Vault: Phil Wears Shock Collar

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Phil Wears Shock Collar

Date: October 30, 2025
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast Featured: Bert, Jeff Dollar, Phil Tirana, and others

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Overview

This classic episode from The Bert Show vault revisits a notorious and hilarious morning radio stunt: Phil Tirana wears a shock collar, controlled by Jeff Dollar, during a breakfast order at Chick-fil-A. The cast orchestrates a scenario where Phil unsuspectingly endures electric jolts while attempting to maintain composure in a public setting, all for the sake of laughter and entertainment. The episode exemplifies the show's signature blend of authenticity, friendship, and lovable mischief.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage (00:00–01:13)

• The episode opens with a reference to Jeff's dark side, humorously revealed during this infamous stunt.
• Quote: "You can listen to the show for 15 minutes and realize that Jeff is evil. But the day that we put the shock collar on Phil Tirana and had Jeff at the controls was the day that we realized the true darkness in Jeff Dollar's heart." – [00:00] (Speaker A)

2. The Chick-fil-A Plan (00:18–01:28)

• The team situates themselves outside a Chick-fil-A in Atlanta. The plan: Phil enters, wearing a shock collar, to order breakfast for the crew.
• Jeff, seated comfortably inside, is in charge of the shock collar’s remote, preparing to trigger it at comedic moments.
• The cast works out a code word — "small hot chocolate" — to signal the first shock.
• Quote: "At random times during that conversation, I'm going to press the red button on the PetSafe electronic dog training collar, which he will be wearing around his neck, poor thing. This I am sure at the least will make him stutter. At the most, will make him cry out." – [00:39] (Speaker B)

3. The Orders Begin (01:29–02:25)

• Phil enters the restaurant, goes to the counter, and starts ordering breakfast for his colleagues, all while mic’d and on the phone with the team.
• The code word is used, triggering the first shock, which Phil tries to play off while continuing the order.
• The team piles on, ordering multiple "small hot chocolates" to keep the shocks going.
• Quote: "Small hot chocolate." – [02:10] (Speaker B, triggering the shock)
• Jeff is heard laughing at Phil’s discomfort, intensifying the hilarity.

4. Reading the Menu Under Duress (02:26–03:13)

• With more shocks administered, the cast asks Phil to read the menu aloud, further challenging his composure as he stumbles, stutters, and tries to keep a straight face for the staff.
• Quote: "Okay. On the breakfast menu we have platters with two eggs, biscuits, and gravy with Chick-fil-A chicken with sausage or bacon. We can do some orange juice..." – [02:36] (Speaker B, struggling mid-shock)
• Jeff’s laughter and the group’s escalating requests showcase a mix of camaraderie and playful torment.

5. Mercy and Aftermath (03:14–03:52)

• The group reaches their limit, expressing concern for Phil and telling Jeff to stop.
• Phil hurriedly removes the collar, expressing both relief and irritation.
• Quotes:
  • "Okay, Jeff, that's enough." – [03:19] (Speaker C)
  • "Hold on. God, I'm taking this thing off. Stop it. Stop it." – [03:34] (Speaker B, Phil)
  • "It's tight around my neck. God bless America." – [03:46] (Speaker B, Phil)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Or poop his pants." – [01:13] (Speaker C)
  A comedic escalation of possible shock collar side effects.

• "Listen to Jeff, just laughing…" – [03:10] (Speaker A)
  Highlighting Jeff’s mischievous glee.

• "Take the thing off. If you don't take it off now, Jeff will do it." – [03:30] (Speaker A)
  Emphasizes both the hilarity and the cast’s underlying care for Phil.

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00–00:18 | Introduction: The setup and Jeff’s reputation
• 00:18–01:28 | Stunt logistics: Planning and code word
• 01:29–02:25 | The order & first shocks: Execution at Chick-fil-A
• 02:26–03:13 | Reading the menu: Phil’s struggle intensifies
• 03:14–03:52 | Break point: Stunt ends, Phil reacts, group laughs

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Episode Tone & Atmosphere

Staying true to The Bert Show’s energy, this episode is playful, mischievous, and filled with authentic banter. The camaraderie is palpable, and every laugh comes with a touch of genuine friendship—though always at Phil’s expense in this case. The prank, while over-the-top, reflects the team’s knack for going all-in on a bit while still knowing when to call it off for everyone’s well-being.

