Vault: People Confess To Loving Their Pet More Than Their Spouse?!

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault - People Confess To Loving Their Pet More Than Their Spouse?!
Air Date: January 19, 2026 | Host: Bert and the Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

In this engaging and laugh-filled episode, the Bert Show delves into the surprisingly relatable and, at times, controversial topic: "Do people love their pets more than their spouses?" Inspired by a team member's offhand comment about missing her pet more than her partner, the crew opens the phone lines to hear their listeners' candid confessions, sparking a lively debate among hosts and callers alike. The episode uncovers the depth of pet owners' bonds, instances where pets dictated relationship choices, and hilarious moments that only animal lovers will truly understand.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Thought Catalyst: Loving Pets vs. Partners

• [00:00–01:10] The topic takes off from a team story about missing a pet while away, sparking the show’s central question: “Can you honestly say you love your pet more than your spouse?”
  • Bert notes, “Dog and cat people are freaks. Freaks, freaks, freaks.”
• [01:48–02:43] The hosts discuss whether anyone would truly admit to loving a pet more than their human partner, even suggesting using a voice disguiser for extra-shy callers.

When Pets Dictate Relationships

• [02:03–03:25] The team shares their own experiences:
  • One recounts a failed relationship due to a partner’s pet allergies, admitting, “I’m not getting rid of my animals so that I could live with her.” (C, 02:31)
  • Discussion about pets’ precedence when the animal predates the relationship.
  • “There’s been times where our cats actually kept us together because they were Scott’s cats and I am so crazy in love with them…” (C, 02:53)

Listener Confessions: Prioritizing Pets

• [03:43–05:22] Susan calls in, boldly stating, “I know my husband loves our dog more than me.” She describes her husband’s unique bond with their pet—there’s even a photo of him and the dog on his truck visor, with none of his wife or kids.
  • Memorable moment: “He’s told me when he passes away or if the dog passes away first, cremate the dog, and then when he dies, he wants the dog’s ashes with him.” (D, 04:13)

The Impossible Choice: Who Gets Saved First?

• [04:39–05:22] Bert proposes a dramatic scenario: “You’re both hurt in a car crash—who does your husband check on first, you or the dog?”
  • Susan hesitates before answering, prompting Bert to quip, “I think the fact that it took you 20 seconds to answer, you really know what the truth is.” (A, 05:22)

Open Admissions: The Cat Lovers

• [05:36–06:29] Jennifer confesses, “I can honestly take a look at the relationships... and say I love my cat more.”
  • She shares the story of a magnet that read: “Husband and cat missing—$100 reward for cat,” illustrating the humorous way pet love eclipses spousal love.
  • “They don’t talk back... They’re just loving you. Come home, they make you smile and everything.” (D, 06:22)

The Emotional Logic of Pet Preferences

• [06:49–08:08] Hosts debate the appeal of cats versus dogs and discuss how people rely on their pets for unconditional love.
  • Cassie: “If my Toby hated somebody that I was seeing, I’d have to think twice about that person.” (C, 07:11)
  • Discussion around trusting a pet’s instincts over one’s own when evaluating partners.

