The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam – Bad School Credits
Date: January 16, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Segment: Classic “Phone Scam” Prank Call
Cast: Jeff (as prank caller, pretending to be university official), Sarah Britney/Meeders (target of the prank)
Overview
This episode features one of The Bert Show’s signature “Phone Scam” segments, where a cast member prank-calls an unsuspecting listener—in this case, Sarah—posing as an admissions officer from her (fictionalized) graduate school. The premise of the prank is that Sarah allegedly does not have enough valid undergraduate credits to enroll, which spirals into an increasingly absurd bureaucratic confrontation. The segment is a showcase of the show’s humor, quick improv, and penchant for awkward-yet-playful tension.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Fake Academic Crisis (00:08–01:49)
- Jeff, posing as “Duncan Gishink” from the admissions office, calls Sarah to inform her that, despite transferring 130 credits (10 more than required), the school will only accept 92, leaving her “28 undergraduate credits short” for grad school.
- Memorable moment: Sarah is stunned—“That’s impossible. No, no, that’s a mistake.” (00:37)
- The justification for rejecting credits: “If it doesn’t sit well with us, we just cross it off, you know?” (01:15)
- Sarah, incredulous: “You didn't like them?” (01:11)
- Jeff doubles down: “Right…we just take a look at the courses and the coursework and the names and stuff, and just if it doesn't sit well with us, we just cross it off.” (01:15)
2. The Escalation & Absurd Bureaucracy (01:49–03:51)
- Jeff questions the legitimacy of her previous schools: “Now, is [Glador College] a legit deal, or is that like a mail order school? Or how does loud orb college work?” (01:49)
- Sarah, offended: “Oh my God. You are unbelievable.”
- Jeff nitpicks her volume in the library, accusing her of being disruptive and ordering her to leave until the issue is resolved. Threatens to call security if she doesn’t comply. (02:02–02:34)
- Sarah, standing her ground: “I’m not leaving the library.”
- Jeff’s threat: “We're going to need you to leave the library. I don't want to have to call security.” (02:26)
- Sarah: “You are unbelievable. Can I talk to your supervisor?” (02:31)
- Jeff (barely altering his voice) pretends to transfer to a supervisor, maintaining the same combative stance. Sarah immediately catches on to the ruse:
- Sarah: “Isn’t this the same guy I was just talking to?” (03:38)
- Jeff: “You asked to be transferred to a supervisor, ma’am.” (03:44)
- Sarah: “Are you the supervisor? … And you were just talking to me before you transferred me. … Okay, so now you’re lying to me.” (03:51–04:02)
3. The Reveal (04:15–04:50)
- Jeff continues to antagonize Sarah until finally breaking character for the reveal:
- Jeff drops the act: “Hey Sarah, security has had their way, okay... and they're bringing your boyfriend, Brian. This is actually Jeff with the Bert Show. We're a radio show here in Atlanta.” (04:21–04:25)
- Sarah’s reaction: “You had my heart going a thousand miles a minute. I can't believe… I couldn't believe somebody would talk to me like…” (04:37–04:45)
- Jeff closes the prank with characteristic flair: “We will. We will scam you. Get it?” (04:45)
- The iconic show sign-off: “The Bert Show!” (04:50)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
• Credit Rejection Justification
“We just take a look at the courses and the coursework and the names and stuff, and just if it doesn't sit well with us, we just cross it off, you know?”
— Jeff (as Admissions Officer) [01:15]
• Questioning Academic Credentials
“Now, is that a legit deal or is that like a mail order school?”
— Jeff (as Admissions Officer) [01:49]
• Library Escalation
“We're gonna need you to leave the library. I don't want to have to call security.”
— Jeff [02:26]
• Sarah Challenging the Ruse
“Is this the same guy I was just talking to?”
— Sarah [03:38]
• Prank Reveal
“This is actually Jeff with the Bert Show. We're a radio show here in Atlanta.”
— Jeff [04:25]
“You had my heart going a thousand miles a minute. I can't believe… I couldn't believe somebody would talk to me like…”
— Sarah [04:37]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:08 — Prank call begins, “bad news” about credits
- 01:11 — Arbitrary rejection of credits explained
- 01:49 — Sarah’s previous colleges insulted
- 02:26 — Threat to call security, library escalation
- 02:31 — Sarah requests supervisor
- 03:38 — Sarah notices “supervisor” is the same person
- 04:25 — Prank is revealed
- 04:37 — Sarah’s reaction, segment close
Summary & Tone
The episode’s tone is light, mischievous, and slightly over-the-top—hallmarks of The Bert Show’s phone scams. The humor derives from absurd bureaucracy, quick-witted improv, and Sarah’s genuine, escalating frustration as she tries to make sense of nonsensical academic logic. The energetic pace and the classic “reveal” moment capture why these phone scams are a fan favorite, giving listeners a vicarious thrill and, ultimately, signaling that all is in good fun.