Vault: Relationship Anti-Christ

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – "Relationship Anti-Christ"

Release Date: July 8, 2026
Main Speakers: Bert (Host), Wendy, Jen, Kara, Jeff
Main Topic: Breaking the cycle of toxic relationships (“dating Antichrists”)

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the theme of "relationship Antichrists" — that one toxic ex many people struggle to break away from, despite clear signs that the relationship is damaging. The hosts, along with featured team member Wendy, share candid, raw, and often humorous perspectives on why people return to these unhealthy dynamics, how they affect their mental health and lives, and what it takes to finally break free. Callers join in to offer support and share their own stories, making this a relatable and emotionally charged discussion.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining the "Dating Antichrist"

• What it Means:

  • Someone from your romantic past that you can’t break away from, despite the relationship being tumultuous and unhealthy.
  • Relationships filled with drama, repeated breakups, and toxic attraction.
  • Notable quote:

    "Everybody in their past has sort of a dating antichrist, you know. Somebody you can't break away from." – Host (01:34)

• Why the Antichrist Dynamic Happens:

  • Often surfaces in youth due to naiveté and the intensity of first loves.

    "You're young and you … believe in love and you're naive enough to believe that this person who's manipulating you is the person for you." – Jeff (02:32)

2. Wendy's Personal Story

• Timeline:

  • Relationship ended almost two years ago, but the emotional aftermath lingers.
  • Wendy describes how the ex is moving back to town, reigniting old anxieties (03:11–03:34).

• Cycle of Abuse and Manipulation:

  • The ex was deeply manipulative, isolating Wendy from friends and family.

    "I didn't see my family for a year… I lost all my friends." – Wendy (04:02)

  • He verbally abused her about her weight and appearance.

    "He would pinch my side… he talked to other girls behind my back." – Wendy (04:34)

• Ongoing Psychological Impact:

  • Anxiety triggered just thinking of his return.
  • Still thinks of him at least once a week – “Not a week goes by that I don't at least think about him once.” (04:51)
  • Fears vulnerability if they cross paths again.

3. The ‘What If’ Trap and Rationalizations

• Wendy wrestles with hope he might’ve changed, despite all evidence (“What if he’s changed?” – 06:24).
• She admits having thoughts about improving her appearance in anticipation of seeing him (“I've got 30 days to get into shape” – 07:03).
• Hosts stress the danger of leaving even a small opening for him to reenter her life.

  "If you give even a centimeter, the door is going to be wide open to this guy." – Host (06:14)

4. Recognizing Abusive Relationships

• The discussion turns serious as the team underscores that abuse isn’t just physical—it can be psychological and emotional.

  "You were in an abusive relationship. Just because somebody's, you know, not throwing punches at you doesn't mean you're not in an abusive relationship." – Host (07:59)

• Repetition of toxic cycles isn’t unique to women – men can also fall into these traps, often for different reasons (e.g., sex or dependency).

5. Group Support & Tough Love

• Friends challenge Wendy to recognize her self-worth.

  "You just gotta love yourself enough to know you deserve better." – Jen (09:16)

• They point out practical steps: change numbers, establish boundaries, and avoid places he frequents.
• They also offer real talk about how enabling or rationalizing the behavior is part of the trap.

6. Callers’ Advice and Shared Experiences

• Caller Bob (08:23): Offers a male perspective, affirming manipulators don’t change and urges Wendy to move on.

  "They don't change. Trust me. I'm a guy, you know…It's never going to change. You got to move on." – Bob (08:30)

• Caller Monica (09:34): Echoes the futility of romanticizing change, shares her own repeating toxic cycle.
• Caller Linda (12:37): Shares a harrowing story of losing herself completely in such a relationship, leading to marriage and children with the Antichrist, encouraging Wendy to cherish her freedom.

7. Underlying Issues: Vulnerability and Need

• Hosts suggest Wendy’s longing may be tied less to the man and more to financial security and loneliness.

