Vault: She Explained The Secret Rules of Being "The Other Woman"

Summary

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The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: She Explained The Secret Rules of Being "The Other Woman"
Air Date: May 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the secret "rules" and ethics that some "other women"—those knowingly involved with married men—claim to follow. Prompted by recent celebrity scandals (notably Tiger Woods), the hosts and callers debate the existence of a "mistress code" and share firsthand experiences that explore the emotional, moral, and practical boundaries of being "the other woman." The conversation is candid, sometimes heated, and exposes a wide spectrum of attitudes: from strict adherence to a silent code, to justifications, to outright moral condemnation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Mistress Code of Ethics"

• Host’s Introduction (03:23): The conversation opens with the host sharing a story about a woman who had an affair with a married man. He was direct about never leaving his wife and kids, and, after the breakup, she believed she was bound by an unspoken code not to contact or expose his family.
  • Quote:
    “She felt like all these women that were coming out knew that Tiger was married, knew that he had kids, and none of them have any right to say anything about it whatsoever.” – Host (03:18)
• This “code” dictates that if the married party is honest about their situation from the start, the mistress should not disrupt the family or "go public" after things end.

2. Money and Celebrity Scandals

• Callers weigh in (03:20 – 04:00): Several callers argue that when money and fame are involved (e.g., Tiger Woods), motivations change. Public exposure becomes a way to get compensated.
  • Quote:
    “These women are with him because of the money, and who knows what he was doing for them on the side. So they're getting cashed out now that everything's… ending.” – Caller 2 (03:47)

3. Protecting the Family – Or Enabling the Lie?

• Moral Arguments: Some callers defend not telling the wife as "protecting the family," while others see it as perpetuating deception.
  • Notable Exchange:
    • “When you sleep with a married man… you're only helping him stay married.” – Caller 4 (04:43)
    • “‘You’re only helping him stay married?’… I just wrote that down. I couldn’t figure out what that means.” – Host (05:26)
  • The hosts and callers debate whether affairs act as a ‘pressure release’ that keeps the marriage going or whether this is just self-serving rationalization.

4. Integrity, Honesty, and Self-Justification

• Self-Perception of Mistresses (06:29 – 09:16): Several callers describe their own affairs and rationalize their choices.
  • Some claim integrity because they don’t disrupt the marriage.
  • Quote:
    “I respect everything. I’m a woman. I have integrity. I know what I’m doing. I want to do it. But I will never… I want to kiss him.” – Caller 6 (07:39 & context)
• Co-hosts and other callers frequently push back.
  • Quote:
    “I love how we are now at the point in our culture where we’re justifying affairs and it’s okay. And you have integrity as a mistress—I mean. No, you don’t. You’re contributing to a lie to another woman that if she knew, she’d be hurt.” – Caller 2 (08:06)

5. The Line Gets Crossed – When Mistresses Tell Wives

• Breach of the Code (11:55 – 13:46): One caller (Jennifer) explains that she only went to the wife after learning she had been deceived about the man's marital status.
  • Quote:
    “I went to the wife because I was like… this is wrong. And I was unaware of how wrong it was until now. She actually packed up all his stuff and told me I could have him.” – Jennifer/Caller 5 (12:06)
• Multiple contributors agree: if a mistress is lied to or misled, all bets are off.

6. The Problem with “Rules” for Cheating

• Skepticism about the Rule Book (14:09 – 15:13):
  • The hosts and callers satirically discuss the absurdity of formalizing a “cheating rule book”—that developing etiquette for cheating is itself inherently contradictory.
  • Quote:
    “Aren’t we drawing up a rule book for how to cheat at a sport?... There shouldn’t be any rules for cheating because that’s why it’s cheating, because you’re breaking the rules.” – Caller 3 (14:22)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “She felt like all these women… knew that Tiger was married… none of them have any right to say anything about it whatsoever.” – Host (03:18)
• “These women are with him because of the money… they’re getting cashed out now that everything’s… ending.” – Caller 2 (03:47)
• “When you sleep with a married man… you’re only helping him stay married.” – Caller 4 (04:43)
• “I respect everything. I’m a woman. I have integrity. I know what I’m doing. …But I will never… I want to kiss him.” – Caller 6 (07:39 & context)
• “You have integrity as a mistress—I mean. No, you don’t. You’re contributing to a lie…” – Caller 2 (08:06)
• “I went to the wife because I was like… this is wrong. And I was unaware of how wrong it was until now.” – Jennifer/Caller 5 (12:06)
• “Aren’t we drawing up a rule book for how to cheat at a sport?… There shouldn’t be any rules for cheating because that’s why it’s cheating…” – Caller 3 (14:22)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• 03:18 – Introduction of the "mistress code" concept, rooted in honesty and secrecy if kids are involved
• 04:43 – Callers debate whether exposing affairs is ever justified
• 05:26 – Host questions the logic of being an “enabler” by having an affair
• 06:29 – 09:16 – Firsthand stories from callers who are or have been “the other woman,” exploring rationalizations and boundaries
• 11:55 – Jennifer’s story: going to “the wife” after being deceived about the true marital status
• 14:09 – 15:13 – Satirical discussion about the futility of a “cheating rulebook”

