Vault: She Caught Her Boyfriend Looking For Dates Online

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – "Vault: She Caught Her Boyfriend Looking For Dates Online" (Feb 12, 2026)

Main Theme

This episode dives into relationship trust and confrontation as a caller named Lucy, with her voice disguised, shares how she discovered her boyfriend of one year was searching for dates online. The Bert Show hosts and listeners discuss possible responses, emotional consequences, and whether going to great lengths to "catch" a partner is worthwhile or just prolongs the pain.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lucy’s Discovery and Suspicions

• Lucy recounts how she first grew suspicious after glimpsing an automated email from a dating service in her boyfriend’s inbox. She initially rationalized it as a remnant from before their relationship.
• Her suspicions grow due to his secretive behavior around certain late-night “client” meetings, leading her to search for his dating profile and ultimately uncover recent online activity and messages setting up in-person meetups.

  “I searched him and found him... I was able to get into his profile and then saw his activity and then I knew what was really going on.” — Lucy (03:14)

• The feeling of betrayal is deepened by the seriousness of their relationship — both are in their 30s, discussing a future together.

  “We’re in our 30s and we’re talking about our future together. I thought we were done with the games.” — Lucy (05:02)

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2. Her Proposed Confrontation Plan

• Lucy’s calculated strategy: She wants to catch her boyfriend in the act — by showing up at one of his next dates, confronting them both, and exposing the deceit in person.

  “If I show up, you know, there I am. Obviously, I know what’s going on and I can address it that way.” — Lucy (01:54)

• She seeks to validate with the other woman that she met her boyfriend online, then plans to politely ask her to leave, leaving Lucy and her boyfriend to have an honest conversation.

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3. The Hosts’ & Listeners’ Reactions

a. Ethical and Emotional Implications

• Burt and Vy point out that Lucy may be participating in a game herself by plotting such a confrontation rather than having a direct conversation.

  “You had made the comment earlier about how... I thought the games were over, but apparently not. But you’re participating in them yourself, right?” — Vy (09:29)

• Jeff raises concerns about “entrapping” her boyfriend:

  “That’s gonna be his excuse. He’s gonna be like, you set me up, you entrapped me... So I think you just have to wait for it to happen naturally.” — Jeff (08:54)

b. Alternative Approaches Recommended

• The hosts encourage Lucy to consider confronting him directly with the evidence, suggesting that the elaborate trap could make things messier or give him loopholes for excuses.

  “Why don’t you just sit him down and go, ‘Hey, I know what you’ve been up to. Do you want to resolve this so we can try to work it out?’” — Jeff (13:38)

c. Audience Call-In and Relatable Stories

• Listener Jesse calls in to say she orchestrated a similar sting, creating a fake profile and confronting her cheating boyfriend in person. She admits it was “fun” but agrees it was probably easier to just break up.

  “But it is kind of fun just to get back at him and say, hey, you know, I can play your game too.” — Jesse (12:15)

• Another caller and several hosts refer to Lucy’s plan as “making it too complicated” and suggest she should just “dump him already.”

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4. Relationship Stakes and Lucy’s Doubts

• Despite all, Lucy reveals vulnerability — she has a long history with her boyfriend’s family, which complicates her feelings and readiness to leave.

  “We’ve actually known each other for a very long time, and our families are all friends. We’ve got a long history before our relationship.” — Lucy (13:08)

• The hosts press: Is Lucy looking for excuses to stay if her boyfriend can explain himself? Lucy admits she still wants to hear his side, showing the emotional turmoil behind her plan.
• Vy notes, “You are the one suffering for this... and in the end, you’re gonna suffer more than him.” (10:20)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lucy’s Rationale:

  “I feel like the only way that I can bust him is by showing up at one of his dates and addressing the issue.” — Lucy (01:54) “Just meeting one person for drinks is out of bounds for our relationship.” — Lucy (04:42)

• Host Advice and Pushback:

  “You had made the comment earlier about how I thought we were in our 30s and I thought the games were over, but apparently not. But you’re participating in them yourself.” — Vy (09:29) “You already busted him... if you don’t want to tolerate this, then just walk away from this.” — Vy (09:58) “You’re making it more complicated.” — Jeff (10:31)

• Listener’s Parallel Experience:

  “I created a fake profile … and contacted him ... we ended up setting a date to meet somewhere. And I was early, and when he got there, he was very shocked to find me.” — Jesse (11:17)

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Timeline of Key Segments

• [01:29] – Lucy introduced with voice disguiser, lays out her situation and suspicions.
• [02:31–04:03] – Lucy details how she found her boyfriend’s online activity.
• [05:08–06:09] – Lucy explains her elaborate plan to confront him at his next date.
• [08:09–09:38] – Hosts discuss the ethics of entrapment; recommend addressing the issue directly.
• [10:07–10:31] – Hosts and callers reinforce the value of leaving rather than “playing games.”
• [11:02–12:27] – Listener Jesse shares her own confrontation story.
• [13:01–14:18] – Lucy and the hosts debate whether there’s any point to catching him if she’s not ready to fully leave.