Standout Moments: Pets Breaking Up Relationships

• [09:06–09:24] Stephanie shares, “At one point he said, ‘It’s me or the cat.’ And I said, ‘It’s the cat.’” The relationship survived only after her boyfriend’s mother intervened, siding with the cat.
• [10:12–10:20] Sue’s cat peed on a date. “She was my indicator. If she peed on you, you had to go.” (D, 10:24)
  • The hosts and listeners reinforce that negative pet reactions are relationship deal-breakers.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I know my husband loves our dog more than me.” — Susan (03:43)
• “He wants the dog’s ashes with him.” — Susan (04:13)
• “I’m not getting rid of my animals so that I could live with her.” — Cassie (02:31)
• “If I break up, I lose those cats. So I stay.” — Cassie (02:55)
• “If the house was on fire, I would get my dog before I would get my...” — Beth (08:16)
• “At one point he said, ‘It’s me or the cat.’ And I said, ‘It’s the cat.’” — Stephanie (09:24)
• “My cat actually peed on a guy I was dating... I said that to the guy I was dating.” — Sue (10:20-10:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–01:31: Introduction—proposing the pet vs. spouse love question
• 02:03–03:25: Hosts share personal experiences of pets causing or preventing breakups
• 03:43–05:22: Susan recounts her husband’s extreme devotion to their dog
• 05:36–06:29: Jennifer admits to loving her cat more than her husband
• 07:11–07:21: Cassie discusses trusting her pet’s instincts over her own
• 09:06–09:24: Stephanie chooses her cat over her boyfriend
• 10:12–10:24: Sue’s cat determines the fate of her relationships through...unique means

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Tone & Final Thoughts

The episode is a mix of playful ribbing, heartfelt admissions, and comedic moments, keeping the energy authentic, real, and always lighthearted. Listeners and hosts alike are unafraid to poke fun at themselves and each other, reflecting on just how deep the human-animal bond runs—and just how much it can shape human relationships.

Perfect for: Anyone who has ever prioritized a four-legged best friend, or wondered just where they might actually rank in their partner’s heart.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, the bird show. So I had a thought yesterday in talking to Janet that means somebody's gonna be working around here.

[B]

Tracy.

[A]

Tracy won't even answer my IMs anymore because every time I say hi, she knows it's gonna mean two more hours of work. Here was my thought yesterday, and we have said this now for a while, that it sure seems weird to us that whenever we come up with the most random phone conversations that we never think we're gonna get any calls on. Somebody in the Burch show listening community calls up and says, you guys are talking directly at me. And it doesn't matter how strange or how bad or how good it is. Right? So Jen Hobby yesterday leaves for vacation. And as she's leaving, she's like, oh, I'm so sad that I'm leaving. First of all, you know, I'm gonna miss Tuesday and the drive going on. I feel so guilty about that. She rattled off a couple other things, and she's like. And I'm gonna. And then she caught herself and she's like, oh, yeah. And I'm gonna miss my husband, too. So here's my question to you guys, because I know there are big time. I mean, rabid. Rabid and passionate pet lovers, much like Jamie Massey here. And we would have to use the voice disguiser for this. And let me give the phone number out. 404-741-1005. If you can honestly look at your life and say, I. I love my pet more than I love my spouse. Is there somebody listening?

[B]

Oh, I'm sure there is.

[A]

That can. That can publicly say it. Now, we will put you on the voice disguiser because, you know, like, dog and cat people are freaks. Freaks, freaks, freaks. Let me. This is good. Well, there are some that. I mean, if you're dressing your pets up at Halloween at Christmas, and you're one of these people we're probably talking directly to.

[C]

Right.

[B]

I bet we could take that a step further, actually. And people who have divorced their spouse.

[A]

Because of a pet because there was something going on because they didn't like to get.

[B]

It's the dog or me.

[C]

Bye.

[B]

You know, like, there's people like that.

[A]

I think you're the kind of person.

[C]

Who came first, because if your animal came first before the person you're dating, sometimes that your animals take so precedent.

[A]

Now, wait a sec. So let me ask you a question here. Like, you've got Toby.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. You love Toby and Kim, and they've. They've been around for a while.

[C]

My dog and my Cat. They've been around for a while.

[A]

If somebody that you fell in love with came around and couldn't live in your house or you guys couldn't get a place together because they were allergic, that's what happened.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So you end the relationship.

[C]

I didn't end the. I mean, that's what happened. My last relationship, my last girlfriend was allergic to them and we never lived together. Yeah. I'm not getting rid of my animals so that I could. So I could live with her.

[B]

You go, girl.

[A]

You would rather I didn't break up.

