Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – "Vault: Rules For A First Date"

Date: December 22, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Pionaire Podcasting)
Guests/Panelists: Jeff, Chris, Host/Interviewer, and others

Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the do's and don'ts of first dates, featuring candid, funny, and sometimes brutally honest opinions from both the male and female hosts. The cast reflects on their own first date experiences, sharing what they see as red flags and green lights. Practical, real-life dating wisdom is delivered with humor and authenticity, making it both relatable and insightful for listeners navigating the dating world.

Key Discussion Points

First Date Dealbreakers and Essentials

(Starts at 01:01)

• Punctuality: Being late is addressed as a potential red flag. A few minutes late is forgivable, but being significantly delayed or not ready shows disrespect or lack of interest.
  • Chris: "If it's one of those women where you get to the house and they're still wearing like, you know, their yoga pants and sweatshirt... and then they're upstairs for, you know, 45 minutes getting ready. You hear the shower like that's just rude." (02:05)
  • Jeff: "If I gave her one hour and if she didn't show and I didn't get a call, that was it, I was leaving." (02:27)
• Self-Centered Conversation: Someone talking incessantly about themselves is largely viewed as a dealbreaker, though Jeff jokes about enjoying the lack of pressure.
  • Chris: "Is there anything worse than going out on a date with somebody and having them sit there and talk about themselves and never ask a question or shut up?" (01:22)
  • Jeff: "I'm just gonna sit here. Even though I've checked out, I'm thinking about the 78 Super bowl right now." (01:41)

Talking About Exes

(Starts at 02:38)

• The group agrees that excessive talk about past relationships is a red flag for emotional unavailability.
  • Guest/Panelist: "If she's still talking about an ex, then that means that she's not over that ex. So why am I wasting my time?" (02:49)
  • Jeff: "If you're out on that first date and they can't stop talking about that ex, I got to wonder if you're over it or not." (03:13)

How They Treat Others

(03:20)

• How a date treats servers, hosts, and other people is noted as an important character indicator.
  • Host/Interviewer: "If the guy that I was... going out with was not nice to the woman at the hostess stand, that was a total red flag." (03:20)

Phones and Distraction

(03:38)

• Using a phone constantly during the date signals low engagement.
  • Jeff: "If like she was on her cell phone a lot, then she's thinking, I got better things to do than to be hanging out with this guy." (03:38)
  • Host/Interviewer: "That almost puts out like a codependency thing... she couldn't be standing there on her own with... on a date with you..." (03:59)

Excessive Preoccupation with Appearance

(04:25)

• The cast debates if repeated mirror-checking or “primping” reveals insecurity or vanity, sharing real-life anecdotes.
  • Jeff: “I dated this girl... she would take 90 minutes to get ready, and sometimes after that 90 minutes, she'd look at herself in the mirror and decide that she was too ugly to go out.” (04:45)
• Self-criticism: Too much negative self-talk is unattractive.
  • Chris: "I also have an issue with a woman who is highly critical of herself... Gotta have a little bit of confidence." (05:12)

Criticizing Others and Hostility

(05:42)

• Cattiness: Criticizing others (or the date themselves) excessively is red-flag behavior.
  • Jeff: "The cattiness can come, like, in a month. But... you're already picking apart everybody that walks by... why are you doing this?" (05:42)
• Criticism disguised as humor: Joking at someone’s expense is unwelcome.
  • Guest/Panelist: "If you ask somebody a question... and then she would, like, make fun of it." (06:19)

Manners and Gratitude

(06:59)

• Saying "thank you" appropriately (to both the date and to servers) is a small but telling gesture.
  • Host/Interviewer: "For me, for the guy, just completely ignoring the service people, to me, is rude." (07:23)
  • Jeff: "Yeah, I would pick up on that instantly if they don't say thank you." (07:02)
  • Chris (joking): "Not according to that commercial." (07:10)

Looking Past Red Flags in Successful Relationships

(07:59)

• The cast discusses whether their current partners displayed any red flags on first dates, often poking fun at themselves and each other.
  • Jeff: “Jessica, she was gassy, but you like that. That's no red flag for you. That's a green light.” (08:10)
  • Chris and Jeff joke about fashion missteps from early dates. (08:31–08:54)
  • Host/Interviewer shares a story about early jealousy concerns with her now-partner, Ryan:
    • "...when I met him, you know, he was in at that point and there were two girls trailing him pretty big time when he had already asked me to see him the next night... And those two girls... were trailing him again the second night. And I thought, oh, do I want to deal with this all the time?" (09:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On one-sided conversations:
  Chris: "Is there anything worse than going out on a date with somebody and having them sit there and talk about themselves and never ask a question or shut up?" (01:22)
• On talking about exes:
  Guest/Panelist: "If she's still talking about an ex, then that means that she's not over that ex." (02:49)
• On excessive primping:
  Jeff: "She would take 90 minutes to get ready, and sometimes after that 90 minutes, she'd look at herself in the mirror and decide that she was too ugly to go out." (04:45)
• On cell phones at the table:
  Jeff: "Here you are on the phone every six minutes. So forget it." (03:53)
• On self-critical behavior:
  Chris: "You gotta have a little bit of confidence. Like, I don't want to hear you whining about things that are wrong with you." (05:12)
• On red flags that turned green:
  Jeff (to Chris): "Jessica, she was gassy, but you like that. That's no red flag for you. That's a green light." (08:10)

Segment Timestamps

• [01:01] – Topic Launch: What makes or breaks a first date?
• [01:22–02:27] – Pet peeves: punctuality and self-centeredness.
• [02:38–03:20] – Talking about exes, emotional baggage.
• [03:20–03:59] – How your date treats others, especially service staff.
• [03:38–04:10] – Phones and presence.
• [04:25–05:42] – Excessive primping, self-criticism vs. confidence.
• [05:42–06:59] – Criticism, cattiness, and picking apart others.
• [06:59–07:56] – Saying "thank you," manners on a date.
• [07:59–09:37] – The cast reflects on their own relationships and former first date "red flags."

Tone

The conversation is lively, witty, authentic, and at times self-deprecating. The cast’s chemistry comes through as they riff off personal stories, tease each other, and call out dating faux pas with candor and humor.

Takeaway

If you're heading out for a first date, the group suggests being on time, present, polite, confident (but not vain or self-absorbed), and showing respect for everyone you encounter. Most importantly, they remind listeners that a little authenticity—and a sense of humor—goes a long way.