Vault: She asked his job and he took offense

Summary

The Bert Show: “Vault: She asked his job and he took offense”

Date: July 13, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, The Bert Show crew dives into a real-life social (and not-so-subtle) etiquette debate: Is it offensive to ask someone "What do you do for a living?" early in a conversation, especially in certain social settings? The discussion starts with producer Carl Hill sharing a recent encounter at a high-profile Atlanta house party, leading to a humorous and candid debate on cultural norms, intentions behind the question, and where the line is between genuine curiosity and perceived judgment. The team and callers weigh in on race, regional differences, and why this common question is sometimes fraught with hidden meaning.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Carl’s Story: The Offending Question (01:46–06:55)

• Setting the Scene: Carl describes attending a lavish Atlanta house party with his wife, featuring a "castle" of a home and expensive cars, comparing it to scenes from MTV Cribs.

• The Encounter: Carl recalls a woman at the party who engaged him quickly:

  • First question: "Who you with?"
  • Second question: "What do you do?"
  • Carl finds this sequence rude, especially given she didn’t even ask his name.

• Carl’s Retort: He playfully responds, "I make babies. What you do?" (03:45), to her eye-rolling dismissal.

• Carl’s Reaction: He feels the question is invasive and assumes she’s "a gold digger" because of the context and her approach.

  Carl Hill (03:45): “Her very second question was, ‘Well, what do you do?’ And I was like, what do I do? I make babies. What you do?”

• Core Offense: For Carl, it’s not being asked about work, but how soon and without context the question comes up. He feels she’s sizing him up.

2. Is “What Do You Do?” Always Offensive? (04:30–08:36)

• Bert’s Perspective: Asks whether the setting (lavish party vs. casual bar) matters for the question to be offensive.

• Carl’s Clarification: Says he’d still find it invasive as the second question, regardless of the setting. He sees it as a "judgment" and feels it's too soon to talk about personal success or hustle.

  Carl Hill (06:37): “That’s a little too nosy for me. You’re already in my pockets. What do I do? And really what I see is you’re making a judgment of me.”

• Melissa’s Experience: Shares a similar incident in LA where a man snapped at her for asking the same question.

  Melissa (07:34): “He was like, what kind of question is that? You know, are you just some gold digger trying to... make it, you know, in LA?”

• Cultural Considerations: The group debates if it’s a “white people thing” to ask quickly about someone’s job. Bert references previous race panel segments where this came up as a cultural difference.

  Bert (05:33): “We did talk about this during our askaration, didn’t we? And Black people called up, said that White people are nosy... but in, like, the White community, that’s just sort of like breaking the ice.”

• Jen’s View: Suggests, in party circumstances, it can come across as “gold digger” behavior, but in general, asking about someone’s job isn’t inherently offensive; it’s a common icebreaker.

3. The Icebreaker Debate: Race, Region, and Gender (06:55–10:22)

• Black vs. White Communication: Bert notes White people “give up too much information” while Black people keep it cooler when first meeting.

• Jen challenges: Why can’t Black people be a bit more vulnerable? Carl laughs, agreeing there’s a “threshold of coolness” that needs navigating, especially among Black men.

  Carl Hill (08:22): “It’s just like a threshold of coolness we trying to break.”

• Regional Context: Carl and Melissa agree regional vibes (like Atlanta or LA) amp up the focus on “status” and “what you do.”

• Job as Identity: Melissa and Jen point out how job titles play a huge role in American identity, especially for men and in certain circles. But for others (e.g., stay-at-home parents), the question can feel loaded or diminishing.

• Humorous Interlude: Sunglasses inside as “signal of coolness” vs. “unnecessary flex.”

  Jen (08:41): “Carl, if you ever wear sunglasses inside, I’m gonna beat your ass.”

4. Call-In Opinions: Listeners Weigh In (09:03–12:22)

• Emily, a College Student (09:06): Agrees with Carl, referencing psychology classes—asking what someone does early is a form of “sizing you up.”

• Listener TC (11:29): Supports Carl, saying asking right away is “transparency” and can show the person isn’t someone to waste time on.

  TC (11:29): “When somebody comes at you like that and it’s like the first or second question... that just shows their transparency. It’s not someone that I would want around me anyway.”

• Jen’s Challenge: Asks what to talk about if not jobs; Carl says “where are you from?” is a classic Atlanta icebreaker, leading to food and locality talks instead of job status.

  Carl Hill (12:07): “In Atlanta, where you from? That’s always a breaker, icebreaker.”

