The Bert Show - Vault: Phone Scam - Craftmatic

Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Release Date: December 1, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features one of The Bert Show’s classic prank segments: the "Phone Scam." The main theme is comedic mischief as a fake caller claims to be trapped inside an adjustable bed and reaches out for customer service help. The purpose is to deliver lighthearted entertainment through a staged call, highlighting the unsuspecting reactions of a real customer service rep, Lisa.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Setup: The Phone Scam Call Begins

• [01:17] The prank starts with a caller phoning a fictional adjustable bed company and connecting with Lisa in customer service.
• [01:24] The caller claims, "I am trapped inside my adjustable bed," immediately signaling a bizarre and absurd problem.
• Lisa, the customer service rep, quickly shifts from confusion to concern as the caller elaborates on his predicament.

2. Escalation: Absurd Descriptions and Rising Tension

• [01:41] Upon being asked which state he’s calling from, the caller quips:

  "I'm calling from a state of disbelief. Okay."
  — Caller Stuck in Adjustable Bed [01:45]

• [02:01] The caller amplifies the absurdity:

  "I'm folded up inside here like I'm in a womb."
  — Caller Stuck in Adjustable Bed [02:01]

• Despite the outlandish claim, Lisa remains professional and sympathetic, though obviously bewildered.

3. The Frazzled Customer Service Response

• [02:11] Lisa, growing more frantic, involves a technician (off-mic), desperately looking for solutions.

• The caller feigns distress and physical discomfort, describing himself as "numb from my navel up until my nipples" and folded with "my knees on either side of my ears."
  — Caller Stuck in Adjustable Bed [03:46]

• Lisa struggles to maintain composure while coordinating help and repeatedly tells the caller to stop pressing the bed controls.

• Increasingly anxious, Lisa considers dialing emergency services:

  "I don't know if we should call an ambulance at this point or not. Do you want me to call an ambulance for you?"
  — Lisa [04:08]

4. The Reveal: Phone Scam Exposed

• After several minutes, a second “rep” (possibly the same person as Lisa, just changing voices) takes over; the caller requests Lisa specifically.
• The caller finally reveals the prank:

  "You're phone scammed."
  — Caller Stuck in Adjustable Bed [04:59]

• Lisa, catching her breath and realizing the ruse, is audibly exasperated and relieved.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Absurd scenario launched with deadpan delivery:

  "I am trapped inside my adjustable bed. It's folded up around me."
  — Caller Stuck in Adjustable Bed [01:27]

• Lisa, shocked and trying to stay helpful:

  "Can you open it up?"
  — Lisa [02:05] "No, if I could open it up, I wouldn't be on the phone with you."
  — Caller [02:07]

• Physical comedy via description:

  "I'm completely numb from my navel up until my nipples...I have my knees on either side of my ears. Oh, God."
  — Caller Stuck in Adjustable Bed [03:46]

• Lisa’s frustration boils over:

  "Sir, I cannot listen to you or help you unless you cooperate with me."
  — Lisa [04:48]

• The perfect punchline:

  "You've been phone scammed."
  — Caller Stuck in Adjustable Bed [05:08]

• Lisa’s exasperated realization:

  "Oh, God."
  — Lisa [05:14]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:17 — Call to customer service begins
• 01:27–02:07 — Caller asserts he’s "trapped" and can’t get out
• 02:41 — Fake distress escalates ("I'm dizzy")
• 03:46 — Over-the-top physical distress ("numb from my navel up until my nipples")
• 04:08 — Lisa considers calling an ambulance
• 04:59–05:08 — Prank reveal and Lisa’s reaction

Tone, Language, and Listener Experience

The episode exemplifies The Bert Show’s signature playful, irreverent style. The tone is light, good-natured, and sometimes slapstick, with the cast wielding deadpan and escalating absurdity for comedic effect. The prankster’s delivery is intentionally hyperbolic, while Lisa’s genuine concern and eventual frustration ground the bit and generate much of the humor.

Summary

This classic phone scam from The Bert Show offers lighthearted fun, blending improvisation and candid reactions for comedic payoff. Listeners are treated to a rollercoaster of absurdity—from an outlandish predicament to a believable, concerned customer service agent—culminating in a satisfying and hilarious reveal.