Vault: Phil and Lottery Numbers

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Phil and Lottery Numbers

Date: October 29, 2025
Main Cast: Bert Show Host, Phil Turana, Intern Tracy, Burt Show Producer
Episode Theme:
This episode delivers a hilarious and unconventional attempt by the Bert Show team to “scientifically” pick lottery numbers for their listeners. The team sends their newest member, Phil Turana, to a laundromat with ping pong balls and an industrial dryer, aiming to select lottery numbers in the most chaotic and entertaining way possible.

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Episode Overview

The Bert Show brings comedy and chaos to their effort to choose lottery numbers for listeners. The star of the episode, Phil Turana, finds himself inside an industrial dryer at a laundromat, spinning (literally) for the sake of radio. What ensues is a blend of slapstick antics, on-the-fly improvisation, and classic Bert Show banter—all to pick a series of random numbers for that night’s lottery drawing.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Introducing the Lottery “Science” Experiment

• [01:42] The Host recalls when the lottery jackpot soared to “hundreds of millions of dollars” and proposes the Bert Show officially-endorsed numbers, humorously claiming their “scientific” selection method.
• [01:59] Phil Turana is dispatched to a laundromat with ping pong balls numbered 1–50 and is challenged to use an industrial dryer as a makeshift lottery machine.

2. Phil Entering the Dryer

• [02:48] Phil Turana doubts the stunt:

  “Bert, I’m about a buck 90. I don’t know if this is... I don’t know if this is gonna work.”
  - Phil Turana [02:48]

• [02:58] The Host urges him on:

  “Totally serious. I mean, it’s... this is for the listeners. Think of the listeners. For a good cause.”
  - Burt Show Host [02:58]

• Intern Tracy is on scene, ready to assist—adding to the absurdity as she helps cram Phil into the appliance.

3. The Ping Pong Ball Draws Begin

• First Ball:
  • [04:07] As the dryer spins, Phil exclaims:

    “Oh, hey, look, I’m rolling now. Ow. Let me try to... Darn it. Ow. Hold on. I fell on my head.”
    - Phil Turana [04:07]

  • Result (first number): 7
• Second Ball:
  • [05:19] The situation escalates as Phil reports:

    “We’re getting yelled at. We’re getting yelled at. We’re getting yelled at. He’s not liking this one.”
    - Phil Turana [05:19]

  • Result: 24
• Third Ball:
  • [05:45] Amid chaos, Phil hurriedly grabs the next ball.
  • Result: 20
• Fourth Ball:
  • [06:06] The tension ramps up:

    “Okay, I got another one. I got another one. I’m not here. 26. 26 and...”
    - Phil Turana [06:06]

  • Result: 26
• Fifth Ball:
  • [06:15] After another tumble:

    “Oh, God. I’m on my head. Hang on. I don’t know if that’s my spine or my neck. Oh, okay, last one. 29.”
    - Phil Turana [06:15]

  • Result: 29

4. The Laundromat Owner Picks the Powerball

• [06:32] The host suggests the laundromat owner pick the “big money” ball (Powerball equivalent).

  “Why don’t we have the guy at the laundromat pick the Powerball for us?”
  - Burt Show Producer [06:27]

• Reluctantly, Nick (the owner) draws:
  • [06:55] Intern Tracy confirms:

    “23.”
    - Intern Tracy [06:55]

  • Nick engages briefly and bemusedly with the team on air.

5. Closing Out the Lottery Stunt

• [07:24] The host recaps:

  “Okay. All right, so once again, these are the numbers to play... According to the industrial dryer and Q100, they are 7, 20, 24, 26, 29.”
  - Burt Show Host [07:24]

  • Powerball: 23

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Phil’s reluctance and willingness to sacrifice for the show:

  “Think of the listeners thinking about my neck when it breaks.”
  - Phil Turana [03:03]

• Physical comedy and authenticity:

  “Do you want the ping pong ball under my leg or up my butt?”
  - Phil Turana [04:29]

• Live chaos and interruptions from the laundromat owner:

  “We’re getting yelled at. We’re getting yelled at. He’s not liking this one.”
  - Phil Turana [05:19]

• Host’s tongue-in-cheek guidance:

  “Totally serious. I mean, it’s... this is for the listeners. Think of the listeners. For a good cause.”
  - Burt Show Host [02:58]

• Interaction with the laundromat owner Nick, and his visible confusion at the antics:

  “He is not happy. He is not happy.”
  - Phil Turana [06:35]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:42] – Setting up the lottery number selection premise
• [02:48] – Phil hesitates to enter the dryer; physical comedy ensues
• [04:07] – First spin, Phil tumbles and retrieves first ball
• [05:19] – Owner confronts, rapid picks for numbers two and three
• [06:32] – Laundromat owner picks Powerball; brief on-air cameo
• [07:24] – Full results recap for the “lucky” Bert Show numbers

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Lottery Numbers Drawn (Bert Show-Endorsed)

• Main numbers: 7, 20, 24, 26, 29
• Powerball: 23
  Methodology: One sweating morning radio personality, one industrial dryer, and a disapproving laundromat owner.