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Carl’s tongue-in-cheek answer:

  Carl Hill (03:45): “I make babies. What you do?”

• Melissa, feeling the sting:

  Melissa (07:34): “He teed off on me... I was just making conversation.”

• Carl, explaining feeling judged:

  Carl Hill (06:37): “You’re already in my pockets.”

• Jen, about role reversals:

  Jen (08:16): “Black people try to be too cool all the time. Why you gotta be so cool all the time?”

• Listener Emily’s insight:

  Emily (09:06): “In psychology, we talked about how when people ask you what do you do, they are completely sizing you.”

• TC’s verdict:

  TC (11:29): “If it’s like the first or second question off the rip... that’s somebody you shouldn’t even be wasting thought on.”

• Jen, about stay-at-home moms:

  Jen (09:55): “My friends that are stay at home moms get really offended by that question, too, because they’re not sure how to answer.”

---

Segment Timestamps (Rounded to the Nearest Minute)

• 01:46–06:00: Carl recounts the party, the “offensive” question, and his reaction.
• 06:00–09:00: Wider cast debate—race/cultural aspects, and personal experiences in different settings.
• 09:03–10:22: Listener Emily calls in, citing psychology and social judgments.
• 11:00–12:22: Listener TC reinforces Carl’s point about transparency & vetting people.
• 12:07–12:22: Icebreaker alternatives and a quick role-play suggestion.

---

Tone & Style

This episode embodies the show’s signature style—humorous, real, and conversational, with moments of genuine reflection and playful ribbing. Voices are authentic, with friendly disagreements, teasing, and honest audience engagement.

---

Takeaway

The question "What do you do?" isn’t universally rude—but context, timing, and cultural cues matter. For some, it’s a basic icebreaker; for others, it feels like an instant valuation. The Bert Show’s team gives a colorful, candid look at why a seemingly small question can be surprisingly loaded, and why intent—and setting—always count.

Transcript

[Host 1]

This episode sponsored by Mood. Okay, this is actually genius. Are you ever overwhelmed with choices at the dispensary? What if I told you that you could shop cannabis by the exact mood you want tonight? With Mood, you don't shop by strain, names or confusion. You shop by how you want to feel. Want to relax after work, sleep better, feel more creative or be more social? Mood makes it simple. Pick the feeling and Mood recommends products to match. Mood has gummies, flour, pre rolls and edibles designed around your mood. I tried Mood's sleepy gummies and within an hour I felt calm, settled and ready for bed. No dispensary run, no second guessing, just a smooth, relaxing experience delivered to my door. It's federally legal, third party tested and backed by a 100 day satisfaction guarantee. Go to mood, mood.com that's mood.com however you want to feel tonight. Mood helps you get there.

[Sponsor Voice]

Fair warning. Bring home one Minky Couture blanket and suddenly everyone in the house will claim it as theirs. That's the Minky Couture difference. Seventeen years ago, Minky Couture created the original luxury minky blanket. And ever since, we've been bringing comfort, connection and softness to families everywhere. Crafted with premium quality and thoughtfully designed styles, our blankets are made for real life. Cozy moments from movie nights and afternoon naps to slow mornings at home. Shop now at minkycouture.com that's M I N K Y C O-U-T-U-R-E.com and discover why Minky quickly becomes everyone's favorite blanket.

[Carl Hill]

The Birch show.

[Bert]

My producer, Carl Hill. All eyes on you, producer. I think you're overreacting about this whole thing. I don't know, man.

[Carl Hill]

I'm not scared because I got Jen to my right, Melissa to my left, and I'm like eye to eye with Wendy. I'm not scared about this, man. Okay.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Carl Hill]

A couple weekends ago, me and my wife, we go out, right? So it's just a night on the town. So I get a call from my guy, hey, man, come through this house party. It's a nice party. It's going to be a bunch of people there, like, like an industry type of party. So I'm like, you know, okay, I'll come on through. So we came on through there. Big fat house. I mean, maybe the biggest house I've ever been to in Atlanta.

[Jen]

Wow.

[Carl Hill]

Next to Holyfield's house.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Carl Hill]

Not personally, you know.

[Jen]

Yeah, Holyfield.

[Carl Hill]

Yeah, I know, right?

[Bert]

Besides the houses I've seen on Cribs, this is the biggest house I've ever seen, man.

[Carl Hill]

Seriously.

[Bert]

Right?

[Carl Hill]

So I go. We went through the house, and I'm saying, we saved butlers and chefs. I mean, this.

[Melissa]

So this is a house that could be on cribs, yeah?

