The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam - Blind Date Edition
Pionaire Podcasting | December 22, 2025

Episode Overview

In this classic “Vault” segment, The Bert Show orchestrates a playful phone scam targeting a well-meaning mom who loves setting her daughter up on blind dates—much to her daughter’s dismay. The hilarity unfolds as “Brandon,” a convincingly awkward suitor, calls the mother to seek help rekindling his connection after a lackluster first date with her daughter, Nicole. The segment delivers a dose of laughter and showcases the team’s knack for lighthearted pranks.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Premise: Setting the Stage for the Scam

• The team introduces the phone scam: Jeff poses as “Brandon,” feigning to be a recent blind date who is desperate for a second chance.
• The real instigator of the prank is Nicole, the daughter, who wants her mother to stop arranging blind dates on her behalf.

2. The Call and Awkward Pleas (01:47–04:26)

• Brandon’s Ploy:
  • Brandon calls Mrs. Flesher pretending he’s been brushed off by her daughter, Nicole, after what he thinks was an incredible date.
  • He professes how “wowed” he was and seeks the mom’s intervention.
    • Quote (02:32):
      • Brandon: “I’ve gotten brushed off more often than not. I mean, it’s hard to believe if you see a picture of me, but…”
  • He floats grand gestures: calling every 20 minutes, sending a poem, or “flowers every hour on the hour”—leaning into goofy, over-the-top romantic clichés.
    • Quote (03:36):
      • Brandon: “Is she wowed by romance? Like, flowers every hour on the hour or maybe a poem every 20 minutes on her voicemail?”
  • The mom, initially kind, gently discourages further pursuit:
    • Quote (03:49):
      • Mom: “No, I would wait for her to call you back.”

3. The Mother’s Dilemma and Subtle Sabotage (04:26–05:52)

• The mother tries to dissuade Brandon by downplaying her daughter’s “perfection”:

  • She reveals supposed flaws—untidiness, lack of advanced education, and poor credit—as a subtle deterrent.
    • Quotes:
      • (04:47) Mom: “She’s not neat, you know, for instance. She’s not very neat.”
      • (05:07) Mom: “She’s not that educated…she was going to take a year off from school three years ago.”
      • (05:52) Mom: “There’s other things that she’s just not perfect about…her credit’s not great.”

• Brandon’s Defensive Reaction:

  • He becomes defensive, insisting on Nicole’s virtues and chastises the mom for “putting her down.”

4. The (Fake) Dealbreaker: “Stocky Like You” (05:52–06:41)

• Brandon tries to bow out by referencing an old adage about daughters resembling their mothers, sneakily suggesting that the mom isn’t “his type.”
  • Quote (06:15):
    • Brandon: “You can always tell the daughter, you know, look at the mom…you’re not my type. Well, maybe a little stocky.”
• The mom plays along gamely, humorously conceding her own supposed shortcomings to help Brandon lose interest:
  • Quotes:
    • (06:24) Mom: “Let’s just say that she’s going to be stocky like her mother.”
    • (06:34) Brandon: “Stocky like you?”
    • (06:36) Mom: “Right. Stocky like me. Does that help?”

5. The Reveal (06:41–07:40)

• Brandon abruptly drops the act, revealing his true identity as Jeff from The Bert Show.
  • Quote (06:41):
    • Brandon/Jeff: “I have to be honest with you—well, this is Jeff with The Bert Show at all the Hits Q100. And your daughter Nicole asked me to phone scam you because she’s tired of the blind dates.”
• The mother’s realization is equal parts confusion and good humor:
  • Quotes:
    • (06:57) Mom: “What?”
    • (07:16) Jeff: “We’ve just phone-scammed you, courtesy of your daughter Nicole.”
    • (07:22) Mom: “I’m getting the point.”
• The mother is prompted to promise on-air that she will stop arranging blind dates for Nicole.
  • Quote (07:31):
    • Mom: “I promise, Jeff slash Brandon, that I will not set up my daughter on blind dates anymore.”

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Brandon’s Outlandish Efforts:
  • “Is she wowed by romance? Like, flowers every hour on the hour or maybe…a poem, and I call her every 20 minutes…” — Brandon (03:36)
• Mother’s Gentle Rebuttal:
  • “She’s not that educated…she was going to take a year off from school three years ago.” — Mom (05:07)
• The Dealbreaker Twist:
  • “You know what, you’re not my type. Well, maybe a little stocky.” — Brandon (06:15)
  • “Let’s just say she’s gonna be stocky like her mother. Does that help?” — Mom (06:36)
• The Big Reveal:
  • “This is Jeff with The Bert Show…your daughter Nicole asked me to phone scam you…” — Jeff (06:41)
  • “I promise Jeff slash Brandon that I will not set up my daughter on blind dates anymore.” — Mom (07:31)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:47 – The phone call begins
• 03:36 – Brandon suggests over-the-top romantic gestures
• 04:47–05:52 – Mom begins downplaying her daughter to dissuade Brandon
• 06:15–06:41 – The “stocky like her mother” joke
• 06:41–07:40 – The prank and big reveal, mom’s on-air promise

Summary & Takeaway

This episode spotlights The Bert Show’s signature humor and delight in connecting with—and occasionally poking fun at—its audience. The phone scam is executed with warmth and good spirit, capturing both the comedic lengths taken by those who want their matchmaking to succeed and the exasperation of those at the receiving end. The mom’s genuine affection (and quick wit), plus the show’s silly approach, round out an entertaining morning segment.

For more fun segments and participation, listeners are encouraged to connect with The Bert Show at 1-855-BertShow or visit www.thebertshow.com.