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Summary:
This vault episode is a perfect snapshot of The Bert Show's iconic humor and chemistry, capturing an infamous on-air prank that (almost literally) electrified both the cast and their audience. The tension between sympathy for Phil and delight in his ordeal is hilarious, and moments like Jeff’s unrestrained laughter and the team's escalating breakfast orders make this a quintessential listen for fans of morning radio antics.

Transcript

[A]

The Burt Show. You can listen to the show for 15 minutes and realize that Jeff is evil. But the day that we put the shock collar on Phil Tirana and had Jeff at the controls was the day that we realized the true darkness in Jeff Dollar's heart.

[B]

We're sitting in my car right outside of a fast food restaurant in Atlanta. And what's gonna happen in about a minute, I'm gonna walk in to the restaurant and sit at one of the tables and just look at, you know, newspaper or something, like I'm for somebody. And then once Phil sees me sitting all comfortable, he is going to walk into the restaurant and go up to the counter and he's gonna be on the cell phone with you guys. Okay, so you guys were just. So you know, we're at Chick Fil A. All right, so place an order with him at the Chick Fil A. So you tell him what you want. Okay, well, he will order from the counter at random times. During that conversation, I'm going to press the red button on the PetSafe electronic dog training collar, which he will be wearing around his neck, poor thing. This I am sure at the least will make him stutter. At the most, will make him cry out.

[C]

Or poop his pants.

[B]

Yeah, or poop his pants. Give me a code word when I hit it the first time. Somebody order hot chocolate.

[A]

Small hot chocolate.

[B]

Okay, when you say small hot chocolate, that's how I'll start.

[A]

All right, then you're on your own.

[B]

Okay, I'm in the restaurant. I just waved. Phil and Jeff sat down. Okay, I'm on my way in. I think you guys. Okay, Phil's in the restaurant. I think you guys are going to hear the beep. Okay, over to Phil now. And I'm going to listen for the word chocolate.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

All right, go ahead and start ordering some stuff for us there.

[B]

I'm ordering for a bunch of people at work as well. Let me get just a chicken. Chicken biscuit. Three guys, what would you like?

[A]

Are they serving waffle fries this early in the morning?

[B]

Are you serving waffle fries this early in the morning? No. Hash browns.

[A]

Hash browns. Okay, we'll have three orders of hash browns.

[B]

Three orders of hash browns.

[A]

Couple. Couple of chicken biscuits.

[B]

Couple of chicken biscuits.

[A]

A small hot chocolate.

[B]

Small hot chocolate.

[C]

And another small hot chocolate.

[B]

Another small hot chocolate.

[C]

And I think Melissa wants a small hot chocolate as well.

[A]

Come on now.

[B]

I got three hot chocolates.

[A]

Is that Jeff? Yes, Jeff, that's Jeff laughing.

[B]

What else, guys? Ask him to read the menu too.

[A]

Yeah, Go ahead and just read some of the items off the menu, because it's been a while since I've been at Chick Fil A.

[B]

Okay. On the breakfast menu, we have platters with two eggs, biscuits, and gravy with Chick Fil A chicken with sausage or bacon. We can do some orange juice. We can do it. We can do it. Chick Fil A chicken biscuit, a hot. A hot butter.

[C]

Don't stop.

[B]

I'm okay. We can do our chef.

[A]

Take it easy on him. Stop. When you take it easy on him. Yeah, it's too much.

[B]

You want to do it? We all want to do a cinnamon Danish, so we can do it, John.

[C]

I never would have asked for the hot chocolate.

[A]

Listen to Jeff, just laughing. Jeff.

[B]

We can also do a hot butter biscuit. We can also do. We can add jeep.

[C]

Okay, Jeff, that's enough.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

90 seconds yet.

[A]

90 seconds, Jeff.

[B]

Shut it out.

[A]

That's plenty.

[C]

Oh, I'm so.

[B]

Jeff, stop.

[A]

Take the thing off. If you don't take it off now, Jeff will do it.

[B]

Hold on. God, I'm taking this thing off. Stop it. Stop it. I'm leaving the rat.

[A]

Yeah, take it off. Take it off the phone.

[B]

Hold on, hold on. It's tight around my neck. God bless America.

[A]

Take it off the bird show.