[Carl Hill]

Oh, definitely.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Carl Hill]

It might be on one of these days. You might see this guy up there.

[Bert]

Full staff, you guys.

[Carl Hill]

Full staff, man. I mean. I mean, it's like a. It's a castle. It's way out. So I'm walking around the house and everything, and I'm checking it out. We like one of the first people there. So it's like a bunch of Bentleys and Mercedes, and it's some balls over there. Right. So I'm like, okay, so you drive

[Bert]

up in that big old truck that has the balls hanging down.

[Carl Hill]

Exactly. We got them swinging everywhere I go,

[Jen]

but they are their diamond encrusted when they're on their vehicles.

[Carl Hill]

Right, exactly. So I'm walking through the house. So I break away from my wife for a minute just to kind of get a drink. Cause I'm there with a buddy of mine and his w. Wife. So I breaks away for a second, and this girl walks up to me. Now, first of all, when I walk into the house, I made eye contact with that girl. So I'm thinking, like, oh, that might be the one that I may have to, you know, kind of dodge a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So she approached me at the bar. The first thing she asked me, hey, who you with? I said, well, I'm here with my man. Blah, blah, blah. My wife, blah, blah, blah. So she didn't realize. She didn't recognize any name. So she looked at me again. Well, what do you do? Exactly. It was that quiet.

[Bert]

That's when you were offended. Yeah.

[Carl Hill]

I mean, her very second question was, well, what do you do? And I was like, what do I do? I make babies. What you do? You know? And the thing was, it was just a big. It was like, you know, the first.

[Jen]

So that's what offended you is that question exactly.

[Carl Hill]

Like, what do you do? Instead of asking. She didn't even ask me my name. She asked me, who was I there with the second question. Well, what do you do? And then I gave her ignorance a gold digger. Oh, hands down. And then I gave her the ignorant question, like, I make babies or whatever. Ha ha ha. Then she looked at me and rolled her eyes like, that's why I don't know you. It kind of walked off. I'm like, you.

[Bert]

So you. So you think it's offensive not if somebody asks you what you do for a living, but in that setting that,

[Carl Hill]

I mean, you could ask, what do you do for a living? But get down. Just add. You know, get a little bit down the road further a little bit.

[Melissa]

I think this is a cultural difference because remember when we did this, you know, we do the race panel, and we do like the Ask me anything. What do we call it?

[Bert]

Ask a thank you.

[Melissa]

So many times, I'm so curious about a race update.

[Bert]

Second chance update. Right?

[Melissa]

Exactly. I'm like, wait, what? But I remember when we talked about that, about how it may be a cultural thing, because I think for us, because we heard your story about this, and I said, I don't think that there's anything offensive about her asking what you do for a living. Because I think that typically white people do that. Oh, hey, how are you? What's your name? What do you do? Because it's somehow how we define ourselves is by our jobs and our careers, and I think especially for guys. So I don't think it's quite an offensive question if it happens.

[Bert]

I don't know, was this a white girl last year or a black girl?

[Carl Hill]

Last year she was black.

[Bert]

She's a black girl.

[Melissa]

So was it more offensive because of that?

[Carl Hill]

No, not at all. I'd be offended the same way. Would you be offended, Bert, if that's the second question that they asked you? No. Hey, what's your name?

[Bert]

What did you do? We did talk about this during our askaration, didn't we? And black people called up, said that white people are nosy. The way that we communicate with each other, black people perceive that as being nosy. But in, like, the white community, that's how. That's just sort of like breaking the ice.

[Melissa]

I'm talking.

[Jen]

I think in that setting, I can see why you're offended, because obviously she was looking around trying to find somebody who's rich at the party. So I do think she's a gold digger at that party. So I see why you were offended at the party. But in general, I grew with Jen, it's like, you know, what do you do for a living? Is a common question we ask each other.

[Bert]

Let's take it out of that big old mansion that you were in with the servants and all that, because that can change the game a little bit. Okay.

[Carl Hill]

I was a little intimidated.

[Bert]

Let's say you're at. You and your wife are just. Eric, you're just at a bar, Straight up at a bar. It's not a whole hoity toity thing going on, and somebody walks up to you and it's the same exchange, but it's not in that setting. Are you still offended by it?

[Carl Hill]

Yeah, I think that's literally. I mean, the first question is basically, what do you do? Hey, hey, what's your name? What do you do?

[Jen]

And you're like, standard my business.

[Bert]

I think that's pretty standard.

[Carl Hill]

That's exactly what I'm like.

