Vault: Phone Scam - Bad School Credits

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam – Bad School Credits

Date: January 16, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Segment: Classic “Phone Scam” Prank Call
Cast: Jeff (as prank caller, pretending to be university official), Sarah Britney/Meeders (target of the prank)

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Overview

This episode features one of The Bert Show’s signature “Phone Scam” segments, where a cast member prank-calls an unsuspecting listener—in this case, Sarah—posing as an admissions officer from her (fictionalized) graduate school. The premise of the prank is that Sarah allegedly does not have enough valid undergraduate credits to enroll, which spirals into an increasingly absurd bureaucratic confrontation. The segment is a showcase of the show’s humor, quick improv, and penchant for awkward-yet-playful tension.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Fake Academic Crisis (00:08–01:49)

• Jeff, posing as “Duncan Gishink” from the admissions office, calls Sarah to inform her that, despite transferring 130 credits (10 more than required), the school will only accept 92, leaving her “28 undergraduate credits short” for grad school.
  • Memorable moment: Sarah is stunned—“That’s impossible. No, no, that’s a mistake.” (00:37)
• The justification for rejecting credits: “If it doesn’t sit well with us, we just cross it off, you know?” (01:15)
  • Sarah, incredulous: “You didn't like them?” (01:11)
  • Jeff doubles down: “Right…we just take a look at the courses and the coursework and the names and stuff, and just if it doesn't sit well with us, we just cross it off.” (01:15)

2. The Escalation & Absurd Bureaucracy (01:49–03:51)

• Jeff questions the legitimacy of her previous schools: “Now, is [Glador College] a legit deal, or is that like a mail order school? Or how does loud orb college work?” (01:49)
  • Sarah, offended: “Oh my God. You are unbelievable.”
• Jeff nitpicks her volume in the library, accusing her of being disruptive and ordering her to leave until the issue is resolved. Threatens to call security if she doesn’t comply. (02:02–02:34)
  • Sarah, standing her ground: “I’m not leaving the library.”
  • Jeff’s threat: “We're going to need you to leave the library. I don't want to have to call security.” (02:26)
  • Sarah: “You are unbelievable. Can I talk to your supervisor?” (02:31)
• Jeff (barely altering his voice) pretends to transfer to a supervisor, maintaining the same combative stance. Sarah immediately catches on to the ruse:
  • Sarah: “Isn’t this the same guy I was just talking to?” (03:38)
  • Jeff: “You asked to be transferred to a supervisor, ma’am.” (03:44)
  • Sarah: “Are you the supervisor? … And you were just talking to me before you transferred me. … Okay, so now you’re lying to me.” (03:51–04:02)

3. The Reveal (04:15–04:50)

• Jeff continues to antagonize Sarah until finally breaking character for the reveal:
  • Jeff drops the act: “Hey Sarah, security has had their way, okay... and they're bringing your boyfriend, Brian. This is actually Jeff with the Bert Show. We're a radio show here in Atlanta.” (04:21–04:25)
  • Sarah’s reaction: “You had my heart going a thousand miles a minute. I can't believe… I couldn't believe somebody would talk to me like…” (04:37–04:45)
• Jeff closes the prank with characteristic flair: “We will. We will scam you. Get it?” (04:45)
• The iconic show sign-off: “The Bert Show!” (04:50)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Credit Rejection Justification

“We just take a look at the courses and the coursework and the names and stuff, and just if it doesn't sit well with us, we just cross it off, you know?”
— Jeff (as Admissions Officer) [01:15]

• Questioning Academic Credentials

“Now, is that a legit deal or is that like a mail order school?”
— Jeff (as Admissions Officer) [01:49]

• Library Escalation

“We're gonna need you to leave the library. I don't want to have to call security.”
— Jeff [02:26]

• Sarah Challenging the Ruse

“Is this the same guy I was just talking to?”
— Sarah [03:38]

• Prank Reveal

“This is actually Jeff with the Bert Show. We're a radio show here in Atlanta.”
— Jeff [04:25]

“You had my heart going a thousand miles a minute. I can't believe… I couldn't believe somebody would talk to me like…”
— Sarah [04:37]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:08 — Prank call begins, “bad news” about credits
• 01:11 — Arbitrary rejection of credits explained
• 01:49 — Sarah’s previous colleges insulted
• 02:26 — Threat to call security, library escalation
• 02:31 — Sarah requests supervisor
• 03:38 — Sarah notices “supervisor” is the same person
• 04:25 — Prank is revealed
• 04:37 — Sarah’s reaction, segment close

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Summary & Tone

The episode’s tone is light, mischievous, and slightly over-the-top—hallmarks of The Bert Show’s phone scams. The humor derives from absurd bureaucracy, quick-witted improv, and Sarah’s genuine, escalating frustration as she tries to make sense of nonsensical academic logic. The energetic pace and the classic “reveal” moment capture why these phone scams are a fan favorite, giving listeners a vicarious thrill and, ultimately, signaling that all is in good fun.

