Vault: She doesn't trust her mother-in-law with her kids

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: She Doesn't Trust Her Mother-In-Law With Her Kids

Date: August 5, 2026
Episode Theme:
The Bert Show crew dives into a familiar family dilemma: a listener struggles with trusting her mother-in-law to watch her children overnight. The conversation delves into issues of trust, painful family histories, and the boundaries parents set for their kids’ safety and well-being. Listeners and hosts alike weigh in with personal anecdotes, advice, and a range of opinions—reflecting just how charged and universal this topic can be.

---

Main Discussion Points

1. Listener's Story: The Mother-in-Law Dilemma

• Kathryn calls in to share her concerns: her husband's mother, who was absent most of his life, now wants to watch their two young children (ages four and nine months) overnight. Kathryn doesn't feel comfortable with this, as the grandmother is essentially a stranger to her kids and has refused daytime-only babysitting offers.
• Kathryn explains that repeated offers for supervised, short-term visits were rejected by her mother-in-law, who insists on an overnight or nothing at all.
  • Kathryn (02:22): "I'm not all of a sudden just gonna bring my child and drop them off with a stranger... If she can't have them overnight, she doesn't want them at all."

2. Skepticism Rooted in Family History

• The hosts relate personally to the issue. The main host reveals his own parental trust struggles, comparing Kathryn's situation to his own experience with an unreliable parent.
  • Main Host (02:34): "It's a lot like the same situation I had... my mom's a sketch man. I mean a total sketch. She's all over the place, doesn't pay attention."
• Kathryn shares that her husband's mother left him at age three and was absent for more than two decades—returning periodically, and now wanting a relationship with her grandchildren.
  • Kathryn (03:05): "She left when he was three. And throughout the last 24 years she really hasn't much to do with him. She comes in and out... I'm almost afraid that she's going to do that to our kids—once they get attached to her, they're not going to see her again for a couple of years."

3. Parental Instincts Versus Family Obligations

• The hosts and callers debate how a parent's own experiences shape how much access a grandparent should have to their children—especially when past behaviors were hurtful or neglectful.
  • Main Host (05:13): "If the history you have with your own parent is that they come and go... then you're always a little bit nervous that they're going to do the same thing to your child."
• Kathryn and the hosts question the grandmother's motive for insisting on an overnight. This all-or-nothing approach feels off to several participants.
  • Caller Meredith (06:12): "I just think it's strange that she will not watch him during the day for a couple hours, but she'll take him overnight."
  • Caller Meredith (05:42): "How do you leave your kid there with basically a stranger with your kid looking at you going, mommy, don't leave me here. I don't know who this person is."

4. The Husband’s Changing Stance & Marital Tension

• For a long time, Kathryn’s husband agreed with her concerns. However, after his mother accused Kathryn of keeping the grandchildren away, he started to reconsider—causing marital strife.
  • Kathryn (04:28): "I feel like for so long he’s been on my side and all of a sudden he’s like, well, maybe she should watch him overnight. And I'm just not sure about it because they don't know her and she is a stranger to our four year old."
• The issue deepens when the mother-in-law disparages Kathryn (calling her "the b word"), and the husband does not defend her.
  • Kathryn (11:12): "I was very upset when she called me that word and he said nothing to her."
  • Main Host (11:22): "That might be the bigger issue. Because that one is worth fighting over."

5. Diverse Listener Perspectives

• Listeners call in with sympathy, support, and some disagreement:
  • Caller Shelly (07:01): "She hates me... She wants my kids. No, I've told my husband... you gotta go with your instincts."
  • Caller Shelly (08:04): "If she can't spend a couple hours and you feel comfortable with her... she can't have any time. And if she's talking junk about you, that's a flat out no right there."
  • Caller Valerie (09:25): "Well, I think it's ridiculous... Unless she's physically unable to take care of him... I think she's being absolutely ridiculous. The children should have time, whatever time it is to spend with her."
  • Meredith and the main host counter Valerie’s point, emphasizing children's feelings and comfort, and stressing that the overnight demand is problematic.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Main Host (03:23): "Man, it's almost like you're talking about my family. It's like the same story I've been telling on the radio now for nine years."
• Caller 5 (Meredith) (05:42): "You've got a four year old looking back at you saying, 'Please, don't, Mommy.' I don't know how you could do it."
• Main Host (06:20): "My mom likes the idea of being a grandmother, but doesn't like being a grandmother. Like, she loves the idea of having the kids overnight, but... she's always bailed on it."
• Caller 1 (Shelly) (08:04): "You have to respect me before you can get to my kids."
• Main Host (10:41): "There's some weird ego thing going on—it's like all or nothing here and I just wouldn't... I wouldn't play that game if I were you. You're inevitably the guardian of your own children."

