because at that point, aren't you done playing more games than you would be in your 20s? And you're, like, ready just for a genuine, nice guy. I've been screwed around on my whole life. I've dated tools. I got a whole toolbox of tools, like Wendy said yesterday. And now you're just ready for some guy that's authentic and just nice.
Wendy
Maybe. I mean, I guess as you get older, you want someone genuine. But I think guys still try hard now to be that way, to be just nice and not overly nice. But I don't. I don't know.
Caller/Guest
I think there is a difference in what you're looking for, depending on your age. Yeah.
Joanna
Then also men and women.
Wendy
I guess it depends on the person, too.
Joanna
I mean, I would like to think that I was. Jason just kind of happened. I wasn't really looking or not looking. And then, I'm not gonna lie, it did take me a little while to, like. At first I was like, God, he's just so nice. I don't know if I deserve this. You know, he's just so sweet. And then you have to just let yourself, like, let him treat you, because you do deserve it. But you need to figure out if this guy is genuinely nice or if he's trying too hard to.
Bretzky
Do you think your next boyfriend will. It'll be easier for him to win your love.
Joanna
I'm gonna ignore him.
Host
Good morning. Q100.
Latte
Good morning.
Host
Hi. I'm avoiding trying to pronounce your name.
Latte
Latte.
Host
Yes. Latte. How are you?
Latte
I'm good.
Host
What's up?
Latte
Well, I have a comment about the too nice guy versus the. The truly nice guy. Okay, well, okay. I've had both. Like, I've never been attracted to the bad boys. That's just not my thing. I don't like games. I don't like lying. I can't do that. So. But, like, I'm. I like nice guys. But, like, I had a 2 nice guy that we were together for, like, two years, broke up. He just don't want to be friends. And he wanted to. He begged me to get back with him up until, like, two months ago, you know, three years later. And he would tell me, oh, I'll change myself for you. I'll do this, I'll do that. You know, I'll buy you this. And matter of fact, like, we lived on different coasts. He lived in Washington state. I live in Atlanta now. He was like, I'll come down to Atlanta and all this. And I was like, I try to explain him you need someone who's going to compliment you, not someone who you're going to change for. It was just too much, too available.
Caller/Guest
Yeah, you're like, have a backbone, dude.
Wendy
That's that confidence.
Caller/Guest
Show a little self respect.
Host
Do you guys remember the email that we were. We got months and months and months ago, and it was from a guy that was confused in his marriage because his wife was basically daring him to go out and cheat on her?
Caller/Guest
Yeah, I do remember, kind of.
Wendy
Yeah.
Host
And she was basically saying he couldn't do it. She gave him like 24 hours. She's like, I dare you. Go out, have an affair. Go, go, go.
Bretzky
He had one weekend to do it.
Host
He had one weekend to do it.
Bretzky
Right.
Host
And it's the same type situation. I think he's shown no backbone his entire life. She's finally like, show me a little something, something. Cheat on me, man. Go and cheat on me.
Caller/Guest
That was bizarre.
Wendy
Anything?
Host
All right, last call. Hey, Lisa, good morning. You're on the Burt Show.
Lisa
Hey, I think you hit the nail on the head when you were talking about age. Because my husband, we started dating when we were like 30, 31. And he's a truly, truly nice guy. But he even has told me when he was in his 20s, women didn't want to date him for very long because he was too nice. But then once he started hitting like 28, 29, he said it totally changed.
Host
Let me ask you this. If you would have met him when you were 22 years old.
Lisa
No, we had that talk, too. I dated a guy in my 20s that was a complete jerk. I probably wouldn't have appreciated my husband as much. So, yeah, I probably wouldn't have gone out with him.
Host
So it's probably.
Lisa
I mean, I might have once or twice, but.
Host
And then dumped him. And you would have lost out on your future husband.
Lisa
I know, I know. But when you're 21, 22, you don't really think about that. Well, I still want to go party and have fun and all that.
Wendy
And I still think at 24, I do want a truly nice guy. But I don't want somebody I can run all over either. I don't want somebody I can take advantage of. I want someone to stick up for themselves.
Host
Dude with some backbone. This is the.
Wendy
Hey, everybody, lady luck here.
Joanna
And we're celebrating America's 250th birthday. Now, all summer long, I'm going to be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com which is an American owned social casino. It obviously features over 1000 slot games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble crafts. Head on over to spinquest.com get yourself a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.
Bretzky
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Date: June 5, 2026
Participants: Bert (Host), Wendy, Joanna, Bretzky, Latte, Lisa, Callers/Guests
This episode dives into the classic dating debate: “Nice Guy” versus “Too Nice Guy.” The Bert Show crew—joined by guests and callers—breaks down what makes someone genuinely nice versus being so eager-to-please that it sabotages attraction. Through stories, humor, and a candid article by Blaine Batchelor, the cast explores confidence, boundaries, the impact of physical attraction, and whether age changes what we value in a partner.
"It was just too much, like too fast, too available and not anything to look forward to besides the same thing."
“Now had he been so so or mediocre, I don’t think I would have thought that was as sweet.”
"The truly nice guy treats everyone... and most importantly himself with respect... The too nice guy... is always eager to please, even at the sake of his own needs or bank account."
"Confidence is a pretty big key... Uber eagerness and too nice of a guy definitely goes hand in hand."
“Truly nice guys don’t feel the need to advertise their outstanding character. Too nice guys wear their nice guy title as a badge of martyrdom.”
"Say it again."
"Truly nice guys appreciate the objects of their desire. And too nice guys worship them too much." (Host, 05:32)
"...the real nice guy, it's just a genuine niceness... they would never think about flipping it because that's just who they are."
“I could see that because of insecurity, maybe, and lack of confidence. So a woman can easily, like, more easily control them than they can her.”
“They're looking for somebody to tell them what to do.”
“If you're too nice, you're insecure, and you're overdoing these things to sort of make up for your insecurity.”
“Truly nice guys never finish last. Two nice guys who endlessly mope and whine ... always lose.”
“They think, oh, I'm always in the friend zone. Oh, I never get the girl that I want. Well, guess what? That's what you put out there. That's what you get back.”
“He’s a truly, truly nice guy. But he even has told me when he was in his 20s, women didn’t want to date him for very long because he was too nice. But then once he started hitting like 28, 29, he said it totally changed.”
“If you would have met him when you were 22 years old—”
“No... I probably wouldn’t have gone out with him.”
Host (04:44):
"So the two nice guys basically saying: this isn't on me, I'm such a nice guy. This is on insecure women because they're not ready for a guy like me. Whereas the truly nice guy is just nice to everybody all the time. And he's not acting. That's what he really is."
Wendy (06:50):
"I could see that because of insecurity, maybe, and lack of confidence. So a woman can easily, like, more easily control them than they can her."
Joanna (09:32):
"At first I was like, God, he's just so nice. I don't know if I deserve this. You know, he's just so sweet. And then you have to just let yourself, like, let him treat you, because you do deserve it."
The Bert Show’s “Nice Guy vs Too Nice Guy” episode gives listeners a candid, often funny, sometimes sobering look at what draws people to each other, what pushes them away, and how the line between “nice” and “too nice” is drawn not only by actions but by self-respect, boundaries, and confidence. While women and men grow out of certain dating patterns with age, the core truth remains: authentic kindness, paired with self-assurance and respect—for others and oneself—is always attractive. The “too nice guy” might finish last not because women don’t want nice partners, but because desperation and lack of boundaries are never as compelling as genuine confidence.