Vault: Phone Scam - Boyfriend Drama

Summary

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The Bert Show

Vault: Phone Scam – Boyfriend Drama

Air Date: December 10, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Pionaire Podcasting)

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Episode Overview

In this classic "Vault" episode, The Bert Show brings back one of their signature phone scams, this time involving a suspicious "wireless fraud investigator" and a listener’s very personal relationship drama. The prank targets Mary, whose sister Melanie orchestrates the call, and quickly escalates as Mary discovers just how much the fake investigator supposedly knows about her love life. The episode is a blend of sharp improv, cringe comedy, and escalating reactions—exactly the brand of relatable humor and genuine surprise that defines The Bert Show's legendary prank segments.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introduction to the Phone Scam (01:34)

• Jacob (Prank caller): Pretends to be from a phone carrier’s fraud department, calling to discuss Mary’s wireless phone account.
• Jacob claims there has been "unusual activity" on Mary's phone, introducing suspicion and confusion from the very start.

2. Escalating the Scam: The “Investigation” Deepens (02:42)

• Jacob accuses Mary of repeatedly calling one number—supposedly her ex-boyfriend Glenn.
• He claims to have listened to the conversations, crossing privacy boundaries for comedic effect.
• Jacob references specific details: "You used to date him for like a year and a half, and then you guys broke up just before the holidays..." (03:06)
• Quote (03:28): Jacob: “I'm listening to the conversations that you have with him, and I'm about to freak out.”

3. Mary’s Alarm and Legal Concerns (03:18–04:46)

• Mary grows increasingly anxious and skeptical, questioning Jacob’s legal right to access this information.
  • Quote (03:28): Mary: “I want to ask my lawyer if he could be a third party on this, because I don't understand how legal this is.”
• Jacob heightens the prank by bringing up Mary's sister Melanie and alleging that even Melanie “makes fun” of Mary during calls.
  • Quote (04:31): Jacob: “Often after you and her talk, [Melanie] will call someone else. And I mean, at times, she’s almost making fun of you.”

4. Taking It Too Far: Family & Personal Life Exposed (05:07)

• Jacob brings up Mary’s mom and questions Mary’s patterns in dating.

• Mary loses patience and demands to speak to a supervisor, threatening legal action.

  • Quote (05:11): Jacob: “Your mom is very concerned because she sees a pattern.”
  • Quote (05:28): Jacob: “Can I ask you one more question? I've only known you over the phone for about two weeks.”
  • Quote (06:06): Mary: “I'm not answering that question. I plead the feds. You are totally invading my life, and I'm so... Oh my God. I'm so taking you to court right now because you're going to jail, mister. You are going to jail. You are so done. You are so done!”

5. The Reveal: “You’re On The Radio!” (06:33)

• Jacob drops the act and reveals he’s with The Bert Show, not a phone provider, and that this was a prank orchestrated by her sister.
  • Quote (06:43): Jacob: “I work for a radio station in Atlanta that your sister listens to, and she wanted me to phone scam you. The name of the radio station's All the Hits, Q100. You’re on the radio right now in Atlanta.”
• Mary’s shock quickly turns to playful fury at her sister.
  • Quote (07:00): Mary: “Oh my God. I'm gonna kick her ass.”
  • Quote (07:04): Mary: “We will. We will scam you.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jacob’s Deadpan Delivery:
  • “Well, I mean, the laws are gray. You know, it's under... I'm in the fraud department, so I've got a lot of leeway.” (04:06)
• Mary’s Escalating Threats and Disbelief:
  • “You better stop right there, because I'm about to call the police.” (04:46)
  • “You are so breaking the law, and I am so gonna see you in court.” (05:11)
  • “I plead the feds. You are totally invading my life.” (06:06)
• Humorous Reveal:
  • “You’re so going to jail. You are so... I am canceling. Oh my God. Well, just so you know, I'm canceling my fantasy hour.” (05:38)
  • “No, but I'm gonna find out who you are. Can you transfer me over to the Secret Service?” (06:33)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:34 – Prank call begins: Jacob as “Wireless Rep” calls Mary
• 02:42 – Jacob accuses Mary of calling her ex-boyfriend obsessively
• 03:06–04:46 – Jacob further invades privacy; Mary demands legal intervention
• 05:07–06:06 – Jacob references Mary’s family and “drunk dialing” details; Mary threatens court action
• 06:33 – Prank revealed: Mary learns she’s on The Bert Show
• 07:00–07:04 – Mary reacts, vows playful revenge on her sister

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Tone & Style

The call is delivered with The Bert Show’s familiar mix of mischievous wit, improv humor, and relatable frustration. Jacob’s poker-faced absurdity pushes Mary into a spiral of indignation that is both comedic and uncomfortably authentic. The reveal releases the tension, moving quickly to joking threats and laughter—all signature moments for The Bert Show’s beloved prank segments.