  "He's a solution to both. And good or bad, he's a solution. And I think that's why you have feelings for him." – Kara (14:23)

• They challenge her to reclaim her agency—apply the same assertiveness to her career and relationships.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You sound like an abusive w. I've heard that so many times. When it's good, it's so good…" – Host (07:53)
• "The problem is she wasn't expecting the return." – Kara (08:59)
• "If you're making a decision that you don't want to tell your family about… it's the wrong decision." – Jen (10:27)
• "You know what it sounds like because you forget the pain, because that's your future." – Host (11:05)
• "Nobody has that much power over you. Nobody. Nobody." – Jeff (16:09)
• "You got to put your big girl panties on and take control of your life, girl." – Host (16:29)
• "We need to start some dating Antichrist witness protection program." – Host (15:45)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Defining the Antichrist & Examples: 01:34–02:43
• Wendy’s Story Begins: 03:11–04:51
• Discussion of Manipulation & Effects: 04:51–07:03
• Group Interventions & Recognition of Abuse: 07:23–08:59
• Caller Bob’s Advice: 08:23–08:52
• Callers Monica and Linda Share Stories: 09:34–13:32
• Deeper Dive into Emotional Triggers & Dependency: 13:57–15:05
• Practical Advice from Callers & Conclusion: 15:08–16:58

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Tone & Style

True to The Bert Show's signature, the conversation flows with authenticity, humor, and empathy, shifting seamlessly between light banter, tough love, and candid vulnerability. The team creates a supportive, communal vibe while emphasizing personal responsibility.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a powerful blend of group therapy and morning show, shining a light on a relationship dynamic so many silently endure. Listeners get both concrete advice and heartfelt relatability, with the hosts encouraging anyone in Wendy’s shoes to put themselves first and trust that real change isn’t found in toxic familiarity, but in reclaiming self-worth.

Transcript

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[Host]

All right, it's back. The Omen music. Everybody in their past has sort of a dating antichrist, you know.

[Bert]

Yes.

[Host]

Somebody you can't break away from.

[Jen]

Yeah, it's somebody that you usually get together with and it's, it's a dramatic love, you know, because there's dramatic breakups and dramatic gets back togethers and then there's more breakups and it's just you can't let them go.

[Host]

There's something there that always brings you back no matter how bad it is. For instance, I'll use this example all the time. Man, I almost got knocked out of my own party in front of all my friends. By an ex girlfriend. I mean, she jumped down a flight of stairs and roundhoused me and my legs buckled because she thought I was flirting with somebody else. I went after her on the steps. Like I have my hand around her neck. Like it doesn't get any more red than this. Then the next day we go on vacation together.

[Jeff]

And it's usually something that happens in your 20s, am I right? Is everybody's Antichrist usually around their 20s?

[Jen]

Because mine was in my teens.

[Jeff]

But yeah, because you're young and you. And you believe in love and you're naive enough to believe that this person who's manipulating you is the person for you. And eventually you do Wendy, get away from them. But at the moment, it's just really hard.

[Kara]

And if you're sitting there in the car thinking, like, I don't have one because I thought that you guys were all talking about it, then you're the Antichrist. And then that suddenly becomes very apparen

[Host]

and you just know, like, this is a person that you're not supposed to be with. They've hurt you so many times, yet you keep going back or somehow the draw they end up in your life. And that's what makes them your dating Antichrist. And Wendy's been dealing with one now for years. But we thought this was done.

[Wendy]

I thought it was completely over with. But I found out just last weekend talking and running into a mutual acquaintance of my Antichrist last weekend that he is moving back to town and coming back into town in a month. Month and a half.

[Host]

Damn.

[Wendy]

And this was a relations probably it was a year and a half and it ended almost two years ago. So two, two and a half years ago when it was done.

[Host]

Wendy started this show basically in the middle of this breakup. So one of the first breakup, first storylines with Wendy was her first breaking up with this guy. And I mean, she was crying on the radio for a while. You know, first it was I miss him. Then it was please leave me alone. And then she would get back with the guy. And we were living through this whole thing with her.

[Kara]

It goes. Actually started even before that. Because you remember the very first break, we made her change her phone number.

[Host]

That's right.

[Wendy]

Y. I mean, change my phone number. But we got back together and then we stayed together for probably another nine months. But it's literally like I'm have anxiety just thinking about the relationship and then thinking about him coming back into town. Literally petrified at the fact that he's coming back in town because he was the one. One of the most manipulative guys in my life always drew me back. I didn't see my family for a year. I. I didn't see anybody. I lost all my friends.

[Jen]

And I finally, like, attacked your self confidence, too.

[Wendy]

Oh, well, it's when I started diet pills. I look back on p. On how skinny I got.