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Transcript

[A]

Get it?

[B]

The birch show.

[A]

Hello. Good afternoon. May I speak with Sarah Britney, please?

[B]

That's me.

[A]

My name is Duncan Gishink, and I am with the admissions office.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we were looking at your transcripts and whatnot for, you know, getting you into graduate school here, and I've got a touch of bad news for you. You are, by our math, 28 undergraduate credits short in order to be a part of the graduate class here.

[B]

That's impossible. No, no, that's a mistake.

[A]

I see you transferred in 130 credits, which is actually 10 more than we require.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

But we're only going to count 92 of them that you. You actually transferred in, which leaves us short 28 credits.

[B]

What?

[A]

So I just need to know how you want to make those credits up.

[B]

It doesn't make any sense. I had my transcripts before I left.

[A]

Right, you transferred in 130, but we did not like 38 of those. So gone.

[B]

You didn't like them.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I don't understand how that works.

[A]

Well, we just take a look at the courses and the coursework and the names and stuff, and just if it doesn't sit well with us, we just cross it off, you know?

[B]

If it doesn't sit well with you. Oh, goodness.

[A]

We have an academic standard here, and we're just trying to maintain it.

[B]

I meet that academic standard, thank you.

[A]

Well, you don't.

[B]

I really do.

[A]

You don't because you took 28 frivolous credits.

[B]

They're not frivolous credits. They went towards my major. Trust me, I know. I took them.

[A]

Right. At Miller College.

[B]

Yes, at Glador College.

[A]

Now, is that a legit deal or is that like a mail order school? Or how does loud orb college work?

[B]

Oh, my God. You are unbelievable. Okay, absolutely. You know what?

[A]

Can I ask where you are? Can I ask where you are right now?

[B]

I'm at the library.

[A]

You're at the library now? Do you think. A couple of things. One, do you think maybe you're talking a little bit loud to be in the library? And two, I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the library until we resolve this. We can't have you on campus property especially.

[B]

And I'm gonna go take care of my paperwork and I'll get it to everybody and I clear it up and it won't be an issue. Okay?

[A]

Okay. Well, until then. Are you leaving the library right now?

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

Okay. We're gonna need you to leave the library. I don't want to have to call security.

[B]

You are unbelievable. Can I talk to you, supervisor?

[A]

You're clearly becoming belligerent. And if I mean my supervisor.

[B]

I'm not being belligerent. You are being rude and you're being insulting.

[A]

My supervisor is going to tell you the same thing I'm telling you.

[B]

Then let me talk to the supervisor and ask them.

[A]

Okie doke. Hold, please. Hi, can I help you?

[B]

Yes, my name is Sarah Meeders and I was just speaking to one of your, I don't know, your employees. And they were telling me that I am 28 credits short on my. In my transcripts to become a graduate student. And the reality is I have 130 credits. I know that I had it checked before I came here. I know that there isn't a problem with my credits. I tried to tell him that I would deal with my paperwork and he was very insulting and very rude to me, and I don't appreciate it. I would deal with my paperwork, bring it in and clear everything up. And he asked me to leave campus.

[A]

Right, well, when do you think you'll be able to clear it up? Because we have you being 28 credit short. So we will need you to step off campus until we resolve this.

[B]

You're kidding me.

[A]

I mean, if you have the paperwork with you, you could go to.

[B]

Isn't the same guy.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

Is this the same guy I was just talking to?

[A]

You asked to be transferred to a supervisor, ma'. Am.

[B]

Yes, I know I do, but it doesn't sound like anybody different.

[A]

This is the supervisor.

[B]

Are you the supervisor?

[A]

I am.

[B]

And you were just talking to me before you transferred me.

[A]

No, I was not, ma'. Am.

[B]

Okay, so now you're lying to me.

[A]

No, ma'. Am.

[B]

Absolutely unbelievable. I am not leaving the campus. I'm not leaving campus. I paid to be here. I am not leaving campus. My class, my credit's count and I will take care of it.

[A]

Hey, Sarah, what are you gonna do?

[B]

Send a security guard over for me? Give me a Blake.

[A]

Hey, Sarah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Security has had their way, okay?

[B]

And they're right.

[A]

And they're bringing your boyfriend, Brian. This is actually Jeff. This is actually Jeff with the Burt show. We're a radio show here in Atlanta. God, you can't say that in the library.

[B]

Sure. You had my heart going a thousand miles a minute. I can't believe. I couldn't believe somebody would talk to me like.

[A]

We will. We will scam you. Get it?

[B]

The bird show.