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Episode Tone & Takeaway

In true Bert Show style, the episode fuses irreverence, slapstick, and team camaraderie, offering listeners both laughter and a set of “scientifically” chosen lottery numbers. Phil’s physical commitment and the team’s banter stand out, embodying the real and funny brand that makes the show a morning staple.

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This summary captures the energy, humor, and mayhem of the Bert Show’s lottery experiment, making it equally entertaining for those who missed the live chaos.

Transcript

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[Phil Turana]

The Burt Show.

[Burt Show Host]

You remember months ago when the lottery was up to like hundreds of millions of dollars? Well, the Burt show thought we'd put our heads together and find a way to find some numbers that we would endorse right before the lottery. So you guys would listen to our numbers, go ahead and play them and be millionaires. The newest member of our morning show is Phil Turana.

[Phil Turana]

Hey morning guys. How are you?

[Burt Show Host]

Good. How are you doing man? Good. Good. Today we are going to try to help our listeners out. We're trying to scientifically pick the numbers that we believe Will be the numbers picked tonight in the lottery. All right, Phil, now you are at the laundromat now, correct?

[Phil Turana]

Yes, sir.

[Burt Show Host]

All right, you are there with ping pong balls in hand?

[Phil Turana]

Yep.

[Burt Show Host]

Is there an industrial dryer there somewhere?

[Phil Turana]

Yeah, it doesn't get any bigger than this.

[Burt Show Host]

All right, we're gonna go ahead and have you put the first bag of ping pong balls in the industrial dryer.

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

Okay.

[Phil Turana]

That'S arn.

[Burt Show Producer]

Those are the red balls numbered one through 50, correct?

[Phil Turana]

Those are the red balls number one through 50.

[Burt Show Host]

Okay. Okay, now let me check in with intern Tracy here. Also, Tracy, you're on the scene as well.

[Intern Tracy]

Yep, I'm here.

[Burt Show Host]

Okay, at this point, Phil, we're gonna have you jump into the industrial dryer with the lottery balls.

[Phil Turana]

Bert, I'm about a buck 90. I don't know if this is. I don't know if this is gonna work.

[Burt Show Host]

Yeah, this should be fine. So why don't you go ahead and dive right into the industrial dryer with those ping pong.

[Phil Turana]

You're serious?

[Burt Show Host]

Totally serious. I mean, it's. This is for the listeners. Think of the listeners for a good cause.

[Phil Turana]

Think of the listeners thinking about my neck when it breaks.

[Burt Show Host]

Oh, it'll be fine.

[Intern Tracy]

Hang on.

[Phil Turana]

Okay, hold on. I'm gonna put the phone down.

[Burt Show Host]

It'll be fine. You want to bring that phone in there with you?

[Phil Turana]

Yeah, we need to be able to.

[NBA Daily Host]

Hold on, hold on.

[Phil Turana]

I'm just gonna give it to Tracy so I can at least fit my fat ass in here.

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

Hang on.

[Intern Tracy]

Oh, here he goes. Okay, he's in.

[Burt Show Host]

He's in now. All right, go ahead and hand him the cell phone.

[Intern Tracy]

Okay, hold on one second.

[Phil Turana]

The echo's gonna be great, you guys. He's so lost in the. Oh, my God.

[Burt Show Producer]

Hey, Tracy, is he all the way in?

[Intern Tracy]

He's completely in.

[Burt Show Producer]

Will you slam the door?

[Intern Tracy]

Uh huh.

[Phil Turana]

Oh, my God.

[Intern Tracy]

Do you guys think he's more of a high cotton?

[Phil Turana]

No.

[Burt Show Host]

All right, so, Phil, you are now inside the industrial dryer with door closed, correct?

[Phil Turana]

Unfortunately, yes.

[Burt Show Host]

Okay, Tracy, go ahead and put a couple of quarters in there.

[Intern Tracy]

Okay.

[Phil Turana]

Oh, my God. Our Father who art in heaven.

[Burt Show Host]

Oh, jes. Tracy, we're gonna have you turn that thing on for about 10 seconds and then open the door and have him hand you one of the ping pong balls. Okay?

[Capital One Bank Guy]

Okay.

[Phil Turana]

Oh, hey, look, I'm rolling now. Ow. Let me try to. Darn it. Ow. Hold on. I fell on my head.

[Burt Show Host]

Very good. All right, Tracy, stop it. Now open the door and let him hand you the first Ping pong ball.