[Host]

He was hammering you on your weight, right?

[Wendy]

Oh, all the time he would pinch my side. He would. Obviously he talked to other girls behind my back. That I just found out. I mean, I've just found these things out. Being broken up with and dealing with him in the past, and I'm done with it. But I mean, obviously not a day. I mean, not a week goes by that I don't at least think about him once.

[Host]

Pops in your head somewhere.

[Wendy]

Pops into my head. Well, I mean, you know.

[Jeff]

You know what I mean? Like, and the thing is about you being petrified, it's been over two years, so we got to make sure that by the time the month comes around, do you feel like petrified by it? Because that's where you're weak and vulnerable, you know?

[Jen]

Do you feel like he's gonna call you? He's gonna try to get in touch with you?

[Wendy]

Well, he. Me and him go to the same places. We go out to the same clubs. We have some of the same acquaintances. Like, I know some of his friends. And running into two of them last weekend just verified that. That no matter where I go, he could find me. He knows my mom's address. He still knows my phone number. He probably knows my mom's phone number.

[Kara]

I just found this out last week. But, you know, when we talk in this room to each other, everybody in Atlanta hears it.

[Host]

I wish that were true.

[Wendy]

He knows he's got a pull on me. He absolutely knows. I haven't talked to him for, God, probably seven months now. But even when we were broken up, there was a couple phone calls back and forth here and there. And I mean, of course I miss him in a place where I was back then. I missed part of that lifestyle. He was the one who took care of me. And now, obviously, like, I'm in, like, a financial. Financial setback. So I'm like all these, like, what if I was still with him? What if, what if, what if? So him coming back, and he probably. I mean, he probably could manipulate me back.

[Host]

You're letting him in already? You. You need to know with this guy that if you give even a centimeter, the door is going to be wide open to this guy. You can't Be open to anything with this dude.

[Wendy]

There's a part of me, though, that, like, what if he's changed?

[Host]

Oh, no,

[Kara]

it gets worse than that. Cause I was. And I don't. This was early in the night, so I don't know if you remember. I think you probably remember saying this, but I was with. Was it the night that you found out or the night after you found out that I was with you at Smith?

[Wendy]

That was the night I did find out.

[Kara]

Okay. So I saw Wendy right after she found out about it, and she was rattled by it.

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[Kara]

And one of the first things you said to me that went off like police sirens in my head because you said, he'll be back in one to two months. I've got 30 days to get into shape.

[Host]

Oh, no.

[Jeff]

Did you really? He's already.

[Host]

He's up in your head already?

[Wendy]

Well, because it's like, you know when you're single and you just break up with somebody? It's the spiteful high. Like, it's the spiteful. Get in better shape. Look as good as you can. Get your hair done. Make sure your makeup's done, like, all the time. Have cute outfits all the time. So no matter where you go, if you run into this person, like, you want to look, that shows you.

[Jen]

So, yeah, that's like a month after. This is two and a half years

[Jeff]

longer than you dated him.

[Host]

He still has. He still has some kind of control over you. You got to somehow get this guy out of your head 100%.

[Wendy]

But the thing is, like, when things were good, things were awesome.

[Jeff]

That's how they work. It's high. It's a very bipolar relationship when. Because somebody. Yeah, somebody will treat you better than anybody else because they can. But then the payoff is that they treat you worse than anybody in your life ever will.

[Host]

You sound like an abusive w. I've heard that so many times. When it's good, it's so good they're

[Jeff]

trying to make up. Every now and then he'll hit me.

[Host]

But you know what? When it's good, it's just so good. You're. You were in an abusive relationship. Just because somebody's, you know, not throwing punches at you doesn't mean you're not in an abusive relationship. You were in an abusive relationship.

[Wendy]

And that went on still after we broke up. So, I mean, a part of me, like, wants to run into him, and then there's a part of me, obviously, that doesn't want to run into him because those emotions are going to flare up here's.

[Caller Bob]

Bob.

[Host]

Hey, Bob, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

What's going on? Love you guys. See you guys every morning.

[Wendy]

Thank you.

[Kara]

Thank you.

[Caller]

Wendy, I just want to say, you got to let go, girl. They don't change. Trust me. I'm a guy, you know, I'm going through kind of the same relationship that you went through. They don't change. No matter how many times you go back, whatever the feelings are, it's never going to change. You got to move on. You got to find that one.

