Vault: Phone Scam - Too Much Sampling At Costco

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault: Phone Scam - Too Much Sampling At Costco

Date: December 8, 2025
Host: Bert Show Cast, Pionaire Podcasting

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the realm of classic prank calls, featuring a humorous phone scam centered around a Costco membership and—of all things—the "crime" of oversampling free food in the store. In this playful segment, a Burt Show member calls a listener named Stacy, pretending to be a Costco warehouse employee revoking her membership due to excessive sampling. As tension and confusion mount, the call turns increasingly absurd before the big reveal. Fans of the show will enjoy the cast’s trademark blend of playful banter, improvisational comedy, and sharp comedic timing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Costco Sampling Gone Wrong

• The episode kicks off with the hosts discussing the joys and potential pitfalls of “feasting on samples” at Costco.
  • Quote:
    • “You can always go to Costco and wander the aisles and just, you know, feast on the samples... The problem is, you sample too much, they eventually throw you out.”
      — Host (A) [00:05]

2. The Prank Call Begins: Membership Warning

• The host, posing as a Costco manager, calls Stacy.
  • He coolly informs her that her membership is being “yanked” for “oversampling.”
  • Stacy is caught off guard and confused, defensively asking what’s going on.
  • The prankster presses, citing a “sampling issue.”
  • Quote:
    • “We’re yanking your membership… due to an oversampling issue.”
      — Prankster (A) [00:45]

3. Building the Case: Cheese Stick Surveillance

• The caller escalates the situation by referencing the store’s video footage and the sample counter attendant, Hazel.

  • Detailed accusations: “You had four cheese sticks, according to our videotape. And Hazel, the woman at the counter, and your husband had five.”
    — Prankster (A) [01:23]

• Stacy protests, citing hunger and the "free" nature of the samples.

• She is bewildered by the idea that Costco workers are “wired for sound” and that “sampling more than one" violates store policy.

  • Quote:
    • “All of our samplees, the people who give you the samples, they're all wired for sound. They also have call buttons on it.”
      — Prankster (A) [02:01]
    • “Well, that must be in the fine print, Mr. I didn’t know anything about over sampling, and I think you’re nuts.”
      — Stacy (B) [02:51]

4. Escalation & Tension: Membership Revoked!

• The prank continues with mock seriousness:

  • Stacy is accused of violating membership terms for “over sampling.”
  • The caller refers to the contract’s “over sampling problem” and claims that Stacy agreed to the policy.

• The prankster repeatedly uses condescending terms (“honey,” “sweetheart”), irritating Stacy further.

  • Quote:
    • “The bottom line, honey, is you violated the terms of the policy.”
      — Prankster (A) [02:58]
    • “Look, don’t. What is your name? Don’t call me honey.”
      — Stacy [03:01]

• Stacy grows more defiant, rejecting the “stupid club” and doubting the call’s legitimacy.

  • Quotes:
    • “This has gotta be a joke.” — Stacy [03:22]
    • “I don’t want to be a part of your stupid club anyway.” — Stacy [03:32]

5. The Big Reveal

• The host delivers the punchline, revealing it’s all a joke thanks to Stacy’s husband’s participation.

  • Quote:
    • “This is Jeff from the Bert Show at Q100RA. And you’ve just been phone scammed courtesy of your husband.”
      — Prankster/Host (A) [03:42]

• Stacy is surprised but laughs it off, recognizing the signature hijinks of The Bert Show cast.

  • Quote:
    • “You guys are nuts. I thought this guy was nuts, but you guys are nuts.”
      — Stacy [03:51]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Wired for sound? What are you talking about?”
  — Stacy (B) [02:10]

• “If anybody sampled four or five cheese sticks, we’d go broke.”
  — Prankster (A) [01:44]

• "And let me tell you one more thing..." / "What?" / "This is Jeff from the Bert Show..."
  — The Reveal [03:40–03:42]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:05] — Hosts introduce the phone scam concept and Costco sample culture.
• [00:28] — Prank call begins.
• [01:12] — Accusation of “cheese stick” over-sampling.
• [02:01] — Introduction of “wired for sound” sample givers.
• [02:51] — Discussion of the “fine print” and contract violation.
• [03:22] — Full revocation of membership and peak comedic tension.
• [03:42] — The prank is revealed.
• [03:51] — Stacy’s relieved and amused reaction.

