Vault: Rules For A First Date

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – "Vault: Rules For A First Date"

Date: December 22, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Pionaire Podcasting)
Guests/Panelists: Jeff, Chris, Host/Interviewer, and others

---

Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the do's and don'ts of first dates, featuring candid, funny, and sometimes brutally honest opinions from both the male and female hosts. The cast reflects on their own first date experiences, sharing what they see as red flags and green lights. Practical, real-life dating wisdom is delivered with humor and authenticity, making it both relatable and insightful for listeners navigating the dating world.

---

Key Discussion Points

First Date Dealbreakers and Essentials

(Starts at 01:01)

• Punctuality: Being late is addressed as a potential red flag. A few minutes late is forgivable, but being significantly delayed or not ready shows disrespect or lack of interest.
  • Chris: "If it's one of those women where you get to the house and they're still wearing like, you know, their yoga pants and sweatshirt... and then they're upstairs for, you know, 45 minutes getting ready. You hear the shower like that's just rude." (02:05)
  • Jeff: "If I gave her one hour and if she didn't show and I didn't get a call, that was it, I was leaving." (02:27)
• Self-Centered Conversation: Someone talking incessantly about themselves is largely viewed as a dealbreaker, though Jeff jokes about enjoying the lack of pressure.
  • Chris: "Is there anything worse than going out on a date with somebody and having them sit there and talk about themselves and never ask a question or shut up?" (01:22)
  • Jeff: "I'm just gonna sit here. Even though I've checked out, I'm thinking about the 78 Super bowl right now." (01:41)

---

Talking About Exes

(Starts at 02:38)

• The group agrees that excessive talk about past relationships is a red flag for emotional unavailability.
  • Guest/Panelist: "If she's still talking about an ex, then that means that she's not over that ex. So why am I wasting my time?" (02:49)
  • Jeff: "If you're out on that first date and they can't stop talking about that ex, I got to wonder if you're over it or not." (03:13)

---

How They Treat Others

(03:20)

• How a date treats servers, hosts, and other people is noted as an important character indicator.
  • Host/Interviewer: "If the guy that I was... going out with was not nice to the woman at the hostess stand, that was a total red flag." (03:20)

---

Phones and Distraction

(03:38)

• Using a phone constantly during the date signals low engagement.
  • Jeff: "If like she was on her cell phone a lot, then she's thinking, I got better things to do than to be hanging out with this guy." (03:38)
  • Host/Interviewer: "That almost puts out like a codependency thing... she couldn't be standing there on her own with... on a date with you..." (03:59)

---

Excessive Preoccupation with Appearance

(04:25)

• The cast debates if repeated mirror-checking or “primping” reveals insecurity or vanity, sharing real-life anecdotes.
  • Jeff: “I dated this girl... she would take 90 minutes to get ready, and sometimes after that 90 minutes, she'd look at herself in the mirror and decide that she was too ugly to go out.” (04:45)
• Self-criticism: Too much negative self-talk is unattractive.
  • Chris: "I also have an issue with a woman who is highly critical of herself... Gotta have a little bit of confidence." (05:12)

---

Criticizing Others and Hostility

(05:42)

• Cattiness: Criticizing others (or the date themselves) excessively is red-flag behavior.
  • Jeff: "The cattiness can come, like, in a month. But... you're already picking apart everybody that walks by... why are you doing this?" (05:42)
• Criticism disguised as humor: Joking at someone’s expense is unwelcome.
  • Guest/Panelist: "If you ask somebody a question... and then she would, like, make fun of it." (06:19)

---

Manners and Gratitude

(06:59)

• Saying "thank you" appropriately (to both the date and to servers) is a small but telling gesture.
  • Host/Interviewer: "For me, for the guy, just completely ignoring the service people, to me, is rude." (07:23)
  • Jeff: "Yeah, I would pick up on that instantly if they don't say thank you." (07:02)
  • Chris (joking): "Not according to that commercial." (07:10)

---

Looking Past Red Flags in Successful Relationships

(07:59)

