Vault: Phone Scam - Blind Date Edition - The Bert Show

Summary4 min read

The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam - Blind Date Edition
Pionaire Podcasting | December 22, 2025

Episode Overview

In this classic “Vault” segment, The Bert Show orchestrates a playful phone scam targeting a well-meaning mom who loves setting her daughter up on blind dates—much to her daughter’s dismay. The hilarity unfolds as “Brandon,” a convincingly awkward suitor, calls the mother to seek help rekindling his connection after a lackluster first date with her daughter, Nicole. The segment delivers a dose of laughter and showcases the team’s knack for lighthearted pranks.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Premise: Setting the Stage for the Scam

The team introduces the phone scam: Jeff poses as “Brandon,” feigning to be a recent blind date who is desperate for a second chance.
The real instigator of the prank is Nicole, the daughter, who wants her mother to stop arranging blind dates on her behalf.

2. The Call and Awkward Pleas (01:47–04:26)

Brandon’s Ploy:
- Brandon calls Mrs. Flesher pretending he’s been brushed off by her daughter, Nicole, after what he thinks was an incredible date.
- He professes how “wowed” he was and seeks the mom’s intervention.
  - Quote (02:32):
    - Brandon: “I’ve gotten brushed off more often than not. I mean, it’s hard to believe if you see a picture of me, but…”
- He floats grand gestures: calling every 20 minutes, sending a poem, or “flowers every hour on the hour”—leaning into goofy, over-the-top romantic clichés.
  - Quote (03:36):
    - Brandon: “Is she wowed by romance? Like, flowers every hour on the hour or maybe a poem every 20 minutes on her voicemail?”
- The mom, initially kind, gently discourages further pursuit:
  - Quote (03:49):
    - Mom: “No, I would wait for her to call you back.”

3. The Mother’s Dilemma and Subtle Sabotage (04:26–05:52)

The mother tries to dissuade Brandon by downplaying her daughter’s “perfection”:
- She reveals supposed flaws—untidiness, lack of advanced education, and poor credit—as a subtle deterrent.
  - Quotes:
    - (04:47) Mom: “She’s not neat, you know, for instance. She’s not very neat.”
    - (05:07) Mom: “She’s not that educated…she was going to take a year off from school three years ago.”
    - (05:52) Mom: “There’s other things that she’s just not perfect about…her credit’s not great.”
Brandon’s Defensive Reaction:
- He becomes defensive, insisting on Nicole’s virtues and chastises the mom for “putting her down.”

4. The (Fake) Dealbreaker: “Stocky Like You” (05:52–06:41)

Brandon tries to bow out by referencing an old adage about daughters resembling their mothers, sneakily suggesting that the mom isn’t “his type.”
- Quote (06:15):
  - Brandon: “You can always tell the daughter, you know, look at the mom…you’re not my type. Well, maybe a little stocky.”
The mom plays along gamely, humorously conceding her own supposed shortcomings to help Brandon lose interest:
- Quotes:
  - (06:24) Mom: “Let’s just say that she’s going to be stocky like her mother.”
  - (06:34) Brandon: “Stocky like you?”
  - (06:36) Mom: “Right. Stocky like me. Does that help?”

5. The Reveal (06:41–07:40)

Brandon abruptly drops the act, revealing his true identity as Jeff from The Bert Show.
- Quote (06:41):
  - Brandon/Jeff: “I have to be honest with you—well, this is Jeff with The Bert Show at all the Hits Q100. And your daughter Nicole asked me to phone scam you because she’s tired of the blind dates.”
The mother’s realization is equal parts confusion and good humor:
- Quotes:
  - (06:57) Mom: “What?”
  - (07:16) Jeff: “We’ve just phone-scammed you, courtesy of your daughter Nicole.”
  - (07:22) Mom: “I’m getting the point.”
The mother is prompted to promise on-air that she will stop arranging blind dates for Nicole.
- Quote (07:31):
  - Mom: “I promise, Jeff slash Brandon, that I will not set up my daughter on blind dates anymore.”

