Vault: Retail Rant Line

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Retail Rant Line (May 29, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is dedicated to sharing and discussing the frustrations of retail workers through the “Retail Rant Line.” The cast and callers vent about the daily challenges, bizarre encounters, and annoyances that come with working in retail. Listeners and co-hosts recall both current and past experiences, offering humor, camaraderie, and commiseration for anyone who’s ever worked behind a counter—or wants a reminder to be a better customer.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening the Retail Rant Line

• [01:32] The segment is introduced as a hotline for retail workers to vent about their jobs, given the increased stresses of the retail environment, described as "hard right now."
• Retail Host: “It is open and it is ready to take your voicemail messages... It’s just a place for you guys to vent.” (01:32)

2. Personal Stories from the Cast

• Wendy’s Stories from Kohl’s

  • [01:47-02:26] Wendy shares past trauma from her time at Kohl’s, describing very common (and very unpleasant) dressing room incidents, including customers peeing in dressing rooms and leaving clothing everywhere.
    • Wendy: "You see everything disgusting and you can't say anything about it. So I used to go into my stock room and just scream at the top of my lungs." (02:04)
  • [02:17] Bretzky humorously questions why short employees are expected to reach high shelves when customers themselves could use the ladder.
    • Bretzky: "I'm 5 foot 2, 5 foot tall. What makes me more qualified to get it than you? The ladder's right there." (02:17)

• Proper Dressing Room Etiquette

  • [02:46-03:11] Debate ensues about whether customers should take unused clothes out of the dressing room.
    • Wendy: "Just bring it outside so we don't have to hang it back up on the hanger." (03:01)
  • [03:17] Katie admits to sometimes leaving things inside the dressing room, thinking employees will redo her folding anyway.

3. Callers Vent: Rants from the Front Lines

• Exasperation with Long-Winded Customers

  • [03:44-05:23] Jen, a current department store worker, describes a stressful encounter with a demanding couple over comforter pricing and missing items.
    • Jen: "I don't care about your life story. Just tell me what you need and get off the phone so I can take care of the rest of the customers." (03:54)
    • The tale culminates with the customer criticizing her competence after she resolved their complaints, inspiring Jen’s plea: "I think it should be a rule that everybody should have to work retail at least once in their life." (05:22)

• Annoyances with Customer Greetings

  • [05:40] Jen humorously critiques customers who respond to "Hello" with "I'm just looking" rather than engaging like normal humans.
    • Jen: "The normal response is hello, not, 'I'm just looking.' I don't go over your house, and when you open the door, say, 'I'm just visiting.'" (05:40)

• Pharmacy Perspective: Unrealistic Expectations

  • [05:57] Jen, now from the pharmacy side, rails against people expecting a dozen prescriptions in five minutes, customers blaming her for pricing and delays, and general customer attitude.
    • Jen: "It's not my fault your thing is not clever. It's not my fault it costs this much." (06:08)

• Disrespectful Customer Behavior

  • [06:13] Jen vents about customers whistling or gesturing at her.
    • Jen: "Do not whistle at me or point at me and give me the come here motion. I am not a dog, I'm not an animal, and I am not your best friend." (06:18)

• Online vs. In-Store Inventory

  • [06:55] One caller voices irritation with customers calling about online-only items, despite the website making it clear.
    • Jen: "If it says that we don't have it online, then we don't have it. Stop calling the store." (06:55)
  • [07:18 – 07:35] The hosts elaborate on the disconnect between online information and in-store calls, noting that customers sometimes ignore inventory information on company websites.

