Vault: She doesn't date men with kids

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: She Doesn't Date Men with Kids
Date: June 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around a candid conversation with Wendy, a recurring participant, who finds herself meeting more men with children and grappling with whether to date someone who already has kids. The Bert Show hosts and listeners weigh in, discussing the complexities, boundaries, and perspectives of dating as a single parent or dating someone with children. The tone is humorous, real, and sometimes direct, exploring the emotional, practical, and social layers that come with modern dating.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Wendy's Dilemma: Dating Men with Kids

• Wendy shares her recent experiences: She finds herself consistently meeting great guys, most of whom have children. She feels unprepared and apprehensive about entering a relationship with someone who has kids.
  • “The only fear I have is that they have kids and I'm not prepared for kids.” (Wendy, 01:32)
• Avoidance of potential dates: Wendy admits she’s dodged calls and texts from a man she likes because he has a child.
  • “There's one guy who's asked me out on a date numerous times and I've just kind of avoided the phone call... because he's got a child.” (Wendy, 02:37)

2. Clarifying Her Stance on Children

• Wendy loves kids, just isn’t ready: She stresses her appreciation for children but doesn’t want her own—now or possibly ever.
  • “I love kids. To pieces. Like I love kids. I love being around kids... But I mean, I don't have time for kids right now. I mean, I don't really want kids ever.” (Wendy, 02:54; 03:10)

3. Hosts' Reactions and Logic

• Host challenges Wendy's logic: If she knows she doesn’t want children, why date a man who already has them?
  • “If you don't want to have children, then why would you even consider dating a guy that has kids?” (Host, 03:33)
• Transparency is key: The hosts suggest it’s better to be upfront about not wanting to date a parent rather than waste anyone’s time or give false hope.

4. Navigating When and How to Disclose Having Kids

• Difficulties for single parents: Bringing up the topic of having kids early can be awkward, but waiting can create bigger problems.
  • “We've talked to single parents before on how quickly they should bring it up. It's something that's pretty important. You gotta bring it up right away.” (Co-host 1, 04:18)
• Preference for early disclosure: Single parents, despite possible offense, would rather know immediately if someone isn’t interested.

5. The Emotional Weight and Responsibility

• Forming attachments and breaking up: Concerns about getting close to a child, then potentially breaking up, making things more complicated.
• Another co-parent always in the picture: Non-parent partners have to consider the presence of an ex and “a whole other layer.”
• Meeting the children: Should be delayed until the relationship appears more serious.
  • “I think you have to be dating for a while before you actually meet the kids and expose the kids to that.” (Co-host 1, 05:34)

6. Single Parents Call In: Real-Life Perspective

Bobby, Single Dad (06:05–07:12)

• Experiences avoidance: Women often withdraw when they learn he’s a single dad.
• Not looking for “replacement mom”: He clarifies that single parents don’t necessarily want someone to fill a parental role right away.
  • “Some females... just don't want to deal with the kid issue. Because there's not really a mother involved... they feel that they're going to be taking on the mother role. Even though I try to let them know that's not what I want.” (Bobby, 06:35)

Margaret, Single Mom (08:12–08:55)

• It’s a package deal: Dating a parent means understanding the sacrifice of time, money, and energy; non-parents may not fully grasp these obligations.
  • “If you're not a parent, you cannot possibly understand what it means to sacrifice your time, your money, your energy for a kid.” (Margaret, 08:18)

Lisa, Single Mom (09:23–09:46)

• No tolerance for indecision: Lisa expresses zero patience for being someone’s “guinea pig.”
  • “Don't waste my time. I'm not your guinea pig... I'm not here to change your mind. Go out, find some single man, have fun, be joyous. Leave me alone.” (Lisa, 09:25)

7. The Challenge of Attention and Priorities

• Dating parents can mean inconsistent attention: Sometimes a partner's full focus, sometimes zero attention depending on custody schedules.
  • “So it goes from a lot of attention to zero attention.” (Wendy, 09:08)
• Adaptation required: Wendy admits that sharing attention right away could be overwhelming since she isn’t used to it.