Notable Quotes & Moments

Brandon’s Outlandish Efforts:
- “Is she wowed by romance? Like, flowers every hour on the hour or maybe…a poem, and I call her every 20 minutes…” — Brandon (03:36)
Mother’s Gentle Rebuttal:
- “She’s not that educated…she was going to take a year off from school three years ago.” — Mom (05:07)
The Dealbreaker Twist:
- “You know what, you’re not my type. Well, maybe a little stocky.” — Brandon (06:15)
- “Let’s just say she’s gonna be stocky like her mother. Does that help?” — Mom (06:36)
The Big Reveal:
- “This is Jeff with The Bert Show…your daughter Nicole asked me to phone scam you…” — Jeff (06:41)
- “I promise Jeff slash Brandon that I will not set up my daughter on blind dates anymore.” — Mom (07:31)

Timestamps for Key Segments

01:47 – The phone call begins
03:36 – Brandon suggests over-the-top romantic gestures
04:47–05:52 – Mom begins downplaying her daughter to dissuade Brandon
06:15–06:41 – The “stocky like her mother” joke
06:41–07:40 – The prank and big reveal, mom’s on-air promise

Summary & Takeaway

This episode spotlights The Bert Show’s signature humor and delight in connecting with—and occasionally poking fun at—its audience. The phone scam is executed with warmth and good spirit, capturing both the comedic lengths taken by those who want their matchmaking to succeed and the exasperation of those at the receiving end. The mom’s genuine affection (and quick wit), plus the show’s silly approach, round out an entertaining morning segment.

For more fun segments and participation, listeners are encouraged to connect with The Bert Show at 1-855-BertShow or visit www.thebertshow.com.

