Vault: Screaming babies on planes

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Screaming Babies on Planes

Date: August 10, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Jen, Wendy, Multiple Co-hosts

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the misery and comedy of air travel with kids—especially the nightmare scenario of being stuck near a screaming baby for hours. The Bert Show cast shares recent personal experiences, explores the challenges faced by traveling parents, and reflects on the patience and (sometimes questionable) etiquette of fellow passengers. The discussion teeters between empathy and exasperation, blending real talk with classic Bert Show humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Surviving the Screaming Baby (01:17–04:14)

• Jen and Wendy recount a grueling recent flight from Atlanta to LA:

  • A baby screamed for roughly half of the 4.5-hour flight, with at least one straight hour of continuous wailing.

  • Jen empathizes with the mom, noting she did “everything to get this kid to shut up...she really was trying everything.” (01:27, Jen)

  • Multiple cast members agree there’s little parents can do, especially during turbulence or takeoff/landing when walking the baby isn’t allowed.

    “There was a screaming baby right in the seat in front of Wendy...I felt so bad for the mama because she was trying everything.” —Jen (01:23)

• Parenting perspective:

  • Bert (Host) talks about experiencing both sides—as the parent of the screamer and as a passenger forced to endure it:

    “If you're the parent and you're trying to calm your kid down...you just get hot all over.” —Bert (02:59)

  • Discussion of how even seasoned parents on the plane were "doing that shift in their seat," trying to cope (02:32, Jen).

• Speculation on “solutions”:

  • Someone jokes about sedating the baby with Benadryl or Ambien (03:28), highlighting the desperation felt in these moments, although the tone is tongue-in-cheek.

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2. Other Kids, Other Problems (03:52–05:07)

• Running children and airplane etiquette:

  • Another guest describes older kids treating the aisle “like a running playground,” and how initially the behavior might seem cute but quickly wears thin.

    “The first time, haha. Second time...by the fourth and fifth time, this kid was obnoxious.” —Guest (04:14)

  • Wendy is surprised this is allowed and notes how adults barely hide their annoyance.

• Endurance games (Peekaboo, etc.):

  • The cast jokes about how kids can play simple games endlessly, while adult patience runs dry after mere seconds.

    “Your kid can play peekaboo for six straight hours, and we as adults think it's charming for 30 seconds.” —Bert (04:32)

• The “creative” two-year-old loophole:

  • The group riffs about how parents stretch a kid’s age to avoid paying for a seat, referencing a “creative two” (05:05, Wendy).

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3. Friendly...or Too Friendly? (05:07–06:38)

• Wendy’s tale of accidental befriending:

  • A child next to her was supplied with distractions but latched onto her after she engaged him for “ten minutes” and became his “best friend that whole flight.” (05:09, Wendy)

• Comedic hazards:

  • Wendy jokes about not wanting kids rifling through her computer:

    "I was gonna say I don't want some little thing kicking through my computer because who knows what he's gonna end up coming up." —Wendy (05:33)

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4. Grown-Ups Behaving Badly (05:39–06:44)

• Poor etiquette from adults:

  • A co-host details a grown man in his fifties treating the plane like his living room—throwing peanut shells and napkins into their seat:

    “He just decided after he was done with his peanuts he was just gonna throw the trash into my seat like it was the disposal.” —Co-host (06:09)

  • The obliviousness persists—he doesn’t even notice when the co-host tries to make it obvious by picking up the trash.

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5. The Onerous Seatmates (06:44–07:12)

• On top of everything:

  • Jen’s seatmate apparently reeked of cigarette smoke; every time he shifted “I got a puff."

  • She jokes she was worried he'd “drop kick the screaming baby” out of frustration:

    “Because not only was he annoyed like the rest of us, but he needed a cigarette.” —Jen (07:04)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “I've been that person before...with the screaming kid.”
  —Bert (02:56)
  Acknowledging both sides of the screaming baby dilemma.

• “Your kid can play peekaboo for six straight hours and we as adults think it's charming for 30 seconds.”
  —Bert (04:32)
  Classic Bert Show humor on the patience gap between kids and adults.