8. Should You Leave Room for the Unexpected?

• Should Wendy stay open-minded?: Some cast members argue against closing the door on someone just because they have kids if there’s a genuine connection.
  • “But if the connection is that great, maybe you would change your mind on that.” (Co-host 1, 07:27)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Wendy on Kids:
  “I love kids... but I don't have time for kids right now. I don't really want kids ever.” (03:10)

• Host on Logic:
  “If you don't want to have children, then why would you even consider dating a guy that has kids?” (03:33)

• Margaret on the Reality of Parenting:
  “If you're not a parent, you cannot possibly understand what it means to sacrifice your time, your money, your energy for a kid.” (Margaret, 08:18)

• Lisa's Directness:
  “Go out, find some single man, have fun, be joyous. Leave me alone.” (Lisa, 09:39)

• Wendy on Balancing Attention:
  “So it goes from a lot of attention to zero attention. And... we all like attention and affection. I mean, and then having to split it, like, immediately, could be a big challenge.” (Wendy, 09:08–09:13)

• Visualizing Wendy’s Dating Life:
  “If we were to visualize what it's like in the world of Wendy, it's almost like the American Idol auditions—there's just a line around the building of guys waiting for you to be vulnerable.” (Co-host 2, 10:15)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------|--------------| | Wendy introduces her issues with dating men who have kids | 01:31 | | Hosts and Wendy discuss her aversion to dating dads | 03:10–04:00 | | Discussion of disclosure and single parent concerns | 04:01–05:34 | | Bobby, a single dad, shares his story | 06:05–07:12 | | Margaret, single mom, explains non-parent perspectives | 08:12–08:55 | | Lisa, single mom, delivers tough love | 09:23–09:46 | | Cast jokes about Wendy’s dating pool | 10:04–10:28 |

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Summary Takeaways

• The episode provides a nuanced look at the complexities of dating as or with a single parent: the challenges of honesty, boundaries, time management, and the emotional weight of introducing children into the dating mix.
• Both hosts and listeners repeatedly stress the importance of clarity—being upfront about intentions to avoid hurting or wasting anyone’s time.
• The wisdom from single parents is clear: don't dabble if you're not all in, and understand the seriousness of dating someone with children.
• Ultimately, the choice for Wendy—and listeners in similar positions—is whether to leave room for surprise connections or uphold non-negotiable boundaries.

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Tone: Real, supportive, and animated with the Bert Show’s usual warmth and humor.

Transcript

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[Wendy]

Bird show so I've been going out and about recently, just meeting different people and I'm finding that I'm running into more guys and the guys that I'm meeting right now all have kids and I have never dated a guy who's had kids, really talked to a guy who's had kids before or even one kid or who's wanted kids. And they're all like older guys or for me considered them older, like 30, 32, 33, late 20s, early 30s, in their mid-30s. But I mean nice guys, really interested in them. But the only fear I have is that they have kids and I'm not prepared for kids. But I do want to genuinely get to know these people, but I'm nervous on the fact like when do they introduce you to the kid or do you have to date for a long time with the kid? I don't know how all that works and how to balance their time with my time. I just.

[Host]

Well, if you're not interested, I guess it's a couple of different questions here. If you're not interested in dating anybody with kids, Is that what you're saying right now? You're not ready for that?

[Wendy]

I'm not ready for kids personally, but the guys I'm meeting, it seems more and more I'm meeting awesome guys, but they all have children, so.

[Co-host 1]

And that's holding you back?

[Wendy]

So it's holding me back from even. There's one guy who's asked me out on a date numerous times and I've just kind of avoided the phone call and the text messaging, like right now because he's got a child. And I don't. I don't know if I'm prepared for that or not.

