Vault: She doesn't think her girlfriend is really gay

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: She Doesn't Think Her Girlfriend Is Really Gay

Date: June 22, 2026
Cast: Melissa (Host), Jen, Kaiser, Caller Mary, Callers Valerie & Mike

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Overview

This episode centers on a listener, "Mary," who is facing a difficult situation with her girlfriend and roommate. Mary is concerned that her girlfriend—despite a history of dating women—may not be truly interested in women, as she regularly expresses fantasies about men during their intimate moments. The Bert Show cast and listeners discuss relationship boundaries, self-worth, sexuality, and offer candid, supportive advice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mary’s Situation: Roommates to Lovers to Doubt [01:24–03:00]

• Mary moved in with her best friend. What started as a roommate situation evolved into a romantic relationship.
• During intimacy, her girlfriend began sharing that she fantasizes about a man—initially, Mary tried to be understanding, but it became an ongoing, every-time occurrence.

Mary [01:24]: "Recently I moved in with my best friend and we have started dating. It was meant to be a roommate situation, but we ended up dating."
Mary [01:36]: "...while being physically intimate, she has mentioned that she is thinking about a guy."

2. Exploring the Girlfriend’s Sexuality [02:01–02:41]

• The cast clarifies that Mary’s girlfriend historically has only dated women but has had unemotional encounters with men.
• Girlfriend is in her mid-30s; Mary is in her mid-20s.

Jen [02:10]: "...has she ever been with a woman or dated women before you?"
Mary [02:09]: "That's all she's ever done."
Mary [02:32]: "She has been (with a man), but never... it's never been emotional."

3. Fantasies Crossing the Line [02:41–03:15]

• The hosts question why Mary allows this dynamic to continue and why her girlfriend openly discusses these fantasies.
• They highlight that this is emotionally damaging and disrespectful.

Jen [02:42]: "...it was okay before when she said this to you? ...now, I mean, how does it make you feel?"
Mary [02:58]: "I am at the point where it needs to be done. I guess it. I either need you to be with me or decide you're going to try to be with him."

4. Power Dynamics, Disrespect, and Boundaries [03:15–04:49]

• The team identifies troubling power imbalances; the girlfriend’s openness is seen as a way of testing limits or "walking over" Mary.
• They express concern over Mary allowing her girlfriend to reference the other man during sex, even sometimes roleplaying that Mary is him.

Kaiser [04:36]: "She's testing you out. Can I walk all over her like a doormat? Can I tell her this and have her still be there for me? ...It's disrespectful that she's even telling you."
Mary [04:49]: "...at one point, has become an actual integrated part, like spoken, mentioned during in the act."
Jen [04:58]: "Have you allowed her to pretend that you're him?"

5. Unrequited Love and Hard Truths [05:25–06:14]

• Mary is deeply in love, but the cast observes that the girlfriend does not reciprocate.
• The consensus: If someone continually expresses desire for another person, they are telling you where their heart is.

Kaiser [05:38]: "...you're in love with her, and for her, you're just there."
Jen [05:47]: "She's not in love with you... I think she's pretty much telling you what she wants. And unfortunately, I don't think it's you."

6. Advice from Gay and Straight Perspectives [06:14–08:13]

• Jen, speaking from her own experience as a gay woman, emphasizes the importance of self-worth and refusing to settle for "second best."
• The cast stresses this dynamic is not about sexual orientation; similar disrespect would be unacceptable in any relationship.

Jen [07:26]: "...in my life, I've always tried to say I'm not lesser than anybody else. And I think... there are gay men and women who will put up with something because either they are insecure... But I think it's so prevalent in a gay person's mind that they are not worth it... I just want to tell you, stand up for yourself and get what you want."

7. Listener Advice & Resonance [08:19–09:46]

• Multiple callers—both gay and straight—call in to back up the cast’s advice, relating personal stories about staying too long in one-sided relationships.
• The consensus: Leave the relationship, seek self-respect, and create room for reciprocal love.

Caller Valerie [08:23]: "I completely agree with you guys. The partner... is completely using her just for her own needs."
Caller Mike [08:48]: "...if my fiance was fantasizing about another person during intercourse... I would be pretty upset enough to probably either address the issue... or if I was in her position, I would dump her."