---

Key Timestamps

• 01:02 – Segment begins: framing the mother-in-law scenario
• 02:22 – Kathryn shares her backstory
• 03:05 – Kathryn details the mother-in-law's absence
• 04:00 – Husband starts siding with his mother
• 05:13 – Discussion about the pain of ‘emotional dabbling’ by grandparents
• 05:42 – Concerns over leaving children with a virtual stranger overnight
• 06:20 – Main host shares reflections on his own mother’s inconsistency
• 06:57 – Listener Shelly gives advice: trust your instincts
• 08:04 – Shelly: respect is a prerequisite for access to the grandchildren
• 09:25 – Valerie: “children are resilient,” urges more time with grandmother
• 10:41 – Main host asserts parental authority and the need to stand firm
• 11:12 – Kathryn upset at husband’s lack of defense when mother-in-law insults her
• 11:26 – Hosts suggest the marital rift is the core issue

---

Tone & Takeaway

The Bert Show maintains its on-brand balance of humor, real talk, and empathy. They validate Kathryn’s anxieties while opening the floor to conflicting opinions. The segment closes without firm resolutions but provides emotional support and a safe arena for venting and advice.

Essential Takeaway:
Trust your gut with your kids. Family history, broken trust, and unresolved conflict between partners all matter more than caving to pressure or social norms—especially when a grandmother is a stranger to the kids, and the parents are uneasy. As always: respect comes first, and parents make the call.

---

Transcript

[Chumba Casino Announcer]

How to have fun anytime, anywhere. Step 1 Go to chumbacasino.com chumbacasino.com Got it. Step 2 Collect your welcome bonus.

[Radio Host]

Come to papa.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Welcome bonus.

[Chumba Casino Announcer]

Step 3 Play hundreds of casino style games for free.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

That's a lot of games.

[Radio Host]

All for free.

[Chumba Casino Announcer]

Step 4 Unleash your excitement.

[Caller 1 (Shelly)]

Woo hoo.

[Chumba Casino Voiceover]

Chumba Chumba Casino has been delivering thrills for over a decade. So claim your free welcome bonus now and live the chumba life. Visit chumbacasino.com no purchase necessary vgw group

[Caller 2 (Valerie)]

void where prohibited by law 21 terms and conditions apply.

[Chumba Casino Announcer]

Sleep number's new collections are designed to adapt to the changing nature of your life and your sleep needs. Whether it's the personalized comfort of the Comfort Mode mattress, the targeted pressure relief of the Comfort Next mattress, or the climate collection that actively cools or warms to help you fall asleep and stay asleep.

[Radio Host]

And now get early access to our biggest sale of the year. Save 25% on the new Comfort Next luxe for a limited time only at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

this

[Radio Host]

is the bird show.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

All right, so let's get. Where's the mother in law? Dude?

[Caller 4]

Where'd she go?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

I don't know.

[Caller 4]

Did you ever have a mother in law?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

I got mother in law.

[Caller 4]

Was she there before?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

It's not my mother in law we're talking about though.

[Caller 4]

Can't stand mother in laws.

[Chumba Casino Announcer]

I always hang up on you.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Did your mom know that? Jessica know that?

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

What's her story?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Her story is that mother in law wants to watch kids. I think just an overnight deal. Okay, but our listener doesn't trust the mother in law. Doesn't trust that the kids will be safe.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

So are we talking to the listener or are we talking to the mother in law?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

We're talking to the listener. It's a lot like the same situation I had. You remember like a couple of years ago when I went to New York and I brought the kids up there and my mom wanted to take them to the museum for the day. But my mom's a sketch man. I mean a total sketch. She's all over the place, doesn't pay attention, and. And I've seen her with the kids and I didn't want her to go to the museum alone with my kids, so I ended up going with them.

[Caller 5]

I mean, there's so many levels of insult to a woman because if you've been a mother and then you're told you can't watch children correctly, that's the insult and then on top of it, when you're the daughter in law, you know that you're told, yeah, you know, you're not as good as watching my kids as my own mother is.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

That's a tough conversation to have right there. A brutal one. Here's Katherine. Hey, Catherine.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

Can I be on the voice of Skyler?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

You already are.

[Caller 4]

You are.

