Vault: Phone Scam - Work Computer Edition

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: Phone Scam - Work Computer Edition"

Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Aired: January 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lighthearted and mischievous episode from The Bert Show's vault, the cast delivers a classic "Phone Scam" segment. The premise: a new "employee" at an office calls a colleague (Jamie) who's away on vacation, claiming to have found (and snooped through) her personal work computer—unearthing journal entries, photos, and making pointed comments about her relationship! Listeners are treated to a mixture of awkwardness, disbelief, and escalating comedy, ultimately revealing the call as a prank orchestrated by Jamie's office mates.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Setup: An Unlikely Work Crisis

[00:00–00:30]

• The host introduces a fresh Phone Scam:
  • Premise: Jamie, on vacation, is contacted by "Michael Checkaway," a supposed new employee who claims to have borrowed her laptop and discovered private material.
  • Humor is built from the preposterous violation of boundaries and the absurdity of the situation.

The Awkward Call Begins

[00:25–01:15]

• Michael introduces himself, apologizing for interrupting Jamie’s vacation, establishing himself as a new auditor who will work "pretty closely" with her.
• Awkwardness sets in as Jamie tries to piece together the identity of the mysterious caller.

Memorable Exchange:

• “Do you mind me interrupting your vacation here real quick?” —Michael (00:48)

The Personal Revelation & Escalation

[01:16–02:39]

• Michael shifts gears to discuss Jamie’s boyfriend, Brian — a jarring jump for Jamie, who rightly questions how Michael knows about her boyfriend.
• He nonchalantly admits to having browsed her journal and photos on the "borrowed" laptop, stating, “I've been engrossed in them. And I don't think from what I've read. I don't think that Brian and you… I don't think it's gonna work. And I don't think, frankly, he's that into you.” (02:13)

Jamie responds with justified outrage and confusion:

• “Okay, I'm sorry. What was your name again?” —Jamie (02:39)

Boundary-Crossing, Defensiveness, and Absurdity

[02:41–04:21]

• Michael doubles down, describing how he copied Jamie's pictures to a CD, to which Jamie is exasperated and confrontational. She calls the behavior unprofessional and illegal.
• Michael brushes off her concerns and starts offering unwelcome "life advice," commenting on her need for “permission” to see her parents and referencing her bikini photos.

Highlights:

• “Why do you need permission to go see your parents?” —Michael (03:41)
• “Are you kidding me right now?” —Jamie (03:46)
• “I'm gonna create an ad, and I'm gonna put an ad online, and I'm gonna use the picture of you in the bikini from Hawaii.” —Michael (04:32)

Jamie’s incredulity and anger escalate:

• “This is unprofessional. ...You can get into serious trouble for doing this. ...I’m sure that's illegal!” —Jamie (04:15–04:43)

The Reveal: It's a Phone Scam!

[05:23–05:37]

• After multiple protests from Jamie, “Michael” finally drops the act.
• He reveals: “This is actually Jeff with the Bert Show at all the hits Q100. And this is a phone scam from everyone in your office who hates Brian.” (05:25–05:33)
• Jamie’s reaction transitions from horror to laughter as she realizes she’s been pranked:
  • “Oh my God. Are you kidding me?... This is horrible. I thought... This guy’s a weirdo. Oh my God.” —Jamie (05:33–05:37)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Michael (the prankster):
  “Needless to say, I've been engrossed in them. And I don't think from what I've read... I don't think that Brian and you... I don't think it's gonna work. And I don't think, frankly, he's that into you.” (02:13)

• Jamie (the target):
  “That was really presumptuous of you to take somebody's computer without knowing.” (03:13)

• Michael:
  “I copied all the pictures onto a cd, so I can do those later.” (03:05)

• Jamie:
  “You can get into serious trouble for doing this. That's personal. That is a personal computer. …I'm sure that's illegal…” (04:43)

• The Reveal:
  “This is actually Jeff with the Bert Show at all the hits Q100. And this is a phone scam from everyone in your office who hates Brian.” (05:25) “Oh my God. This is horrible. I thought... This guy's a weirdo…” —Jamie (05:37)

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Key Segments (with Timestamps)

• [00:00] — Intro and setup for the Phone Scam segment
• [00:25] — "Michael" calls Jamie and establishes the ploy
• [01:16] — The conversation turns towards Jamie’s personal life and boyfriend, Brian
• [02:13] — Michael reveals he read Jamie’s journal and implies her relationship is doomed
• [03:05] — Michael claims to have copied her pictures and continues to cross personal boundaries
• [04:32] — Michael threatens to post an ad using Jamie’s bikini photos
• [05:23] — The scam is revealed; Jamie expresses relief and astonishment

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

• Tone: Mischievous, playful, slightly tense during escalation but ultimately comedic
• Authenticity: The team’s improv skills and Jamie’s genuine emotional responses elevate the realism and the payoff.
• Message: Never leave your laptop unattended—especially if you know Bert Show fans!

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Summary for Listeners:
This episode is a must-listen for anyone who enjoys the awkward hilarity of prank calls. The Bert Show delivers another classic phone scam, blending comic timing, escalating stakes, and a big reveal. Jamie’s emotional rollercoaster is full of unforgettable moments—especially as she goes from confusion to outrage to laughter within minutes. Classic morning radio shenanigans.

Transcript

[A]

Get it?