8. Reassurance and Next Steps [09:46–10:54]

• Final message: Mary deserves better and will "be in love again."
• The cast affirms that leaving is hard but necessary, and staying forecloses the possibility of finding a healthier relationship.

Jen [10:22]: "...that shouldn't be okay with you."
Kaiser [10:31]: "You deserve better."
Jen [10:33]: "You'll be in love again, I promise."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Do you want to be second best?" —Kaiser [04:26]
• "I think she's just messing with your head at this point." —Jen [06:39]
• "I've always tried to say I'm not lesser than anybody else." —Jen [07:26]
• "You deserve better." —Kaiser [10:31]
• "You'll be in love again, I promise." —Jen [10:33]
• "100% of the calls are all saying, get out, get out, get out." —Host Melissa [10:49]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:24 – Mary introduces her dilemma: from best friends/roommates to romantic partners.
• 02:41–03:15 – Discussion about the girlfriend's persistent male fantasies during intimacy.
• 04:36–05:08 – Discussion of disrespect, experimenting with boundaries, and roleplay.
• 05:25–06:14 – Cast calls out unrequited love and push for hard self-reflection.
• 07:26–08:13 – Jen's personal message on self-worth and not settling.
• 08:23–09:46 – Callers echo consensus: this relationship is unhealthy.
• 10:31–10:54 – Closing affirmations for Mary to leave and hope for future happiness.

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Tone and Style

The exchange is candid, supportive, and at times blunt—mixing tough love with humor to highlight boundaries, self-respect, and real talk about sexuality and relationships. The cast validates feelings, draws from their personal lives, and make it clear: settling for less, regardless of orientation, is not the way to go.

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Summary:
The hosts and listeners urge Mary to prioritize her emotional health, recognize her worth, and leave a relationship where her love and identity are not fully respected. The message: Don’t settle for second-best; trust that love and respect are possible and that she deserves nothing less.

Transcript

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[Host Melissa]

Melissa, you're probably going to have to spearhead this one.

[Rebel.com Advertiser]

Voice disguiser.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Host Melissa]

Voice disguiser. But we'll all have opinions.

[Rebel.com Advertiser]

Voice.

[Jen]

Because I'm gay.

[Host Melissa]

Yep. Mary is also gay.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Host Melissa]

She's one of your kind. And she's having some. And she's having some relationship problems.

[Jen]

All right. Hi, Mary.

[Caller Mary]

Hi.

[Jen]

Okay. And Mary's on the voice disguiser. What's going on?

[Caller Mary]

Recently I moved in with my best friend and we have started dating.

[Rebel.com Advertiser]

Okay.

[Caller Mary]

It was meant to be a roommate situation, but we ended up dating.

[Caller Valerie]

And

[Caller Mary]

most recently, while being physically intimate, she has mentioned that she is thinking about a guy. Okay. And originally it was okay. Fantasies or fantasies. You can deal with it. But now it's an every time kind of thing.

[Jen]

So let's go back.

[Host Melissa]

I just said a few questions, personal questions for me, Melissa.

[Caller Mary]

Okay.

[Host Melissa]

All female roommates have a sexual relationship.

[Jen]

Anyway, I knew you can go down this path. Let me ask you a question. So you were best friends with her first. Has she ever been with a woman or dated women before you?

[Caller Valerie]

Yes.

[Caller Mary]

That's all she's ever done.

[Jen]

It's all she's ever done. Okay. And, and how old?

[Caller Kaiser]

Around like what age range are you guys? I know you're on the voices Kaiser, so you don't have to say specifically,

[Lady Luck]

but early 20s, late 20s, mid 20s

[Caller Mary]

for me and mid 30s for her.

[Caller Kaiser]

Mid 30s for her. Wow.

[Rebel.com Advertiser]

Okay.

[Caller Kaiser]

Okay.

[Jen]

Huh.

[Caller Mary]

Exactly.

[Caller Kaiser]

She's never been with a man. She's only been with women.

[Caller Mary]

She has been, but never. It's never been emotional. It's, you know, just been physical occasionally.

[Caller Kaiser]

Okay.