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Episode Tone and Style

• The conversation is “real” and forthright, peppered with humor despite the tough topic.
• Hosts challenge Lucy with empathy, but don’t sugarcoat.
• Listener stories add personal flavor and relatability, with a little mischievous fun.

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Conclusion

The panel largely advises against elaborate “sting operations” in relationship betrayals, urging honesty and self-preservation over dramatic confrontation. Lucy’s experience showcases the paralyzing uncertainty of modern relationships — and how clarity often comes from difficult directness, not elaborate plans.

For anyone navigating trust issues: this episode offers tough love, relatability, and the reminder that your peace of mind should come first.

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Transcript

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[Lucy]

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[Burt]

The Burt Show Good morning Lucy. You are on the voice disguiser Good morning Burt Show Good morning Lucy. How are you?

[Lucy]

Very good. How are you?

[Jeff]

Good.

[Burt]

Now, Jen raised an interesting point a couple of minutes ago. Like you already know that your boyfriend's screwing around, but you are holding onto it and planning completely.

[Vy]

I'm just impressed with the calculation of all of that. You know, just how calculated you could be.

[Lucy]

Right. I feel like the only way that I can bust him is by showing up at one of his dates and addressing the issue. I think if I tried to talk to him about it or just brought it up in conversation that he would have an excuse or it would just, I don't know. I just thought he could talk his way out of it. I wouldn't have valid proof of what he's doing. So if I show up, you know, there I am. Obviously I know what's going on and I can address it that way.

[Burt]

All right. I think we're getting ahead of ourselves here a little bit. You and your boyfriend have been going out how long?

[Lucy]

A year.

[Burt]

Okay, and how do you know that he's online looking for other women?

[Lucy]

I found him. I searched him and found him and I was clued into the whole thing because initially when we, a few months ago, he was reading an email one time and I saw an email from the service, online dating service, like, you know, your connections for the week or whatever. And I thought it wasn't like a personal mail, you know, it was like an automatic message from the service. And I thought, okay, well everyone who's been single has tried online dating things, so it's probably his old subscription, you know, he's just letting it run out and he's still getting the emails, no big deal. And then his work schedule, his job, he has to go on a lot of after hours dinners and meeting clients for drinks and things like that. And I go with him on a lot of those meetings just to lighten it up and meet with families and couples and stuff. But every once in a while he'll have a meeting with a client that he doesn't want to tell me anything about, not where they're going, not what the meeting is about, not their name, not anything. He's just very, very tight lipped about it. And this happened a couple times, I just started to get a weird feeling because it's just, you know, he's like night and day. I just kind of put it all together and searched him and found him and I couldn't believe it. I was just shocked that I found his profile. And then I went into it, I was able to get into his profile and then saw his activity and then I knew what was really going on. And the day that I found all this out, he had had a client dinner about five days before that. I didn't go on. And so I, when I went to his account, I read all the emails between he and a person he was meeting with who wasn't a client, who he met online.

[Burt]

So he was setting updates and for sure going out on those. And I mean you saw it right there in black and white. So you know for sure it's happening.

[Vy]

How many times, how many times do you know of that he's done this?

[Lucy]

Well, I'm still working to find that out. I'm trying to find out the history because I just found out about the recent one. So I'm not exactly sure how long it's been going on. I know of one for absolutely sure because I read about it, and I know that night he had a client dinner, but I'm trying to find out what happened with other people that are in his profile, people that he's talked to before. I'm trying to find out what really went on with them. Were they just chatting online or did they actually meet? They just go to one dinner. Did they go to more than one dinner? Were they dating? I really don't know exactly what all went on, but I mean, just meeting one person for drinks is out of bounds for our relationship. We're in our 30s and we're talking about our future together. I thought we were done with the games, but I don't think that's the case.

[Vy]

How long have you guys been together?

[Lucy]

About a year.

[Vy]

Okay, and how do you visualize this whole sit down meeting with him going like, what's your plan for that? Because you're so calculated. I would imagine you've thought through every step of it.