• “This guy thought it was his living room...he just decided...to throw the trash into my seat like it was the disposal.”
  —Co-host (06:09)
  Highlighting that sometimes, adults act just as badly as kids on planes!

• “I thought I put in my 10 minutes, right? That kid, I was his best friend that whole flight.”
  —Wendy (05:09)
  On the risk of engaging with little ones seated next to you.

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Key Timestamps

• 01:17 — Introduction to the screaming baby flight story
• 02:52 — Empathy and frustration as both passenger and parent
• 03:46 — Other kids on the plane initiate chaos (running in the aisles)
• 04:32 — Peekaboo endurance; adult versus kid patience
• 05:09 — Accidentally “adopting” a child seatmate
• 06:09 — Grown man treats adjacent seat like a garbage bin
• 06:44 — The chain-smoking, grumpy seatmate

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Tone and Takeaways

The Bert Show tackles air travel woes with authenticity and laughs—mixing real empathy for parents with the collective audience agony of being forced to endure hours of noise, unruly children, and inconsiderate seatmates. The cast’s willingness to poke fun at themselves and each other makes for a relatable, entertaining, and cathartic listen, especially for anyone with their own airplane horror stories.

If you fly, you’ll cringe, laugh, and maybe even feel a little bit better about your last flight after this one.

Transcript

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[Ryan]

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[Bird Show Host]

The Bird Show Poor Wendy and Jen had a really tough, tough flight out to LA from Atlanta.

[Jen]

Well, I mean it's relative but I will say there was a scream, screaming baby right in the seat in front of Wendy, which was only one row up an aisle over from me. And I felt so bad for the mama because she was trying everything, she really was trying everything to get this kid to shut up. But this kid was wailing. I mean.

[Wendy]

And when you say the whole flight, give us a percentage of time.

[Jen]

We were on the flight for four and a half hours.

[Co-host/Guest]

Yep.

[Jen]

And about how many of those do you think she screamed?

[Co-host/Guest]

2.

[Bird Show Host]

Oh, half of it. And how many rows was she behind you or.

[Co-host/Guest]

She was one row in front of me.

[Jen]

Right in front of.

[Co-host/Guest]

But it was at least one hour straight. So the two hours comes in just like spurts. But one hour, at least one hour.

[Bird Show Host]

And was it on takeoff?

[Co-host/Guest]

Straight during the flight?

[Bird Show Host]

It was nothing you can do as a parent on takeoff cuz usually, you know, you want to get up and if you move them around a little bit, give them a Change of scenery. But on takeoff and, and landing you can't do that.

[Jen]

We did have a lot of turbulence and so they kept turning on the seat belt sign. And so there wasn't a lot of time that the mom could have gotten up. And the mom had another young child, so she had probably a 3 year old. And then also this maybe 9, 10 month old, I don't know, couldn't be

[Co-host/Guest]

very old at all.

[Jen]

But in the not even a year, but just wailing baby was just tired of crazy. Like it was really, I think testing everyone's patience. Even parents around I could tell were like doing that shift in their seat where you're like uncomfortable and you're like trying not to look over there and you're trying not to roll your eyes. But it's just the persistence screams.

[Bird Show Host]

I have been that person before. I mean as a parent, you've been

[Wendy]

the person with the screaming kid.

[Bird Show Host]

With the screaming kid, yeah.

[Jen]

On a four and a half hour flight.

[Bird Show Host]

No, not that long, but even 20 minutes, you know, if you're the parent and you're trying to calm your kid down and they won't, you just get hot all over. You're embarrassed because you've been on the other end of it also and you know there's nothing you can do. Man, it sucks.

[Co-host/Guest]

It's just brutal screaming because the child, poor child was just stir crazy. They may have taken another flight before they got on this flight to Los Angeles is the only thing I could think. But child was, can't you drug crazy do something?

[Bird Show Host]

Ambien Benadril for a kid is pretty much. Yeah.

[Co-host/Guest]

There was no bottle, there was no food given to the child. I was just like something I was like, I was about to say, let me take the kid and I'll just somebody new to hold the baby.