[Lady Luck]

Yeah.

[Jen]

I mean, so it was okay before when she said this to you? That. That's what kind of. What? It's after 8:30, so. By the way, kids, you know, we talk more adult stuff. So she fantasizes about guys when she's with you? You said it's okay at the beginning and now, I mean, how does it make you feel?

[Caller Mary]

I just. I am at the point where it needs to be done. I guess it. I either need you to be with me or decide you're going to try to be with him, and I don't.

[Jen]

Is it the same guy that she's thinking about?

[Caller Kaiser]

Specific guy or guys? Oh.

[Jen]

Oh, honey. Well, my first reaction is ba. I mean, because. Why are you putting.

[Host Melissa]

You mean she's. By.

[Jen]

Anyway. Yeah.

[Host Melissa]

I'm just letting you know that I'm going to be fairly immature for this.

[Rebel.com Advertiser]

That's all right.

[Jen]

That's what we expect. It's okay, honey. It's all right. We love you as you are, but. Yeah, I say that. I would not waste my energy with that. And your roommates now, still.

[Caller Mary]

Yeah, we moved in together probably five months ago. I went through a horrible breakup with my ex and she was the one that was there and we dared.

[Jen]

So she's your rebound? She's your rebound?

[Caller Mary]

No, I've been in love with her for six years.

[Host Melissa]

Oh, boy.

[Caller Mike]

Oh.

[Jen]

Well, the reason. I mean, my initial. And it's of course easier when you're on the outside looking in, but in any relation, it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight. It doesn't matter. I mean, if the person you're with is fantasizing about a specific other person and telling you about that over and over again, then I wouldn't be part of that. Because you're. She's. I think she's pretty much telling you what she wants. And unfortunately, I don't think it's you.

[Caller Mary]

And the thing is that she'll never have that. It's been mentioned that it'll never.

[Jen]

So do you want to be second best?

[Caller Kaiser]

Yeah. And don't you feel like it's a little disrespectful that she's telling you that?

[Host Melissa]

That's the weird part. Why would somebody share that?

[Caller Kaiser]

Unless, like. Because to me it's like she's. She's testing you out. Like, can I walk all over her like a doormat. Can I tell her this and have her still be there for me? You know what I mean? It just seems disrespectful that she's even telling you.

[Caller Mary]

Well, it's actually become, at one point, has become an actual integrated part, like spoken, mentioned during in the act.

[Jen]

You have allowed this to be incorporated in the act. Have you allowed her to pretend that you're him?

[Caller Kaiser]

Yeah. Why?

[Jen]

Oh, God, I can't even imagine. See, well, to answer your question about why she tells you now, is it because y' all were best friends and you still. You're still trying to maintain that best friendship along with sleeping together?

[Caller Mary]

I think originally that's what it was supposed to be. It was just supposed to be, I guess, not convenient. It was just there and it happened. And we had said a long time ago we wouldn't ever go back there.

[Caller Kaiser]

But, see, you're in love with her, and for her, you're just there.

[Jen]

Yeah. She's not in love with you.

[Caller Kaiser]

She's not.

[Jen]

And I know that's hard to hear, but I really think that you're in it and you want it to work out so badly. But I agree with Jen. She is completely using you and disrespecting you. And you deserve better than that. I mean, it was a rebound. Yes. You've been in love with her and you went there. And at least you don't have to say that I never got a chance to try. But I'd say it's time to end it. And I'd say it's time to find another place to live, because that's not going to be a comfortable situation.

[Host Melissa]

Our Telephone number is 404741. Q100. As always, people are welcome to weigh in on this. And I know it's probably a long shot, but is the guy by any chance me?

[Jen]

Oh, you're hesitating.

[Caller Mary]

So. And the thing is, this weekend she told me she's in love with me.

[Jen]

She said she was in love with you?

[Caller Mary]

Yeah.

[Jen]

I think she's just messing with your

[Lady Luck]

head at this point.