[Host]

I say don't remember the good times. I say remember the bad times. So you don't get back with this guy.

[Jeff]

But the problem is, like, I didn't realize you still had feelings for this dude, you know, I didn't.

[Wendy]

I didn't think I did.

[Host]

Antichrist away.

[Kara]

The problem is she wasn't expecting the return. And it's. Given everything that Wendy's got going on in her life, like the financial stuff that she's talked about, the fact that she's single and has been since the dawn of time, the fact, you know what I mean? Like all of that stuff, like, it's an easy. It's easy. It's an easy solution.

[Jen]

Well, I think you just gotta love yourself enough to know you deserve better.

[Jeff]

It's not an easy solution. It's the hardest thing she'll ever go through if she goes back.

[Announcer]

Right?

[Kara]

But it's an easy solution.

[Jeff]

Anybody but yourself.

[Kara]

It's an easy solution to the other problem she's dealing with.

[Host]

Hey, Kara.

[Kara]

Good morning.

[Caller Monica]

Morning. How are you guys?

[Host]

Okay, give Wendy some advice here.

[Caller Monica]

Wendy? I was in a three year relationship. First time, year and a half, second time, year and a half, same person. Doesn't change, doesn't work. They'll still treat you like crap. Don't do it. Not worth it.

[Host]

Yeah. Like, what do you think? How did he find religion over the last couple of years? Like, what do you think? Maybe he's changed? What do you think's changed in his life?

[Wendy]

I don't know. I don't. I mean, I haven't talked to him, but I mean, I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen if I see him. I granted, I will see him. Like there's probably no way of getting around that because we just hang out at the same places, we live in the same area.

[Host]

Why can't you just walk the other way? And you know he's going to still have the same phone number I do.

[Wendy]

Well, yeah, the second time I change it, I Still have that same number.

[Host]

You know he's gonna text you, and, you know he's gonna call,

[Wendy]

I guess.

[Jen]

What is your mom gonna say if

[Wendy]

you get back to the. Mom's already told me.

[Jeff]

No.

[Jen]

See, like, that's the thing. If you're making a decision that you don't want to tell your family about, the people who love you the most in your life, who are not going anywhere, who are gonna be there your entire life and be there for you if it's something you can't tell them, like, it's the wrong decision, you know, And. And that's, you know, for anybody in any decision that you're making in your life, you know?

[Host]

You know, I'm gonna do something really, really mean. I am gonna have Josh pull the audio of when you were on with us for those first couple of times talking about this guy, and I'm gonna mp3 it to you today.

[Wendy]

Oh, see, I don't know if I want to hear it.

[Host]

That's why I think you have to.

[Kara]

You know what it sounds like because

[Host]

you forget the paint because that's your future.

[Kara]

It sounds like. It sounds like right now. You guys don't understand, though. It's just so good when he. When he's not telling me that I'm fat. It's good.

[Jen]

Nobody's got respect for this guy. Like, so how do you bring him around any of us? Like, how are you gonna bring him to a Q100 event?

[Host]

I hate him already.

[Jen]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kara]

Or your mom.

[Jen]

We don't even know the guy. Or bring him around your mom. Or take him home to meet your dad. Oh, I couldn't see, like, icky. Gross.

[Jeff]

So isn't that, like, wasted time? Just because he can pay your bills, can we. Find yourself a good man.

[Wendy]

It's just weird that I still have feelings for this guy, and I don't know why. I have no idea. Just wish he didn't come back. I really wish he didn't come back.

[Host]

He doesn't have to come back. Just because he's in the same town doesn't mean that you don't have any kind of control over this. To me, you sound sort of vulnerable, like it's inevitable. I really wish I didn't have to talk to him. I didn't have to see him. You don't.

[Wendy]

I know I don't. But the what if factor, that he's even in the same city scares me.

[Jen]

No, I think the reason that you're making it sound inevitable is because you Want to see him?

[Jeff]

Yeah, me too. Because I've been in the sense with the Antichrist. There's one time where she came back, she moved away. She came back, she's in the same bar, you know, and it was fine. That's the thing is like, I mean, this is a city of how many people? And you know, I mean, you can be in the same place as him and be okay, like Bert said, to walk to another portion of the bar and it be fine. But I agree with Jen. It's like you will. You will make the situation happen. He won't.

