Vault: She Asked Her Boyfriend's Dad For His Hand In Marriage!

Summary

The Bert Show Podcast Summary
Episode: Vault: She Asked Her Boyfriend's Dad For His Hand In Marriage!
Date: March 13, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode revisits a relationship drama centered around Kimberly, a listener who considered proposing to her boyfriend during her first Christmas visit to his family—a bold move complicated by her boyfriend’s previous comments on marriage and traditional gender expectations. The hosts and callers dissect the situation, voicing concerns about timing, tradition, and personal desires versus relational patience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background: Kimberly’s Proposal Plan

• Kimberly’s Dilemma: Kimberly planned to propose to her boyfriend on Christmas, in front of his family—the first time she would meet them. This goes against tradition and the boyfriend’s stated ambivalence toward marriage.
• Hosts' Concern: The Bert Show team expresses apprehension about her plan, citing both the boyfriend's attitude and the family setting.
  • "She was going to take it a step further or a few steps further by proposing to him in front of the family at Christmas." (01:36)

2. The Parental Permission Saga

• Consulting the Dad: Kim reveals she approached her boyfriend’s dad on Christmas Eve to ask for his blessing, receiving a cautious but supportive response.
  • "He said that he knew his son had talked about not wanting to get married... but he did say... his son has never been as in love with a girl... as he's talked about me." — Kim (03:04)
• The “Sold Out” Twist: Kim is disappointed to discover the father told her boyfriend about her intentions, spoiling the surprise.
  • "He gave me a little Christmas present... and he said, ‘Don’t be mad, but my dad told me what you were planning.’" — Kim (04:07)
  • "Sold you out." (04:16)

3. The Boyfriend’s Response

• Open, But Hesitant: The boyfriend is clear: he loves Kim and values the relationship, but insists it’s neither the right time nor place for marriage.
  • "He was like, you know, please. You know... I'm not. But he did say, I'm not saying that it can't happen. He's just saying not right now." — Kim (04:18)
• A Glimmer of Hope: Kim notes it’s the first time he hasn’t ruled out marriage outright.

4. Pushing Forward: Kimberly’s Next Steps

• Persistent Optimism: Despite the disappointment, Kim considers New Year's Eve and then his upcoming birthday as new proposal opportunities.
  • "If nothing happens before his birthday, I’m gonna present it to him on his birthday." — Kim (05:59)
• Host & Caller Reactions: The hosts compare Kim’s approach to previous callers and caution her about pushing too hard.

5. Gender Norms and Proposal Traditions

• Reversal of Roles: The group debates who “should” propose. Some argue tradition, others cite successful role reversals.
  • "She’s doing it in a backwards order. A dude is supposed to ask the girl, not the other way around." (02:09)
  • "I seriously know people who she has proposed to him. And they've been in successful marriages, so it works." (02:17)

6. Warnings and Tough Love from Callers

• Embarrassment Fears: Callers and hosts warn Kim against proposing on her boyfriend’s birthday, citing potential embarrassment and setting back the relationship.
  • "Kim should not do this. Not on his birthday. He's given her a 50/50 chance that... he may want to get married, and then again, he may not." — Providence (09:35)
  • "Let him propose to her. Don't mess it up because she's going to look like a crazy." — Providence (10:05)
• Pressure vs. Patience: Listeners and hosts agree that applying pressure may push him away rather than draw him closer.
  • "The more you pressure him, the more he's going to not want to get married." (07:27)
  • "She needs to wait till he's ready. Just be patient." — Jamie (11:33)

7. Underlying Motivations: Biological Clock & Life Timelines

• Kimberly’s Honesty: Kim explains her urgency is motivated by her desire to have children before 30.
  • "There's not a rush, but I definitely want to have kids before I’m 30." — Kim (11:51)
• Societal Pressures: Hosts acknowledge women are often socially conditioned to have such timelines.
  • "For women, this is... how women feel growing up. And whether it’s something that is natural to their estrogen or... told that they're supposed to be doing." (12:54)