[Caller 5]

You are.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

Oh, I am. Okay, awesome. Basically, my husband's mother walked out on him when he was three. He's now 27. Okay. And she wants a part of our kids lives but she hasn't been there for us. And I'm not all of a sudden just gonna bring my child and drop them off with a stranger. I have a four year old and a nine month old and she keeps asking to watch him overnight. And I've offered multiple times for her to watch her while we go on a date. Watch them, you know, during the day while running a couple of errands. If she can't have them overnight, she doesn't want them at all.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

All right, let's, let's get a little history here. Let's just get a little history. So moms takes off when your husband is how old? Like this is a childhood thing.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

She left when he was three. And throughout the last 24 years she really hasn't much to do with him. She comes in and out of his life whenever she feels like it. And I'm almost afraid that she's going to do that to our kids once they get attached to her, they're not going to see her again for a couple of years.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Man, it's almost like you're talking about my family. It's like the same story I've been telling on the radio now for nine years. So now when she has had interaction with the kids, is, I mean, is she present? Is she taken care of? Is she a good grandmother? When she's around,

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

she not really like, because they don't know her, they don't want to go to her and they're usually sitting in mine or my husband's lap and doesn't want to go to see her. And the only time she does see them is when we have to bring her to them.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

And how does your husband feel about it?

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

For so long he's been on my side about, you know, they don't need to spend the night overnight. But then he called her up about two weeks ago to ask why she has nothing to do with our kids. And she turned it around saying that it was my fault. I'm the b Word. And I'm very cold to her and that I'm keeping her from seeing her grandchildren. So that, of course started a huge fight between me and my husband.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

And now do you feel like he's on her side of things?

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

I do. I feel like for so long he's been on my side and all of a sudden he's like, well, maybe she should watch him overnight. And I'm just not sure about it because they don't know her and she is a stranger to our four year old.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

Well, I mean, yeah, that's weird. I don't know why she wants that.

[Caller 5]

I find it odd that she is willing. She's not willing to watch them during a date, only wants to watch them overnight. But I do think that your children's relationship with the mom is not gonna be the same as your husband's relationship with his mom. You know, I mean, it's, it's, y' all are introducing her to the kids as their grandmother. So I just wanted to throw that in there because, you know, just because the parent doesn't get along with their parent doesn't mean the grandchildren have to have the same relationship.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

But I mean, all you have is a history to go on. And this one obviously, this one obviously strikes at me here. If the history that you have with your own parent is that they come and go, they emotionally come and then they emotionally take off, that's easier to deal with when you're a parent. But if that's their history, if that's their relationship resume, then you're always a little bit nervous that they're going to do the same thing to your child. And when you've got a three, four, five year old and to have the grandparents just dabble in and then dabble out, that's a scary thought.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

I also think that just for that one night overnight, like, how do you leave your kid there with basically a stranger with your kid looking at you going, mommy, don't leave me here. I don't know who this person is. I mean, if that was like you said, if that was a couple hours while you all go out to dinner and your kid knows you're coming back in a couple hours, they can get used to it and maybe get to know her. But overnight with a stranger and you've got a four year old looking back at you saying, please don't, Mommy, I don't know how you could do it with my husband. How do you drive away? I mean, you wouldn't be able to.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

I told him the same thing. And I just think it's strange that she will not watch him during the day for a couple hours, but she'll take him overnight.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

That's weird.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

You know, this is gonna sound really strange, but if this was my situation, here's how I think it would play out. Because I think my mom likes the idea of being a grandmother, but doesn't like being a grandmother. Like, she loves the idea of having the kids overnight, but. But whenever we've presented that to her, she's always bailed on it. So I'm wondering if you actually said to her, okay, what night you gotta do it? I wonder if she would just go, yeah, you know what? Maybe the week after is okay.

[Chumba Casino Announcer]

She may flake out, but that's a gamble.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Pull up with a big gamble right now.

[Caller 4]

Diaper bags and toys and all the stuff that comes with kids, just dump it on the floor.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Hey, good morning. Shelly has some advice for you. Hey, Shelly.

[Caller 2 (Valerie)]

Good morning.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Good morning.

[Caller 2 (Valerie)]

17 years of being with the same mother in law. She hates me. She wants my kids. No, I've told my husband, I said, when she can grow up and she can act her age and she can say things that aren't negative to my kids, maybe she can have them, but not until then. And if you don't feel comfortable, you don't feel comfortable. Don't let him go. My husband says he doesn't hate me because of it. So, I mean, that's. You gotta go with your instincts and

[Caller 1 (Shelly)]

you gotta go with how you feel.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

I totally agree with that.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

But, Kathryn, you're not saying that this mother in law is talking down to the grandkids. She's not being nasty or anything like that, right?

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

Not that I'm aware of.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Okay.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

But I do know that she calls her sisters and my husband's brother and his wife and talks smack about me.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

Oh, who cares? It's your kids you're thinking about here.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Yeah, you don't. Gotta take you out of it, man. If you're not in with Mama Bear, you ain't in at all. Hey, Meredith, come on.

[Caller 5]

You're not just marrying your husband, right?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Hey, Mary.

[Caller 1 (Shelly)]

Love your show.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Thank you.