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Episode Takeaways

• There is an informal and controversial "code" among some mistresses: if the married man is honest about his status, the mistress should keep things quiet after ending the affair, particularly to avoid hurting children.
• Honesty between the married partner and the mistress is key; deception seems to negate the code and justifies “outing” him.
• Critics question the very idea of mistress “integrity,” pointing out inherent hypocrisy in claiming moral high ground while engaging in deception.
• The show ultimately highlights the messiness and contradiction in drawing ethical lines within acts of infidelity—revealing as much about attitudes towards relationships as about cheating itself.

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Transcript

[Host]

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[Caller 1]

But I think the difference is the money.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, sure. Exactly. Is what I was going to say.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

That's the reason they're coming out. I mean, the difference between the person you're talking about is she was not sleeping with a billionaire, you know, and these women. Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods. Not rich, is not going to get as much play as he got.

[Host]

Say that one more time.

[Caller 2]

Tiger woods, who is not. Is, you know, rich as he is or famous, is not gonna get the play he got.

[Host]

Sure.

[Caller 2]

These women are with him because of the money, and who knows what he was doing for them on the side. So they're getting cashed out now that everything's their. Their, you know, affairs are ending, and so they're like, you know what? I'm gonna get one last paycheck before this is over with.

[Host]

This is Ashley Dupre talking about the same thing a couple of days ago. And, I mean, she is the escort. Yeah. That was being paid to be with Elliot Spitzer. Now she's gonna say she didn't come out. She wasn't the one that broke up that family.

[Caller 3]

It's just like she was on Extra last night. The way that any. The way that Nancy Grace would be on a television show talking about a legal case. You know what I mean? As an expert. And it was laugh out loud. A bolt.

[Host]

Ridiculous.

[Caller 3]

Yes.

[Host]

404741. Q100. I'm gonna take Maria's call first. Here in a second who absolutely agrees that if you're in that kind of relationship, you gotta shut up.

[Caller 4]

I don't agree with what they're doing. I don't agree with coming forward. I mean, he has a family, he has a wife, he has a kid. And for people to just come out and want to say the things that they're saying, you know, I feel like that's really wrong. You're messing with someone else's life. And, I mean, when you sleep with a married man, first of all, you're only helping him stay married.

[Caller 5]

And.

[Caller 4]

And you know that he's married and to come out into the public eye and, you know, and he's like his career and he's wrong. I'm not trying to stick up for him at all, but in my situation, I was brought into this. I had no choice.

[Caller 1]

You're only helping him stay married.

[Host]

Yeah, I just wrote that down. I couldn't figure out what that means.

[Caller 1]

What does that mean?

[Host]

Does that mean. Because if he wasn't getting it on the side, maybe he would be more honest with his wife about what was wrong in the relationship, or he'd be

unhappy with that part of the relationship,

[Caller 1]

satisfied because he's getting his sexual needs met outside of the relationship and staying in the relationship and staying in the relations. So sleeping with him is keeping him married. I just have never heard it because

[Host]

the thought I learned something from Ashley Dupree today.

[Caller 1]

We did.

[Caller 3]

I think. Yeah. The thought is he'll go. If he doesn't get it from you, he'll go from somebody else, and that person won't be as responsible about the affair.

[Caller 6]

Wow.

[Caller 1]

Wait, what?

[Caller 3]

I think her thinking is, if he's not getting it from you and you're helping him stay married, then what's going to happen is he'll go somewhere else. Strip club, a less reputable prostitute, another relationship. And that person might not respect the integrity of the marriage the way that Ashley did. Just keep it quiet.