[Co-host 1]

You've even. I'm sorry, you've even said that you don't want your own children.

[Wendy]

No, I love kids. To pieces. Like I love kids. I love being around kids. Kids make me feel awesome. They're just so much fun and a non judgmental. That's why I love kids.

[Co-host 2]

They make your hands look normal.

[Wendy]

Yes, they make me feel awesome. Kids are amazing.

[Co-host 3]

She can give them a high five and it's the same size.

[Wendy]

Yeah, but I mean, I don't have time for kids right now. I mean, I don't really want kids ever.

[Host]

Are you saying, you know, now you don't have the time? But are you a person that.

[Wendy]

Yeah, I don't know if I ever want kids. I don't know if that's gonna be something for me. Like right now at this very moment. No, I don't want children. But I mean, the guys I'm meeting are amazing. They're awesome guys and they're cool to get to know, but I'm avoiding going out with the guys because they have a child.

[Host]

Okay, let's look at this logically. If you don't want to have children, then why would you even consider dating a guy that has kids?

[Wendy]

I mean, that's all I'm meeting right now. I'm going out and this past weekend I met a guy with a kitten who's awesome and I didn't know he had a kid when we were first starting to talk. But then as the conversation develops and you get further into the night. Then you find out they have children and they explain that they have children. So I don't know whether or not to do it or not.

[Host]

I wonder if I'm like a single parent. I don't think that I would. Well, maybe I would be trying to think, if you're a single parent, if somebody says to you, after they find out you have kids, if you say, oh, you know what? I'm not interested in dating anybody that has kids. Probably be offended.

[Co-host 3]

Right.

[Host]

But at least you'd be honest.

[Co-host 1]

I think it would be. Yeah, I think it would be. And we've talked to single parents before on, like, how quickly they should bring it up. And I mean, it's something that's pretty important. You gotta bring it up right away.

[Host]

See, I almost think because you are a single parent that your time is so limited that I think I would rather know initially. Even though it might have offended me or it might hurt my feelings, I think I would rather know immediately. We've got zero future together. Even though we seem to have a chemistry. Kids aren't in my future. So there's another hundred women in the bar. Maybe you ought to go talk to them.

[Wendy]

But does your mind change? Like, what if, like, let's say I go out on a couple dates with this guy who has a kid and then does your mind change about. I mean, I don't know if it can change or what would intimidate me.

[Co-host 3]

And I guess is the issue is that since children are involved, there's a little bit more heaviness and responsibility to the dating. Because I would be not intimidated that somebody has children or that I would end up being responsible for that child if the relationship continues. It's just getting a relationship with that child and then it not working. You know, like, how much of a wall do I build between myself and their kid? Because you want to impress, you know, the person by being nice to their kid. But then again, if it doesn't work out, then there's, I would almost say,

[Host]

don't meet the kids at all.

[Co-host 1]

I think you have to be dating for a while before you actually meet the kids and expose the kids to that. And I think too, like, you also have to think that there is going to be a former either wife or husband or whoever. There's always going to be another parent in the situation. So that's something. For somebody who doesn't have children like you, you're like, mm, that's adding like a whole other layer. Like, I just wanna know all the time. Scary movies or Not. I don't wanna deal with all that other stuff. You know what I'm saying? Like, it adds a whole new level.

[Host]

Here's Bobby, who is a single dad. Hey, Bobby. Good morning.

[Bobby]

Morning. How are you?

[Host]

Good, man. Can you give Wendy some advice here?

[Bobby]

Well, I mean, I'm a single dad. I've had my daughter now for six years. You know, it's just me and her. And I've been out with several women and, you know, when they find out that not only am I a dad, but, you know, it's. It's just me and her. Sometimes I'll see them kind of get out of the way really quick.

[Host]

Is that offensive to you?

[Bobby]

Yes and no. I mean, not really after. I'm kind of used to it. Because, you know, some females, they just don't want to deal with the kid issue. And because there's not really a mother involved. It's like they feel that they're going to be taking on the mother role. Even though I tried to let them know that's not what I want.