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Summary & Takeaway

This episode exemplifies The Bert Show’s talent for high-energy, lighthearted entertainment. The team uses a simple premise—overeating free cheese samples at Costco—to craft a perfectly paced, increasingly absurd phone prank. Each escalation not only builds humor but showcases the cast’s improvisational skills and rapport with their audience. Stacy’s initial bewilderment, mounting irritation, and eventual laughter provide listeners with a satisfying comedic arc.

If you love prank calls, witty banter, and a few good-natured laughs at the intersection of everyday life and the absurd, this segment is a classic Burt Show gem.

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Transcript

[A]

You're on the Burt show first.

[B]

We'll start off the show today with a classic phone scam.

[A]

You can always go. If you're looking for someplace to go to dinner, you can always go to Costco and wander the aisles and just, you know, feast on the samples that they provide you. The problem is, you sample too much, they eventually throw you out.

[B]

Hello?

[A]

Hi, I'm looking for Stacy. This is Stacy Stacey Todd Lolly calling Woods Hawk Warehouse. Yeah, I don't have a lot of time to deal with this because I'm backed up with a ton of stuff, but we're yanking your membership. We're gonna process a refund and get it back to you.

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

That's gonna take. We yank your membership due to an oversampling issue.

[B]

Sampling. Sampling. What?

[A]

Were you in the store this past weekend?

[B]

Yeah, I shop there all the time.

[A]

Right. And did you sample any food, snacks, anything that our elderly.

[B]

My husband and I were in there. We might have sampled a couple of things, but what's illegal about that?

[A]

Did you sample the cheese sticks?

[B]

Well, yeah.

[A]

And how many did you sample, please?

[B]

I don't know. One or two.

[A]

And how many did your husband sample?

[B]

Maybe a couple. What's the big deal?

[A]

You had four cheese sticks, according to our videotape. And Hazel, the woman at the counter, and your husband had five.

[B]

Well, it was lunchtime. I was hungry.

[A]

Right, but this isn't. The restaurant is in the front of the store. It's not while you're walking through. If anybody sampled four or five cheese steaks, we'd go broke. Did you also take some hay?

[B]

I don't know what your deal is, but the samples were free. And Hazel, or whatever her name is, she said I could have some. And I took some. I was hungry.

[A]

She said you could have one.

Just for your information, all of our samplees, the people who give you the samples, they're all wired for sound. They also have call buttons on it.

[B]

Wired for sound? What are you talking about?

[A]

She was the first one to alert us to the incident.

[B]

But it was supposed to be free. I don't understand what this is all about.

[A]

One of them is supposed to be free.

[B]

So what are you saying? That I stole them because I took more than one?

[A]

I'm saying that if you read. Did you read your membership agreement? Did you read your membership agreement? Answer me. Did you read your member. All right. Now, if you read your membership agreement, you would see that we have a serious over sampling problem. By signing that agreement, you agree to not take more than one sample of any product in the store.

[B]

Well, that must be in the fine print, Mr. I didn't know anything about over sampling, and I think you're nuts.

[A]

The bottom line, honey, is you violated the terms of the policy.

[B]

Look, don't. What is your name? Don't call me honey.

[A]

The bottom line, sweetheart, is that you violated the policy. You violated the terms not only by taking one extra sample, but. But by taking.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 extra samples between you and your husband.

So you're.

[B]

This has gotta be a joke.

[A]

You're out.

[B]

Good Lord.

[A]

All right, fine. You're out. And we're gonna refund the rest of your membership fee. And we're also gonna ask you to staff the property, okay?

[B]

I don't want to be a part of your stupid club anyway.

[A]

Okay, Great. Then you know what? Everything's okay, right?

[B]

Sweetie, why don't you just get lost?

[A]

And let me tell you one more thing.

[B]

What?

[A]

This is Jeff from the Burt show at Q100RA. And you've just been phone scammed courtesy of your husband.

[B]

You guys are nuts. I thought this guy was nuts, but you guys are nuts.

[A]

You're on.

[B]

We will.

[A]

We will scam you.

You're on the Birch Show.