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Summary

This episode encapsulates what fans love about The Bert Show’s “Phone Scam” tradition: a pitch-perfect blend of relatable drama, expertly paced comedic escalation, and the cathartic reveal. It’s a reminder of how well the cast leverages friendly mischief to deliver surprises, all while poking gentle fun at the everyday dramas of modern relationships.

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For more phone scams, listener drama, and daily laughs, tune in to The Bert Show or visit thebertshow.com.

Transcript

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[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

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[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Hey, the Bird Show.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Hello.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Hi, I'm looking for Mary, please.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Yeah, this is she.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Who says hi Mary, how are you?

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Good, how are you?

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Good. My name is Jacob. I'm with Celery Elmsiar.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Hi, how are you doing today?

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Good. I'm calling you regarding your wireless phone.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Uh huh.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Just want to let you know that is a customer service that we actually.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

You know what I'm really. I'm really not interested in. Is this a promotion?

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

No, not at all. It's about your wireless phone service with us.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Okay.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

I just want to let you know that we offer like a fraud protection you Know, kind of monitors phones in case they get stolen or misused. That happens a lot in the. In the wireless phone industry. So we. We've been monitoring your phone, and we saw some unusual activity. And I don't know how it happened, but your particular case came up on my computer two or three times. So I just want to talk to you about it real quick.

We noticed repeated phone calls to one number.

I guess this number is a boyfriend of yours. Because what we did is we listened to a few of the conversations.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Excuse.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

So apparently this is like an ex boyfriend of yours, a guy named Glenn or something.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

You know what? I'm. I'm really confused here. I don't understand. Like, that's a little bit more information than. What's your name.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Are you. You're talking to a guy named Glenn, right? You used to date him for like a year and a half, and then you guys broke up just before the holidays, and you obviously want to get back together with him.

You know, am I right?

I just want to explain to you, like, I'm listening to the conversations that you have with him, and I'm about to freak out.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

I don't understand. I want. I want to ask my lawyer if he could be a third party on this, because I don't understand how legal this is. Because you have more information, it seems, than you should have.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

We were flagging the calls because there were so many of them to one number. And then like I said, it just came up on my computer a couple of times. So I started listening in, and he's. I mean, he is so disrespectful to you.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Oh, my God.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Oftentimes, after he talks to you, he calls another girl that he appears to be dating.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you. By law, you're not allowed to do this?

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Well, I mean, the laws are gray. You know, it's under. I'm in the fraud department, so I've got a lot of leeway.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

You're in the fraud department? Are you a supervisor? Because if not, I want to speak to one.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

I know you find some comfort in talking to your. Your sister. Is that Melanie?

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Wow.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Is that your sister?

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Yeah, but I don't know where the fraud comes in, because you're real angry over here.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

I just. Yeah. You know, you talk to your sister Melanie about, you know, the situation, and just so you know, often after you and her talk, she will call someone else. And. And I mean, at times, she's almost making fun of you.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

You know what? You better stop Right there, because I'm about to call the police.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Do you have a history of dating guys that you know are no good for you?

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Oh, my God. This is so none of your business. Oh, my God. You should be listening in for, like, terrorist people. You should not be listening to me and my boy problems. This is absolutely ridiculous.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

I just want to give you a heads up that your mom.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

A heads up?

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Your mom's.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

I don't want. I don't want. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No, no, no. You are so breaking the law, and I am so gonna see you in court.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Your mom is very concerned because she sees a pattern.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

I don't care. Oh, my God. I don't want to hear this.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

All right, let me ask you a question. Can I ask you one more question? I've only known you over the phone for about two weeks.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Two weeks. Oh, my God.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Okay.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

You're so going to jail. You are so. I am canceling. Oh, my God. Well, just so you know, I'm canceling my fantasy hour.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

May I ask you a question?

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

If you don't ask me, you're already gonna hear this whole story without I tell it to somebody else. So go ahead. Maybe one of your friends are listening.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

You and Glenn obviously broke up in December. Did you feel. When you did the drunk dialing, phone sex thing, did you feel.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Oh, my God.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Did you feel.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Oh, yeah. I don't. You know what? I'm not answering that question. I'm not answering that question. I plead the feds. You are totally invading my life, and I'm so. Oh, my God. I'm so taking you to court right now because you're going to jail, mister. You are going to jail. You are so done. You are so done. You don't even know. You don't even know.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Can I tell you one other thing? You don't know who I am.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

No, but I'm gonna find out who you are. Am I gonna say I don't. I want canceled right now? Can you do that? Or can you transfer me over to the Secret Service?

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

I don't work for. I work for a radio station in Atlanta that your sister listens to, and she wanted me to phone scam you. The name of the radio station's all the hits. Q100. You're on the radio right now in Atlanta.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm gonna kick her ass.

We will. We will scam you.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

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[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

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[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

You called that a knock knock joke?

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

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[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

Okay, it's just that when people say knock knock, there's usually a joke to go with it.

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

Like I said, this isn't a joke.

[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

So the knock knock was just you knocking?

[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

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[Jacob (Radio Prank Caller)]

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[Mary (Prank Call Recipient)]

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