8. The Consequence of Disappointment & Expectations

• Warning About Disappointment: Multiple voices recognize the cycle of expectation and disappointment can sour an otherwise good relationship.
  • "The disappointment... is going to ruin what might be the best thing that's ever happened to her." — Providence (14:01)
  • "If you make this such an important point... he’s gonna do it just to satisfy you, that's no fun for him either." (14:14)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Kim, on her real hopes:
  “I don’t want a big wedding. I’d be happy, just honestly, seriously... just going to the courthouse... I have my own money. I’m not looking to get married for what a lot of women fantasize about... I want a marriage. Does that make sense?” (08:22)

• Host’s tally of relationship progress:
  “This was the first time he was giving you, sending you to the family. That was a huge move for him to bring you to the holidays... and that you are going to throw him away for this idea of this marriage and this baby...” (13:21)

• Caller Providence’s warning:
  “But Kim, do not devastate the man and embarrass him on his birthday.” (10:03)

• Kim’s stark ultimatum:
  “I figure it’s better for me to know now, you know, than to wait until I’m 29 and then try to find a husband and everything within a year, you know?” (11:59)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:30–02:34: Background discussion on Kimberly’s plan and the boyfriend’s reservation about marriage.
• 03:04–04:18: Kim recounts asking the father for permission and learning her boyfriend discovered her plan.
• 05:37–06:56: Post-holiday hope for a proposal, upcoming birthday as new target date.
• 09:35–10:23: Caller Providence’s strong warning against proposing on his birthday.
• 11:51–12:39: Kimberly reveals her timeline for kids and the hosts discuss societal expectations.
• 13:21–14:36: Caution about missing the value of the current relationship due to overwhelming focus on engagement.

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Conclusion

This episode explores the conflict between honoring personal desires and respecting a partner’s pace in a relationship, with a lively balance of empathy, humor, and blunt advice. Listeners and hosts alike urge Kimberly to reconsider pushing for a proposal, especially given her boyfriend’s hesitance and the risk of damaging a loving, evolving relationship. The takeaway: Communication, patience, and mutual respect ultimately trump traditions or arbitrary timelines.

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For listeners navigating similar milestones: This episode offers both cautionary tales and heartfelt support, reminding us that the right timing for major decisions is deeply personal—and best decided together.

Transcript

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[Host - The Burch Show]

The Birch Show.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

So the last time we talked to Kimberly, we sort of warned her against this. Seemed like a bad idea, man.

Yeah, because she wanted to go. She was going to go with her boyfriend to his family for Christmas. She had never met them before. So that's one piece of anxiety is to go meet the parents for the first time. But she was going to take it a step further or a few steps further by proposing to him in front of the family at Christmas.

And then you've got the added stress. Also, he has told her before that,

yeah, you know what?

Marriage, that doesn't really turn me on all that much. Not so much into that whole institution thing.

So she was up for the challenge.

[Host - The Burch Show]

But he didn't mean that.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Oh, come on. I mean he meant that before.

[Host - The Burch Show]

Change him before he met me.

[Commercial Announcer]

Sure.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

And she's doing it in a backwards order. A dude is supposed to ask the girl, not the other way around.

I don't know. I mean, yeah, that's a traditional way

of it, but I mean, I seriously know people who she has proposed to. Him. And they've been in successful marriages, so it works. And my concern was her doing it in front of the family.

She's back. Hey, Kim.

[Caller - Kim]

Hey.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

How are you?

[Caller - Kim]

I got a little bit of a cold, but I'm doing pretty good.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Okay, well, we all warned you against it. I mean, it seemed like a bad idea. It's Christmas morning. You haven't even hung out with the family a lot. I mean, this is the first time you are actually gonna see them face to face. You got a boyfriend here that's told you that he's not really into the institution of marriage, but you were gonna propose to him and in front of his family.