[Wendy]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't think kids are issues. Like, that's not an issue. But, I mean, I don't. I don't want to have to get into a relationship and then break it off. And then you meet a kid and the kids involved now, and then you have them. I'd feel bad even for the mother of the child, because I don't want to offend her by trying to even be in the picture.

[Host]

I just wouldn't want to be the guy that you're using as the guinea pig to test if you would date a guy with kids or not. Like, you know, in your head, you don't want kids. So if I'm a single dad, I wouldn't want anything to do with you at all.

[Co-host 1]

But if the connection is that great, maybe you would change your mind on that.

[Host]

I don't want to be that guy is what I'm saying.

[Co-host 1]

Right. You don't want to be the test. The test guy on that. But if for some reason I think that you should maybe sort of let go of those boundaries, even though it does present definitely new challenges to dating. Like, what if you're not meeting, like, the man of your dreams because you're eliminating him already because of that, you

[Co-host 3]

know, because usually when we talk to guys, they're emphatic about it. No, there's no way in hell I date a woman with a kid. You know what I mean? At least, you know, with Wendy, she's open because she's Trying to determine whether or not to focus on the right thing, which is the guy's personality. Like, you know, but there is a. I mean, that does present different issues. If he does have a great personality and you do connect and you do continue on, you know, something to consider.

[Host]

Hey, Margaret. Good morning.

[Margaret]

Hey. I just have a comment about the dating with kids thing. I'm a single mom, and when I go out with any guy that I meet, I have to be sure that they're going to be okay with the kid thing. Because if you're not a parent, you cannot possibly understand what it means to sacrifice your time, your money, your energy for a kid. So if you're dating somebody you're not really into their kids, you're gonna get really offended that he doesn't have time, money, or energy for you because he's got to give it to his kids. And that's just a hard concept to wrap your brain around if your head isn't there for the whole parenting kid thing.

[Co-host 1]

And it would change up too, because, like, say the ex wife has the kids for the weekend. Then you get him and you get all of his attention for the whole weekend.

[Bobby]

And.

[Co-host 1]

And then it'll be for the next two weekends he's got the kids. So then you don't get any attention.

[Host]

That's tricky.

[Wendy]

So it goes from a lot of attention to zero attention. And.

[Co-host 2]

And Wendy likes attention.

[Wendy]

I mean, we all like. We all like attention and affection. I mean, and then having to split it, like, right away, like, immediately, could be a big challenge and something to overcome because I'm not used to that.

[Host]

Hey, Lisa. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Lisa]

Hey, I'm a single mom. Don't waste my time. I'm not your guinea pig. I gotta work, I gotta pay my bills, I got a mortgage, I gotta take care of my kids and after school programs and softball. You don't want kids. I'm not here to change your mind. Go out, find some single man, have fun, be joyous. Leave me alone.

[Host]

And that's that.

[Wendy]

That's it. No, I really appreciate the vice because I don't want to waste anyone's time.

[Host]

Yeah, see, it's not something that you can really dabble in.

[Wendy]

Yeah, I guess not. But at the same time, he is an awesome guy. So I don't. I don't know. We'll see.

[Host]

You got more guy friends than any woman that I know.

[Wendy]

Guy friends?

[Host]

Guy friends, yeah, they're just sort of waiting in the weeds, too, just for

[Co-host 2]

you to pounce on you. But yes, you just won't. You just will not open that door

[Host]

to them, which makes her even harder.

[Co-host 2]

Like if you, if you were, if, if, if we were to visualize what it's like in the world of Wendy, it's almost like the American Idol auditions. Like, there's Wendy in the middle and there's just a line around the building of guys waiting for you to be vulnerable.

[Host]

It's a lot of pants on the ground, guys just waiting for you.

[Co-host 2]

That's creepy.

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