[Host]

Hey, Maria, you're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 6]

Hi. Good morning.

[Host]

Good morning.

[Caller 5]

I've been.

[Caller 6]

I met this guy four years ago. We used to work together, and I was married at the time. And in the process, to be in a separation. And we had this, you know, this thing between us, but I would never, you know, I was married. I would never think that I would do anything like that. But then I was. I wasn't working that anymore. And I called him one day, and we've been together for 18 months. But I will never, ever jeopardize his Relationship.

[Host]

So you would never. You would never, ever, ever go to the wife?

[Caller 6]

Oh, no. He told me at the beginning, I love. He told me, I love my kids. My kids have the priority, and I don't want my kids to suffer.

[Host]

Now let me ask you this. If he wasn't honest with you in the beginning and you were deceived in the beginning, thinking he was a single guy and then found out, would you go to the wife at that point?

[Caller 6]

No.

[Host]

No, never.

[Caller 6]

No. No. And we've been together for 18 months. I don't call him. When he had chanted on Sunday, he calls me. And our relationship is like we are in love. But I respect everything. I'm a woman. I have integrity. I know what I'm doing. I want to do it. But I will never. I want to kiss him.

[Host]

Hold on a sec. Go ahead, Melissa.

[Caller 2]

I mean, integrity is.

[Host]

No one can hear you rolling your eyes.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

I love how we are now at the point in our culture where we're justifying affairs and it's okay. And you have integrity as a mistress. I mean. No, you don't. You're contributing to a lie to another woman that if she knew, she'd be hurt.

[Caller 6]

Um, maybe, yes.

[Caller 2]

Not maybe, yes. So if he was honest with his wife and his wife and him had the agreement and said, you know what? We're going to get sex outside the marriage. And then, you know, every. Everybody was on. You know, everything was on the up and up, then, no, but. Because if she's being deceived, then yes, you're contributing to a lie. So that does kind of hit into your integrity a little bit.

[Host]

It's counterproductive to the word integrity.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, integrity. No, integrity is a little strong.

[Caller 3]

You guys are so integrity able. About integrity.

[Caller 1]

Has he ever promised you that he would eventually leave his wife?

[Caller 6]

I don't want him to, no.

[Caller 1]

Okay, so that's not.

[Caller 5]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Caller 6]

And it's not about sex and it's

[Caller 5]

not about that because I only see

[Caller 6]

him maybe every two months.

[Host]

So you're getting needs met. He's getting needs met. And there's no reason to sacrifice the relationship that he has at home.

[Caller 5]

No, no, no. And I don't want him to.

[Caller 6]

No, no, no, no. I'm fine the way I am.

[Caller 1]

One more question for you. Does he tell you that he sleeps with his wife still? Does he sleep with you and his wife?

[Caller 6]

I don't talk about her.

[Caller 1]

Okay. I was just wondering, like, what level makes the mistress mad?

[Host]

I'm assuming that's what I'm trying to get at, too, but I think, if

[Caller 1]

you know what I mean, like, where does she get ticked off to go to the wife? And like, at what? You know, like, if he promises to leave his wife and be with her, like, at what. At what stage in the game? Cause she said it's been 18 months. At what stage in the game does it make her mad? Or if he says that he's not sleeping with his wife, but then she finds out he is sleeping with his wife, does she get mad at that? And then go over the line, like, what is it that. That forces it to go to the next place?

[Host]

Look, I think there's an obvious call here that's not coming in yet for some reason, is that if you're screwing around, then you risk the chance of a woman coming back to your wife and breaking it all up to you. If you're not screwing around, it's never going to be a question.

[Caller 1]

Right.

[Host]

And nobody's calling to say that.

[Caller 1]

Well, because we were talking about the etiquette of a mistress.

[Host]

Yeah, but nobody is calling up to say that if you're the mistress, then there is zero question about it at all. Because he shouldn't be in the relationship. There should be no question because there should be no relationship.

[Caller 3]

But I think what Jen's saying is we're asking for people who specifically enter into that so they know what they're doing with it.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

The morality of it, isn't it? Bert, come on. Stop being. Stop having morality.

[Host]

Sorry that I didn't understand. My question.

[Caller 3]

You and your ethics.

[Host]

Hey, Tiffany, can. Molly.

[Caller 1]

I took your question.

[Host]

Hey, Tiffany.