[Caller - Kim]

Yeah, well, it didn't turn out exactly as I wanted to. Christmas Eve. I think I told you guys I wanted to ask his father for permission.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

That's right, I forgot.

[Caller - Kim]

Yeah. And he's. He's a really great guy. And when I told him about it, he was, let's just say, a little skeptical. You know, he definitely. He likes me. He told me that he loved me and that if, you know, if and whenever, you know, we ever did get married, he would welcome me into the family. But, you know, he said that he knew that his son had talked about not wanting to get married. You know, but he did say, you know, that his son has never been as in love with a girl or, you know, brought a girl home or talked about a girl as much as, you know, he's talked about me. So it was. I was like, oh, okay. Well, maybe, you know, he's going to ask me to marry him. But I did tell him that I would sleep on it and I would think about it. And I did. You know, I went to bed that night, and in the morning, my boyfriend said to me. He's like, okay, Kim. He gave me a little Christmas present, really beautiful necklace before we left to go out to open presents. And he said, don't be mad, but my dad told me what you were planning. Oh, no.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Sold you out.

[Caller - Kim]

So I was. I was. I was pretty upset, you know, because I felt. Oh, God, you know, he ruined the surprise and everything. And he said to me, you know, he said, you know, kim, I love you. I want to be with you. He's like, but this isn't the time or the place to do this. He was like, you know, please. You know, he said, you know how I feel about getting married. He's like, I'm not. But he did say, I'm not saying that it can't happen. He's just saying not right now, and that's the first time he's ever even like, left a wedge in there. So I was kind of figuring, okay, well, maybe he's going to ask me. So I told him, okay, I told him that I was upset, but that I understood and I wanted to respect him and his family because this was the first time that we've met in person. Like I said, I've talked to his mom and dad on the phone numerous times, but this was the first time that we were ever all together. So, you know, Christmas was really beautiful. We had a really nice dinner and everything went well and we flew back and I thought, okay, maybe New Year's Eve he's going to ask me. We had a really nice dinner, went dancing, had a great time. He didn't ask. And I was like, well, maybe it's not going to be tonight, but his birthday is coming up.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Oh, no. This is like the caller. Yes, we've done this before, but this

[Host - The Burch Show]

is different because the one we did before is where he kept promising, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming, or no, he said it would happen. And she just kept making up holidays. Well, it's intern Jessica and Ricky's get back together day. Maybe that's when I'll get engaged.

[Caller - Kim]

Well, I figure if he doesn't, if nothing happens before his birthday, I'm gonna present it to him on his birthday.

[Caller - Providence]

Oh, no, no, not on his birthday. That's a good sign.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Bring it up though.

Yeah. 404-7401-Q100. He's telling you that he basically is saying he wants to be the one to propose. Isn't he saying that? Yes, he's saying this isn't the right way, the right time, right place.

And I don't think it's the right time. I think he's saying, you know, you're the one for me, but I want to wait a little bit. But it's too late because she's in I want to be bride mode. Because when women get into the I want to be a bride mode, then, and they're in a long term relationship, every single day is the next potential day they're going to get engaged. And it's not just with that last caller. I mean, we've talked to, you know, so many listeners that same thing, you know, that they think that every time they take a road trip, every time they go out to a nice dinner, every single time. And I don't know how you get a woman out of that.

And then you're constantly Disappointed when, after the road trip, there's no ring. On your anniversary night, there's no ring. It's Saturday morning, and you go to breakfast for the last five years, and there's no ring, you know? Yeah. You're just setting yourself up for disappointment, and you're pushing him into something that he's not ready for. I don't think.

[Caller - Kim]

Well, I mean, I. I don't want to deny myself, you know, so if. If it comes to. I mean, I won't say I would, you know, break up with him, but I really, really want to know.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

But he told you in the beginning he wasn't one to get married, but now he's finally warming up to the idea of marriage. So let him warm up a little bit. Don't put any pressure on him, because the more you pressure him, the more he's going to not want to get married.