[C]

With her, but we adjusted to the lifestyle. But absolutely no. I would say there's been times where our cats actually kept us together because they were Scott's cats and I am so crazy in love with them.

[B]

And we've had really, really, really bad.

[C]

Fights to where breakup might be on the verge. I've thought to myself, if I break up, I lose those cats. So I stay. Really.

[A]

Well, Scott came in. The guy came into the relationship with the cats.

[C]

It was.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It was his. I mean, he. One of them. Yeah. Guy. Yeah. Well, yeah. And. Yeah. Yeah. And. And, you know, this last relationship, like, with not Lisa, that was probably the. Because I've never lived with anybody and that was the one person that had the most potential for. For me moving in. I just thought how ironic that she's allergic to my animals.

[A]

404-741-1005 if you can honestly look at your life and you're embarrassed to say it. So we'll put you on the voice disguise. But you're like, yeah, yeah. If push came to shove and they were both. Something happened to both of them. Yeah. I'm saving my. My pet first. Good morning, Susan. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[D]

Hey. Don't even need to be on the voice disguiser. I know my. It's not me. I know my husband loves our dog more than me.

[A]

That you probably think so, but come on.

[D]

No. And the funny thing is, I mean, he never has been really an animal lover until this dog. And the dog was supposed to be our daughters and they just bonded. And when he's at work or when he's driving around in his truck, there's a picture in his visor of him and the dog. There's none of me in the family. It's him and the dog. I swear, I could not believe that. I said, where are the kids? At home. I see him every day. I miss my dog, you know, so. And then he's even told me when when he passes away or if the dog passed away first, cremate the dog. And then when he dies, he wants the dog's ashes with him.

[A]

Oh, my God. Let me. Susan, answer this question. Okay, sure. This is a tough scenario to run by you, but you're driving in the car with your dog and you get into an accident, all right? You guys are both banged up pretty badly. You have to go to the hospital and the dog has to go to the vet. Your husband checks on which first, you or your dog.

[D]

Ooh, tough call. Wow. You know, wow.

[C]

You can't answer it.

[D]

That's, you know, that's tough, I would say, because he'd probably check on me first because I can talk and I'd give him so much crap that to just be able to shut me up, he'd go and see me first. And once he knew I was okay, then he'd be right to the vet.

[A]

Well, I think the fact that it took you 20 seconds to answer, you really know what the truth is.

[C]

Well, the truth is that he would call to check on her from the vet's office.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. We've got him on the phone right now and he's, he's going to disagree.

[A]

All right, Now, Susan says that's about her husband. But how about the people that can take a good hard look at their own life and say, okay, yeah, for sure I do. These people don't want to be on the Voice disguiser. Jennifer, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[D]

Good morning Burt Show.

[A]

Good morning.

[D]

My husband's out of town, so I can call. It doesn't matter right now. But funny thing, we. Right now we have three cats. We just lost one of our cats to diabetes. And that was probably my favorite all time cat. While we had that cat, I bought this little magnet that said husband and cat missing. Hundred dollar reward for cat. My husband didn't find that too fun.

[A]

I bet. I bet you can honestly take a look at the relationships with you and your pets and your husband and say that you love your cat more.

[D]

Yes. They don't talk back. They, you know, they're just loving you. Come home, they make you smile and everything.

[A]

So, yes, I don't see the whole cat appeal. I gotta be honest with you guys. If I have said this for years, if a cat could, it would sit on the couch and it would flip you off all day long until it needed a scratch on the top of the head and then it would start flipping you off again when you were done.

[C]

They don't Care flipping you off because they know you don't like them.

[A]

That's not true. Cats don't give a damn about anybody.

[B]

But they're not faking it.

[C]

They're real.

[B]

They're just. Their personality is just right out there useless.

[D]

And they all have different personalities. I've got three cats right now, and they all have different personalities.

[B]

Bert's just mad because they'd take his seat on the couch.

[A]

I would even have a cat in my house.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I wouldn't even have it.