[Caller 5]

Hi.

[Host]

Hey.

[Caller 5]

Love the show, guys.

[Host]

Thank you.

[Caller 5]

What happened to me was about a year and a half ago, I met this guy at a club, and we hit it off. He told me from the day one, like, from minute one, that he was married with his. And I'm like, okay, that doesn't matter to me. You know, I'm not looking for a relationship. And, you know, it went on for about a year, and his wife found out. She came up to me and confronted me, and I lied. I'm like, nope, never even saw your husband before. Just because he told me from day one that he had kids and he would never leave her. So it was just a fun thing.

[Host]

So you're really. You're really protecting the kids more than anything else, right?

[Caller 5]

It's not even just the kids. It's just that, you know, I'm not a home record. Well, you know, what happened between me and him was just Fun. And the minute she found out about it, I'm like, okay, goodbye. I mean, I can't. I can't deal with all that drama. If you want to have fun, fine. But the minute the wife finds out about it, it's not fun anymore.

[Host]

Right?

[Caller 2]

And the thing with Tiger woods is that, I mean, they didn't go to the wife. I mean, they got paid by the tabloid, so it's not even the same thing.

[Host]

Now here's Jennifer, who went to the wife.

[Caller 5]

Hi, guys.

[Host]

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser also.

[Caller 5]

Oh, thank you. No, actually, I did not. I was unaware there was a wife.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Caller 5]

And I was aware there were kids. And I was under the impression they were divorced and found out that they weren't. That they were still married and had been made for 11 years. And I went to the wife because I was like, okay, you know, your husband. This is what he's doing. And, you know, I feel like this is wrong. And I was unaware of how wrong it was until now. And she actually packed up all his stuff and told me I could have him.

[Caller 3]

But isn't this. Again, isn't this going against your question, Bert? Because wasn't the question, like, if you are a mistress, you know about the wife, you know about the kids, if there are any. And you're almost okay with it. You're like, okay, that's gonna be your thing. And I am just the side project, and I'm gonna be cool with that. Cause I don't want any. I don't want to be burdened with an annoying husband who needs me all the time.

[Host]

Do you feel bad about going to the wife now?

[Caller 5]

I actually. I feel horrible about the situation, unfortunately. I'm absolutely in love with this man, and I think he's a wonderful person outside of what has happened. But, you know, I got to a point where I think I was like, you know, I don't want to be the mistress. I don't want to be that person anymore. And I don't know. I think these women have decided that money is their power. And I didn't want money, and I didn't. You know, I didn't want any kind of power. I just wanted to be normal.

[Caller 1]

I think you wanted him to leave her.

[Caller 6]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

You wanted him to leave her to be with you.

[Host]

So I think what I'm saying mostly on the phones, is that if he is honest with you from the very beginning, if he is married and he has kids, if it breaks up, then you don't have the right to break up their family. But if he's deceptive, is what seems to be the calls coming in, like what she's saying.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Host]

Then anything is fair game.

[Caller 2]

As long as he's not lying to you, it doesn't matter if he's lying to his wife.

[Caller 3]

The rules are so bizarre if you're

[Caller 1]

the mistress, like, how do you know there aren't more?

[Caller 2]

Right. You don't, but because for some reason you think that he's all about you and he's telling you the truth when he is showing you that he is capable of lying.

[Caller 3]

Aren't we drawing up a rule book for how to cheat at a sport? Like, isn't that essentially what. At a sport, what this is like, isn't. Isn't it the equivalent of saying, all right, and here's the proper way to cheat during your basketball game?

[Host]

Like,

[Caller 3]

no.

[Host]

Nope, I'm not getting that.

[Caller 1]

I'm not getting the sports analogy.

[Caller 3]

Well, it's like there's a certain way that everything's supposed to happen and everything's going to go. And the explanation of all this stuff is almost like saying this is if you're going to cheat, like, whether it's in a relationship or a sport, here are the. Here are the rules for cheating here. And there shouldn't be any rules for cheating because that's why it's cheating, because you're breaking the rules.

[Host]

Using your sports analogy, it would be you somehow have told somebody on the other team that you're cheating and he knows about it and at the end of the game you end up narcing on him. But you agreed before the game, right, that you knew he was cheating.

[Caller 3]

So confusing and complicated.

[Host]

Confused me.

[Caller 3]

I don't have the energy to be the Birch Show.

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