Vault: Phone Scam - Craftmatic Adjustable Bed

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam – Craftmatic Adjustable Bed

Date: October 28, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting

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Episode Overview

This episode features one of The Bert Show’s all-time most requested and beloved phone scams: “The Craftmatic Adjustable Bed Scam.” The setup centers on a prank call to a customer service representative at an adjustable bed company, where the caller claims to be trapped inside his own folding bed. The episode showcases the cast’s comedic prowess, combining absurdity with improv wit. The scam, originally aired on Atlanta’s Q100, highlights both the authenticity and sharp humor for which the show is known.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to the Prank

• The host sets up the episode, noting that this prank (the man “trapped inside an adjustable bed”) is the show’s most requested phone scam of all time ([00:01]).
• The recurring popularity is underscored:

  “Wherever I go in Atlanta, people come up to me and say, I love your phone scams. Especially the one where the guy gets caught in the adjustable bed.” – Host ([00:01])

2. The Prank Call: Unfolds With Improv Comedy

• Call Initiation: The caller phones “Adjustable Beds” customer service, immediately creating confusion by saying he’s “trapped inside” his bed ([00:44]).

  • The representative, Lisa, tries to clarify the absurd situation.

• Comic Escalation:

  • The caller riffs on the situation, describing his predicament in vivid, ridiculous detail:

    “I’m calling from a state of disbelief.” – Caller ([01:02]) “I’m folded up inside here like I’m in a womb.” – Caller ([01:18])

• Customer Service Dilemma: Lisa attempts to troubleshoot, asks if he can “open it up,” to which the caller retorts:

  “No, if I could open it up, be on the phone with you.” – Caller ([01:24])

  • The rep struggles to grasp the situation, tries to connect a technician, and grows increasingly flustered.

3. Absurd Details and Building Tension

• The caller exaggerates his predicament to absurd lengths:

  “I’m completely numb from my navel up until my nipples. I’m numb because of the way I’m folded and I have my knees on either side of my ears.” – Caller ([03:06]) “My life is passing before my eyes.” – Caller ([03:23])

• Lisa becomes more concerned, wondering about involving emergency services:

  “I don’t know if we should call an ambulance at this point or not. Do you want me to call an ambulance for you?” – Lisa ([03:25])

4. Comic Conflict and Reveal

• The representative repeatedly begs the caller to “stop pushing the button” as the bed makes noises ([02:21], [02:48]).
• The caller gets defensive and playful:

  “Stop yelling at me.” – Caller ([03:45])

• A second representative (Tiffany) enters, expressing exasperation and urging cooperation.
• The reveal comes when the caller tells Lisa she’s been “phone scammed” ([04:13]), and the host jumps in to let her in on the joke.

5. Memorable Reactions

• Lisa’s exasperation turns to amused realization as the host explains that her colleagues, John and Tiffany, set her up for the prank.
• The prank ends with collective laughter and the show’s playful chant:

  “We will. We will scam you. The Bird Show.” – Caller ([04:42])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Ridiculousness of the Situation:

  “I’m calling from a state of disbelief.” – Caller ([01:02]) “I’m folded up inside here like I’m in a womb.” – Caller ([01:18]) “I’m completely numb from my navel up until my nipples.” – Caller ([03:06])

• Real Concern from Lisa:

  “I don’t know if we should call an ambulance at this point or not…” – Lisa ([03:25])

• The Reveal:

  “I said you’ve been phone scammed.” – Caller ([04:20]) “This is the brand new bird show at Q100.” – Host ([04:29]) “Oh, God.” – Lisa ([04:31])

• Finale:

  “We will. We will scam you. The Bird Show.” – Caller ([04:42])

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Timestamped Highlights

• 00:01 – Host introduces the classic phone scam, sets the scene and hype.
• 00:44 – Caller first claims he’s trapped in the adjustable bed.
• 01:18 – Caller describes being folded up “like in a womb.”
• 02:21 – Rep urgently instructs caller to stop “pushing the button.”
• 03:06 – Caller humorously explains numbness and awkward position.
• 03:25 – Lisa considers calling ambulance.
• 04:13-04:20 – The reveal: caller tells Lisa she’s been “phone scammed.”
• 04:29 – Host reveals the prank to the rep and credits conspirators (John and Tiffany).
• 04:42 – Episode ends with signature “We will. We will scam you” chant.