[Bert]

I think that's pretty standard. Caucasian practice is.

[Melissa]

It's pretty standard.

[Carl Hill]

That's a little too nosy for me. You're already in my pockets. What do I do? And really what I see is you're making a judgment of me. Because you gotta understand, I can see that I'm hustling right now. So maybe I'm not doing too much but hustling. You might look at me and judge me as some sort of bogus hustler, but, you know, I'm. I don't have anything right now, but I'm working at it.

[Melissa]

I had the same thing happen to me. This is years and years ago when I first went to Los Angeles. I went out there with a girlfriend of mine, and it was for a press junket, but my friend came with me. So I had finished my work for the day, and we were at the W, and this was my first trip to la, and we were in Hollywood. We had seen Hugh Jackman having lunch earlier that day. I was like, oh, this is so cool. And so, I mean, I was like. I was like 22 or something when we were out there. And we met these guys at the W hotel in the bar and whatever, and we were talking to them, and he was like, oh, hey, how are you? Whatever. They came up to us probably three, four minutes into the conversation. I said, oh, so what do you do? And this guy turned around and went off on me.

[Bert]

Really?

[Caller/Guest]

Really?

[Melissa]

He was like, what kind of question is that? You know, are you just some gold digger trying to, you know, make it, you know, in la? Or what Are you trying to be an actress? And what I mean, he teed off on. And I was so stunned. I was like deer in headlights. Like, whoa. I just asked. I was just making conversation.

[Bert]

I think a lot has to do with the setting, but I think, as a rule, me and my friend Mike talked about this. And Mike's black also. And he says to me, he says to me always that white people tend to talk too much initially. Like, we give up too much information. Like, hi, my name's Bert. I work at a radio station. I do A morning show. I met Usher last week.

[Jen]

You know, as black people, when you

[Bert]

first meet y', all, you know, everybody's kind of cool with each other.

[Jen]

See, but you can make the same argument. Black people trying to be too cool all the time. Why you gotta be so cool all the time? You could be vulnerable a little bit.

[Carl Hill]

I agree, man. It's like sometime when I meet up, when I meet another black dude, it's like, you gotta break the tension. Like, okay, I'm trying to be cool. I'm not trying to be too goofy. He's not trying to be too goofy. So we always. It's just like a threshold of coolness we trying to break.

[Melissa]

Is it that whoever's wearing sunglasses wins? Because this seems to be a new trend.

[Jen]

Let's not even talk about this.

[Melissa]

Carl, if you ever wear sunglasses inside, I'm gonna beat your ass.

[Carl Hill]

Please do smack me. Come on, both hands.

[Bert]

We're gonna do an ask a race later on.

[Jen]

Get the glasses off your face.

[Bert]

This week you gotta come back for.

[Jen]

Get them off your face.

[Bert]

Yeah, because that's one of the questions that has to come up. Even though that last week, one of my good friends walks in the studio

[Melissa]

with sunglasses all over New York City this weekend, you are not a celebrity.

[Jen]

Even if you are. Get the glasses off your face.

[Bert]

Here's Emily. Good Morning. You're on Q100. What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey. I just want to say that Carl is absolutely right. I'm a college student, and in psychology, we talked about how when people ask you, what do you do? They are completely sizing you. It's the way that we dodge each other, even if it is a Caucasian thing.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jen]

I mean, you do make judgments based on what somebody does. But I do think that's just a way to continue the conversation. Because if you just met somebody, you don't know what the hell to say. You know, like, well, what's your name? Great. Nice weather we're having. I mean, what else do you talk about?

[Melissa]

Where are you from?

[Jen]

Where are you from and what do you do?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I'm starting to get kind of like the trifecta.

[Jen]

And then you can go from there on questions and conversation and that kind of thing. Except I get offended when I talk about being in radio and everybody else says, oh, well, that's great. But I listen to blank and mentions another station. So I said, where do you work? And if they say Coke, I say, oh, I don't drink Pepsi, so sorry, I can't talk to you either. Give me a Break.

[Melissa]

My friends that are stay at home moms get really offended by that question too, because they're not sure how to answer that. Like, what do you do? Like, my friends are like, do I say I'm a homemaker? Do I say I'm a stay at home mom? Do I say I don't really do anything? Because you really do do a lot if you stay at home and raise kids. I raise a family. Like, what's your job title if you stay at home with your kids? And like, yeah, a couple of my friends that stay at home are like, oh, I hate that question. It just makes me feel inferior, you know?