• The cast discusses whether their current partners displayed any red flags on first dates, often poking fun at themselves and each other.
  • Jeff: “Jessica, she was gassy, but you like that. That's no red flag for you. That's a green light.” (08:10)
  • Chris and Jeff joke about fashion missteps from early dates. (08:31–08:54)
  • Host/Interviewer shares a story about early jealousy concerns with her now-partner, Ryan:
    • "...when I met him, you know, he was in at that point and there were two girls trailing him pretty big time when he had already asked me to see him the next night... And those two girls... were trailing him again the second night. And I thought, oh, do I want to deal with this all the time?" (09:05)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On one-sided conversations:
  Chris: "Is there anything worse than going out on a date with somebody and having them sit there and talk about themselves and never ask a question or shut up?" (01:22)
• On talking about exes:
  Guest/Panelist: "If she's still talking about an ex, then that means that she's not over that ex." (02:49)
• On excessive primping:
  Jeff: "She would take 90 minutes to get ready, and sometimes after that 90 minutes, she'd look at herself in the mirror and decide that she was too ugly to go out." (04:45)
• On cell phones at the table:
  Jeff: "Here you are on the phone every six minutes. So forget it." (03:53)
• On self-critical behavior:
  Chris: "You gotta have a little bit of confidence. Like, I don't want to hear you whining about things that are wrong with you." (05:12)
• On red flags that turned green:
  Jeff (to Chris): "Jessica, she was gassy, but you like that. That's no red flag for you. That's a green light." (08:10)

---

Segment Timestamps

• [01:01] – Topic Launch: What makes or breaks a first date?
• [01:22–02:27] – Pet peeves: punctuality and self-centeredness.
• [02:38–03:20] – Talking about exes, emotional baggage.
• [03:20–03:59] – How your date treats others, especially service staff.
• [03:38–04:10] – Phones and presence.
• [04:25–05:42] – Excessive primping, self-criticism vs. confidence.
• [05:42–06:59] – Criticism, cattiness, and picking apart others.
• [06:59–07:56] – Saying "thank you," manners on a date.
• [07:59–09:37] – The cast reflects on their own relationships and former first date "red flags."

---

Tone

The conversation is lively, witty, authentic, and at times self-deprecating. The cast’s chemistry comes through as they riff off personal stories, tease each other, and call out dating faux pas with candor and humor.

---

Takeaway

If you're heading out for a first date, the group suggests being on time, present, polite, confident (but not vain or self-absorbed), and showing respect for everyone you encounter. Most importantly, they remind listeners that a little authenticity—and a sense of humor—goes a long way.

---

Transcript

[Narrator/Advertiser]

You know what's wild? Most people are still overpaying for car insurance just because it's a pain to switch. That's why there's Jerry. Jerry's the only app that compares rates from over 50 insurance in minutes and helps you switch fast. With no spam calls or hidden fees. Drivers who save with Jerry could save over $1,300 a year. Before you renew your car insurance policy, do yourself a favor, download the Jerry app or head to Jerry AI Acast.

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first. There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[Chris]

Get it?

[Jeff]

The bird show.

[Host/Interviewer]

I was wondering, you know, thinking about reminiscing back on those dating days. Like, what were the things on that first date that either made make or break it for the next date? So if a guy like as the guys, you guys going out with a woman on the first date, what are the things you look for to kind of decode if she is second date worthy?

[Guest/Panelist]

Jeff.

[Chris]

Punctuality. Like, I know it's the thing to do where you gotta go and wait for her to finish getting ready, but if she doesn't and then nothing. Is there anything. And this is gonna be. It seems so obvious, but is there anything worse than going out on a date with somebody and having them sit there and talk about themselves and never ask a question or shut up?

[Jeff]

See, I always felt like that took pressure off me. I'm like, just go ahead and talk all you want. Cause I know women love to be heard. So I'm just gonna sit here. Even though I've checked out, I'm thinking about the 78 Super bowl right now. But I know you think that I'm listening, so just keep talking.

[Chris]

Birds alphabetizing, Padre pictures in his head.

[Host/Interviewer]

So what is it? I'm sorry, I was going to ask just to follow up on Chris. Jeff's thing is when a woman is late getting ready, what does that say to you?

[Chris]

Well, it depends on the lateness. I mean, if it's a few minutes because she's just, you know, whatever, you know, finishing whatever, that's fine. But if it's like, you know, if it's one of those women where you get to the house and they're still wearing like, you know, their yoga pants and sweatshirt and like, oh my God. Okay. I'm just running so far behind. I was late at work upstairs. And then they're upstairs for, you know, 45 minutes getting ready. You hear the shower like that's just rude.

[Jeff]

I felt like if I was going to miss, if I was going to go meet a girl out, if I gave her one hour and if she didn't show and I didn't get a call, that was it, I was leaving.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Where?

[Jeff]

Wherever we were supposed to meet.

[Chris]

Yeah, I was talking about picking them up at the house, but I guess.