[Host - The Burch Show]

I don't disagree with her.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Oh, you're only saying that for shock.

[Host - The Burch Show]

No, I'm not.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Come on.

[Host - The Burch Show]

Like, she wants to get married, right? Okay, so she. It is now clear to him that it's important to her. Like, she has said. She has thrown it out there and said it's important to her. He's got a birthday coming up. Do you say it's this month?

[Caller - Kim]

Yeah, it's January 18th, a couple weeks away.

[Host - The Burch Show]

We're making a note of that date.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

I certainly am.

[Host - The Burch Show]

So that's like two weeks from, what, yesterday? So two weeks from Sunday.

[Caller - Kim]

Yeah.

[Host - The Burch Show]

You guys are gonna get married, right? Am I doing that math right? I think so. So two weeks from now, you guys are gonna be together celebrating his birthday, and you are going to pull the trigger then? If he doesn't.

[Caller - Kim]

I guess that's the way to put it. Yeah. I will be pulling the trigger. Yes. I will be asking him. I mean, you know, because I. I don't want to. I love him. I definitely. And I. And I want to be with him, but like I said, I don't want to deny myself, and I am more than willing. I understand what you were talking about, about women who get into the bride mode. I don't want a big wedding. I don't want, like, all of that stuff. I'd be happy. Just, honestly, seriously, and I really mean this, because I know a lot of women say this, but just going to the courthouse, you know, just. Even if it's just us getting married. Sorry. Like I said, I have a cold. Even if it's just us and there's nobody else around and we know about it. I'll sign A prenup. Like, I don't care. I have my own money. I'm not looking to get married for what a lot of women fantasize about getting married. I don't want a wedding. I want a marriage. Does that make sense?

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Yes. How long have you been going out and how old are you?

[Caller - Kim]

I'm 27 and we've been going out for, I'd say close to two years now. We knew each other for about six months before we started dating.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Good morning. You are on Q100. Who is this? Hi, Providence.

[Caller - Providence]

I'm happy for Kim, but I'm nervous for Kim all at the same time. She's starting to look like a crazy now. Kim should not do this. Not on his birthday. He's given her a 50, 50 chance that, yes, I may want to get married, and then again, I may not. So she didn't really get situation because the thumbs up. The thumbs are up all in her court. Like, I agree with the courthouse wedding. I just had one on Tuesday. But Kim, do not devastate the man and embarrass him on his birthday.

[Caller - Kim]

Don't do it.

[Caller - Providence]

Hands down. Let it go. Take it easy. Take it one day at a time. She's really rushing this. Let him propose to her. Don't mess it up because she's going to look like a crazy. Because believe me, after Christmas, he's probably told some of his friends, like, dude, she was going to propose to me on Christmas. Like, how embarrassing is that?

[Caller - Kim]

You're really going to look like a

[Caller - Providence]

crazy when you propose on his birthday.

[Host - The Burch Show]

I don't doubt.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

And he's already said he's already telling you skittish about marriage.

[Host - The Burch Show]

And I don't think he tells anyone. He's not gonna tell anyone that.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

I bet he did.

[Host - The Burch Show]

Who would he tell?

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Like his best friend or something like that.

[Host - The Burch Show]

Oh, yeah. But, like, it's not like he's telling a whole bunch of people, like, oh, you're not gonna believe this crazy girl. I'm with her.

[Commercial Announcer]

Right?

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

No, I mean, they have. This is a relationship now.

[Host - The Burch Show]

The best friend is telling everybody.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Oh, the best friend, of course.

For sure, dude.