[Phil Turana]

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

[Burt Show Host]

Now, there are what, five?

[Phil Turana]

Do you want the ping pong ball under my leg or up my butt?

[Burt Show Host]

I think Tracy would probably prefer the one by your leg. Go ahead. We're have to do this five times, so go ahead and take the first ball out now, Trace.

[Intern Tracy]

Okay, first ball is a seven.

[Phil Turana]

Seven.

[Burt Show Host]

All right. The first Bert show endorsed number tonight is seven. All right, Tracy, close the door and start the dryer again.

[Phil Turana]

Hey, I just want you to know the little old man that works here, he is giving us some really fun looks. I want to see if I can get him in here with me.

[Burt Show Host]

That's a different show.

[Phil Turana]

Oh, okay. Oh, o. Oh, gee. Okay, I'm on my head.

[Burt Show Host]

Ow.

[Phil Turana]

Ow. I'm getting very evil stairs.

[Burt Show Host]

All right, Tracy, go ahead. Open up the door and let's take out ping pong ball number two.

[Phil Turana]

We're getting yelled at. We're getting yelled at. We're getting yelled at. He's not liking this one.

[Burt Show Host]

All right, then you're gonna have to quickly give Tracy a ping pong ball.

[Phil Turana]

Here's another one. There's another one.

[Intern Tracy]

Okay, okay, 24.

[Burt Show Host]

24. All right. Is the second Birch show endorsed number. Go ahead. Close the door again, Tracy.

[Phil Turana]

It's over. It's over. Here he comes.

[Burt Show Producer]

Give him the phone.

[Intern Tracy]

Do you want to talk to him?

[Burt Show Host]

Yeah, sure.

[Intern Tracy]

Okay, hold on. Hold on one second.

[Phil Turana]

Let me grab another ball while we're getting him.

[Burt Show Host]

Yeah, quickly.

[Phil Turana]

Okay, next ball. 20.

[Burt Show Host]

20. All right, 20. That's three. We've got Phil in an industrial size dryer right now.

[Burt Show Producer]

Tracy is distracting the Chinaman with her woman. So you keep spinning.

[Phil Turana]

Show some legs.

[Burt Show Host]

Hello?

[Phil Turana]

I don't want to talk, but he should come out. My dad says I'm dirty, though.

[Burt Show Host]

Quickly, give us ball number four. Now, Phil.

[Phil Turana]

Okay, I got another one. I got another one. I'm not here. 26. 26 and.

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

Oh, God.

[Phil Turana]

Oh, God. I'm on my head. Hang on. I don't know if that's my spine or my neck. Oh, okay, last one. 29.

[Burt Show Host]

29. All right, now we need like a Powerball, right? Yeah.

[Burt Show Producer]

Why don't we have the guy at the Laundromat pick the Powerball for us? Tracy, ask him to pick one ball out of these. The big money bag.

[Phil Turana]

I just put the big money for.

[Intern Tracy]

Us, and then we'll leave.

[Phil Turana]

We come grab in here and grab a ball. Oh, he is not happy. He is not happy.

[Intern Tracy]

Will you come help us?

[Phil Turana]

Come reach in and take a ball out.

[Burt Show Host]

Excellent.

[Phil Turana]

Thank you.

[Burt Show Host]

Oh, he is. Okay, cool. See if you can get him on with us.

[Intern Tracy]

Okay, hold on one second.

[Phil Turana]

Okay, Just grab a ball. Any ball. Any ball. That's it. What's your name? 23.

[Burt Show Host]

23.

[Phil Turana]

What's your name, sir? Nick. Nick.

[Burt Show Host]

Nick.

[Phil Turana]

Thank you. Sir, would you like to talk to Q100? Say hello.

[NBA Daily Host]

Hello.

[Burt Show Host]

Hello. Hi, Nick.

[Burt Show Producer]

I'm fine.

[Burt Show Host]

Hi. We want to thank you for letting us use your industrial dryer today. We're trying to pick the numbers in the lottery tonight.

[Phil Turana]

Okay, but he was sitting inside. That's why I'm worried. Okay.

[Burt Show Host]

He was.

[Burt Show Producer]

He got in the dryer.

[Phil Turana]

He's inside the dryer of the man.

[Burt Show Host]

Good God almighty.

[Burt Show Producer]

What is wrong with him?

[Burt Show Host]

You know what? If I were you, I'd just call the cops on the kid.

[Phil Turana]

Okay? He's done. He's walking away.

[Burt Show Host]

Okay. All right, so once again, these are the numbers to play as. According to the industrial dryer and Q100, they are 7, 20, 24, 26, 29.

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

And the Moneyball 23.

[Phil Turana]

The Birch Show.

[Capital One Bank Guy]

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[Burt Show Host]

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[Burt Show Host]

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