[Guest/Panelist]

Same thing going further with the conversation. If they she talks about her ex, then there's no way am I going out with her.

[Host/Interviewer]

And what does that mean to you? Like what does that say about her to you?

[Guest/Panelist]

That means at first I just wonder how long it's been since their relationship broke up. If she's still talking about an ex, then that means that she's not over that ex. So why am I wasting my time? And then, you know, in my situation, when it comes to gay women, that's just, that's just such a turn off for me because so many. It just means that it's going to be something I'm going to have to deal with that I don't want to deal with. I don't want a third party in our relationship. So absolutely no second date if you talk about your ex.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And I think that's the same with any relationship. If you're out on that first date and they can't stop talking about that ex, I got to wonder if you're over it or not.

[Host/Interviewer]

What about this is something I always paid attention to is the way that they treat other people. Like the way they treat the waiter, the way they treat the hostess or something like that. Like if the guy that I was, you know, going out with was not nice to the woman at the hostess stand, that was a total red flag. It was like, nope, no second date with this one.

[Jeff]

I had a red flag. Also if like she was on her cell phone a lot, then she's thinking, I got better things to do than to be hanging out with this guy. And I didn't want to feel like that. So that would have been a red flag for me.

[Host/Interviewer]

Too high maintenance or something like that. You're just gonna like she's more involved.

[Jeff]

With like, I mean, it's supposed to be you and me out on this date, enjoying each other's company. And here you are on the phone every six minutes. So forget it.

[Host/Interviewer]

That almost puts out like a codependency thing. Like she can't stand there on her own. She's like gotta be on the phone with her friends or something like that.

[Jeff]

Like, I don't know, she's not there alone. She's with me. So I guess it would say something.

[Host/Interviewer]

No, but I mean, like a. Like she couldn't be standing there on her own with. On a date with you, being an independent person, that she would have to be on the phone or doing other things. Like, to me, that would say that she wasn't competent enough just to be there herself.

[Guest/Panelist]

Now, guys, do you. What about excessive primping? Like, if she's so preoccupied with the way she looks, like she checks herself in the mirror every time you. Even a framed picture, she'll check herself out in the glass or, you know she will. I mean, because, you know, women that do that or do the hair flip a lot or, I mean, just so, I don't know, animated in her, you know, outward appearance.

[Jeff]

One woman can totally ruin you of that. I dated this girl, and I think I've told you guys about Janie before, that she would take 90 minutes to get ready, and she was. She was really, really pretty. 90 minutes to get ready. And sometimes after that 90 minutes, she'd look at herself in the mirror and decide that she was too ugly to go out.

[Host/Interviewer]

No.

[Jeff]

And she'd be so stressed out about it that it was no fun to go out. So after that experience, I was really, like, uber sensitive to any woman that was totally looking at themselves and superficial that way.

[Chris]

I also have an issue with a woman who is highly critical of herself, who does the old poor me. Like, if you say something like, hey, do you. You know, do you want. Like, do you want to try my. Whatever you're having? Or, hey, do you want to split a dessert? Oh, no, I can't. Look how fat I am. I'm so fat, you know, or whatever. Or, like, it does that. God, I wish I was tall as that girl. Or, you know, short like that girl. Or do you think my hair is. Oh, my hair is just terrible. To, like, you gotta have a little bit of confidence. Like, I don't want to hear you whining about things that are wrong with you.

[Jeff]

You know, excessive cattiness on the first date. The cattiness can come, like, in a month. But if I'm out with you and you're already picking apart everybody that walks by, to me that was, like, why are you doing this? To make yourself feel better?

[Guest/Panelist]

And the combination of both. If she's picking at you, she asks you questions about what you do or, you know, what you do in your spare time or hobbies or whatever. If she, instead of downing herself, downs you and criticizes you for I mean, because I've had that experience before where I answer a question and then they slam me for it. I'm like, why are you spending your time with me? But it's almost like a. I don't know. Like, it.

[Jeff]

They slamming you for it. They just have a difference of opinion.

[Guest/Panelist]

No, I mean, it's. They're just being overly critical, and it's almost like a they. The vibe I got was she was being just kind of like she was insecure instead of. I don't know. It was just weird. It was weird because I would just. It was a casual conversation, and she would ask me questions. And if you ask somebody a question, it's like, you're interested. And then I would answer the question and then she would, like, make fun of it.

[Host/Interviewer]

Do you think that was trying to be humorous? Like, that was just a terrible sense of humor, maybe?

