The Bert Show: Vault – Phil’s NASCAR Guide

Host: The Bert Show Cast (Melissa Carter, Phil Tyranna, Knox, others)
Release Date: November 4, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode throws listeners straight into the raucous, authentic, and hilarious world of The Bert Show as Melissa Carter prepares for her first-ever Daytona 500 watch party—motivated by a new romantic relationship with a diehard NASCAR fan, Katie Jo. Resident southern aficionado Phil Tyranna steps in with an utterly irreverent, detailed, and genuinely heartfelt “Idiot’s Guide” to surviving (and thriving) at a NASCAR event, offering Melissa—and the audience—a toolkit that’s as much about southern culture as it is about stock car racing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Melissa’s NASCAR Dilemma ([01:57]–[03:27])

• Setting the Scene:
  Melissa shares she’s dating someone new (Katie Jo), and, in an attempt to impress her, has agreed to watch the Daytona 500—even though she’s never seen a NASCAR race or understood the appeal.
• Confessions of a NASCAR Novice:
  She admits to knowing only “some of the names” and jokes about not understanding why people love “a bunch of cars going around in circles for four hours.”
  • Melissa Carter: “I don’t understand the fascination with a bunch of cars going around in circles for four hours. I don’t get it.” [03:09]

Phil’s “Idiot’s Guide” to Surviving a NASCAR Party ([03:49]–[08:37])

• Southern Credibility Check:
  Phil embraces his southern roots, sharing vignettes from his upbringing—for example, living in the same house in Smyrna, throwing horseshoes, and attaching a beer bottle opener to his house and trailer hitch.
  • Phil Tyranna: “I am proud of my Southern roots...I throw horseshoes and sit on the front porch and drink beer on a constant basis. And I am a-okay with that.” [03:49]

Phil’s NASCAR Watch Party Rules ([04:46]–[08:37])

• 1. Dale Earnhardt Is Sacred

  • Never, ever joke about or disrespect Dale Earnhardt. When his name comes up, “have a moment of silence.”
  • Phil Tyranna: “Never, ever, ever, under any circumstance, ever take the name of Dale Earnhardt in vain. You do not joke about it...you have a moment of silence for Dale Earnhardt.” [05:07]
  • Penalty for disrespect: “demoted to plunge duty for the rest of the day.”

• 2. Expect Greasy Food Only

  • The “official food pyramid” for the Daytona 500 includes:
    • The Wing Group (buffalo, hot, chicken, even teriyaki for international flair)
    • Fried Food (fries, hush puppies, nuggets, country fried steak, even deep-fried Twinkies)
    • Quote: “This is a day set aside for all things greasy...On this day only.” [06:17]
  • Looking for veggies? “Bring yourself a bag of cheetos.” [06:55]

• 3. The Beverage Rule

  • Only Budweiser is acceptable. Anything else (Zima, tequila): “discarded and you will be sent to the convenience store for smokes, lottery tickets, and nudie magazines.”
  • Phil Tyranna: “This includes all things Budweiser. Period. No exceptions.” [07:03]
  • Red wine drinkers: “Box wine is totally acceptable. Only from a box, right?” [07:27]

• 4. Dress Code

  • Tank tops, “wife beaters,” shirts with pit stains, even going shirtless—all are normal.
  • Homemade Dale Jr. shirts (Sharpie art included) should be commended, not mocked.
  • Phil Tyranna: “Do not be shocked or surprised to see wife beaters, tank tops, shirts with pit stains, or even no shirt at all. This is all acceptable, if not expected.” [07:41]

• 5. Host Gifts

  • Charcoal, dog food, or motor oil are all acceptable as party gifts.
  • Flowers or cards? Not so much.

• Phil’s Send-off:

  • Phil Tyranna: “Have a good time. Daytona 500? Hell yeah. Go Tony Stewart. Can I get a hell yeah? Hell yeah? You know it.” [08:28]

Standout Quotes & Banter

• Melissa Carter (on the new “food pyramid”): “Oh, God.” [06:55]
• Phil Tyranna (on front porch living): “…got a beer bottle opener screwed onto his house, so that says a lot about who…” [04:08]
• Melissa Carter (on food options): “If you want a vegetable, bring yourself a bag of cheetos.” [06:55]
• Phil Tyranna (on attire): “…if you see someone who has created their own Dale Jr shirt with the number eight on it all written using nothing but a worn out Sharpie, do not laugh...commend them on their artistic talents.” [07:48]

Memorable Moments & Tone

• The entire exchange is a loving, tongue-in-cheek roast of southern/NASCAR stereotypes, embraced with warmth and humor, especially by Phil.
• Melissa’s confusion (and game effort to join in) highlights her willingness to step out of her comfort zone for love.
• Phil’s delivery is both earnest and comedic, making NASCAR accessible and hilarious.
• Group camaraderie and the “anything goes” party vibe set the tone for new listeners.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:57]–[03:27]: Melissa explains her romance-fueled Daytona 500 plans, revealing her NASCAR cluelessness.
• [03:49]–[04:46]: Phil sets up his southern/NASCAR credentials with stories of country living.
• [04:46]–[08:37]: Phil’s step-by-step “Idiot’s Guide” to watching NASCAR, including etiquette, food, drinks, dress code, and gifts.
• [08:28]: Phil’s passionate “hell yeah” send-off rallying for Tony Stewart and the Daytona 500.

Final Takeaway

This episode is a love letter to southern party culture and NASCAR fandom, full of sharp quips, knowing winks, and genuine camaraderie. Phil’s guide is both educational and hysterical, making even first-timers feel equipped for race day. Whether you’re a longtime stock car fan or clueless like Melissa, you’ll come away with a big smile—and maybe a craving for buffalo wings and Budweiser.

Notable Quote for the Books:
Phil Tyranna: “Never, ever, ever, under any circumstance, ever take the name of Dale Earnhardt in vain...You do not laugh about it. When his name comes up, you have a moment of silence for Dale Earnhardt.” [05:07]