[Host]

22 more calls and then we'll move on. Hey, Linda, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Linda]

Hi, good morning.

[Host]

What's up?

[Caller Linda]

Yes, I'm just going to want to tell you, Wendy, that I'm in the exact same situation. We've been together for over 10 years back on and off, and I lost. He almost make me feel like the ugliest person ever whenever he gets. I lost 65 pounds within four months just to please him.

[Jeff]

Are you still with him?

[Caller Linda]

Yes. And he, I mean, he said it didn't change anything. It didn't change. He still treated me like crap. And the worst part is that we're married and we have two kids and there's no way that I can afford being myself right now. And he knows. He pulled all those strength on me and he knows. But you got the best part because you're on your own. You're. Don't let him know that you need him ever and ever and just keep going.

[Host]

So here she. She was dating her Antichrist and couldn't get out of it because she didn't feel like she had any control over it. Ended up marrying the dude. So imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy.

[Wendy]

I mean, I can hear the words and I completely understand. I don't want to be in that situation again. And I don't. I just don't know why the emotions are, why I even care enough about it to even sit here and talk about him or his work. Like just thinking about him right now makes me upset.

[Jeff]

So let me ask guys out there if you're in an abusive relationship because guys have Antichrist. Like Bert's had an Antichrist. Jeff was the Antichrist. But was there ever a time in your. Is there ever a time in your life, Bert, where you with your Antichrist thought, you know what? I can't leave her because she takes care of me financially.

[Host]

I'll be totally and completely honest with you. It had everything to do with sex with me, so.

[Jeff]

But it wasn't financial. It was just sex.

[Host]

No, I was making way more money than she was. It was.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Host]

It was strictly. But you were.

[Kara]

You were getting something good and important to guys out of it. Like, I think. I mean, to me, it's obvious for Wendy. Like, she's. You've talked about your financial struggles and he took care of you financially and you've talked about being single. And he will give you the opportunity to not say you're single. So you've got two big issues in your life that you deal with and he's the solution to both. And good or bad, he's a solution. And I think that's why you have feelings for him. I guarantee you that if you were dating. If you were dating someone else or you were making more money, you would have no feelings for him. I think the reason Melissa was comfortable being in the bar with your Antichrist is because you'd probably move down to the point where you were with somebody else.

[Host]

Here's Monica. One last call. Hey, Monica. Go ahead.

[Caller Monica]

Hey. I was just gonna say there's a few safeguards that Wendy can put in place to protect herself from getting in any kind of sketchy situation. Like, she can put a block on her on his cell phone number from her cellular provider. And that way she can't get a hold. He can't get a hold of her and basically just kind of do some situational practicing beforehand where she knows how to prepare when she does see him.

[Kara]

But she wants to see him. The problem isn't that she's trying to avoid him. The problem is that somewhere inside of her, she's like, you know what? I just gotta say hi to him. I mean, he's coming back.

[Host]

We need to start some dating Antichrist witness protection program.

[Kara]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Kara]

We need to convince Wendy that there's something really cool in one of our attics. And then when she gets in there, nail the door shut and cut a slot in it to put food through for one year.

[Jeff]

It still doesn't work. She would call herself out. I mean, the thing is, like, you know it's true. Because, I mean, you.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Nobody has that much power over you. Nobody. Nobody.

[Host]

You need a T shirt with his face on it that says, if you see me talking to him, stop me.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Because I could stand in front of my Antichrist today and have a conversation with her and be fine. I mean, you have. I mean, you have to move on and you can't do it. And you want him back.

[Host]

This sort of.

[Jeff]

You only want him back because he's going to pay your bills. That's ridiculous.

[Host]

This is also kind of a reoccurring storyline going on in your life right now about taking control of things in your life. Like we talked about that raise that you've wanted for so long, you want the control of that, but you haven't gone back and talked to the bosses about it. You feel powerless that this guy is going to be in town. You got to put your big girl panties on and take control of your life, girl.

[Wendy]

Try them.

[Host]

You can do it.

[Announcer]

All right.

[Wendy]

I'm trying. Really am.

[Host]

We need to put like posters up in this guy.

[Jeff]

No, we didn't know. This is up to Wendy. This is doesn't. We can't help you with this.

[Announcer]

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