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Tone and Style

• Light-hearted and Playful: Both the prank and the reactions are in good-natured fun.
• Improvised Absurdity: The caller’s improvisations make the situation escalate hilariously, keeping the tone silly but never mean-spirited.
• Supportive Camaraderie: Lisa’s concern is genuine, making the eventual reveal and laughter all the more heartwarming.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a hallmark of The Bert Show’s signature blend of authenticity, comedy, and camaraderie. The “Craftmatic Adjustable Bed” phone scam stands out for its over-the-top scenario, genuine reactions, and perfectly-timed comedic twists—making it a must-listen (or must-read) for fans of clever prank calls and morning radio hijinks.

Transcript

[Caller]

The Bird Show.

[Host]

This has got to be the all time most requested phone scam I have ever done. Wherever I go in Atlanta, people come up to me and say, I love your phone scams. Especially the one where the guy gets caught in the adjustable bed. Here it is. Everyone's favorite phone scam. The Craftmatic adjustable bed scam.

[Customer Service Representative]

Good night. Adjustable beds. This is Lisa. Can I help you?

[Caller]

Hello?

[Customer Service Representative]

Hello?

[Caller]

Hello?

[Customer Service Representative]

Hi, how can I help you?

[Caller]

I need customer service.

[Customer Service Representative]

This is customer service.

[Caller]

I am trapped inside my adjustable bed.

[Customer Service Representative]

You're what?

[Caller]

Trapped inside my adjustable bed. It's folded up around me.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay. Sir, what state are you calling from?

[Caller]

I'm calling from a state of disbelief.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay. Where did you buy the bed?

[Caller]

My son gave it to me.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay.

[Caller]

Hello?

[Customer Service Representative]

Are you okay?

[Caller]

I mean, I'm folded up inside here like I'm in a womb.

[Customer Service Representative]

Well, can you open it up?

[Caller]

No, if I could open it up, be on the phone with you.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay, let me see if I can get my technician to help me.

[Host]

I.

[Caller]

Hurry up. It's awfully warm.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay. I'm sorry. I've never gotten a call like this before. Hold on. Hold on a second. John. I've got this man who's stuck.

[Caller]

Hello?

[Customer Service Representative]

I don't know what to. Can you talk to. Yes, sir, I'm still in the bed. Yeah, I'm trying to get my technician on the phone for you. I'm kind of explaining to him your situation, and we're gonna.

[Caller]

I'm dizzy.

[Customer Service Representative]

Can you reach the controls?

[Caller]

Hey, listen to this.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay. Are you pushing the button?

[Caller]

No. What do you think the noise is?

[Customer Service Representative]

Well, it just sounds like the controls are overheating. You need to quit pushing the button. Are you pushing a button, sir?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay, stop pushing because the bed sounds like it's overheating. Okay, I'm gonna get my technician on the phone. He can kind of talk you through this. Stop pushing the button.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay. Okay, John, I really need your help with this. This guy is stuck in his bed and he sounds real muffled, like he can't breathe and stuff. Sir, I told you to stop pushing the button.

[Caller]

But I'm stuck in the bed.

[Customer Service Representative]

But you really need to stop pushing the button.

[Caller]

I think it's jammed.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay, but just don't push the button because you're just gonna make it worse, all right? Okay. Okay. Are you getting oxygen? Are you getting some kind of air?

[Caller]

I don't think so.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay.

[Caller]

I'm completely numb from my navel up until my nipples. I'm numb because of the way I'm folded and I have my knees on either side of my ears. Oh.

[Customer Service Representative]

Try to get as much oxygen that you can.

[Caller]

My life is passing before my eyes.

[Customer Service Representative]

You know, I don't know if we should call an ambulance at this point or not. Do you want me to call an ambulance for you?

[Caller]

I want you to get me out of this floating mattress of death we are.

[Customer Service Representative]

I'm trying my best. Okay, sir, stop pushing the button.

[Caller]

Stop yelling at me.

[Customer Service Representative]

Oh, I'm not dealing with this anymore.

[Caller]

Hello?

[Customer Service Representative]

Hello, sir, this is Tiffany. Are you feeling all right?

[Caller]

Put Lisa on the phone.

[Customer Service Representative]

Sir, I cannot listen to you or help you unless you cooperate with me.

[Caller]

Is this Lisa?

[Customer Service Representative]

Yes, it is Lisa.

[Caller]

Yes, your phone scammed.

[Customer Service Representative]

Sir, I cannot understand what you're saying.

[Caller]

I said you've been phone scammed.

[Customer Service Representative]

What? What?

[Host]

You've been phone scammed.

[Customer Service Representative]

Phone scammed.

[Host]

This is the brand new bird show at Q100.

[Customer Service Representative]

Oh, God.

[Host]

I got an email from John and Tiffany and they wanted me to phone scam you.

[Customer Service Representative]

John, you.

[Caller]

We will. We will scam you. The Bird Show.