4. Meta Commentary and Spontaneous Humor

• [05:32] The hosts note the irony that callers sometimes tell long stories about customers rambling, and the show's lighthearted take keeps the mood buoyant.
• The group riffs about the "post-traumatic stress" of retail years later and jokes about the persistent need to vent.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Wendy (about venting in the stock room):

  • “I used to go into my stock room and just scream at the top of my lungs because everything would bother you.” (02:04)

• Bretzky (on reaching for items):

  • “I'm 5 foot 2, 5 foot tall. What makes me more qualified to get it than you? The ladder's right there.” (02:17)

• Jen (the department store worker):

  • "I don't care about your life story. Just tell me what you need and get off the phone so I can take care of the rest of the customers." (03:54)
  • “I think it should be a rule that everybody should have to work retail at least once in their life.” (05:22)

• Jen (pharmacy rant):

  • "Do not whistle at me or point at me and give me the come here motion. I am not a dog, I'm not an animal, and I am not your best friend...get a life or go shop somewhere else." (06:18)

• Retail Host (on the need for the rant line):

  • "You need to vent. Get it out. We got beeps. We're not afraid to use them." (07:35)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:32] - Launch of the Retail Rant Line segment
• [01:47-02:26] - Stories about worst dressing room offenses
• [03:44-05:23] - Department store call-in: Comforter price complaint
• [05:40] - Commentary on “I’m just looking” as a greeting
• [05:57-06:54] - Pharmacy experiences: Prescription overload and rude behavior
• [06:55-07:18] - Online inventory confusion

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Tone & Style

The tone is conversational, irreverent, and empathetic—peppered with frustration but laced with humor. The cast and callers share their war stories not just to vent, but to find camaraderie in the struggle and give listeners (especially habitual shoppers) a new appreciation for retail workers.

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Summary for Non-Listeners

If you’ve ever worked retail, this episode will sound all too familiar—and if you haven’t, you’ll leave with a greater understanding of just how wild, stressful, and underappreciated the job can be. The Bert Show’s Retail Rant Line offers a cathartic and comedic glimpse into the daily challenges and absurdities of customer service, reminding everyone: a little patience and respect go a long way.

Transcript

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[Retail Host]

All right, we have the retail rant line. Now. It is open and it is ready to take your voicemail messages. And these are really, it's just a place for you guys to vent. If you're in retail, it's hard right now.

[Katie]

You have to because you're gonna get fired if. If you say it to the customer. I mean, you worked retail, right Wendy?

[Wendy]

Oh yeah. And you've been dealing with this since the day after Thanksgiving. So this has been long in coming. So now every little thing bothers you from every little piece of clothing someone throws on the floor or can't take it out of the dressing room or just pees in your dressing room. That's happened?

[Retail Host]

People pee in the dressing room.

[Wendy]

Yes.

[Retail Host]

Shut up.

[Wendy]

I am not. You see everything disgusting and you can't say anything about it. So I used to go into my stock room and just scream at the top of my lungs because everything would bother you. Just somebody saying, hey, can you help me get something down? No, I can't. I'm so tired.

[Bretzky]

Look at me, I'm 5 foot 2, 5 foot tall. What makes me more qualified to get it than you? The ladder's right there.

[Retail Host]

Where did you work retail?

[Wendy]

I used to work at Kohl's.

[Katie]

Kohl's.

[Wendy]

So then I had to have to go get the poll down and have to do this for a million people. So someone see, get one shirt down, they're like, I need this other shirt down. Meanwhile, their kids throwing it, everything on the hangers on the floor, and you're just done.

[Retail Host]

Right. You need the phone number even though

[Jen]

it's been five years.

[Katie]

Definitely need it. It's like, you know, post war, like stress disorder.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Retail Host]

404-255-3535. What is the. What is standard? Like when you bring five items into the dressing room with you and you're gonna buy two, but you're not gonna buy three, then are you supposed to bring those out and put them back yourself?

[Jen]

No.

[Wendy]

Well, you're supposed to bring them out on the hanger and hang them on the little thing right outside dressing room. It's real convenient. You don't have to put it back where you found it. We'll do that. Just bring it outside so we don't have to hang it back up on the hanger.