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Transcript97 lines

[00:00]
A
Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.
[00:03]
B
Zoey, this thing weighs a ton. Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.
[00:06]
C
Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?
[00:07]
B
He's talking to you britches. I'm not.
[00:10]
A
Of course he did.
[00:11]
B
Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?
[00:25]
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[00:32]
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[00:33]
A
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[00:37]
B
Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber, the holidays are better.
[00:41]
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AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us.
[00:45]
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[01:01]
E
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[01:33]
B
The Birch Show.
[01:34]
C
Calling up a woman because I was dating her daughter and her daughter wouldn't call me back. So I'm gonna see if mom can help me out.
[01:48]
F
Hello?
[01:49]
C
Hi, may I speak with Mrs. Flesher, please?
[01:52]
F
This is she.
[01:52]
C
Hi, Mrs. Mesher. This is Brandon. This is Marlene's son.
[01:56]
F
Oh, hey Brandon. How are you?
[01:57]
C
I'm excellent. How are you?
[01:59]
F
I'm doing well, thanks.
[02:00]
C
Is Nicole around?
[02:02]
F
No, she's not here right now.
[02:03]
C
Okay, because I wanted to talk to you without her nearby because as you probably know, her and I went out and had.
[02:09]
F
Yes, I do know.
[02:10]
C
And that was more than 10 days ago.
[02:13]
F
Right.
[02:13]
C
And I'VE been trying not to be too persistent, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm being brushed off.
[02:18]
F
You know, I'm sure she's just busy. I'm sure that's all.
[02:21]
C
Well, I've gotten. And I don't know if you've ever seen a picture of me because it is hard to believe, but I've gotten brushed off more often than not.
[02:33]
F
I'm sure you're very attractive.
[02:35]
C
And see, usually what happens is with the whole brush off thing, it's not that big of a deal. But with Nicole, I mean, my God, I just.
[02:45]
B
Wow.
[02:45]
C
You know, like in all my 24 years, that's two hours, you know, Just, ah. Wow. She was great.
[02:54]
F
Well, that's. That is very sweet.
[02:56]
C
And so I'm wondering maybe if you can put in a word for me or a reference or a recommendation or like we were.
[03:04]
F
I don't know if that would be a very good idea.
[03:07]
C
Here's what I know. We were supposed to go to dinner. We were supposed to have dinner.
[03:10]
F
We.
[03:11]
C
We were supposed to have some drinks, right?
[03:12]
F
Yeah.
[03:13]
C
And then we were supposed to go over. My friend was having a party and we were supposed to go over to his house and hang out. And then after the drink, she got like a phone call. I don't know what happened. She all happened in the bathroom and she came out and she said, I'm sorry, I gotta go. And, you know, and then she called and thanked me, but she did it when she knew I wasn't around. And then I called her back and, you know, I just know if I had another chance, you know, I don't.
[03:35]
F
Think you need to.
[03:36]
C
Is she wowed by romance? Like flowers every hour on the hour or maybe what if like a poem, and I call her like every 20 minutes and give her another line of the poem on her voicemail or something?
[03:50]
F
No, I just don't think. No, I would wait for, you know, I would wait for her to call you back.
[03:56]
C
I mean, I gotta be honest with you. She, like when you make a list of the perfect person, the one you want to be the mother of your children, you know, like she had it all. She's so beautiful and so put together and so smart and so funny and so educated, so motivated and such a great job. And so, I mean, I was the envy of every guy, you know? I mean, the package, the beauty and the education, like, you don't see that, you know?
[04:26]
F
You know what, Brandon? You know what? She's. She's. Yeah. You know, she's my Daughter. She's a wonderful girl, obviously, but, you know, she's not perfect. You know, she's not all that fabulous, you know, I mean, you know, she's. She's not neat, you know, for instance, you know, so that makes, you know, she's not very neat.
[04:48]
C
Like, isn't tidy. Yeah, that's not important. I mean, what's important is the beauty and the education and the motivation and the vivacious. She loves living life, you know.
[05:01]
F
No, no, no, I know. I know, you know, but, you know.
[05:04]
C
I know if she had the chance, she loved living life with me.
[05:07]
F
Here's the thing. She's not. She's not that educated. I mean. I mean, she is. I mean, she is, but she, you know, like, three years ago, she was going to take a year off from school, and, you know, that was three years ago. So, you know, it's just. Don't build her up in your own mind. I don't think to make it that, you know, don't put her on a pedestal.
[05:27]
C
I'm not. I'm not building her up. And I got to be honest, I'm almost getting mad at you for putting her down. Like I need to defend her on her.
[05:32]
F
No, Brandon, I mean, you're her mom, you know. I know. I know that. I know. And she. I love my daughter and everything. I just. I just don't want you to get too worked up about this, you know. I mean, you know, obviously, you know, there's other things, you know, that she's just not perfect about. I mean, your credit's not great, you know.
[05:53]
C
Right. You know what? The only thing that I'm a little nervous about, and. Because I saw. You know, you can always tell the daughter, you know, with the. Look at the mom and you'll see what the daughter looks like. Deal. You know, so I did see a picture of you and to be. You're not my type. Well, maybe a little stocky.
[06:16]
F
There you go. So let's just say that. Let's just say that that's what it is. Okay.
[06:19]
C
Yeah.
[06:20]
F
That she's. She's, you know, gonna be stocky like. Like her mother.
[06:24]
C
Right.
[06:24]
F
When she grows up. That help. That she's. She's, you know, going to be stocky like. Like her mother when she grows up. Does that help?
[06:32]
C
You know, stocky like you?
[06:35]
F
Yeah. Yeah.
[06:36]
C
Okay.
[06:36]
F
Right. Stocky like. Like me. So, you know, that help.
[06:41]
C
Yes. I'm no longer interested in her, and I have to be honest with you. Well, this is Jeff with the Burt show at all the Hits Q100. And your daughter Nicole asked me to phone scam you because she's tired of the blind dates.
[06:57]
F
What?
[06:58]
C
This is all. I've never met your daughter face to face, ever. I don't know anything about her.
[07:05]
F
Okay, no, wait. This is not Brandon. So what you're saying is.
[07:07]
C
My name is Jeff. I'm with the Burt show at all the hits, Q100. We're a radio station here in town, and we've just phone scammed you, courtesy of your daughter Nicole.
[07:17]
F
Oh, dear.
[07:19]
C
Who doesn't want you to set her up on blind dates? And I'm supposed to make you say.
[07:22]
F
I'm getting. Getting the point.
[07:24]
C
I'm supposed to make you say, I promise not to set Nicole up on blind dates anymore.
[07:28]
F
All right, I promise. What? Jeff, right?
[07:31]
C
Yes, I promise.
[07:32]
F
I promise Jeff slash Brandon that I will not set up my daughter on blind dates anymore.
[07:41]
C
We will.
[07:42]
B
We will scam you. The Bird Show.
[07:50]
G
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[08:30]
A
Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.
[08:32]
B
Zoe. This thing weighs a ton. Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.
[08:35]
C
Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?
[08:37]
B
He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.
[08:39]
A
Of course he did. Right, Santa?
[08:42]
B
You know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. An elf? I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?
[08:54]
A
I'm Mrs. Claus, much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch, so you can keep your old phone or give.
[09:01]
B
It as a gift.
[09:02]
A
And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.
[09:06]
C
Nice.
[09:06]
B
My side of the tree is slipping.
[09:08]
C
Kimber.
[09:09]
B
The holidays are better.
[09:10]
D
AT T Mobile, switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us.
[09:14]
B
With no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in.
[09:17]
D
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[09:29]
E
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