[B]

The Burt Show. Brand new Burt show phone scam today.

[A]

Calling up this woman who has just left on her vacation. And I am the brand new employee who borrowed her laptop because she just left it under her boss's desk. And I borrowed her laptop and found some of her journal entries. And don't think she's dating the right man.

[B]

Hello?

[A]

Hi, is this Jamie?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey Jamie, how are you?

[B]

Good, good.

[A]

Listen, I'm sorry to bother you. I know you're on vacation, but my name's Michael Checkaway.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

I actually just started working with you. Well, even though you're on vacation this week, I started working at your office and wanted to talk over a couple things with you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Do you mind me interrupting your vacation here real quick?

[B]

Well, I don't. I don't have too long to talk. I was actually on my way out, but. No, but I can. I can talk for a little bit.

[A]

Okay. I. I guess I'm also an auditor and so we'll be working pretty, pretty closely together.

[B]

Okay. Did you take over? Are you filling in for Steve or.

[A]

I'm not sure really. Who? I applied a couple weeks ago and then they called me and asked me if I could start pretty quickly.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, cool. This. Listen, I want to talk to you about this guy Brian. And I know this is a little unorthodox, especially considering we haven't met, but if I understand correctly, you are going to see him at the end of this week and I wanted to try to get to you before you and he spent any more time together, because I don't think that's a good situation.

[B]

Okay, I'm sorry. Okay, first of all, I don't. I don't understand. What. Who's Brian? Are you talking about my boyfriend Brian?

[A]

Well, yeah.

[B]

Okay. And how did you. How do you. What? How do you know about.

[A]

I mean, the quick version is this. I was at the office and obviously today was my first day and I was working late and yada yada, and I wanted to get out of there and I saw that on the floor of the office was a laptop. And there was no identification. You know, identification or identifying anything. So I figured it was like a loaner, because at the other firm we used to have loaners. So I brought it home and I realized it wasn't a loaner, it was your personal laptop. And then I found the journal and the pictures and yada yada. And needless to say, I've been engrossed in them. And I don't think from what I've read. I don't think that Brian and you. I don't think it's gonna work. And I don't think, frankly, he's that into you.

[B]

Okay, I'm sorry. What was your name again? Michael.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

Okay, Michael, if you could do me a favor and first of all, not look through my computer after you realize that it's not. It's a personal computer. Okay? I just. If you could not look through it anymore and do me a favor and take it back to work tomorrow.

[A]

I will. Yeah, I'll do that. I'm not gonna look at it anymore. I mean, I've seen all the, you know, journal stuff, and I copied all the pictures onto a cd, so I can do those later. But.

[B]

Wait a second. You did? You copied my pictures?

[A]

Yeah. I didn't want to run your battery down because I did. It wasn't until I got back that I realized there's no power supply.

[B]

Ok, listen. Oh, my God. Okay, I don't. First of all, I don't even know you, okay? So I don't. That was really presumptuous of you to take somebody's computer without knowing.

[A]

I didn't. But see, I didn't realize it was your.

[B]

Did you talk to Mr. Brooks? Did you ask him from.

[A]

Listen, you can't. Let's talk about what we need to talk about.

[B]

I don't think I need to talk about anything with you. I don't. I don't even.

[A]

Why do you need permission?

[B]

I don't need permission.

[A]

Why do you need permission to go see your parents?

[B]

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me right now?

[A]

I'm just asking. Think about it. Permission. You're going to be 29 years old and.

[B]

Oh, my God. I don't need to be answering to you. What I'm doing in my personal life. I can't believe you're biting into somebody's life you don't even know.

[A]

And the pictures I've seen of you. The pictures I've seen of you, you certainly do not need to. Especially if you wanted to take the bikini pictures or whatever.

[B]

This is unprofessional. This is very unprofessional, but I'm not. Do you realize you can lose your job over this?

[A]

This is not a professional conversation. This is on our personal time. You're on vacation.

[B]

But you don't know me. I don't know you. I don't need advice from you. I can. Perfect. I can handle myself just fine.

[A]

You know what I'm gonna do for you? I'M gonna create an ad, and I'm gonna put an ad online, and I'm gonna use the picture of you in the bikini from Hawaii.

[B]

I guarantee you that's the end of your job.

[A]

Listen.

[B]

I guarantee you that's the end of your job. I need you to take that computer back tomorrow. First thing in the morning. Or this. You can get into serious trouble for doing this. That's personal. That is a personal computer. That I'm sure that's illegal to be doing what you're doing. You can't just download my pictures like that or copy them onto a CD or anything like that.

[A]

I'm gonna work on that tonight, and I'm gonna have it ready to go by the time you get back, and then we'll talk. Okay?

[B]

I. I don't really need to talk to you about anything further. I just need you to take my computer back.

[A]

I'm gonna make things okay for you, okay?

[B]

I don't need you to make anything okay for me.

[A]

I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that for you. And I don't even know you.

[B]

Oh, my God. No, you don't.

[A]

All right.

[B]

This is ridiculous.

[A]

Jamie.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This is actually Jeff with the Birch show at all the hits Q100.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And this is a phone scam from everyone in your office who hates Brian.

[B]

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?

[A]

No.

[B]

This is horrible. I thought. You look like. This guy's a weirdo. Oh, my God. We will. We will scam you.

[A]

Get it?

[B]

The bird show.