[Jen]

Yeah, I just. Yeah, I just feel like. And in my life, you know, being first of all, being gay, I never settled for second best. I don't think I'm lesser than anybody else. So in my life, that's one of the reasons that I waited to find the right person that I wanted to be with and live with. That I do not participate. And I'm not judging other people for doing it. But this is just my opinion. And my perspective is That I feel like, you know, a commitment ceremony that's not legal is just me trying to do something because I can't with somebody else. No, I want to be like everybody else and be part of a legal ceremony. So in my life, I've always tried to say I'm not lesser than anybody else. And I think a lot of times there are gay men and women who will put up with something because either they are insecure about themselves and they'll never have anything they really want or never have anything that's special again, so they're not gonna try. And straight people feel the same way, too. But I think it's so prevalent in a gay person's mind that they are not worth it or they're not worthy or they're not gonna find it, or they're lesser, that they're buying the hype that something's wrong with them. And so I just want to tell you, stand up for yourself and get what you want, which is a woman that really is in love with you. Because the woman that really is is not going to be telling you about her thinking about a guy, because she's not going to be thinking about a

[Caller Kaiser]

guy at all, and she's not going to be thinking about anybody else but you.

[Jen]

Exactly.

[Caller Kaiser]

And you're going to be. And that's the thing is staying in this relationship is preventing you from finding that woman, the right girl.

[Jen]

That's right.

[Caller Kaiser]

She's not going to come into your life if you're continuing to put up with this and staying in this bad relationship.

[Host Melissa]

Hey, Valerie, welcome to the show.

[Caller Valerie]

Hey, how are you doing?

[Host Melissa]

What's up?

[Caller Valerie]

I completely agree with you. Or with the radio, you guys. I completely agree with you guys. The partner is. The girl that this girl is dating is completely using her just for her own needs. And it's just like if it was in a straight relationship, if you're in a straight relationship, you wouldn't settle for that. Either this girl's in love with her and another girl taking advantage of.

[Host Melissa]

Hey, Mike. Welcome to the Bird Show. Sorry.

[Caller Mike]

Hey. I just wanted to say that from a guy who is engaged in a straight relationship, but it doesn't, you know, shouldn't matter if, like, my fiance was fantasizing about another person during intercourse or anything. I would be pretty upset enough to probably either address the issue because I'm engaged or whatever, or if I was in her position, I would dump her.

[Host Melissa]

Hey, Jacora. Welcome to the Bird Show.

[Caller Valerie]

Hi.

[Host Melissa]

What's up?

[Caller Valerie]

Hey. I just wanted to say to the Caller that I think she should get out of that relationship because it's not healthy for her at all. I was in kind of a relationship like that myself. I'm straight and I was in love with this person and I would do anything for him, but I didn't get the same from him. So it took me a while to get over him. But I did end the relationship. So she needs to do the same thing.

[Jen]

And thank you so much for the call. And I'm afraid that if you don't end it, I'm not sure. And of course I don't know the situation, but I'm not sure. She's not gonna cheat on you with a guy.

[Caller Kaiser]

Yeah.

[Jen]

I mean, and that. Or that guy or that guy. And that. I mean, can you really. I mean, do you really want to live with that?

[Caller Mary]

I'm fairly certain that's not something she

[Jen]

would do because why she's telling you that she's thinking about him while she's having sex with you?

[Caller Kaiser]

She's making you pretend you're him.

[Jen]

Yeah, honey, that's.

[Caller Kaiser]

That's not gonna be a dose of reality check on from the outside looking in. Like, that's not okay.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Caller Kaiser]

And that shouldn't be. That shouldn't be okay with you. Right.

[Host Melissa]

So there. There's your advice that you're not gonna take. But thank you for sharing it with the Bircho.

[Caller Mary]

Awesome. Thanks.

[Caller Kaiser]

You deserve better.

[Jen]

You'll be in love again, I promise.

[Caller Valerie]

Okay.

[Host Melissa]

That sucks.

[Rebel.com Advertiser]

You will.

[Host Melissa]

I mean, that's a crappy place to be in.

[Caller Kaiser]

And, you know, I think a lot of people in relationships will get into and stay in relationships where it's just not enough. It's not right. But they stay in. Like you said, insecurity.

[Host Melissa]

100% of the calls are all saying,

[Jen]

get out, get out, get out.

[Caller Kaiser]

Run.

[Caller Mary]

Get it.

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