[Lucy]

Well, I feel kind of bad for the women that he's meeting with, so I realize it's not their fault. They're playing by the rules. They're online as single women, you know, trying to meet single men. So the women that he's meeting aren't really at fault. They probably have no idea. So I just envisioned him being on a date with someone who's met online and me going there after they've already sat down and they've started their evening together. You know, just going to the restaurant or the bar or whatever and introducing myself to her, validating that they did meet online, and then asking her if she wouldn't mind leaving because obviously he doesn't need to be there on a date with her and then just addressing it with him and ask him to just explain to me what he's been doing. What is he thinking? You know, what's the deal now?

[Jeff]

Is it possible? Like, what if you didn't walk in and introduce yourself to her? Like, what if you and you just, like, what if you just walked in and you paid the, you know, like, get a girlfriend to go with you and pay this server the mater d or whatever, like, to give you the table right next to his and just walk in and you sit down right next to him, right? Because you know what he could do is on the off chance that the girl, like, knows that he's in a relationship, like, there could be some cover up. Like, hey, if anybody walks in here, you and I are having a business meeting and you, you know, sell widgets and I want to buy them you know what I'm saying? But, like, if you just walk in and you sit right next to him, then there will be no time to establish that or, you know what I'm saying? Just thinking out loud, of course, trying to make good radio.

[Vy]

There's the movies. You could just go into the kitchen and you could put on an apron and take a tray and serve them. But I guess that doesn't quite translate. Just like Owen Wilson did in Wedding Crashers. Remember that?

[Lucy]

And accidentally spill it in his lap.

[Burt]

So what exactly are you looking for from us?

[Lucy]

Well, what I was planning on doing before I contacted the bird show was just going on his profile and looking and seeing his activity. After I found this out, I thought, okay, well, I'm just going to go on the next date. That's what I'm going to do. Well, there hasn't been another date. I'm like, I'm ready for this to move along. I'm ready for him to meet someone online and go on a date. And, you know, since the last one, there hasn't like been enough activity with him and anyone trying to make any plans. And I would like to hurry that along so that I can get this over with. I, obviously, when I found out about it, I was just completely sick over it. And that was about two weeks ago. So I've been, you know, we're together all the time. I'm, you know, I'm. I'm with him. We're with family and friends and we're doing stuff, and I'm just. I'm sick. I just can't even. I don't know how much longer I can. I can deal with it.

[Jeff]

So what you want is you want our listeners to help entrap him?

[Lucy]

Yes, I want someone to help me be someone he'd be attracted to and go on a date with him and just, I guess, be part of this whole thing so that, you know, they're on my side and I'm in control.

[Burt]

So you need a. You need a wing woman here. You need somebody to build a profile on. You need to go online, find a very attractive woman, have her come on to him in very specific ways that, you know, would sort of.

[Jeff]

I don't think she can do that.

[Burt]

Lure him in and then see if he'll take the bait and go out on a date with this woman while you're there watching it all happen so you have concrete proof. And you could say, I know you're. I know you're dirt. I know you're dirty dog. And that's it. We're done.

[Jeff]

I don't think you can entrap him.

[Burt]

Why not?

[Jeff]

Because that's gonna be. When he's defending himself, that's gonna be his excuse. That's gonna be his reason. He's gonna be like, you set me up. You entrap me. You had this woman lure me in with things you knew that I would be interested in. And while on paper it seems really good, that's gonna be his argument back. And then if you bring up the past dates, he's gonna say, I did. Cause you only have proof of one. I. I did that once, and it was a mistake, and we only went out once, and I'm not in touch with him anymore, and I never will do it again, and blah, blah, blah. So I think you just have to wait for it to happen naturally. Because if you have anything to do with the next girl to date him, why do you.

[Vy]

You just. You had made the comment earlier about how I thought we were in our 30s and I thought the games were over, but apparently not. But you're participating in them yourself, right?

[Lucy]

I feel like if I. I just think I cannot address this in a normal conversation with him. I think he. All things that Jeff just said is exactly what he would say. I think I can only bust him as the only way to get him to see, okay, I know what's going on. I'm not just sitting here blindly, you know, letting you do whatever you want to do. I'm very, very aware of what you're doing.

[Vy]

Well, let me just. You've already busted him. Like, you have the knowledge, right? And then if you don't want to tolerate this, then you just walk away from this.

[Burt]

Yeah. Why don't you just.

[Vy]

He knows what he did, so why.

[Burt]

Don'T you just go away?

[Vy]

Yeah, I don't understand why busting him and going through all this for what? He knows what he did put him in the. He just doesn't know that, you know what?

[Jeff]

He's sharks with laser beams on their head.

[Vy]

And you're suffering, really? Anyway. And you are the one suffering for this. You've been sick and nauseous and had to be around him for two weeks with this knowledge, and in the end, you're gonna suffer more than him.

[Jeff]

You're making it more complicated.