[C]

I know. I can honestly say that if my. No. Yeah. Okay. If. If Toby hated somebody that I was seeing that I would have to think twice about that person.

[A]

There's a good question to ask also. 400-474-11005. Kind of going along with what Massey said here. Have you broken up with somebody because your pet didn't like them?

[C]

I wouldn't even get in a relationship to break up with him. If Toby was that at, like. If he, like, barked all the time or was really, you know, if he growled at them or consistently, then I wouldn't even get that far.

[A]

So you would trust your dog's instincts about somebody better than you?

[B]

I have a border collie, Like a miniature border collie. And she's very timid. She was really abused when I got her. And if somebody seriously would come in the house and was a little bit rough with her or she wasn't very attentive to her needs. She has needs. She's very special. And if they. I mean, I would be like, okay, it's just not going to work, because you can see how people treat animals, and it's going to be how they treat, you know, other people, including you.

[A]

Good morning, Beth.

[D]

Good morning.

[A]

Nobody wants to be on the voice disguiser. I thought for sure nobody would call. And if you did, you wanted to do this anonymously, but you don't care.

[D]

Oh, no. My husband already knows. If the house was on fire, I would get my dog before I would get my.

[A]

What is the matter with you?

[D]

She's my. She's my best friend. She loves me all the time, regardless of whether I've had a bad day or whatever. If I spank her because she did something wrong, she still loves me. Well, yeah, you have a bad day, you know, you come home, you had a bad day, you see their little happy face, and. And it makes everything all right.

[C]

And for me, they're my responsibility. Like, they can't take care of themselves. I mean, they're so domesticated, they can't go into the wild and take care of themselves. They're my responsibility. Human. They can take care of themselves.

[A]

In a lot of cases, either can your husband.

[B]

But you don't get to talk to your husband or your wife in that cute puppy voice.

[C]

Well, at least not after the first six months of a relationship.

[A]

Hey, Stephanie, Good morning.

[D]

Good morning.

[A]

How are you?

[D]

Pretty good.

[A]

What's up?

[D]

I'm just gonna tell you that about 18, 19 years ago, I was dating a guy who I really liked a lot and I had a cat and he came from a cat hating family. So at one point in our relationship, I think it was a 9 o' clock on a Friday night, he said, it's me or the cat. And I said, it's the cat.

[A]

And that was it.

[D]

And no, actually he came back at 9 o' clock the next morning and said, okay, you can keep the cat. Because he called his mom and his mom said, you can't make her get rid of her cat.

[C]

So mommy said it was okay.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah. And so now we've been married 18 years, we got two cats and a new puppy.

[A]

And he knows what his priority is.

[C]

In that lineup, doesn't he?

[D]

Absolutely.

[C]

And also if somebody comes. Yeah. I agree with Jamie about people who are just. If they're rude to your animals or start saying it's the animal or me or, you know, something like that. Like whatever. That. Yeah, you don't need to do with.

[A]

Them anyway, all these calls coming in. My boyfriend said, me or the cat? I chose the cat. My husband said, me or the cat? I chose the cat. The cat. I chose the cat. I chose the cat.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

And sue does basically the same thing that you do here, Melissa also. Hey, Sue.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Morning.

[D]

My cat actually peed on a guy I was dating. Looked him in the face and peed on him and I said, you got to go.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You said that to the cat? You said that to the cat or you said that to the guy you were dating?

[D]

I said that to the guy I was dating. So she was my indicator. If she peed on you, you had.

[C]

To go, no, Toby. I mean, Toby treats. I mean, he's so used to being around women that he, you know, loves women. But yeah, there are some women he will treat differently than others. And I can tell. Yeah, I trust him.

[A]

Trust me. Insecurity more than you do your own.

[C]

Because if they come into my home and make him feel uncomfortable, then yeah, no, I don't need to be with him.

[A]

Hey, the Birch show.