[Bird Show Host]

Have you been on a flight before where one crying baby sets off a chain reaction of other crying babies?

[Jen]

On the fl that didn't happen.

[Co-host/Guest]

I know there were other babies on the flight though, so that didn't happen. But no, on my flight it was

[Another Guest]

just the aisle was like a running a playground for the kids that were on my flight out here.

[Wendy]

Seriously?

[Another Guest]

Yeah, it wasn't. They were older. They were. I guess, I don't know. I'm not good with kids ages, but let's say five and six years old and it was a brother and sister and the brother especially the mother let the kids run up.

[Wendy]

I'm surprised that's allowed.

[Another Guest]

Well, I could see kind of like when you kind of read the Faces of people on the flight because everybody's kind of looking forward and deadpan. But then you can see the shifting and like you were saying, tell that there were people that were just like what is this kid doing? Because the first time. Hahaha. Second time and then by the fourth and fifth time this kid was obnoxious.

[Bird Show Host]

That goes. That holds true for the game of peekaboo between the se. As the parent. You're just know this that your kid can play peekaboo for six straight hours and we as adults think it's charming

[Co-host/Guest]

for 30 seconds and then turn your

[Bird Show Host]

kid around and put them back in the seat.

[Wendy]

There's also the careful line. Like when I was. I was. When I was flying back from Baltimore a couple weeks ago, the woman next to me had a two year old and I'm wondering how two this two year old was. You know what I mean?

[Ryan]

It was.

[Another Guest]

Yeah.

[Bird Show Host]

Not taking up a seat two years old. So I don't have to pay for that.

[Wendy]

It was a creative. It was a creative too.

[Bird Show Host]

I do know that.

[Sponsor Host - We Feed Raw]

Yes.

[Wendy]

So. So this little guy was there and he had like his little Ziploc baggie with crayons and cars and like, you know, stuff. A little baggie of distractions. So I made a couple little jokes with him. It was playing with his cars. And then, you know, I thought I put in my 10 minutes, right? That kid, I was his best friend that whole flight.

[Co-host/Guest]

Of course you were.

[Wendy]

Yes. He went to look at all my pictures of my animals at my computer. And I don't you got a lot

[Bird Show Host]

of porn on that day?

[Wendy]

I was gonna say I don't want some little thing kicking through my computer

[Bubba Wallace]

because who knows what he's gonna end up coming up.

[Another Guest]

It's like he's gotta learn it from somewhere.

[Co-host/Guest]

So and so. So not only on our flight out here did we have a screaming baby and turbulence. And turbulence. But I felt like I had a child next to me. He was a grown man, I would say probably in his 50s. Grown man. And you know how you get the peanuts or the prep pretzels and you get the napkins when the flight attendants come by to ask you what you want? Well, this guy thought it was his living room. So he just decided that after he was done with this peanuts he was just gonna throw the trash into my seat like it was the disposal.

[Another Guest]

While you're sitting there?

[Co-host/Guest]

While I'm sitting there. Didn't want his trash in her seat. His trash was in my seat. Didn't want to drink. So he threw the napkin up in the air like it was just. He was at home. And this was. This was trash day.

[Another Guest]

Yeah. So I like I'm sitting right here.

[Bird Show Host]

Do not see.

[Co-host/Guest]

I tried to make it obvious to pick up. Like I literally scooted myself up to pick up the trash. And he didn't notice he's right next to you? Right next to me?

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Guest]

Right next to me. And threw all his trash like it was his living room or his kitchen that he does at home. And it was just normal.

[Jen]

And the guy sitting next to me because we were in the same row but just separate sides of the aisle. I think the guy next to me probably smoked a pack of cigarettes at once before he got on the flight. So every time he shifted, I got a puff.

[Another Guest]

Did you snort his clothes?

[Jen]

You just quiz every single time. And I thought he was going to drop kick the screaming baby. Because not only was he annoyed like the rest of us, but he needed a cigarette.

[Co-host/Guest]

He needed bad.

[Jen]

Really, really bad.

[Wendy]

Hey, the Bird Show.

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