[Burt]

Hey, Vy, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Jesse]

Good morning. Actually, I was just gonna say what Jeff said, that she's making it complicated and just dump him already. This whole thing is like, a waste of time. It's like, she's pathetic.

[Vy]

Two weeks already.

[Burt]

But you know what you're. You know what you're doing ship of a year. You know what he's doing. You know what he's all about. So I don't.

[Vy]

Do you guys live together?

[Lucy]

No.

[Vy]

Okay.

[Lucy]

But we spend a lot of time together.

[Burt]

There's Jesse. She's done this very same thing. Hey, Jesse.

[Lucy]

Hey, guys.

[Jesse]

What's going on?

[Burt]

Thanks for calling.

[Commercial Announcer]

What's up?

[Jesse]

Yeah, well, I was. It's so funny. I kind of did the same thing. I do agree with the last caller that, you know, if you. If you kind of think it's gonna be over anyways, just go ahead and dump him and get. Get rid of him and don't go through the process. But it is fun. I did the same thing to an ex of mine, and I couldn't find anyone to help me out and do kind of what you were talking about. So I actually went online, and I'm not familiar with whatever site you're talking about, but his was my face, and I created a fake profile. I went to, like, an adult website, copied and pasted a picture, and that was my picture, and contacted him, said, hey, we're in the same area. I'm new. Let's go out for some drinks. And actually saved and printed every single back and forth message that we had to each other. And we ended up setting a date to meet somewhere. And I was early, and when he got there, he was very shocked to find me. And I presented him with all the emails and said, well, hey, are you looking for such and such? And needless to say, it was a very interesting night.

[Burt]

So you glad you handled it the way you did?

[Jesse]

Oh, yeah, it was so much fun. I mean, it would have been easier just to say, hey, I'm onto you, and it's over. Because if he's doing it that. And he's been doing it for a while, he's obviously not as committed as she thinks he is. But it is. It is kind of fun just to get back at him and say, hey, you know, I can play your game too.

[Burt]

But to me, if you go ahead and you do this, Lucy, and you meet him when he thinks he's meeting somebody else, and you just put the stuff on the table and then you walk away without the explanation, to me, that's more legitimate than. Yeah. Then hearing him out, because now you've got your proof, you don't even need to hear what his excuse is, and then you move on.

[Vy]

You know what's important?

[Jeff]

What are the chances that you stay with him after all this drama is over.

[Lucy]

The chance exists. I know y' all think I'm crazy, but the chance does exist.

[Vy]

That's why she's playing the game.

[Jeff]

Yes, because you want to give him a chance to defend himself so that you have an excuse to stay with him.

[Lucy]

We have been together for a year, but we've actually known each other for a very long time, and our families are all friends. We've got a long history before our relationship. So just walking away and, like, never seeing someone again who you've really only known and only dated for one year is not how a situation would end up in the end.

[Burt]

But here's the thing. Here's what we're saying is if you say you go through this whole thing and there's still a chance that you guys can get together, I mean, you can be together, then why go through the whole thing?

[Vy]

Especially if you entrap him, then no way.

[Jeff]

Why don't you just sit him down and go, hey, know what you've been up to? Do you want to resolve this so we can try to work it out?

[Burt]

Cuz if you were solid, like, if he took the bait, that would be the end of the relationship. I could see is helping you out. But you're not saying that you're like, it can survive.

[Jeff]

You're seriously being Dr. Evil with the sharks and the laser beetles.

[Burt]

You don't need to do all this.

[Vy]

I think they're Bass.

[Lucy]

I want to know what he has to say.

[Jeff]

What's that, Bass? That's right.

[Lucy]

I've saved everything that I found so far so I could print everything out, you know, and show him.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Lucy]

And I could leave it on the table and walk away, you know, and then just kind of see what happens after that. At some point, I do want to know. What was he thinking? Is this something he wanted to do for the rest of the.

[Vy]

No, you don't.

[Jeff]

No, you don't.

[Burt]

You want a toy with his.

[Vy]

You. In the end, you just want him to feel he. I think you want him to feel like you did somehow. You want him to feel the same emotions you and he. Never. He won't.

[Burt]

I would. I would like to follow along with you. I don't feel right about helping you with it, like getting a listener or somebody on staff to help you recruit. But I certainly would be interested to hear, if you're doing it on your own, exactly how it's happening.

[Jeff]

Well, Wendy does need a 30th date. We can set it up by noon today.

[Burt]

So you know what I'm saying? Like, just for the theater of it, I'd like to hear how it goes down. Because I think there's a good large number of women. That handle it the same way you're doing it. And the soap opera is good, but to help you. I don't think that's right.

[Lucy]

Right.

[Burt]

I gotta be honest.

[Lucy]

That's fine.

[Burt]

The Birch Show.