[Carl Hill]

And I think another thing is, like, you were mentioning out in la, it has to do where you are, because in Atlanta, everybody's trying to be somebody, so you can go anywhere. And she asked me, what do you do? I could have done, like, a lot of guys. Oh, yeah, I do this, I do that, you know, and just fake the whole fraud. But, you know, I wanted to be. I expected a little bit of humbleness, so that's why I would try to be as well.

[Bert]

I hope you learned a very valuable lesson about trying to be humble in Atlanta. Let's not ever do that ever again.

[Melissa]

It doesn't work right, period.

[Bert]

It doesn't fit you very well. We are gonna do Ask a Race later on in the week, okay? So we can start talking about these things and the sunglasses inside. I've got a question about pork I wanna ask this week.

[Melissa]

Yeah, what is that?

[Bert]

I don't know. We're gonna get answers this week, okay? Ask a Race is a segment that we do from time to time. It's these questions that you've always wanted to ask somebody from another race, but you don't wanna seem ignorant, so you keep them to yourselves. But when you do that, you never get your answers. So we open up the phones for like, 10 minutes and you can ask anything you want. Like, if there's something about the Asian community you've always wanted to know, you call up, we put you on with an Asian, and they tell you exactly what that's all about. Good morning, T.C. what's up?

[Caller]

Hey, how's it going?

[Jen]

Good morning.

[Bert]

What's going on?

[Caller]

Hey, look, I just wanted to let Carl know not to be offended by that. I mean, when somebody comes at you like that and it's like the first or second question, you know, that. That just shows their transparency. It's not someone that I would want around me anyway. It's one thing to engage somebody in Conversation that comes up. Well, you know, this is what I do for a living, and we're into this. And what do you. If it's like the first or second question off the rip. Yeah, that's somebody that you shouldn't even be wasting the thought on.

[Jen]

Then tell me what else to ask if I've never met Carl before and say, hey, what's your name? Hey. You know, and then what else am I supposed to say? I mean, how do I create conversation with you if I'm not asking what you. How you live your life where you

[Bert]

don't feel like you're being judged?

[Carl Hill]

In Atlanta, where you from? That's always a breaker icebreaker.

[Jen]

Okay, so where you from? And you say Decatur. And then where do I go for that? Like, oh, Decatur, that's a great place. Where do you go to eat? I mean, like, I'm just. Is that where y' all carry on the conversation?

[Carl Hill]

Yeah, maybe we have to do it impromptu one day.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Jen]

Watch.

[Caller]

Do that.

[Jen]

Yeah, I pretend like I don't know.

[Bert]

You guys got a role play right here.

[Carl Hill]

The bird show.

[Sponsor Voice]

Fair warning. Bring home one Minky Couture blanket, and suddenly everyone in the house will claim it as theirs. That's the Minky Couture difference. Seventeen years ago, Minky Couture created the original luxury Minky blanket. And ever since, we've been bringing comfort, connection, and softness to families everywhere. Crafted with premium quality and thoughtfully designed styles, our blankets are made for real life. Cozy moments from movie nights and afternoon naps to slow mornings at home. Shop now at minkycouture.com that's M I N K Y C O-U-T-U-R-E.com and discover why Minky quickly becomes everyone favorite blanket.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Your child wakes up in the middle

[Sponsor Voice]

of the night with a high fever

[Sponsor Voice 2]

and the pharmacy is closed. You could wait agonizing hours just to get a doctor's appointment, or you could prepare ahead of time with Jace Medical. Jace makes it simple for families to stay ready with kits like the Jace case, ready to go. Supplies of prescription antibiotics and essential medications for travel emergencies or everyday life. With Jace, you're investing in more than health. You're investing in true peace of mind, knowing you're prepared for the unexpected. It's fast, it's affordable, and it could be life saving. Just go to Jace.com, answer a few quick questions, and a licensed doctor reviews your information and ships your medications straight to your door. Keep yourself and your loved ones prepared no matter what comes next.

[Host 1]

@jace.com this episode, sponsored by Marathon Sports. Runners know the feeling, that moment when the shoe disappears, your stride feels smooth, your breathing settles in, and the run just clicks. That's what Marathon Sports has been helping runners find for over 50 years. At marathon Sports, their expert team uses the Right Fit process to match you with shoes and gear built for the way your body actually moves. No guesswork, no generic recommendations, just real guidance from people who live and breathe running. Whether you're training for your next marathon, getting back into running, or chasing a better, everyday run, Marathon Sports helps you find what works for you. Visit marathonsports.com or stop into a marathon sports store today and experience the difference the Right Fit can make.