[Caller 1 (Shelly)]

I totally think that if she can't spend a couple hours and you feel comfortable with her, with you leaving her with your kids, then she can't have any time. And if she's talking junk about you, that's a flat out no right there. You have to respect me before you can get to my kids. So I say until she can, until you and your children feel comfortable with her. For a couple hours. It's not going to fly for an overnight.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

So, Meredith, what you're saying is sort of. It's a little different than I think what Melissa was saying. You're saying that they can't be two separate relationships. If you don't respect you, then you can't get to my kids.

[Caller 1 (Shelly)]

I mean, I have a similar issue with my husband and his mom. She just flat out left. And my daughter is extremely attached to her now. So that comes from a history with us where she was there and then she left, no word from her. And now my children are wondering where she is and I don't know what to tell them. So from that perspective on me, I'm saying no, if you can't. If I don't feel comfortable with you, how am I supposed to trust you with my children?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Thank you for calling. And Valerie, good morning. You're on the Burke Show.

[Caller 1 (Shelly)]

Hey.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Here you have Kathryn here who's just like, not comfortable leaving her kids with the mother in law because she doesn't really feel like she's very trustworthy. The kids don't hang out with her a whole bunch. It almost feels like she'd be dropping them off with a stranger.

[Caller 2 (Valerie)]

Well, I think it's ridiculous. I mean, children are very resilient. They don't really have a sense of time. They're not. You know, they're better off whatever time they're going to have with her and get to know her if it's just a short amount of time, unless she's physically unable to take care of him, like has Alzheimer's or has some kind of physical problem. I think she's being absolutely ridiculous. The children should have time, whatever time it is to spend with her, you know, it's. They just need to have a little time. Something is better than nothing unless she's physically unable to care for them. And it's a safety issue.

[Caller 3 (Meredith)]

She's physically capable, but she's also physically a stranger. But don't you think that it's weird she won't do just a couple hours? It's either overnight or nothing at all.

[Caller 2 (Valerie)]

Well, I mean, she may be trying to establish some type of rapport with the children, but, I mean, my mother is not much of a grandmother, but she's kind of got some extenuating circumstances. I have a mentally retarded grand brother and she cares for my stepfather who has Alzheimer's, but she has a plate full. But if she could, she would take whatever time she could with the grandchildren. She just doesn't really have the time to. But physically she's capable. And I would let her have whatever time she wants with them.

[Chumba Casino Announcer]

Kind of arguing Jen's point. Why not then spend a couple of hours each day or each week getting to know the kids and then eventually bring it up to an overnight stay?

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

There's some weird ego thing going on that it's like all or nothing here and I just wouldn't if it's. I wouldn't play that game if I were you. You're inevitably the guardian of your own children. And if you don't feel comfortable, character wise or physical wise, that your kids are around your mother in law, then it can't be done.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

Right.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

It's too important a decision to just try to make somebody else happy with. It's your kids.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

And I feel that since we're the parents, she should be doing it on our terms.

[Caller 5]

No, I'm just concerned about the rift that's coming between you and your husband over at that. You know.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

Yeah, I was very upset when she called me that word and he said nothing to her.

[Caller 4]

Oh, he didn't defend you at all?

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

No, he just. He said it wasn't worth it. Fighting over.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

That's. That might be the bigger issue. Because that one is worth fighting over.

[Caller 4]

I think.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

You start throwing out words like that and he doesn't defend you, that might actually be the bigger issue. Katherine.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

I agree.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

All right. Well, as usual, we didn't get you any real great answers. But at least you got to hear a couple of different angles on it.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

Yeah.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Okay.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

Thank you.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

All right.

[Caller 4]

Bye. Bye.

[Radio Host]

This is the bird show.

[Caller 6 (Kathryn)]

Choo choo choo choo.

[Radio Host]

Chumba looking for excitement. Chumba Casino is here. Play anytime. Play anywhere. Play on the train. Play at the store. Play at home. Play when you're bored. Play today for your chance to win. Play and get daily bonuses when you log in. So what are you waiting for? Don't delay. Chumba Casino is free to play.

[Chumba Casino Voiceover]

Experience social gameplay like never before. Go to Chumba Casino right now to play hundreds of games including online slots, bingo, Slingo and more. Live the chumba [e-mail] no purchase necessary.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

VGW Group void where prohibited by law.

[Caller 1 (Shelly)]

21 plus terms and conditions apply.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Tyler Redick here from 2311 Racing. Another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail] lets Chumba.

[Radio Host]

No purchase necessary. BTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNC 21 plus sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Caller 4]

Hey, it's Bumba Wallace from 2311 Racing. You know what it feels like forever sitting on a plane, waiting for takeoff? Good thing I've got Jumba Casino. With daily boost and social casino games on tap, this is the kind of fun that makes time fly. Why not turbocharge your downtime play [e-mail] let's Chumba.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Radio Host]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group Voidware prohibited by law.

[Main Host (possibly Burke)]

21/ Terms and Conditions apply.