[Host - The Burch Show]

You never really would have to burn over Christmas break.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

And in some cases. I've said this before that I'm all for, like the psychological ultimatum in your own mind. Like, if you've been going out with somebody for six years and you're 30, whatever years old and you want to get married, and he's holding on and holding on and holding on. I've said this before that I Think that it's okay for you to say, look, at this point, I've got to cut loose. You don't present it to him, but in your own mind. If he doesn't propose by this date, I just can't stick around forever. But you're only going out with this guy for two years, and he's telling you right now, I'm into it. Just let it happen. But you're forcing the issue on a guy that is skittish about being married

anyway, and he just told you this,

like, two weeks ago. Two weeks ago. And you want to do it again in two weeks?

Hey, Jamie. Go ahead. You're part of the Burt Show. Hi.

[Caller - Providence]

She is going to completely scare him away. I think she's being too pushy. She needs to wait till he's ready. Just be patient. If she wants to spend the rest of her life with him, she can just wait a little bit, a little bit of time until he's absolutely ready, because she waits.

[Host - The Burch Show]

The rest of my life starts right now.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

What's the rush here? Why?

[Caller - Kim]

There's not a rush, but I definitely want to have kids before I'm 30. Okay? And that's coming up in a couple of years.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Here comes the timetable.

Right.

[Caller - Kim]

I figure it's better for me to know now, you know, than to wait until I'm 29 and then try to find a husband and everything within a year, you know?

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

So what if. What if your life plan is not what you thought it was going to be? You don't have kids at 30. You have kids at 31 or 32. Is it that big a deal?

[Caller - Kim]

I think it really depends, because you can't say, okay, if I'm in a relationship now, and if it doesn't work out with this guy, I don't want to wait and then try to. How many women do you know that you see women with that look in their eye like, I want a husband and a baby. I want a husband and a baby. You know, and if we're that desperate, it's not going to happen.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

You're one of those women, unfortunately, you're in a relationship now, and you want it with your boyfriend. But if you and he don't work out, you are that woman.

Yeah. Hold on. There's one on line five.

[Host - The Burch Show]

We just can't see her crazy eyes.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Oh, that's you. You're on line five. You're describing you now.

I sit now. Of course. Of course. It makes the woman sound crazy, and it is crazy. And I was. We were just saying off air. That. I mean, for women, this is. Unfortunately, this is how women feel growing up. And whether it's something that is natural to their estrogen or something that they just are kind of told that they're supposed to be doing. Regardless, women, every woman has in their mind this table. Everyone does, but it depends on which woman is able to let it go and not. And I'm afraid you're gonna lose sight of the fact that you have a great guy who loves you, whose family loves you. This was the first time he was giving you, sending you to the family. That was a huge move for him to bring you to the holidays, you know, with his family, and that you are going to throw him away for this idea of this marriage and this baby with somebody else that just may be the right person at the right. I mean, at the right place at the right time and. But not be the right person for you.

Good morning, Terry, you're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller - Providence]

She also needs to get herself out of this mindset because she's going to ruin her relationship. The disappointment of sitting around and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting is going to ruin what might be the

[Caller - Kim]

best thing that's ever happened to her.

[Caller - Providence]

I mean, he's given ground. That thing, you know, went from, well, I never want to get married, to, well, you know, maybe I could marry you. And that's. That's the big step in the sky.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

And not only that, but you're ruining the experience for him also. Like, if you make this such an important point to where it's a drag for him and he's gonna do it just to satisfy you, that's no fun for him either.

And now he knows you want to get married. He knows you want to get married. You're going to propose. So he knows. So let him do the asking. Let him be in the mindset of wanting to get married.

So let it go.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yes.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Hey, Camellia, let's talk to you before the weekend of the 18th, which is his birthday. Right.

[Caller - Kim]

That's when you want to propose on Sunday.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

Let's talk to you right before that, see if your mind has changed. Okay.

[Caller - Kim]

Okay.

[Co-host - The Burch Show]

All right. Good luck.

[Host - The Burch Show]

The Burch Show.

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