[Guest/Panelist]

Yeah, she didn't have a good sense of humor. And it just. Yeah, it just came across as like, I can't do this. You know, like, that's too much work. You know, Like, I don't. You know, the criticism of everything I do comes later in the relationship, not on the first date.

[Host/Interviewer]

Exactly. What about women who say thank you or don't say thank you?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I would pick up on that instantly if they don't say thank you.

[Host/Interviewer]

Enough or if they say it too. Like, can anybody say thank you too much?

[Jeff]

I don't think so.

[Chris]

Not according to that commercial.

[Jeff]

What commercial?

[Chris]

The one where the wife is. The produce department says, are you pregnant? No, thank you. Everything's okay.

[Guest/Panelist]

Now, do you mean thank you to us or thank you to the people around?

[Host/Interviewer]

I think. I think just in general, I always wonder, you know, I always kind of pick out, you know, if, you know, if the server brings over something that you specially asked for and the guy for. Well, for me, for the guy, just completely ignoring the service people, to me, is rude. You know, when they bring over the bottle of wine, say thank you. When they bring the appetizers, or ask you if you need anything else, and you say, no, I'm fine, you know, or, no, we're just fine, thank you. You know what I mean? It's just like. It's a politeness. I think it says a lot about a person, how much and how. And when they say thank you, it goes back to.

[Chris]

Didn't you say about the way they treat other people? Yeah, same thing, right?

[Jeff]

Did any of the people that we're currently married to give you guys any red flags on the first date? But you like to look past them?

[Host/Interviewer]

Oh, that's a good question. I got to think about that for a minute.

[Jeff]

Jessica, she was gassy, but you like that. That's no red flag for you. That's a green light.

[Chris]

No, I. It was weird with us because we were friends and so, I mean, there.

[Jeff]

Was no real first date kind of thing.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, the official first date. I kind of got some. So that probably was a red flag for her, too.

[Jeff]

I don't, I don't. I can't remember any with Stacy, but Stacy constantly brings up. And I don't, I still don't recall this, but she swears that on our very first date, I had a sweatshirt tucked into my jeans. I still don't believe that happened. I still don't believe it.

[Chris]

I fully believe that. And you know, are you, are you going to. Is tonight your homecoming game?

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Chris]

Will you go to your homecoming game with a sweater tucked into your jeans?

[Jeff]

Oh, no, no, no, no. I won't do that.

[Chris]

It'll be like, don't you want to go back to the early days?

[Jeff]

No, I still don't believe it happened. There was nothing about Ryan at all that gave you any kind of red flag?

[Host/Interviewer]

Yeah, there was, there were two because when I met him, you know, he was in at that point and there were two girls trailing him pretty big time when he had already asked me to see him the next night or whatever. And we had gone on our date. Our first date was a daytime date and then we had gone to the concert again that following night. There were two shows back to back nights and we had gone to the concert the following night. And those two girls that were trailing him the first night were trailing him again the second night. And I thought, oh, do I want.

[Jeff]

To deal with this all the time?

[Host/Interviewer]

I don't know about this one.

[Chris]

Get it?

[Jeff]

The Bird Show.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

If you're a smoker or vaper ready to make a change, you really only need one good reason. But with Zynn Nicotine Pouches, you'll discover many good reasons. Zynn is America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Plus, Zynn offers a robust rewards program. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction. But there's only one Zyn. Check out zyn.com find to find Zinn at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Looking for a last minute gift for your people. You know, your people, that weird bunch of friends and family that you love dearly. Well, here's an easy idea. Oregon Lottery Holiday Scratch it Because your people, they're the ones that, amidst all the holiday crowds and endless notifications, help you find the fun. Which calls for a little gift that brings big cheer. Oregon Lottery Holiday Scratchets. You know where to find them. Grab some today. Must be 18 or older to play. Lottery games are based on chance and should be played for entertainment only.

[Chris]

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

[Host/Interviewer]

This season on the Dream. Supplies are being provided by nurses who.

[Guest/Panelist]

Run out in the middle of the.

[Host/Interviewer]

Night and purchase diapers, but the hospital is still charging as if they still have these items. We are digging into every topic we've.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Ever wanted to cover on this show.

[Chris]

It's a spinning plate analogy.

[Jeff]

The second that you stop spinning those plates, that crashes. So you can never stop working.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

The Dream Season 4 comes at you weekly. Starting Monday, January 20th.

[Chris]

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

[Jeff]

Acast.com.