[Katie]

Katie and I have an argument. Yeah. Because I usually take it out, but she's like, I'll leave it in here. It's fine.

[Retail Host]

I leave it in there because I just think that if I fold it or I put it back on the hanger, you're just gonna have to go back and do the work that I just did because I'm not gonna do it to gap standard.

[Jen]

I just always do like a yes

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pile and a no pile and then

[Jen]

give the no pile back to them.

[Retail Host]

Okay, so you do hand it over.

[Wendy]

You did it very well, Jen.

[Retail Host]

Okay, well, these are current retail employees that are upset, unlike Wendy, who is a veteran. Still feeling it. If she would have just called, then she wouldn't be nearly as angry today.

[Jen]

Listen, people, if you're placing on order, I understand that you know, your grandma and your auntie and whatever is going on, but can you please keep it simple and keep it Short, because I have other customers that are looking at me crazy in the face because you're going on about your life story when you're trying to place an order. I don't care about your life story. Just tell me what you need. Tell me what you need and get off the phone so I can take care of the rest of the customers. Okay? So seriously, I work at a department store in North Georgia, and it happened on Saturday. I work in the home department, and there was a comforter that this couple wanted, and they wanted to give it as a present. So I have, like, five people in line. I'm the only one there at that moment. And they come up to me and they throw. Pretty much throw the comforter up on the counter. How much is this? You know, I tell them how much it is, and then they argue that the sign is wrong. So I have to go check the sign. And the sign turns out that it was incorrect price. So I adjust the price. It was not a big deal. We always have to adjust the price of something that was wrong. And so from that point on, it was just tell the next five, ten minutes that I was working with these people. We didn't have one of the pillows that they wanted, so they threw the other pillow at me and told me to keep it. And then the man looked at me and said, give me my receipt. So I said, okay, sir. And I handed him his receipt, and he said, you know what? You don't know how to do your job. Turned around and walked away. Now, like, what kind of person does that? I think it should be a rule that everybody should have to work retail at least once in their life.

[Katie]

Yeah, that was our.

[Retail Host]

I think it's funny, as she's calling, there's another one going in.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Bretzky]

Now, is that ours clicking, or was that our signal?

[Retail Host]

I think it's funny that her very first vent was, I don't want to know your whole life story. Just get in and get out. And she's telling us her whole life story.

[Jen]

Isn't the normal response to a hello or a hi, how are you doing? The normal response is hello, not, I'm just looking. I don't go over your house, and when you open the door, say, I'm just visiting. I say, hi.

[Wendy]

Hey.

[Jen]

I work in a pharmacy. And it's just like, okay, if you have 10 prescriptions, do you really think I can have none in five minutes? Really? Do you? And, no, I don't have an attitude. You do. You getting all smart with me. It's not my Fault that your thing is not clever. It's not my fault it costs this much. Not my fault. I need to calm down, take a deep breath and start tripping. Okay, okay. What is up with people whistling at me like I'm a dog across the store? If you want my attention, please just come and ask me. Do not whistle at me or point at me and give me the come here motion. I am not a dog, I'm not an animal, and I am not your best friend. So please quit yelling at me across the store, you dumb idiot. Get a life or go shop somewhere else. I don't need your customer complaint. Thank you.

[Katie]

Whistling at them.

[Jen]

I would like to tell everybody to get their computers. We do not carry the stuff that is on the computers in our store. Order online. If it says that we don't have it online, then we don't have it on. We don't have it. Stop calling the store. Thank you.

[Retail Host]

So she's saying what, like online sales do not translate into in store sales?

[Katie]

And there's times that I've gone online at different companies that are in Atlanta and online. It'll say online only or. And it will tell you online if it's available at your store or not. So I think she's saying you saw it went at our store and you called us anyway.

[Retail Host]

Right? You know, you need to vent. Get it out. We got beeps. We're not afraid to use them. 404-255-3535.

[Bretzky]

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